Toaster Strudel Updated :)

So, I had posted before about my interest in my newly found Gem man *soulmate...*

And here's how it went 🙂

It started out slow and then picked up, we had a mutual understanding that we both had commitment problems and we were fine, we let it flow for as long as it would. We saw each other reasonably. One night we were supposed to hang out and he decided not to pick up/answer but called an hour later??_he asks if I was thinking this was serious, that he was worried that I was just dating around, didn't want to tie me down but, of course he did. I said I was just feeling it out, that I liked what we had up in the air, and truly, I was. I feel less restricted and bound when I'm allowed to just be...after another 2 weeks I was getting a bit anxious, and was a bit fed up with the situation, and the fact that I felt he captured my attention enough for me to date him exclusively. I let him know my thoughts, and he said he wasn't sure, that he wasn't sure he wanted a relationship (after pretty much declaring he did before). I said I didn't want that anymore, that he either wanted me or not, and that when I awoke the next morning I wasn't going to be going through the same cycle with him. He still said he wasn't sure, that he didn't want to do it anymore. I calmly said I understood and that I felt better he had finally told me he didn't want to keep going, and I meant it. He freaked out enough that he couldn't leave and told me he had changed his mind (within 2 minutes). Funny thing is, I thought this would help me to settle down, so to speak, but it made me anxious, and I just couldn't :/ We quickly fell into our same airy relationship, I had my life, he had his, we only met in the middle when he would come over and we'd joke around. He would voice his concerns that I was too outgoing, in a way, and that I was always out and that although he felt he could trust me, he still didn't know what I was doing. He hated the fact that I could form friendships and bonds quickly, that I was always with my Aqua best friend (male), and that I was "more comfortable with him." Truth is, this guy would never want to go where I was going, nor did I mind where he went (which I never asked where, when, why). I'm on an honor system.

I met his friends at his birthday, I had a nice time! I spent most of the time mingling with his friends. He fit me perfect, in that he didn't need too much attention, but was open (extremely) with his feelings and the fact that we had great communication. Problem was, we are both very neurotic, pre-disposed to conflict, and could not have one night were our moods matched enough for us to fully enjoy it. A nightmare, really, but somehow we agreed it worked out, and that we couldn't just leave each other, no matter how much we wanted to.

So, to end the whole thing, I had him call me after the Heat/Mavs game last weekend, Thursday, to talk to him. We, of course, had another heavy talk about our relationship, which we've tried to end many times. To end all, he tells me he kissed someone after his birthday, that he felt horrible. I think it was a lie, considering he had come over one night when I was out with my best friend and was a bit drunk (sad about the loss of the heat game and allowed myself one more beer), and I knew that was a bad idea. He didn't fight me when I said I couldn't really go on. I knew we weren't dating officially, but it still hurt. I felt that he should have fought for me, he said he couldn't. So, it ended just like that. We were both right and wrong in our actions, but the fact still remained that we led, although a very loving relationship (he told me he loved me, and I know he does still), emotionally heavy and unhealthy relationship.

I told him we had a great potential, but that we subconsciously always tried to hurt each other, and that I still loved him plenty and that I wished we could have helped each other. He said he agreed, and told me to have fun that night. He texted again, asking if I was having a good night, and I didn't respond. I haven't heard or reached out to him in over a week. Truth is, this relationship taught me communication, amongst other things, so I have no regrets whatsoever.

I am relieved its over, just because it was overwhelming between his moods and mines. I'm hurt because he disappointed me, in that he was a coward in leaving, and my ego was a bit deflated that he could just stop talking to me so easily.

So, that was it!

well...that sucks...dudes weird if you ask me, if he didn't change his mind in 2 minutes i would say he isnt a gem haha, but atleast you learned alot from the whole situation.