Is it desperate/kind for someone to want their ex?

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by aj123 on Friday, June 13, 2014 and has 5 replies.

Profile picture of aj123
@aj123
12 Years

So if someone has a gemini sun, but the cancer sign for the moon and venus (so will have very clingy-ish, holding onto the past tendencies, I suppose?), hence, seems to have a huge obsession with his ex..
to the point where he seeks out people who resemble his ex, still "likes" her pictures, outwardly compares you to her at every opportunity, randomly blurts out that he doesn't really understand why she left as apparently she hadn't given a proper reason, claims he'd go back to her if she ever asked for him back, becomes overly attached to her friends to maintain a link somehow to her, visits her country of origin (very far away) and actively likes her hometown related pages on Facebook so the only "pages" (around 7) he has "liked" all connect somehow to her i.e. her field of work, her birth town etc. (and he has no other relation to even the continent that this country is in, aside from her)...

I suppose it's nice that people "have a heart" and are able to feel so deeply about someone but in another perspective, surely this seems to indicate some insecurity/self-esteem issues in that he is unable to move on from, despite her saying she won't return and it being over a year since the split.

I'd guess that having feelings for exes are normal but to this huge extent, for quite a long while and it's not his first love, their first languages are not even the same so there's a tiny communication barrier, very different job fields (his is much more advanced and respectable - though it doesn't make a difference, I know)..

What do you think? This much obsession over an ex - kind & endearing or insecure & desperate?

Thank you

Profile picture of aftershine
@aftershine
13 Years

😐 the only desperate one here seems to be you (sounds bi+chy but tbt)

Profile picture of aj123
@aj123
12 Years

Why would it be that I sound desperate? Haha I love observing behaviours and understanding the "why"s behind it.. (Maybe that's a bit nosey but hardly desperate).. most people I do tend to be able to figure out to a certain extent except this person.
It really isn't to do with what I feel.. I have even thought it was similarly odd when it is other people or a girl who has done similar things for an ex..

I guess as a very detached aqua, it would make no sense to try that massively to get someone back if they had outwardly said they wouldn't want us back..

I mean, hanging onto the past, clinging to one person - all when there's a hope of finding much more happiness if he'd look towards the future rather than the human condition of wanting what we can't have..

Profile picture of aj123
@aj123
12 Years

If anything, I'd feel pity to get that attached to someone, especially if I'd only have seen them a few hours every month (considering it was an LDR) for just less than a year... considering he's left decade long relationships in the past and wondered why they were so upset when he left.. it's like his gemini and cancer tendencies seem to alternate.

Profile picture of aj123
@aj123
12 Years

Anyway, it is odd that he is seen as normal for his obsessive behaviour yet me wondering about his obsessive behaviour means I'm obsessed?

Profile picture of aj123
@aj123
12 Years

Dear Arielle83, thank you for your positive, supportive helpful response. Most of the people who have posted here seem to be quite judgemental, aside from you.

Any more posts, etc welcome from people.

Thanks