Confusing Gemmy

I am dealing with a Gemmy who I love dearly who has detached from everyone and now this includes me...for the last year we even stopped making love...still no arguments in four years....then he dumps me right before Christmas....but he has continued to let me live here ( we have been in separate rooms for months)he also takes me shopping on the weekends still and pays my cells phone bill..I have never asked for any of this and I just don't understand. I rolled with the not having sex part because I thought he was depressed. He would always says it was nothing to do with me that he was tired, stressed.

He also says he still loves me, we will always be best friends, and that there is still hope...what does that even mean—?? He def has not cheated, he could if he wanted to that is how much trust we have.

Neither of us has had a love like this before...he is 38 and now says he has decided he never wants to have a GF again but there is still hope for us...I am so confused. I need affection so badly but I know he does not need a needy lady hanging on him. Our four year anniversary would be this Vday and I am dreading it. Why is he throwing away this relationship and if it is that it is now boring for him...is there anyway I can make it better? or is it too late. Sorry so long and cofusing I jsut love him so much and I know that he loves me.

this is a tuffy... i think there's not enough info for advice as it leaves it open to soo many possibilities. could you post both his and your placements? please?

I have no clue about placements but I am a Virgo born September 10 and he he is a Gem born June 6....My mom did our charts once and things seemed almost sounded to good to be true as far as a match goes.. I told myself in the beginning not to fall for him but I did.

could i get your years as well and i'll do a general coposit. :]

him 1974 and me 1982. Thank you.

no worries.... :] you will need to be pavient and i will get back to you as soon as i can. :]

*patient

Also wanted to add that I catch him staring at me just like before or I will look over at him randomly and he will be smiling....that is how I knew when we first became serious.

Anytime I try to talk about it with him he gets so moody..it is like a brooding five year old. He always said it was nothing to do with me until he broke it off back in December. Then he said it's not normal well no shit!! I was leaving him alone about sex because he told me he was too tired/stressed for it. When we were having sex it was always fantastic but he has trouble settling down to receive.

Also his parents moved into separate rooms when he was about seven and for 30 years lived in the same house. When I was getting an apartment he came with me without me even asking and his mom left his dad( she had no one to take care of anymore)...I know not to push this man...apparently I did though because now I disgust him. We now live at his child hood home with his father ( the housing market here is awful).

Think back and try to remember ANYTHING that he mentioned was not right with the relationship (at any point). This includes things that he mentioned, but that you may have assumed got resolved because he either brought them up only once, or else stopped talking about them.

The night he broke it off...I had asked if he could pick me up at the bus station because I worked late. This is something that has never been an issue and he has always spoiled me/taken care of me without me asking. I think that night there was a work party and he thought I was going to it...when I got home he wanted to know why the hell I would think I could ask for a ride when I was supposed to be at a party. I chose to work instead of the party. He was quite upset actually and it shocked me...I spent the weekend away at his request and when I came home on Sunday night it was like nothing had happened. I admit I have been a little needy but I have always let him be him and anything he has done for me I have not asked for. I guess it was wrong of me to text him asking for a ride I should have not expected anything from him and that was rude. I am trying so hard to not love him in a bf way anymore but it is so hard.

Maybe a vday card with an apology?

Totally agree...I don't have the means to go anywhere but instead of watching tv in his room (we only have one tv) and we generally eat supper together...I think I am going to start retreating to my room when he gets home...and yes I did put on a little weight but so has he and I am actually dieting and exercising right now to get rid of it...he has zero interest in being healthy anymore. He wants the ever elusive twig...since I am the skinniest he has had. I think I make women 10 and he is 38.

None taken lmao I am for sure not here against my will...I love this man very much and I know he loves me but he is so depressed that he just can't deal with it but he refuses to acknowledge the depression...I have tried having him take natural supplements and I make healthy meals..he only eats once a day.

Thank you for talking with me 🙂

I should note we used ot have wonderful conversations about many topics...and we still can but it is awkward and he always wants the tv on. He is a fantastic drummer and has not played in two years..I gently nudge him to play and he will think about it for a minute but that is all. He very smart.

I have been talking about going to Colorado...I am in Vermont....he takes me grocery shopping, running errands out to dinner etc. 6 months ago I could not get him to leave the house for anything but work.

He had a great childhood on the exterior but not a good homelife I think his parents hated each other. There was a lot of drama and the whole family has terrible communication issues but they are also snotty at the same time. His mother and two older sisters hate me (I did steal their baby) his dad does like me and will tell him he his happy he found someone. and he forever tells me it is in my head When we got our first place hi mom left his dad after 45 years because she had no one to take care of anymore. He has never dealt with any of it...I don't know why he can talk to me about anything but not this.

Also a year after that his band split up...they were best friends well we all were. Three of the guys hang out together but stopped calling him because he never answers. I wish I just give in and say it is all my fault but I can't...I have seen him show emotion before..he cried the first time he said he loved me...

I want to add I do know how to spell..I am a chick typing a rant lol

Oh as far as Colorado he makes no comments when I talk about leaving

I'm a Capricorn ascendent Gemini, not sure if my opinion will be valid in your situation or not, but I'm dating a Gemini and I can tell you this:

Sometimes they need someone to sit them and ask them what's wrong. Even if they say nothing, or don't talk. You need to make them understand that you will listen to them, care for them, and be a loving soul for them. Like a warm house with a loving woman waiting for them with open arms no matter what. Make them understand that you won't leave, not going anywhere, that they can feel safe (You have to mean it obviously..).

Even if he doesn't want to talk, even if he's pushing you away, you need to stay.
I know it's not easy, but from what I understand, it's not going well in his mind and it's like he doesn't know how to say it or he's scared of admitting he's not going well.

When my Gemini is down, he will push away things I offer to make him feel good. But when I force him to do said things, he hates it, because he doesn't like it when I tell him what to do, but in the end he's very happy because it made him feel good and better and he understands it.

It has been two years since it began I try so much to be strong for him...any time I try to just be there now he says all he wants is too not talk. I give him pedicures and things like that...he can't even stand to be hugged. How can I make his dark twin go away or at least be under control. I miss him so much...and I do see the good coming out at times but he is so quick to go cold.

My point with that was everyone needs some kind of affection so I try to sneak it in.

I asked you to remember any complaints he's had because of the way I personally operate, as a Gemini. I have NEVER let a relationship go out-of-the-blue. There were alway multiple signs that it was coming, if my partners had cared to notice them.

At first, I will have a heart-to-heart and politely explain what I need. Then, when I believe my partner understands, I'll go back to behaving normally and wait for the change to occur. When it doesn't happen, I'll assume that my partner remembers our talk and is choosing not to take any action. Then I will ask again...a little more forcibly. Then wait. This may repeat a few times. Still no action? Then I'm offended, hurt, and feel disregarded and disrespected (whether or not that was the intention of the other person).Then one of two things will happen:

(1) The big blow-out: I'll fly off the handle and rage for a while. Usually, the other person has forgotten our talk and gone back to assuming things are fine. They're not!

(2) The big freeze-out: I'll just disengage. My body will still be there, but you'll be able to tell that my energy is somewhere else. At first, the freeze-out will be intentional, but then it will just get to be second-nature. I can be brought back from this, as long as it hasn't simply been too long, but there has to be acknowledgement of my needs and an attempt to make things right.

Hmmmmm....I honestly recall no time that he has ever talked to me about something I was doing wrong. Like I said he was fine until his mom left his dad and the band split up a few months later. I am thinking of writing something to give him on valentines day maybe him reading something is better since he can't talk to anyone.

I asked him if he was paying for things because he felt bad for me and he insists he still enjoys spoiling me..I don't get it....I broke down Christmas Eve on the way to his sister's house...I told him I was trying to be strong but I was heartbroken..he actually said I'm sorry and that was it.


I really do want to leave but I have no where to go. On the other hand if I left him during this depression what if he got worse? I know it would not be my fault but I would feel it was.

I have tried to discuss the breakup one other time and he said that if I bothered him about it then I could not stay here. This man has a backbone so if it was me he would say it.

Yeah right before Christmas he decided that he did not want a girlfriend and that he always pictured himself being single and he tried having a girlfriend with me but he can't do it.....our 4 year anniversary is/was this VDay. Now in the last couple of weeks he makes comments that there is still hope for us...I need to figure out a way to get him to talk. He also started this new thing of criticizing everything including what I cook for dinner...it is like a brooding five year old. He has never had any complaints before. He just cannot deal with anyone because he is going crazy inside. When he gets like that I lightly joke and tell him he does not need to be that way with me...he usually comes around. I want to hear him babbling again. He has not even been out with his boys or on his own since the breakup.

He also has a sister who never married or had kids as well...I don't even think she has sex eek!

Which I guess brings me back to how much his parents hated each other but stayed together for apperences.

Actually make that he has not been out on his own in two years....I go out at least twice a month. Always invite him but he says he hates everyone.

Sorry for so many posts...this is really my only outlet right now.

yes a couple of weeks before...but still did our shopping together and put both names on gifts for his family.

I am going crazy ...if there is still hope meant I just want to fuck you ( and it is purple not pink lol) then why has he not tried. we actually fell asleep together last night which was nice. I tried to go into my room instead of watching tv with him and he said I could stay. If he wants space he sure is not saying so.

This weekend I am getting boxes and at least packing the stuff I don't use...if he asks I tell him I am looking for a place to go and want my things packed. Should be interesting..I am not a game player at all but maybe he will at least start dealing with the depression.

How do I feel?? I love him with all my heart and can't figure out why he has his head in his ass. I really feel like if he was over me that he would just say so..why tell me there is still hope?

I just attempted to talk to him about the depression and the doing nothing but sleeping and working...basically he said I don't want to deal with you right now and there's the door. wonderful! Now I really am alone in this world. No family, no friends.

I have no one....we ended up talking after that last post...I flat out told him I was sick of seeing him like this....he says he wants no relationship with anyone (which I believe he has not left the house for anything but work and running errands in a very long time.) He told me he is not depressed but he is building a shell and does not want to deal with anyone right now. He says he stopped having sex with me I reminded him of his mom but more of the fact his mom left his dad after 45 years....he is scared to death of me leaving him inside....but I think it has to happen....we are still going to be best friends I don't care what snyone says we even discussed the idea of finding another chick friend not just for crazy sex but do do things with...All of our regular friends never talk to us anymore because they got sick of him sleeping through plans he made with them every weekend. We want to make this a trio but without the relationshits...just three people who care about each other....insane I know but I feel better..he said he does not want me not ever feel that he hates me and I will always be in his life...I believe him...he is not a liar at all. He even told me that he still thought I was pretty....he has not said that in a long time. I htink my best friend is coming back

It is harder then you think to find a women willing lol

Gems dont care for sex much.