husbands and wives funny

A BLOKE SAT IN HIS ARMCHAIR & SHOUTED TO HIS WIFE,

"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, LOVE!"

SHE SHOUTS BACK "YOU ALREADY DO YOU LAZY BASTARD"

The phone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,
"I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"

Woman replies,
"Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"

A Police STOP at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked
where he is going at this time of night.

The
man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out
late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this
time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Lmao at all of these!! Good ones lol!