Is it too late

I'm sorry for posting here again. I need your insights.
Me and my Gem got in a fight tonight and I need your opinion about his reactions.

Last week he started being really distant but didn't say why. It was different. So tonight, I asked him how he describes me to his friend. If I'm a friend, a close friend, girlfriend or something else.
He said I was a friend to him. I got sad and upset and the conversation started heating up. I told him that I don't do all the things I do with him with my people who are only my friends. Like sexually, helping him with everything I do, etc.
Told him that, until last week, he said he loved me and was being all lovey dovey. That I don't get why I'm a simple friend.

So I bluntly asked him if he used me. To what he got upset and said no. So again, upset. Not really rational, I asked him what changed and he didn't know. He couldn't explain it. I started asking if it's because of something I did and said.
He didn't know. I said, "be blunt with me. I can take it! Is it because you think I'm ugly. Do you hate that I lost weight? Do you hate that I let my guards down for you? You don't stop loving someone like that. You did it before and came back each time, so freaking tell me! You needed money and now that I gave it to you, you don't wanna be close to me? Is that it?" (Yes I reacted badly. But I think it's human and normal to wonder why someone stops loving you or wanting to know why he did)

To what he asked me to stop.
So I asked him to stop what and he said: It's things like this that drives me away. I told him that I had one last thing to say to him, after what I'd give him his space.

I said: "I'm heartbroken to know that for you, something changed between us recently. Like, destroyed.
I don't wanna lose you. I don't wanna drive you away.
Lastly, I wanted to surprise you with Christmas presents. I got you two things on Amazon.
Even talked to your mother about it to make sure I had the right address.
So when you get them, know that I ordered them before this, not after.
You should get them this week or next. I'll give you your space now. And if you still wanna talk to me, the decision is yours."
He said Ok
And then, I left. He didn't say anything, do anything.

Did I cross a line? What do you think is going on in his head right now.. I'm asking Gemini wise of course.

Thank you Gems.

Posted by peanutsNcrackers
Look at what he has given you and weigh that to what you have done for him. The scale is so imbalanced it isn't even funny and you are further making the scale imbalanced by getting desperate by throwing everything you got at him to keep him.

Because I'm a giver is why. He's been so unhappy in life and going through so much bad stuff that me throwing everything at him is my way to show him that life can be beautiful and he can be loved.
Not sure I make sense.

And the Gems I know all have this tendency to things up on purpose. Push people away, do things to hurt them just to see how much they care.

"Because I'm a giver is why. He's been so unhappy in life and going through so much bad stuff that me throwing everything at him is my way to show him that life can be beautiful and he can be loved.
Not sure I make sense.

And the Gems I know all have this tendency to things up on purpose. Push people away, do things to hurt them just to see how much they care."

+++1 Peanuts, 100% truth

Anna have you ever heard that expression put too much sugar in the cake recipe you'll spoil the cake, the cake is ruined because there is only so much sugar that can make a cake a great cake, meaning if you give and give and give you spoil your relationships, there has to be a semblance of balance or a man will just LOSE ALL HIS ATTRACTION for you just that fast, yes he can feel love for you and that love can disappear because of YOUR actions/behavior.

Giving too much, giving to get love, giving in the form of approval seeking will turn a man off, now here's the thing, he may be turned off but that doesn't mean he won't stick around to use you at his convenience and I know that's not what you want for yourself but until you learn that giving to a man will not make him want you/love you more then your fate is sealed to repeat itself in your future.

You can't make a man love you by being his mother, helping him with his feelings, giving him presents, doing all of his work to keep him and on top of that doing your part the relationship work. I mean what do you need him for if you're going to both sides of the relationship to keep him? What you do when you make it easy for a man is he becomes lazy, he inevitably fall out of love b/c of the lack of interest and investment, he have to do his part of the relationship or you're in this thing all alone, dangling without a partner to soften the fall.

His unhappiness has NOTHING to do with you, you never take the role of mother by attempting to fulfill his dark voids, if you do that you lose, you lose him, you lose your lover b/c you can't be both, you can't be a rescuer mother and keep your lover.

Just so you know your giving sends a MESSAGE over to him about you, that you're a desperate loser who has to bribe and give money away to get some semblance of love and attention from a man, that's the WRONG message you're sending, if you stop giving he'll most likely begin to treat you like you want to be treated.

He's not pushing you away, you're pushing him away with your over giving, under balanced, desperate behavior, no man wants a desperate woman, he can be a lazy no life unhappy bum but he will reject a woman that displays desperate behavior, no man can feel love for a woman that buying love and appreciation.

Your giving is turning him off, pushing him away, maybe you have your own commitment issues, maybe you feel that your not good enough so you have to over compensate (not sure what your motivation is) but your over compensating behavior won't work, you'll just appear intrusive, needy, desperate, unattractive and unlikable.

I can guarantee you if you change how you behave he'll move in your direction but keep up the same behavior he'll move on to a more mature secure woman. I bet your beautiful, I find beautiful women with low self esteem try to compensate for what they feel they lack, he fell in love with that woman--the confident, happy, secure woman but the moment you displayed your neediness he was gone, he'll stay gone too if you don't change.

Posted by tiki33
Just so you know your giving sends a MESSAGE over to him about you, that you're a desperate loser who has to bribe and give money away to get some semblance of love and attention from a man, that's the WRONG message you're sending, if you stop giving he'll most likely begin to treat you like you want to be treated.

I know how it could make me look like a loser but thing is, I didn't do it this way. I genuinely did all of it with the purest intentions to help.
Just that.
It's going well in all the spheres in my life. I have a great job, great friends, I'm told often I'm pretty and people hit on me a lot when I go out. So I'm not in any way desperate for love.
I've been through rough patches in my life before when I was younger. And never had anyone to rely one. There was time where I thought: "I wish one person would believe in me. Just ONE!"
And me doing a lot for Gem was with the message: "Here. It's not going well in your life, here's a few pats in your life. Here's some help to make you feel better about yourself. You're appreciated."
Rather than being treated like a loser by everyone else in his life.

I get what you're saying but what I'm saying to you is that you don't recognize how your behavior affect the person outside of you, a man can only go by what he observes and how what he's observing makes him feel and if your behavior makes a man feel icky inside he will do what's in his own best interest which is to push you away, push away the person that's creating the icky feelings.

Before you do anything for a man you must understand how your behavior will be perceived and any time you give to a man to show him how great you are and/or to rescue his feelings and/or to show him how loyal & loving you are, how sympathetic and understanding you are, it all feels WRONG. Why? Because he know he's done nothing to earn your time, attention, energy and money, he know he hasn't done anything to warrant so much of your time, energy, money and attention thus if he hasn't earned all of this loyalty, money, love, attention and energy you're doling out on a regular he then starts to believe you're being fake, you're being fake TO GET something from him, you're attempting to manipulate him into giving you something back and the reaction to that is to PUSH YOU AWAY, he'll slowly resent you for behaving like a desperate woman who can't get a man so she has to coerce and buy a man, NO MAN WANT THAT KIND OF WOMAN, I know you're not a desperate woman but your behavior says that about you therefore if you change the behavior he'll get a more positive message about you.

You may have a great job, great friends, a great life but if your behavior screams desperate woman a man will either use you or lose you, he'll take take take or he'll let you go, he'll pass you up for a better option, even if his life is unhappy, lousy he still won't want a woman that BEHAVES as if she has nothing else going on but him him him, he won't want a woman that behaves as if she's so desperate she'll give him anything, what he will feel is resentment towards you because you are a reflection of him and in his mind he's not a loser so why would he want to be with you, a woman that behaves like a no life desperate loser, you'er GIVING GIVING GIVING GIVING says this about you.

Again I'm not saying you are a loser but your behavior DEMONSTRATES this about you and you have to change how you behave so a man/the man you're currently with will see you as an asset and will value you being in his life.

—And me doing a lot for Gem was with the message: "Here. It's not going well in your life, here's a few pats in your life. Here's some help to make you feel better about yourself. You're appreciated."??
Rather than being treated like a loser by everyone else in his life.??

And that's exactly why he's treating you poorly, you??re not his mother, you can't be his mother, fix his feelings and expect him to love you/want to make love to you, most men do not want to f*ck there mothers so you see you??re behavior is CREATING friction and conflict with his feelings, you treat him like a child he??ll resent you for attempting to emasculate him, if you feel he needs help and express that through your giving he??ll resent you for not believing in him, for not believing he can fix his own problems, whether you know this or not you render a man helpless and he??ll push back by getting rid of his problem which is you, no man wants to feel he can't take care of his own problems, a man just won't like a woman doing the fixing in his life, it's emasculating, it makes his penis go limp and he??ll associate that feeling with you, he??ll just figure you??re the problem not him and he??ll proceed to start doing some rejecting of his own.

When you fix a mans problems, attempt to fix his happiness, it's like saying to him you??re a helpless human being, you??re inept and incapable of living an efficient happy life so I'm going to help you, that makes a man feel pathetic and that pathetic feeling is associated with you and he'll want to distance himself from the person causing him to feel pathetic and what will proceed is rejection.

You??re not helping him if he rejects you in the end, you??re pretty much failing if the outcome is him pushing you away.

Him being treated like a loser is his problem, you don't know how to fix a mans feelings/life, you??re not his mother, you??re not his God, let him feel his growing pains, don't?? try to fix his problems b/c when you do that you stunt his growth, you take away his life lessons b/c you're too busy working on rescuing him from the world which is very male energy type behavior on your part which is very emasculating, he doesn't want to rely on you only to render himself even more helpless, men lose confidence in themselves when they are not allowed to fix their own problems, make themselves happy, babies and kids need help b/c they are helpless, not grown able bodied men.

Try being less involved in fixing his life/problems, try being present without giving to him which includes not giving him advice and money and gifts to soothe his fears, you want a man not a baby boy and he can't demonstrate he's a man if you??re always jumping in to help, give and make everything perfect and smooth, that's not realistic behavior on your part, life isn't perfect so why try to replicate perfection when it's not realistic, again it's your behavior that's causing everything to fall apart.

Put yourself in his shoes, try to see all sides of the situation and not just your side and you??ll find that you don't want a man coming into your life dictating how you should live, making your life perfect and holding all of your problems, you may think you want that but realistically you would begin to feel like a child if a man constantly hovered over you and attempted to handle all of your emotions and problems, you??d get sick of him and subtly begin to reject him being so pushy, nosy and intrusive.

It's too late and the only way it can all turn around is if you let him go, even mothers have to let go of there kids on some level so they can create lives of there own, you must back off, don't initiate contact, if you stay gone long enough he may realize how important you are to him and he'll find his way back to you and then you can practice being his partner/lover and not his mother/doormat.

Please listen to Tiki, and try not to take what she is saying personally. The things you are doing might all be great if you were dealing with a woman, but you're dealing with a man. It is easy to behave in ways that emasculate a man without even realizing you're doing it.

Also, as a Gem, when I say "I don't know", it's almost certainly because I don't. I can have a feeling without understanding what it is or why I have it.

Google "women who give too much in relationships"

You'll see a plethora of information that says this kind of behavior is a BIG mistake.