..

i'm so hurt. i feel so alone. i feel scared.

all he said was, "sometimes life isnt fair."

not fair enough for someone to care about me.

WHOOOOOOOOO luz sounds bad. almost all the time when someone tries to put you down. they have the self problem. they are tring to make there self fell better by puting you lower. stiff upper lip gril you are to good for him.

thanks james ^^ but me and him worked things out, he was just having a bad day, sometimes i think i could be alittle too forgiving.

come on. Smile Luz. ur a good person. don't let them get u down. they win that battle. come on win the war.

*smiles*

Me mate nigal had a lady friend once she treated him like S--- . It came to him one day that if you kiss ass long enough you learn to dislike the taste of s---.

LOL JT...that was GREAT! thanks for the 🙂

Gee James, there really is something in your wisdom. I really should start drinking more ale 😉

Oh no, actually, i think if you kiss arse for long enough, you get so used to the smell of sh-- that you no longer smell it. In other words, if you lie with the dogs you will get fleas. This can only be a bad thing because i don't think they make human flea repellent.

PS. I like the little eye thing. ._. although my mouth won't go under the eyes.

"There are No Accidents" (Who You're With - Is Where You're At")
Libragirl, you might like this reading. I'm still chewing it over for me personally. If you wish the whole article, put in the " " above in any search engine. (I forgot where I got it.)Excerpt-->
Glenn Perry, one of my favorite teachers, once said to me, ?Who you're with is where you're at.? I never forgot those words as it made sense to me. Like is constantly attracting like, and some would also describe this as vibrating at the same frequency. Usually there is an unconscious collusion between both parties from the very beginning and a dance that is destined to play itself out whether you are with that person or the next or the next. The situations and events will repeat.

Most of us attract people who are our opposites, which automatically creates problems. These opposites are a vehicle for self-awareness whether we know it or not.

Opposites need each other to complete what is incomplete in themselves. And there it will be over and over, and once again we will experience firsthand that there are no accidents. We have created this "other" as an opportunity to learn to see our darker side, our "Shadow."

You will know you are headed to healthier relationships when you begin to reflect on just what this opposite is doing in your life and what the Universe wants from you. And don't be afraid of the term your darker side. I know it sounds sinister and foreboding but ?dark? just describes what is hidden from view or awareness. It's impossible to see this aspect of ourselves in any other way.
As we strive more and more towards wholeness, we will be mysteriously drawn to only those people from whom we will learn about ourselves even though at times it can be rather painful. Jung also said, ?Seldom or never does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crisis. There is no birth of consciousness without pain.?
What he meant by an individual relationship is that both people become aware of the opposites within themselves. They acknowledge and own them consciously and then make an effort to find a place for that disowned part of themselves in their everyday life. This takes courage and change, which is painfully slow, but it can occur. I was asked just the other day, ?Do you really think we change? I don't believe we do. We just keep repeating things over and over.? I said, ?I think we become more aware, but change is a very slow process. I don't want to live in a world where there is no change because then all the striving is for naught. I believe we do grow and that as painful as the process is, we do learn.?
Opposites are not just about marriage partners; we all have relationships. Relationships are happening with our banker, our friends, our siblings, our bosses, etc. Even though we are not married or in a significant relationship with the opposite sex or same sex, we will be experiencing relationships, and these, too, will act as messengers. Give yourself a chance to learn more about yourself by engaging more closely with others." END

There's something of learning about one's shadow self that's appealing to me. Maybe it's just the turn of the phrase. Still chewing, as I've said.

A note I like the word ass rather tham arse. I have grown up with arse but I like american when it comes to that word.

i'm again hurt. why do i do this to myself.

Luz, what's happened?

little things always happen now and then. like how he doesnt take any consideration to my feelings, because he's so hard headed. Whenever he's tired, he doesnt want to deal with crap, and our 'crap' shouldnt even be 'crap' to him in the first place. and it's not easy for me to open up right now but i just feel like talking to someone about it because id rather not let all this be kept inside. my friends dont know what to say, i dont blame them, relationships werent meant to be simple anyway.

I hate crying.

Isn't he such a kind, considerate person?? he tells me he's going to two graduations and says he'll be returning around the hour of 9, i asked him if he had any side line activities after the graduation that hes attending, since its his lil brother and his friends graduation. And he clearly made it so that he didnt have anything after that. So i wait for him, its 11:35 PM, he comes online, i ask him where the treetrunk he has been. He tells me he was "jamming" with is friends. He couldve at least called or came online since his "friend" has AIM. But no he took another route, which was not even thinking of my position. then he doesnt even TALK AT ALL. Doesnt even TRY to start a conversation. So i'm just sitting there like a fool waiting to see what he has to tell me. Then he starts saying he's sorry(yeah thats right) but he's always sorry. but i let it slide because i love him? but in the end, i'm the only one sitting here hurt. Why do i do this to myself?? After awhile, i tell him to go to bed since he's tired and he's lacking the conversational skills, and he takes the offer and decides to go to bed(ass). He tells me he'll come here early tomorrow, but i offer him to do whatever he likes, that he doesnt have to come early since i feel like im FORCING him to do that. And he says, "alright koo"

...

that just topped everything off, and i just started crying, and he signed off but he didnt know i was in tears by then. He doesnt even have to knwo anyway, because whenever he's tired he doesnt give a treetrunk about anything around him. He doesnt want to deal with anything, he just gets mad at me. So i dont want to take any chances, and now im sitting here crying my eyes out and being foolish.

They break you and expect you to understand.

I know this sounds silly to you, but things add up, even from past relationships which i know i'm suppose to let go, but like they say, "life experiences make you." and i'd really like to choose my own path but i dont know how to shape my own emotions sometimes.

I'm here, weren't sure you stayed, so I'm reading now.

Stay with me, almost done.

I do understand things adding up from past relationships. Your tolerance/abuse level decreases. Without alot of repeat here, I had to let someone I cared about go for the same reasons. She may even have been innocent, but couldn't maintain a steady course. But Somebody had to. Turns out it was me. I'm not saying you guys are the same situation.

I hope you're still here. Are you?

in my situation, he is steady, and i give him space, but it's been building up inside that he seems like he never really tries to make me feel loved and happy. I mean occasional times ofcourse, otherwise why stick around? it's like im hoping for more. I know he's not perfect, but theres certain things that boyfriends provide(and no im not talking about some 3 week fling, im talking about a real relationship)

he tells me sweet things when we're 'going good' but when it comes to teh raw deal, when it comes to the REAL problems between us, he just doesnt really think about my position anymore. It always has to be about him or theres no way out, and it's funny because i'm the one who brings up the emotions ive been feeling lately and then it the tables turn and now its all about him. So basically, love is action, not talk.

he needs to get the treetrunking point...

I'm not being doom and gloom, but I think a person can tell when they're not getting all that they need. It neededn't be fatal either. He's willing to come over tomorrow. You can make it a new day, or go for scalps. What do you want to do?

i'd rather punch him right now than start off fresh, too much butter adding up.

What do you really think? You beginning to feel he's not totally there or just what?

Maybe I should just listen.

No. I'm beginning to feel that he's just an ass who needs to get smacked.

The thing is im too forgiving, i feel like i shouldnt be getting mad. But treetrunk...

I think you're not the type to over exaggerate.

Either you type extremely slow, or are just sitting there in a funk.

in a funk. in a mess.

and believe me, ive been running on rationalism in most cases with our problems but sometimes i dont want to settle this in a 'mature' way. emotions are powerful.

I tell him my feelings, he takes offense to it and retreats. It's like i cant even TELL him anything without feeling guilty for expressing my points but when is it ever going to do? so i have to let it out so we can solve and grow. But sometimes i keep it inside. And blargh, anyway..

i'm not going to be some submissive treetrunk who takes butter from him, it just gets no where.

You seem a private person, and I respect that. Only you will know if he's dodging the topics or not. And you know one of you will eventually reach you breaking/boiling point. Either one opens up, or never will.. and the other accepts it, or doesn't. But there will be stress in any relationship, if it's going to grow. That bites, but it's the truth. Some stress, is helpful. It's knowing what's beneficial and what's over the limit. And even I can't say what that limit is.

I heard you.

i'm private only on some territories, others not. I'm extroverted and yet introverted, it's alway an inbetween.

and i understand what you're trying to say, but i'm the one who always opens up with him and it always ends up with an arguement, WHICH i dont have ANY problem with arguements will come rolling in no matter what. But HE cant handle it because he's not man enough for it.

always an inbetween for everything*

okay, i'm having literally typo problems today.

any problmes with because i know*

It's hard to know what to say, I don't know you two. Are you guys passing time, or intent on this becoming something permanent? There's too much room here to manuever and get lost in. I can maybe see him being defensive about being asked alot of questions, but people have to be able to communicate somehow. I can't prove this, but why wouldn't someone tell you something, if you took the trouble to bring it up?

And I keep posting over your comments. Sorry. What are the astericks indicating?

i understand that, its been blowing hot and cold. We can be jolly and frolicking with love and then the next something can totally blow it over but its usually the SAME frickin reason. It's never something different, which i should be thankful for since it could turn out to be cheating someday!! but yeah, im getting sick and tired of exposing my feelings and it turning into an arguement, sometimes i wish he'd stop to listen and care. But anyway, im sure you're exhausted hearing all this so shall we move on?

I'm game. Where do you want to go today Microsoft?

I dropped in on your websight, BTW. Skimming the poetry here and there.

take me to brasil or spain(both options sound good either way) so i can forget about everything, se la vi!

I'm curious.. you post an occassional poem every so often, here. Yet your web storage page says you're not looking for opinions.

lol thats because thats just a site where i like to collect my poems, but if i feel that i'd like to share my poems and get an opinion i come here, since this community is smaller and i know ppl better here. So their opinion would hold more to me than there. If that made any sense. But i know my poems arent that great so ;P

Hey gal... I think you need sleep maybe more than anything esle tonight. I'm going to head off to bed myself. I wouldn't mind talking to you more later though. Stop thinking in circles for one night, k?

alrighty, thanks for listening i really appreciated it, g'night and talk to you later!

What you've said makes sense, about the smaller community & poetry. I like your poems. They don't all rhyme, for one thing. (smile). You're braver than I am. I keep my writings to b**** and moanin' in journals.
I really do need to go, that's no lie. I will look for you tomorrow & otherwise though. Goodnight Luz.

@}}--,-`----

lol i keep a journal - online

i thought me and him were going to spend time together, but he left yet again. For his friends house to play..video games. I confronted him about my feelings, he told me he'd make it up when he comes back and left, oh well.....but later its 12:58 AM and i call his house, his brother picks up and says he might be sleeping over....bastard aND NOBODY GIVES A treetrunk. so *poof*