How did you get back into dating? How long did you wait? Did you get therapy first? What problems came up?
Dating questions for rape survivors.
“How can you ask such a question? “
I’m asking multiple people to share their experiences Knowing that each person will have a different answer. I want people to share their experiences if they’re open to.
I’m asking multiple people to share their experiences Knowing that each person will have a different answer. I want people to share their experiences if they’re open to.
Posted by GemiAwesomeAss
Luckily had never had this happened but I think it’s logically supposed to be when victim healed enough to be able to accept partner in their life.
You don’t really accept one size fit all answer for you?
Rape isn’t simple thing that same for every one who happened to become a victim...severity of rape is individual. Damage is individual. Every case is personal and unique. How can you ask such a question?
I don’t think you’ll get people opening up about this easily even though we’re all behind computers. I would think self-defense training could be a great way to build confidence back up.
stion is why are you here! Why did you come to this thread with your narcissistic attitude exalting that you haven’t been raped. You seem Weirdo trying to Play some type of mine games. I was going to give you a pass but I figured you would require more based on your redundant initial question. If you’re interested in my story keep following the post then when somebody real wants to know I’ll gladly share. Or you could’ve clicked on my name seen all my post and then you would known the back story. Since I see that you’re an avid user I can only assume that you already knew that. blockquote> Posted by GemiAwesomeAssPosted by Rainwater69
“How can you ask such a question? “
I’m asking multiple people to share their experiences Knowing that each person will have a different answer. I want people to share their experiences if they’re open to.Posted by GemiAwesomeAss
Luckily had never had this happened but I think it’s logically supposed to be when victim healed enough to be able to accept partner in their life.
You don’t really accept one size fit all answer for you?
Rape isn’t simple thing that same for every one who happened to become a victim...severity of rape is individual. Damage is individual. Every case is personal and unique. How can you ask such a question?click to expand
I am sure people will share.
Had it really happened to you? I have the strangest vibe after reading your post...why?
Have you known him before?
I guess you’re right! I was thinking that people will be open to share but self defense classes is actually something I’ve really been considering.
Posted by SassyKiwi
I don’t think you’ll get people opening up about this easily even though we’re all behind computers. I would think self-defense training could be a great way to build confidence back up.
It didn't affect me in the way of "ZOMG don't nobody touch me no more" or "MAINTAIN A DISTANCE OF 10 METERS FROM EVERYONE ELSE". At least not exclusively. Whenever I'm shook by whatever, I clam up anyway and don't like to be touched, simply because I'm like a wounded lion that is liable to rip your face off.
I was angry for a long time even after I had my revenge. Barely left the house for several months. But I've always had a very high libido so I knew I couldn't stay celibate for long. So I asked a friend of mine to boof me so I can take my mind away from anger and back to pleasure when thinking about sex in any capacity.
I was angry for a long time even after I had my revenge. Barely left the house for several months. But I've always had a very high libido so I knew I couldn't stay celibate for long. So I asked a friend of mine to boof me so I can take my mind away from anger and back to pleasure when thinking about sex in any capacity.
Thank you so much for sharing! And that’s the exact kind of stuff I wanted to know. I haven’t dated or had sex with anyone since the incident and it’s been almost a year . I’m Itching to date And get to know someone and experience affection , Intimacy, sex.
One of my fears is to like be dating a guy and then get to the point of intimacy and I have a unpredictable reaction like a freak out or something.I’m not even sure if that’s actually something that happens.. Hearing your story makes so much sense to me.
One of my fears is to like be dating a guy and then get to the point of intimacy and I have a unpredictable reaction like a freak out or something.I’m not even sure if that’s actually something that happens.. Hearing your story makes so much sense to me.
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
It didn't affect me in the way of "ZOMG don't nobody touch me no more" or "MAINTAIN A DISTANCE OF 10 METERS FROM EVERYONE ELSE". At least not exclusively. Whenever I'm shook by whatever, I clam up anyway and don't like to be touched, simply because I'm like a wounded lion that is liable to rip your face off.
I was angry for a long time even after I had my revenge. Barely left the house for several months. But I've always had a very high libido so I knew I couldn't stay celibate for long. So I asked a friend of mine to boof me so I can take my mind away from anger and back to pleasure when thinking about sex in any capacity.
“I never liked the feeling that I've lost, so I told myself that there was either something to gain in the situation or nothing was taken from me. The thought process was very disorganized and never made sense but it was like having the opportunity to rearrange the broken pieces the way I wanted. “
This part really hit home for me. I did a lot of trying to rearrange the broken pieces and re-create a story that gave me more power but that’s Definitely a dangerous game. My body and my emotions are affected by the incident so telling myself something less Traumatic happened only starts to make me feel crazy. I’m learning now that it’s better to move on with some pain and my sanity. I’m so sorry about what happened to you and your friend. Thank you for sharing
! Thanks for taking the mask off.Posted by GemiAwesomeAssPosted by Rainwater69
The real question is why are you here! Why did you come to this thread with your narcissistic attitude exalting that you haven’t been raped. You seem Weirdo trying to Play some type of mine games. I was going to give you a pass but I figured you would require more based on your redundant initial question. If you’re interested in my story keep following the post then when somebody real wants to know I’ll gladly share. Or you could’ve clicked on my name seen all my post and then you would known the back story. Since I see that you’re an avid user I can only assume that you already knew that. blockquote> Posted by GemiAwesomeAssPosted by Rainwater69
“How can you ask such a question? “
I’m asking multiple people to share their experiences Knowing that each person will have a different answer. I want people to share their experiences if they’re open to.Posted by GemiAwesomeAss
Luckily had never had this happened but I think it’s logically supposed to be when victim healed enough to be able to accept partner in their life.
You don’t really accept one size fit all answer for you?
Rape isn’t simple thing that same for every one who happened to become a victim...severity of rape is individual. Damage is individual. Every case is personal and unique. How can you ask such a question?
I am sure people will share.
Had it really happened to you? I have the strangest vibe after reading your post...why?
Have you known him before?
I’ve read your story and I know why I felt strange vibe now. Yes. You can call it a rape. I am calling it cry for attention from strangers.
Don’t shit yourself. I don’t care about your hysterical outrages.
If we going to call your rough sex story - a rape - then all of us being raped one way or another.click to expand
iked the feeling that I've lost, so I told myself that there was either something to gain in the situation or nothing was taken from me. The thought process was very disorganized and never made sense but it was like having the opportunity to rearrange the broken pieces the way I wanted. “
This part really hit home for me. I did a lot of trying to rearrange the broken pieces and re-create a story that gave me more power but that’s Definitely a dangerous game. My body and my emotions are affected by the incident so telling myself something less Traumatic happened only starts to make me feel crazy. I’m learning now that it’s better to move on with some pain and my sanity. I’m so sorry about what happened to you and your friend. Thank you for sharingPosted by cakePosted by Rainwater69
How did you get back into dating? How long did you wait? Did you get therapy first? What problems came up?
My experience wasn't physically painful. It was pure luck in comparison to my friend (we both got raped the same night). We went on a mini trip together, within the country.
I went trough a rough patch that rape mixed blended with everything else, it wasn't better or worse. Unfortunately, I didn't seek therapy at the time because I didn't trust anyone. Even when I talked to friends, I felt judgement even if it that wasn't the case at all. I blamed myself a lot, I felt robbed and I tricked my mind a lot just to cope.
I never liked the feeling that I've lost, so I told myself that there was either something to gain in the situation or nothing was taken from me. The thought process was very disorganized and never made sense but it was like having the opportunity to rearrange the broken pieces the way I wanted.
The interesting part was, the guy turned out to live in my city and we had a mutual friend. I've also seen him. I actually asked the mutual friend how much he knew the guy. I didn't give a shit about what he said really but I wanted him to mention to the guy that somebody was asking about him. I messaged him on FB from a different account and asked him how he would have felt if somebody raped his loved one. I told him that I hope that his guilt ate him everyday and to think of me once he had a family. From then on, he changed his name on FB and his whole appearance.
I'm satisfied because the psychological mindfuck evened out.click to expand
Posted by Rainwater69
Thank you so much for sharing! And that’s the exact kind of stuff I wanted to know. I haven’t dated or had sex with anyone since the incident and it’s been almost a year . I’m Itching to date And get to know someone and experience affection , Intimacy, sex.
One of my fears is to like be dating a guy and then get to the point of intimacy and I have a unpredictable reaction like a freak out or something.I’m not even sure if that’s actually something that happens.. Hearing your story makes so much sense to me.Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
It didn't affect me in the way of "ZOMG don't nobody touch me no more" or "MAINTAIN A DISTANCE OF 10 METERS FROM EVERYONE ELSE". At least not exclusively. Whenever I'm shook by whatever, I clam up anyway and don't like to be touched, simply because I'm like a wounded lion that is liable to rip your face off.
I was angry for a long time even after I had my revenge. Barely left the house for several months. But I've always had a very high libido so I knew I couldn't stay celibate for long. So I asked a friend of mine to boof me so I can take my mind away from anger and back to pleasure when thinking about sex in any capacity.click to expand
First of all, ignore the smelly old fart up there. She was banned for several months and she's been starved of attention in her life. DXP is the only place that will have her. The more you respond to her, the more she wants. Look how she's projecting her own attention-starvation onto you. Ignoring her is the worst thing you can do to her.
Now onto my reply:
There is always a risk of the guy you're fooling around with making a certain move that takes you right back there. And fixing that isn't gonna happen overnight.
This is where you need to train your mind to look out for the hints of an incoming anxiety/panic attack. For me it was easier to get past, because I love sex. And yes I'm a guy.
But it's not the same for everyone. So you need to pace yourself and advance in your own time. It helps to remember that the guy you're with now doesn't intend to do you any harm, and that you enjoy being physical with him. So the second you feel an involuntary "pulling back" coming on, take a short break, catch your breath and focus on the guy you're with and remind yourself how much you like him etc.
This will distract your brain from having stray flashbacks to the ordeal, and bring you back to the present.
All the above suggestions are good (except GemiA’s because idk what they’re rambling on about).
I didn’t experience what you had, but I can say I wish I held onto my V-card longer, lol.
I advise getting a therapist at this point if you’re still not recovering, or having problems with recovering from that event.
I didn’t experience what you had, but I can say I wish I held onto my V-card longer, lol.
I advise getting a therapist at this point if you’re still not recovering, or having problems with recovering from that event.
It was a rape attempt at knifepoint, by a stranger, when I was 19. I was a first year student, still living wIth my parents. During that day, I was crossing a park, like I did everyday, on the way to the tram station. Except that it was very early on, and so there were no other people around.
There was another way to the tram station, outside of the park walls, that I should have taken. However, I was in a hurry to catch a tram, and then a train. Because of that, I considered myself partially guilty of what happened, and I could never tell my parents about it. I know my mother would have blamed me.
I was passing through the middle of the park, looking behind me from time to time. I saw a man, but he was at what I considered a safe distance. Few seconds later, I heard him tiptoeing, much closer. Was about to turn, when he grabbed me from behind, with one of his arms holding a knife between my shoulder blades, the other one compressing my mouth and nose. He said something, but I don’t remember what.
I was in shock for a few seconds, then I remembered what I had to do, which was to kick him hard, scream and try to run away. This is something that we were told to do as small children, and it served me well when I was 6 and a teenager tried to molest me.
While I was in shock, the rapist put the knife away and used his both arms to lift me up. This was when I kicked and screamed for help for the first time. I couldn’t free myself though. He was far stronger than I was, swearing and threatening to kill me. Covered my mouth and nose with his arm again, and started to drag me from the main alley into the bushes.
I bit his arm as strong as I could, liberating my mouth and screaming for help again. I knew the tram station was not far away, so there could have been people who would hear me. I also knew that there was a park supervisor, but wasn’t sure if he was patrolling at that hour. Anyway, he spent a lot of energy trying to stop me from screaming or biting his arm. The harder he tried to pin me down and silence me, the harder I fought and screamed for help. He only managed to break the zip of my jeans.
I don’t know how many seconds/minutes have passed of the fighting, when suddenly he run away. This is when I saw the park supervisor coming towards me, alerted by my screams. I was safe. He asked me to go to the police station for a declaration. I said that I’ll be doing it another day, since I have a train to catch.
I missed the train, for obvious reasons. Actually, I didn’t even take the tram, I knew it was too late. I went and sat on a bench for a while, then went back home, saying that I missed the train. Nobody noticed my swollen nose (due to the rapist arm’s pressure). Other than that, I was physically unharmed.
Next day, I was waiting for the tram, when the park supervisor came to me. He gave me a hair pin, saying that it was found at the crime scene and asking me laud if I have filled a police statement! Surely, I was extremely grateful to him for saving me and thanked him, but his indiscretion made me feel awful. There were about 20 people waiting for the tram, a couple being my neighbours. They were all looking at me. I felt the stigma of being a rape victim (rumours will not differentiate between being raped or just assaulted, I was thinking) and almost run to the police station. Again, claimed home that I missed the train.
..... to be continued later
There was another way to the tram station, outside of the park walls, that I should have taken. However, I was in a hurry to catch a tram, and then a train. Because of that, I considered myself partially guilty of what happened, and I could never tell my parents about it. I know my mother would have blamed me.
I was passing through the middle of the park, looking behind me from time to time. I saw a man, but he was at what I considered a safe distance. Few seconds later, I heard him tiptoeing, much closer. Was about to turn, when he grabbed me from behind, with one of his arms holding a knife between my shoulder blades, the other one compressing my mouth and nose. He said something, but I don’t remember what.
I was in shock for a few seconds, then I remembered what I had to do, which was to kick him hard, scream and try to run away. This is something that we were told to do as small children, and it served me well when I was 6 and a teenager tried to molest me.
While I was in shock, the rapist put the knife away and used his both arms to lift me up. This was when I kicked and screamed for help for the first time. I couldn’t free myself though. He was far stronger than I was, swearing and threatening to kill me. Covered my mouth and nose with his arm again, and started to drag me from the main alley into the bushes.
I bit his arm as strong as I could, liberating my mouth and screaming for help again. I knew the tram station was not far away, so there could have been people who would hear me. I also knew that there was a park supervisor, but wasn’t sure if he was patrolling at that hour. Anyway, he spent a lot of energy trying to stop me from screaming or biting his arm. The harder he tried to pin me down and silence me, the harder I fought and screamed for help. He only managed to break the zip of my jeans.
I don’t know how many seconds/minutes have passed of the fighting, when suddenly he run away. This is when I saw the park supervisor coming towards me, alerted by my screams. I was safe. He asked me to go to the police station for a declaration. I said that I’ll be doing it another day, since I have a train to catch.
I missed the train, for obvious reasons. Actually, I didn’t even take the tram, I knew it was too late. I went and sat on a bench for a while, then went back home, saying that I missed the train. Nobody noticed my swollen nose (due to the rapist arm’s pressure). Other than that, I was physically unharmed.
Next day, I was waiting for the tram, when the park supervisor came to me. He gave me a hair pin, saying that it was found at the crime scene and asking me laud if I have filled a police statement! Surely, I was extremely grateful to him for saving me and thanked him, but his indiscretion made me feel awful. There were about 20 people waiting for the tram, a couple being my neighbours. They were all looking at me. I felt the stigma of being a rape victim (rumours will not differentiate between being raped or just assaulted, I was thinking) and almost run to the police station. Again, claimed home that I missed the train.
..... to be continued later
Continued...
Reporting to police was quite unpleasant as well. They already had the report of the park supervisor, including a description of the rapist. “Why didn’t you come earlier?” I was physically and mentally tired. “Have you seen the knife?” No, I didn’t. “Why not?” He had a satchel and probably put it there. “Could it have been something else?” I didn’t know. I brought them the jeans with the broken zip for finger printing and told them I didn’t want them back.
The guilt I was feeling....It was the same guilt I felt a few years later when I almost lost my life, once by near drowning, second time by near plane crash. That I was guilty for being in that place at that time. I believe guilt was part of a learning process to help me avoid such dangerous situations in the future. No, I didn’t have any psychologists telling me not to feel guilty. If I did, I wouldn’t have listened to them. My feelings are my friend, not my enemy.
I became very careful when crossing that park or other similar places. If there were not too many people around, I didn’t let anyone walk closely behind me. There was a period when I was hiding a knife in my purse. I also avoided risky places.
It did’t affect my view about men and sex, probably because I wasn’t actually raped. I didn’t seem to attract violent men...no idea if I avoided them subconsciously. I did have some rough sex with FWB a few decades later, when he asked me to wear some rags that he could cut off me with a knife...I found it hilarious.
There were some things I could have done differently about that rape attempt. I do understand why I kept quiet at that time. I didn’t want my relative, colleagues, friends or neighbours to know about it. There was one time when I shouldn’t kept quiet, though. It’s difficult to explain that situation to anyone who did not grew up in a dictatorship. I’ll try my best ....
My father was working abroad at that time. If I wanted to visit him during summer holidays, I needed approval from the government. Approval was given based on a report filled by a university secret security agent, who had to recommend it. Well, what happened was that summer holidays came, but that secret idiot recommended that I should not travel abroad to visit my father! My mother left on her own. Since that really irked me, I managed to make an appointment to someone from Security.
It turned out the reason they stopped me from visiting my father, was because I was absent for two days from my “collective duty”. Those were the days when I was almost raped and when I went to fill a police report. Collective duty or whatever the name was, was the time when the army, the students and children over 16 were taken to fields to collect the corn, grapes or other produce. I told him that two days of absence were allowed without being punished. He replied that I wasn’t being punished, I was just being refused a favour!
I didn’t tell him I was almost raped during one of the days he referred to. He was a brainwashed idiot, most likely a colleague of mine asked to report on other students for favours. He was so indoctrinated that he lost his humanity and came to think that allowing someone to visit their father in a foreign country (visit paid and organised by the parents!) meant he was doing them a favour! I dislike people who let themselves brainwashed as much as I detest rapists.
Reporting to police was quite unpleasant as well. They already had the report of the park supervisor, including a description of the rapist. “Why didn’t you come earlier?” I was physically and mentally tired. “Have you seen the knife?” No, I didn’t. “Why not?” He had a satchel and probably put it there. “Could it have been something else?” I didn’t know. I brought them the jeans with the broken zip for finger printing and told them I didn’t want them back.
The guilt I was feeling....It was the same guilt I felt a few years later when I almost lost my life, once by near drowning, second time by near plane crash. That I was guilty for being in that place at that time. I believe guilt was part of a learning process to help me avoid such dangerous situations in the future. No, I didn’t have any psychologists telling me not to feel guilty. If I did, I wouldn’t have listened to them. My feelings are my friend, not my enemy.
I became very careful when crossing that park or other similar places. If there were not too many people around, I didn’t let anyone walk closely behind me. There was a period when I was hiding a knife in my purse. I also avoided risky places.
It did’t affect my view about men and sex, probably because I wasn’t actually raped. I didn’t seem to attract violent men...no idea if I avoided them subconsciously. I did have some rough sex with FWB a few decades later, when he asked me to wear some rags that he could cut off me with a knife...I found it hilarious.
There were some things I could have done differently about that rape attempt. I do understand why I kept quiet at that time. I didn’t want my relative, colleagues, friends or neighbours to know about it. There was one time when I shouldn’t kept quiet, though. It’s difficult to explain that situation to anyone who did not grew up in a dictatorship. I’ll try my best ....
My father was working abroad at that time. If I wanted to visit him during summer holidays, I needed approval from the government. Approval was given based on a report filled by a university secret security agent, who had to recommend it. Well, what happened was that summer holidays came, but that secret idiot recommended that I should not travel abroad to visit my father! My mother left on her own. Since that really irked me, I managed to make an appointment to someone from Security.
It turned out the reason they stopped me from visiting my father, was because I was absent for two days from my “collective duty”. Those were the days when I was almost raped and when I went to fill a police report. Collective duty or whatever the name was, was the time when the army, the students and children over 16 were taken to fields to collect the corn, grapes or other produce. I told him that two days of absence were allowed without being punished. He replied that I wasn’t being punished, I was just being refused a favour!
I didn’t tell him I was almost raped during one of the days he referred to. He was a brainwashed idiot, most likely a colleague of mine asked to report on other students for favours. He was so indoctrinated that he lost his humanity and came to think that allowing someone to visit their father in a foreign country (visit paid and organised by the parents!) meant he was doing them a favour! I dislike people who let themselves brainwashed as much as I detest rapists.
Posted by Rainwater69
How did you get back into dating? How long did you wait? Did you get therapy first? What problems came up?
Thank God I never be in that position
But I almost in that position luckily I realized fast when something going wrong at that time.
And when I was young there's someone ever spying on me when I take a shower.. I saw his face..
But it's makes me hard to believe on guy
But one you should put on your mind
If have trauma
Choose the guy who love his mother
And they protect each other
That guy must value their woman..
Trust me..
First time Im in relationship was in the end year of high school.. I'm with good and smart guy.. he still my best ex..
He's the head of high school organization also.. and his mom is head of principal in same school but..
He's not type of 'mommy person' but he drives his mom to whenever she wants and there's always time that they share stories and gripe to each other..
It's the best type of guy to heal your trauma.
guy who valuable their mom..
It's in my personal experience..
Ah.. and don't trust words
Mostly men words are untrustworthy
See their flaws
See how he traits his friends
How he traits his family
That's all..
Take care ❤️
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