wow.. didn't think I'd miss my gem this much...

He does not trust, and has been cold to me for quite awhile. He refused to talk to me. I finally figured out it was because of something he ASSUMED I did to him.. He assumed I ignored his texts when he needed help but in reality my phone was dying and had to buy a new one!! It's been over a month of him being snarky and rude to me. I am fucking hurt he would even think that about me when I would've done anything to help him. Because hes been so cold I just ousted him from my life. Of course now he hates me more. I simply can't win!! It hurts to not be trusted and to be told im a liar when I'm not! I wish I didn't miss him so much. Why gems why?! Errrrgghhghrhhrhghhhgh!!

Gems who have a hard time trusting can THIS BE RESOLVED? Can you learn to trust? /have you?

Posted by galawastelands
Hey I hope I'm of some kind of help. I'm defiantly a Gemini who has been through the not trust phase and I still do, but it's a bit different now.

The fact that he's hurt so much now is a sign that he truly believed in you. I'm never nasty or put energy into being outwardly angered by someone if they didn't mean anything or even a bit to me. So the fact that he's basically spitting venom you way shows where you once stood with him.

I've only had once person mess me over so much that I was out for blood with them, but as well because this person was so close to me, he was also the one to diffuse it as well. It wasn't easy, and he was a Virgo. I ignored him because that's what I thought he was doing to me as well as I needed him dearly. He, like you, tried reaching out by phone and text, but when he realized what had gone wrong, and when I refused to acknowledge him, he showed up at my door. Now this wasn't the best move for him, as I could've done a number of things in retaliation, but I must admit it did shift my perspective of him enough that he was able to disarm me after refusing to let me leave that moment without talking about what had happened.

I'm not saying that showing up at his door will help, hell it might! I don't know, but I do know that out of all the people I've cut off, he's the only one who physically showed me he wasn't letting me or us go without some type action first. We don't date anymore, but he's a best friend to me, and he and I are closer than ever

Hope this helps a bit.

That does help thank you . I tried really hard to talk to him and work it out. He wouldn't budge. But I honestly didn't do anything to him... It's all in his imagination. It's horrible feeling like a bad person when I've done nothing. He's just scared. I'd knock on his door but I don't know where he is!

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Gems who have a hard time trusting can THIS BE RESOLVED? Can you learn to trust? /have you?

I have problems trusting.... it takes alil bit longer, and it has to be seen on a daily basis.

Posted by galawastelands
I agree with Misslissa.

On top of that don't feel guilty about something you haven't done. Don't forget us Gems, can act like children when hurt or wounded. Sometimes you can't resolve with us, but that's not your fault if you haven't betrayed us like we feel you have. Sometimes it just takes time as well.

Do what you feel is best, but don't let fear or anger or any negative emotion rule that decision. You be you, and you be a bigger person that this situation.

Take care doll,

Thanks ! Yeah I've been kind and caring and just letting him go and have his space to think. And perhaps he'll come back around, we'll see... Miss him a lot. wish I could ease his suffering somehow

Posted by galawastelands
I'm sure he will come back in his own time. Especially if the impact is great enough for him, which I believe it to be.

To be honest, I'm sure he misses you as well. He just has a harsh way of showing it. He acts out of pain, but you only get pain from connecting with someone who means a lot to you. Not strangers. I hope I'm making sense to you. It's a twisted compliment, but a compliment none the less.

You can't heal or ease anything, he himself doesn't want to. When we are in pain, we as humans say we want to end it, but we do everything that doesn't end it, i.e. avoiding you and pushing you away. When he's really ready to let go of what's hurting him, he'll either be ready to analyze and move on in peace, or come directly to the source as he perceives his pain to come from: You.

You are a sweetheart, I can tell. Something about you stands out and I don't know you, but I honestly just want to reiterate not to beat yourself up about this. He is responsible for his actions and his feelings at the end of the night. Not you and the same goes for you.

He can be upset all night and day, but do you allow that to control emotions in you? If so, even out of love, you give power to him over you. You doll, are bigger than that.

I hear what you're putting down. Thanks so much. I definitely agree and won't let his actions destroy me.

Posted by everlynn
misslissa nailed it 🙂.

I want your input too! Any advice?

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by galawastelands
I'm sure he will come back in his own time. Especially if the impact is great enough for him, which I believe it to be.

To be honest, I'm sure he misses you as well. He just has a harsh way of showing it. He acts out of pain, but you only get pain from connecting with someone who means a lot to you. Not strangers. I hope I'm making sense to you. It's a twisted compliment, but a compliment none the less.

You can't heal or ease anything, he himself doesn't want to. When we are in pain, we as humans say we want to end it, but we do everything that doesn't end it, i.e. avoiding you and pushing you away. When he's really ready to let go of what's hurting him, he'll either be ready to analyze and move on in peace, or come directly to the source as he perceives his pain to come from: You.

You are a sweetheart, I can tell. Something about you stands out and I don't know you, but I honestly just want to reiterate not to beat yourself up about this. He is responsible for his actions and his feelings at the end of the night. Not you and the same goes for you.

He can be upset all night and day, but do you allow that to control emotions in you? If so, even out of love, you give power to him over you. You doll, are bigger than that.

I hear what you're putting down. Thanks so much. I definitely agree and won't let his actions destroy me.

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time

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Thanks kilgore! Is that a pic of yr wiener?

Cuz that's all you talk about @kilgore, 🙂

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Cuz that's all you talk about @kilgore, 🙂

And I was just being so nice and supportive to you 😉

It's a button

And I just started a thread having nothing to do with my penis

click to expand

Yay!

Posted by everlynn

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by everlynn
misslissa nailed it 🙂.

I want your input too! Any advice?

You know to be technically honest with you I think this thing between you and the gem isn't a healthy one. If there's no trust on his behalf, I think you should let it go. Yes i have serious trust issues too but it's nothing at all like your Gemini boyfriend the way you displayed it on your opening post.

Now I'm really not at all good at giving advices especially relationship advices. It's kinda like I'm scared that I might give wrong advices only to get slandered when it all fails because of me giving falsely advices.

I mean that's the best I can possibly give. We gems believe it or not don't trust too easily.

click to expand

Thanks I agree! It isn't that healthy. Feels good to vent and also be here for shits and giggles..

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Cuz that's all you talk about @kilgore, 🙂

And I was just being so nice and supportive to you 😉

It's a button

And I just started a thread having nothing to do with my penis

Yay!

I sensed sarcasm

click to expand

Never!

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Cuz that's all you talk about @kilgore, 🙂

And I was just being so nice and supportive to you 😉

It's a button

And I just started a thread having nothing to do with my penis

Yay!

I sensed sarcasm

Never!

You like to mock me 😉

click to expand

But you're so sweet!

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Cuz that's all you talk about @kilgore, 🙂

And I was just being so nice and supportive to you 😉

It's a button

And I just started a thread having nothing to do with my penis

Yay!

I sensed sarcasm

Never!

You like to mock me 😉

But you're so sweet!

I am? How so?

click to expand

You just are in a genuine honest way. And funny.

Posted by LiveAndLove
Have you seen him during that time he was being rude and cold to you? Because if he saw you had a new phone and still accused you of lying about not seeing his messages, that's just not good. I had a similar thing happen with my boyfriend, his phone died on vacation and I couldn't get in touch with him for like 5 days. It was early on in our relationship so I did freak out and came to bad conclusions in my head about why I was being ignored. But when he was away he got a new phone, called and explained. Then I felt like an idiot and apologized (I did leave some messgaes about how pissed off I was after being ignored) but at least he probably never saw them lol. So as for your other question, I can trust again, but it wasn't really like he betrayed me, just a thing that happened and I got over reacted in my head.

If your Gem is being so rude about it, I think you made the right decision in ending ithibs with him. You can't win with someone who doesn't trust you, and it sounds like it's his insecurity and not your fault at all.

We haven't hung out he just came to get his things. I told him what happened I don't even know if he got the messages cuz he won't respond and may have blocked me like a over reactionary freak. He doesn't feel like an idiot that's for sure... Or has said nothing to me of that effect. Sigh. ..yea it's definitely his issue.

Posted by LeDominoes
Ah, Aqua mooner too. Good luck, mate.

Aquas and gems are a great match!

Posted by LonerLoop
I am sorry to hear about that, my dear.

As a Gemini, honestly, I do have trust issue and I am insecure af. It has got to do with my bad experience, of course.

People always seems to betray me the moment I open myself up and gave them the trust. This is something that I can't change about myself because I knew I will feel disappointed at the end of the day.

I understand that this is not about you and it is just him. I hope everything will works out for you else just move on and find your happiness elsewhere. 🙂

Thanks ...it's nice to hear gems point of view. not everyone will betray you I promise!

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop
I am sorry to hear about that, my dear.

As a Gemini, honestly, I do have trust issue and I am insecure af. It has got to do with my bad experience, of course.

People always seems to betray me the moment I open myself up and gave them the trust. This is something that I can't change about myself because I knew I will feel disappointed at the end of the day.

I understand that this is not about you and it is just him. I hope everything will works out for you else just move on and find your happiness elsewhere. 🙂

Thanks ...it's nice to hear gems point of view. not everyone will betray you I promise!

I agree but sometimes when it keeps on repeating, it made me feel afraid. I am not saying I don't have flaws or that I am perfect, I do have my own shits too but more often when I really gave them all of me, dang!

It is tiring tbh, and like you don't know if you can ever trust people again but yeah, I still need to get that fix or else I'll be joining the Libra men. Forever alone. 😛

click to expand

I've just come to accept it. The good thing is even if you get let down you always have yourself so you're really not that bad off...I don't see why trust is such a big deal. People will always hurt you. That's just life.

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop
I am sorry to hear about that, my dear.

As a Gemini, honestly, I do have trust issue and I am insecure af. It has got to do with my bad experience, of course.

People always seems to betray me the moment I open myself up and gave them the trust. This is something that I can't change about myself because I knew I will feel disappointed at the end of the day.

I understand that this is not about you and it is just him. I hope everything will works out for you else just move on and find your happiness elsewhere. 🙂

Thanks ...it's nice to hear gems point of view. not everyone will betray you I promise!

I agree but sometimes when it keeps on repeating, it made me feel afraid. I am not saying I don't have flaws or that I am perfect, I do have my own shits too but more often when I really gave them all of me, dang!

It is tiring tbh, and like you don't know if you can ever trust people again but yeah, I still need to get that fix or else I'll be joining the Libra men. Forever alone. 😛

I've just come to accept it. The good thing is even if you get let down you always have yourself so you're really not that bad off...I don't see why trust is such a big deal. People will always hurt you. That's just life.

I agree with that one but I guess some just can't deal with disappointment. You see, the thing about us Geminis, it is very hard for us to actually fall in love because we need that connection and once we do, we really love hard. So, when the person betrayed our love, now that period is going to be difficult for us. It will take us quite awhile to heal.

This is why, more often you will see Geminis prefer not to show others their vulnerable side and can comes off as being a cold person when it's totally different on the inside. Trust is definately a big deal for us.

Okay, we are complicated, yeah I know. LOL -_-

Anyways, this is imo. I spoke to lots of Gems and I've got the same answers. Of course, there might be some other Gems who don't share the same sentiments. Everyone is different in their own ways. 😉

click to expand

Yeah I totally get that and agree. I definitely saw that with him. He told me he loved me... It's been a downhill slide ever since.. Of him getting super offended by little things and perpetually distrustful it seems. I am sad cuz I feel my heart has been ripped out like I betrayed him cuz I couldn't take the coldness Anymore.

@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta
@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

Damn, he sounds just like me. 😢

I must have been giving some people a hard time eh? How long have you guys been together? I am like that, one wrong move from the other person can cause me to flip out and then I will be shutting you out for abit but I won't give you the long silent treatment because I hate that, myself.

Well, gems need reassurance and communication. We need to know you will be there through the crazy. We need someone who can be fun and take our shit but prove that they aren't going to leave when we need them and aren't going to cheat because most often, people did leave us when they said they won't. This is why most of us has got the trust issue. It is tiring when you opens up and then again and again, the cycle repeats. 😢

click to expand

Man. I'm sorry. Isn't interesting being able to see both sides? Yea it sucks to be shut out like that. There has to be a way to communicate about all this. It's only been a little over 3months.

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta
@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

Damn, he sounds just like me. 😢

I must have been giving some people a hard time eh? How long have you guys been together? I am like that, one wrong move from the other person can cause me to flip out and then I will be shutting you out for abit but I won't give you the long silent treatment because I hate that, myself.

Well, gems need reassurance and communication. We need to know you will be there through the crazy. We need someone who can be fun and take our shit but prove that they aren't going to leave when we need them and aren't going to cheat because most often, people did leave us when they said they won't. This is why most of us has got the trust issue. It is tiring when you opens up and then again and again, the cycle repeats. 😢

Man. I'm sorry. Isn't interesting being able to see both sides? Yea it sucks to be shut out like that. There has to be a way to communicate about all this. It's only been a little over 3months.

It is interesting of course to be able to see both sides although other signs label us the 2 face for that. 😛

I think he will comes around soon the moment he realize you never actually leave him. It did happens to me too but after knowing that the person never actually leave and was still there despite being hurt by my reaction, it did softened me quite abit. I don't expect you to sit around and wait for him, that's unfair. I will still say, go and find someone else who's able to makes you happy. He really have got to fix himself. 🙂

click to expand

Awesome. Good to know. and yes he needs to do his work... But I do hope he figures it out and comes back!!

Posted by boxcarmirnta
He does not trust, and has been cold to me for quite awhile. He refused to talk to me. I finally figured out it was because of something he ASSUMED I did to him.. He assumed I ignored his texts when he needed help but in reality my phone was dying and had to buy a new one!! It's been over a month of him being snarky and rude to me. I am fucking hurt he would even think that about me when I would've done anything to help him. Because hes been so cold I just ousted him from my life. Of course now he hates me more. I simply can't win!! It hurts to not be trusted and to be told im a liar when I'm not! I wish I didn't miss him so much. Why gems why?! Errrrgghhghrhhrhghhhgh!!

Gemini men are to be avoided at all cost.

Why? Because of all what you said!

Posted by boxcarmirnta
@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

It's not your job to break down his walls, the only one who can get him to open up is himself.

Now obviously there are two sides to every story but from what you have shared you have been the typical laid back and easy going Pisces. We tend to know when to speak and when to listen which is why others connect so well to us, they feel the empathy.

Aside from some silly and easily explained misunderstandings (the Achilles heel of the Gemini/Pisces pairing) things have been smooth sailing between you both. So his reaction of lashing out and then ghosting you is really not justifiable by any definition, especially over something so small. Ask yourself how would he react when you both experience true conflict in the relationship?

You shouldn't have to expose yourself to continual abuse to facilitate his growth.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by boxcarmirnta
@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

It's not your job to break down his walls, the only one who can get him to open up is himself.

Now obviously there are two sides to every story but from what you have shared you have been the typical laid back and easy going Pisces. We tend to know when to speak and when to listen which is why others connect so well to us, they feel the empathy.

Aside from some silly and easily explained misunderstandings (the Achilles heel of the Gemini/Pisces pairing) things have been smooth sailing between you both. So his reaction of lashing out and then ghosting you is really not justifiable by any definition, especially over something so small. Ask yourself how would he react when you both experience true conflict in the relationship?

You shouldn't have to expose yourself to continual abuse to facilitate his growth.

click to expand

Yea he has always been prone to angry outbursts... But for the most part that is how I've been, calm and cool and respectful. Except when I've reached my absolute limit and get angry cuz he refuses to listen to me. Agreed..and very eloquently put.

Posted by Kilgore

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta

Posted by LonerLoop

Posted by boxcarmirnta
@LonerLoop he said all kinds of things, like how hard it was to find a connection like this and how much he liked me etc.. But it was always peppered with suspicion and doubt and contempt almost. Obviously it was scary to him, I can see that. But why sabotage something good? I mean he would flip out and just abandon me.... After really stupid misunderstandings. It's so hard to get through the armor.... So my question is should I even bother trying to reconcile? As a gem how would you feel? And how to go about it? I just really miss him despite his crazy distrust. There's gotta be a way to break down the walls!

Damn, he sounds just like me. 😢

I must have been giving some people a hard time eh? How long have you guys been together? I am like that, one wrong move from the other person can cause me to flip out and then I will be shutting you out for abit but I won't give you the long silent treatment because I hate that, myself.

Well, gems need reassurance and communication. We need to know you will be there through the crazy. We need someone who can be fun and take our shit but prove that they aren't going to leave when we need them and aren't going to cheat because most often, people did leave us when they said they won't. This is why most of us has got the trust issue. It is tiring when you opens up and then again and again, the cycle repeats. 😢

Man. I'm sorry. Isn't interesting being able to see both sides? Yea it sucks to be shut out like that. There has to be a way to communicate about all this. It's only been a little over 3months.

It is interesting of course to be able to see both sides although other signs label us the 2 face for that. 😛

I think he will comes around soon the moment he realize you never actually leave him. It did happens to me too but after knowing that the person never actually leave and was still there despite being hurt by my reaction, it did softened me quite abit. I don't expect you to sit around and wait for him, that's unfair. I will still say, go and find someone else who's able to makes you happy. He really have got to fix himself. 🙂

Awesome. Good to know. and yes he needs to do his work... But I do hope he figures it out and comes back!!

Hello box 🙂

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Kilgore!!