Testing Testing

Can anyone tell me if Capricorn men like to test their women? If so, how can you tell?

I feel like my guy is testing my loyalty to him b/c his wife cheated on him in the past.

Oh boy... YeS! And wow, what is with all these Cap. men whose ex-wives cheated??! I wonder if it's the workaholic aspect which makes the women stray??

RLC~ do an advanced search on the main "msg. boards" page for: "test" or "testing" under just the cap. board & I'll bet you'll find a ton!!

Well, he definately makes sure he stays in my life, but I feel like he's trying to see if I will be loyal to him. His main question is always, so ... "Are you with your other guys." I think he's trying to see if I will stick by him through his busy schedule. We don't get to see each other very much and I'm not clingy at all. I don't blow up his phone or excessively contact him and he thinks it's because I'm in a relationship with someone else.

But then again ... I could be totally wrong.

I just hope you stressed that it has to be mutual loyalty and you didn't express your devotion while letting him still figure himself out... that's completely the little boy player attitude.

Hopefully you are in a relationship where loyalty is expected. If you think he's testing you in the early stages it's way better to send the message, "You know I like you and want to be with you only BUT I'm keeping my own life until you are ready for a relationship." Never settle for less than that imo.

Now that I look back, I do sometimes give off an attitude that I don't want to talk to him and it's not that I don't want to - it's because it's bad timing. I think my lack of constant communication worries him. He's used to females always chasing him and always contacting him. While, I on the other hand, am not like that.

I hope that after I prove my loyalty we can move our relationship to the next level b/c I do deserve more than this. I'm just giving him a chance b/c my gut tells me to. If not, lesson learned I suppose

It's good to take part of the blame on yourself if you did something wrong. You could tell him that perhaps you don't express yourself so easily because of the timing. Men like to chase the right woman so you have to remember to be the prize that isn't so easy. Women and men both like a little challenge in their daily lives to appreciate each other. (Aren't some men always complaining that women like bad boys more than good guys? Same rationale as easily caught, easily bored in life.) I am not saying to plan anything out or pretend something, but if you are too easily caught where is the fun? I find it better to be sweet, flirt, be open (key!!!), BUT let him figure out that you are worth the work of a relationship. You'll never convince him by being loyal without expecting it in return.

Right on, LadyVie, on that 2nd paragraph~ well stated! I have acquired so much more self-respect and a low tolerance for bullshyt in recent years... don't know if it's age/wisdom or career/life successes but I am no longer able (not just 'not willing') to put up with being second-rate, a backup plan, or a FB or FWB.

Interesting thought taurusgirlwithcap, but I still say complete honesty is the key and keeping your self respect. He is going to take a while to decide (what guy knows what he's got in a girl anyhow without time and the same is true for a girl.) But I just caution letting yourself get deluded into any almost relationship in your head with him not on the same page.

Patience and understanding are the key to any relationship. Trust takes time. But living in a fantasy world where you think there is a relationship only lets a girl get frustrated in not getting what she wants. So my caution is for that. Course they say my generation is the me generation anyhow and we want things immediately and want the satisfaction of getting what we want, so this IMO is the hardest part... learning to be patient.

It really is wonderful to be a relationship with a guy who you trust and trusts you.

TWGC~ You are inspiring today... You know how much I admire you. 🙂

I think some have it in them to "deal with" these guys patiently and rationally, and hang in there for the long term; and then there are others whose personality or place in life or life's experiences just makes it too difficult to see it through.

That's what I'm struggling with - am I thinking there is something when there's not OR is there really something there.

I feel like Capricorn men analyze the situation so much more than any other guy before getting into a relationship. Part of me wishes he would be carefree and just let ourselves enjoy each other, but all he does is think of the future and if we could really make it.

He says that him having children is an obstacle and that he doesn't think I could take him home to meet my mohter, etc., etc. Everyone thinks he's just making excuses not to be with me, but is he just analyzing things too much ?

We aren't in a official relationship, but he sure does act like we are sometimes. Hence the confusion on my part.

I am trying so hard to re-assure him, but all he does is put himself down in front of me. Telling me that he's from the "hood" and I'm from the good part of town. When he's not. He's also always telling me how he's not that smart and the list of negativity goes on and on. I'm young and I have a lot going for myself and I think that scares him b/c I'm so independent. He keeps telling me that he has nothing to offer me b/c of all his baggage. I in turn, keep telling him how awesome he is and try to boost his self confidence.

I wish I read a positive posting of a Cap relationship. It would give me hope!! These men sound complicated and take a lot of work.

Oh babe! Sending you a huge hug right now... there are so many of us on this site that know exactly how you feel! Infact, I was having my emotional break down on Friday! To be honest nothing he did - I was tired of worrying and wanted some actions out of him to make me stop...... ( and yes I am a capricorn too)...
Here is some positive, I have gone through a lot with him and I am happy that I too am a cap and although I don't understand all of his stupid moves - i can usually understand where he is coming from once I put it in perspective!
I have been through what you are going through and now things are amazing!
He is starting to really prove himself... the the point that I am now getting random suprises ... things he remembered me saying I would like to have.. (ie ... a CD from one of the bands at the music festival we went to this weekend where I mentioned I would like to have their CD... now how sweet is that !) Just little things to let me know he is there.. and paying attention..

I am not telling you this to make you feel bad about your relationship I just want you to know that when you stick it you(and yes, there will always be ups and downs.. I am sure there are for me even now) will love the payoff... it gets better.

As for the putting himself down.... welcome to it.. he does that crap to me all the time, I just reassure him , don't pitty him, and say ok, it doesn't matter to me - but it sounds like something that is bothering you so how are we going fix this problem and if you need my help I am here.

The other thing I did want you to know- is everytime I started to feel this way my usual personality is to withdrawl and that would make him worry that I am upset and cause him to with draw.. so, what I did was enjoy my time with him, flirted, kept it light and fun, teased each other, smiled alot and looked him in the eye,... in doing so I was happy and I think it took the pressure off of him too... and I will tell you this, everytime I show up upbeat, flirty, and fund... I get so much attention from him... we are like two kids playing... don't get me wrong if I have had a bad day, I am upfront and tell him that is what is wrong , either cry, yell get if off my shoulders and then just have fun with him.

I hope this helped and feel free to ask any questions that make you feel better---

Thanks Cap-N-Cap! Something positive :-) There are days when I know I can stick it out and then there are days I'm just wanting to give up. Today was one of those days. Normally though I'm positive about the whole situation, but my friends bring me down. They keep telling me that he's just making excuses and this and that. I know it's not excuses - I know it's his insecurities. He's afraid to get hurt again and he's afraid he doesn't measure up to my standard.

I am so glad to hear that you and your guy are doing great. You give me hope that through patience things will get better. I think with Cappys we need to keep re-assuring them that they are the ones they want. Re-assure them that we will stay loyal to them.

Good luck with everything !!!! Keep me posted - I like hearing good news