He'll know you are serious after you get your crap together and that starts with filing separation or divorce papers and standing on your own 2 feet.
Been there and done it. I'm a CAPPY and we have a deep need for security. Difference, we make it happen and don't string someone else along. It's not easy but you are the only one in control and can make it happen if its what you really want. Yes he may decide even after you leave it isn't what he wants. So what. What you have now, with the b/f and husband, isn't working either.
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Ditto.