And so it goes

This thread is to update what went on with the Sag. Since I know your all just DYING to know 😛

I deleted the old one cus unkind comments hurt and seemed to off focus. I got 2 cancer placements and not made of stone, so yeah, it hurts at times. What hurts more is that I lost a potential relationship I valued. Anyhow, not looking for advice, just stating what's happened.

After we each did the mirror of pull back, and I wrote the email saying what kind of relationship I wanted (meaningful, not fwb), he did not respond. Few days later after no contact, sent a spiritual video, next morning he replies that he likes the video. I respond few hours later. That was it. That evening I took Roxi's advice to call directly and have a "hey how ya doing" talk. He answered the phone and hung up on me without a word. Yes, he sent me a text 6.30am saying he liked the video, now 12 hrs later, he is hanging up on me. I texted asking if he did indeed hang up? He replied "busy". Meaning,,,fuck off, woman. So, he is angry. Why? I don't have any idea. I made several attempts to ask why, a voice mail and several texts. Never replied. So I stopped. 20 mins later, he texts "tomorrow". Which I assumed he meant tomorrow we'd speak. Tomorrow came (yesterday) and went. Nada. So what's it all mean? Dunno.

Maybe he didn't get my reply to his Sunday morn test...maybe its cus I replied 3 hours later? Maybe he's jerking me around?

Dunno, but I quit. Have not made any more effort. I really should have called "game over" when a 48 yr old man hung up on me.

Im bummed. He is a good man. I am a good woman. Scars run deep. 😢

LOL elle...!! Thanks for the laugh, girl xo

I just happened to do my nails today to practice some well needed self care. Color? RED HOT RED!!

Rawr!!

....and eat donuts. lots of 'em 😛

Love me so donuts 🙂

In reading about why men (people) give the silent treatment, I find it very compelling. He seeks the attention/control...and by my continued asking "Whats wrong?" I am feeding his need. Wrong move from me. So now Im not feeding it. It hurts.

I miss him. I started looking at his photos. Can somebody please remove my eyeballs.... please? 😢

i don't know how you can torture yourself by even looking at his stuff. i can't even bear to see the person's name written down if they've hurt me LOL!!

just take the view that the reason things haven't worked out with him is cos there's someone much better lined up for you 🙂

yeah yeah, I know...but that great guy isn't THIS guy...and he isn't here NOW!!

lol

Tiziani and Seraph:

I adore you both 🙂

And I thank you for sharing your insights. One thing I know for sure is when I am too close to a situation, I cannot see it clearly therefore I need the perspective of those who are standing further from it. To see it clearly and without prejudice. Imagine putting an apple directly to your eyeball. You may see a red blur, it wont be clear and you cant make anything of it. But put it on a table, 6 feet away and you can see its lines, color, shape very clearly. That's what it's like when I can stand back and put my problem it's true perspective.

I totally agree I mucked a lot of this up with my fear and invisible need to control. I did'nt trust this man, not because of anything HE did, but because of my scarred heart. I did the back and forth, push and pull...as a result. Perhaps he got fed up with it, or he is scarred of his own feelings. He did tell me in the beginning once he gets close to a woman and develops feelings, he will push her away. We are both similar in that.

So, I made the best amends I could make for MY part. He has chosen to ice me out, I guess that's just his way of dealing. As I let go emotionally, I allow him to feel and be as he is. I believe in God and the universe completely (when Im not being all emo, that is) so I will allow it to unfold the way it is supposed to be. It's just not easy to love after heartbreak. But I do believe in love...and I will learn from this. Like a lineback whose had a concussion, I will heal...and get back into the game with hopefully another lesson learned.

This song says it all....it's the reason I titled this thread "And so it goes..."

Interesting turn of events. I sent a test today just cus I miss his bum.. and I'm glad I did. He replied that he has been very ill the few days. I told him I was sorry to hear and wished him a speedy recovery. I *assumed* it was the flu only. He then sent several more texts saying he was experiencing facial numbness and very scared he was has a stroke or a TIA. I could feel him panicking. I tried to reassure him and calm him, as best you can via text. He said he was going to the doctor and was afraid. He asked me to pray for him. Damn.

So I just kept texting him to breathe and stay calm, and asked if he had someone to go with him. When he didnt reply after 15 mins, I worried he was passed out on the floor, so I called. Got his VM, left a message and he texted right back that a friend was taking him to the ER now. Very scary. He was born with a hole in his heart so he has cardiac issues, this prob scared him due to that.

Told him to tell me if I can be of help. I'd fly there in a minute if he wanted me to. 😢

all that effort to text while feeling like crap? wouldn't it have been easier to actually talk on the phone? LOL!!

i hope he's ok. bear in mind that he's a man though.....they always have something tropical or terminal whenever they're unwell.

let him take the lead BGP.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
all that effort to text while feeling like crap? wouldn't it have been easier to actually talk on the phone? LOL!!

i hope he's ok. bear in mind that he's a man though.....they always have something tropical or terminal whenever they're unwell.

haha word. it takes more effort to text especially while fighting off a cardiac arrest.

It went to shit. Fast. Not going to post gory details but suffice it no one is smiling. Long story short: I reached out, he mis-read my intention and he retaliated with unkind text messages. I engaged back and no one was happy. Not profane or cussing, more sarcastic and biting.

Maybe one day when it's not so fresh I'll give details. He may really be sick, I don't know, but I just know I had good intentions to offer to help him, he misread the text causing him to feel jealous and lashed out. I think he still cares. Why? Cus the level of passion in the text messages was evident. If he didn't care, there would have not been the intensity in them.

And so it goes....

Ok Im ready to spill...

caution: Drama ahead!

The night of his illness, I texted that I was going to be in the town next to his where a friend lives. Said I'd be there if he needed anything, let me know. An hour later I receive a reply saying "He says he's in good hands, but thx anyhow,Lori."

WTF— He's with a woman and having her send a reply on his behalf— What, did his fingers fall off from the stroke? I was shell shocked and couldn't believe why he'd do something so hurtful. Until...I regained my composure and put 2 and 2 together. He knew I had a man friend who lives in this town, and it was only ever platonic. I have several platonic male friends, always have and always will. This issue was never an issue or so I thought.

Now, just hours before he thought he was having a stroke and I was texting him my concern and calming him down. I really thought he was ill and scared for him. Now, he's sticking me in the ass with some supposed woman? So, after I cooled down, I sent a reply saying feel better and take care. No reply. Have to show I am unfazed, ya know?

Next morning I wake up with a HUGE thorn in my paw and a snarl on my face. Ok, this is the part where Im not real proud of, so take that into consideration before ya'll blast me. 🙂

I send a text to "Lori" telling "her" I hope he is feeling better and to give him a big hug for me xo."

"she" replies "yes he is, he is cuddled up right next to me. thanks, take care"

Have to say it made me laugh then and now as I recount his insanity (and my own). So I reply "Thats great, btw nibble on the right side of his neck, he loves that xo"

So now, they "both" reply with "Your (sp) cute. now go away and leave us alone please, signed His name & Lori". So now "they're" writing joint texts..LOL...but now the game has gotten snarky, or snarkier. So I reply "Lol, It's "you're", doll. Indeed I've got to run and pack for my trip to (another city) in the morning. Adios tu mentiroso". (goodbye you liar). No further texting , and that ended the game of "Tit for tat". Apparently he thought I was going to sleep with my male friend or something and retaliated with his "own" lady friend.

Here's the gist: Lori doesnt exist. the name Lori has significance as it's an inside personal joke between us. If he really wanted me to believe he was with a woman he'd know to choose any female name other than THAT one. That's what gave it all away. And besides, what woman would allow this kind of convo with

..another woman?

Yeah yeah, I know you're wondering how the hell old are we? (Or just me??). When my beloved aqua son turns 21 on Valentine's day so obviously I should be old enough to know better. But, we got my scorp moon and his scorp venus in a battle of the wits, or nit wits is more like it.

So, the relevance of my saying I was traveling to that other city is that's the city where a former love of mine lives, of which he knows. So I had to remove that stick from my ass and shove it up his. Thus the tit for tat ended. About 7 hours later I had an emotional crash and felt like total shit for my part in this shit. I was disappointed that I couldn't control my impulsiveness when that first shocking text came in. So, I cleaned my side of the street by leaving a VM for him saying I knew the lori shit was crap and everything I'd said was crap and not true and this has gotten really ugly and Im sorry for engaging. I had to make that call, to cleanse my shit that I sprayed onto myself.

So no contact for 4 days. Went sonar silent. Till today. The Pope decided to resign so I had to text him. He's devout and we've had many convos on religion so I used it as an excuse (I admit it!!). No reply. 5 hours later, send another about the same topic, he replies. We engage in a few texts about the topic ovee course of a few hours, then poof! No more. We just acted like all this stupid shit didn't happen.

And I didn't like it. Too awkward. I don't know what he wants with me, and though I thought I wanted him, Im thinking that if we can't talk about the pink elephant in the living room, we're gonna be walking in pink poo forever.

So, I'm leaving it alone for now. Our communication sucks. 😢

So interesting. I'm in the middle of this very shit with my Leo. And I stupidly got pathetic on him so I'm getting the shut out treatment. But since then, I've done enough reading here to recognize what this is...this is the final testing stages. He was starting to get close and now he is really testing me to see if I'm going to be a real candidate and can push back when needed and not be a wuss and a doormat, which I read Leos abhor (as do Aries).

Soooo, since I've already emailed my calm explaination and apologies and one text explaining that I am NOT on my period, I am now waiting...I have myself ready for it. I'm giving it til Wed eve to hear something before I will lower the hammer. I need enough time to pass for my 'complaint' and 'peace out' to be legit and not impulsive lashing out.

If I do hear from him, which I don't think I will (he's just WAITING for me to freak), I will let a day go by before the hammer. At any rate, I plan to say "Clearly you do not value my sincerity and integrity when I take it upon myself to admit a failing. I did not deserve your silent punishment. I do not need this." and that's it. Personally, I like my choice of "did" as in past tense although the silence will not have ended it speaks to that I'm done and the softly put, yet firm "I do not need this." Not cussing him out or anything...just clear that this is bullshit and I'm not going to take it. From what I read Leo needs this.

Then I recognize that I have to follow thru and allow him to try to win me back. Sucks to play these games, but I'm happy at least to recognize it for what it is. First he may wait and call my bluff, expecting me to be all "wah, wah, I'm sorry...I need you...blah, blah" but I can pretty much guarantee he will eventually come back with one of his two FAVORITE excuses.."Baby, I've been sick." or "I've just been really busy." to which I already have my reply. I have to hold firm and just state "Sorry to hear. Hope it all works out the way you want." This is going to be excruciating, because, crazy as it sounds, I still believe we are meant to be. I just really think he needs to do this stupid test and add drama, because I did make it too easy. I was TOOO good.

So, BGP...maybe its not over yet with you two...

I will, of course, post how it all plays out (because I am now addicted to this site - haha)

Posted by MellyMel
Awwwh, BGP, my heart goes out to you and sheds a tear every time I read about one of your horrible dating stories 😢

You seem like someone I would probably be friends with IRL, and that makes me want to act as a metaphorical fullback to stop the sacks against your metaphorical quarterback.

Thank you 🙂 For your sweet words. It means a lot to me xoxo I would gladly want you on my team to kick some saggie butt!

Elle, Ariesinluuuv, Melly Mel and WL:

To you all, I send a heartfelt thank you for such wise, insightful loving support. Everything You've said really touches me and helps to soothe my sore heart. 🙂

Elle: I appreciate your insight on the aries moon, it makes a lot of sense and it explains a few things and behaviors I've seen from it. Having the understanding does ease the confusion.

Aries: I am sorry you are going thru the same, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on your understanding the situation and the "game". If you can follow through as if it were a game, say football, you should have a good outcome. Think about it, football teams DO have tried and true plans of offense and defense and if they are followed out, they succeed.

WL: Ah, shucks thank you so much for your encouragement. Yes, that's really me in the avatar. I straightened my hair that day, normally Im a Janis Joplin like curly girl! 🙂 I especially appreciate your knowing how my cancer venus can at times kick my ever loving leo rawr into a whiny ass little clingy bitch.

Melly: Girl, I want you to be my defensive linebacker!! If you were here, I know we'd have some crazy fun times!

Ok, one more post. Just before I read your posts here I had a small "intervention" by 3 loving friends at work.

A leo woman, cancer woman and sag man (who just happens to have same placements at the cop: including aries moon and scorp venus 😛). All are about 50 and have much more life experience than I. I met my wusband at 17, and only a few bf's since so I am rather sheltered in the areas of men.

They know the whole drama of this guy and said to them it looks like the mutual pull back came after spending the weekend together, meeting our kids, sharing my environment with him etc. The developing intimacy was so scary to me, and obviously him. And that he is in *assessment* mode. As if he felt he "caught" me and now needs to figure out if he wants to keep me and move forward or cut bait. I don't know how men think or process their feelings at all, but this seems to be their thoughts on it. It would've been simple for him, if he didnt want to move forward, to just reply to my email that he didn't want to move forward, we aren't on the same page and good bye. But he hasn't. So, Im laying off and moving on to tend to me and my life.

I just didn't know how to read his silence and given the scorpio went mute a few times it hurt me where I live. I am worth more than that, though, and Im learning that I need to not accept hurtful behavior, even if I really like someone. It aint easy with mixed messages, cus I always want to believe the behavior of yesterday. Its hard to adapt to radical change in behavior.

Posted by AriesinLuuuv
So interesting. I'm in the middle of this very shit with my Leo. And I stupidly got pathetic on him so I'm getting the shut out treatment. But since then, I've done enough reading here to recognize what this is...this is the final testing stages. He was starting to get close and now he is really testing me to see if I'm going to be a real candidate and can push back when needed and not be a wuss and a doormat, which I read Leos abhor (as do Aries).

Soooo, since I've already emailed my calm explaination and apologies and one text explaining that I am NOT on my period, I am now waiting...I have myself ready for it. I'm giving it til Wed eve to hear something before I will lower the hammer. I need enough time to pass for my 'complaint' and 'peace out' to be legit and not impulsive lashing out.

If I do hear from him, which I don't think I will (he's just WAITING for me to freak), I will let a day go by before the hammer. At any rate, I plan to say "Clearly you do not value my sincerity and integrity when I take it upon myself to admit a failing. I did not deserve your silent punishment. I do not need this." and that's it. Personally, I like my choice of "did" as in past tense although the silence will not have ended it speaks to that I'm done and the softly put, yet firm "I do not need this." Not cussing him out or anything...just clear that this is bullshit and I'm not going to take it. From what I read Leo needs this.

Then I recognize that I have to follow thru and allow him to try to win me back. Sucks to play these games, but I'm happy at least to recognize it for what it is. First he may wait and call my bluff, expecting me to be all "wah, wah, I'm sorry...I need you...blah, blah" but I can pretty much guarantee he will eventually come back with one of his two FAVORITE excuses.."Baby, I've been sick." or "I've just been really busy." to which I already have my reply. I have to hold firm and just state "Sorry to hear. Hope it all works out the way you want." This is going to be excruciating, because, crazy as it sounds, I still believe we are meant to be. I just really think he needs to do this stupid test and add drama, because I did make it too easy. I was TOOO good.

So, BGP...maybe its not over yet with you two...

I will, of course, post how it all plays out (because I am now addicted to this site - haha)

JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!

grrrrr....sorry big knickers but the above blah got to me. that's plain gameplaying...planning what you're gonna text when the silence continues..pfffffft!!

personally i don't object to the silent treatment cos i can go silent for longer than a trappist monk lol!! i always think it's like when you get a dog and you stare it out to show it you're the leader of the pack. anyway, men are so bloody simple that when they go silent, it's cos they literally don't know what to say. they may even compose texts whilst dissuading themselves from doing it but the bottom line is....if he's not talking to you there's nothing he wants/knows what to say to you.

unfortunately i think like a man and i really do think it's an affliction!! on more than one occasion the silence has been deafening while waiting for me to respond to someone's 'i love you'...or even 'i like you a bit'...OR 'you're dumped', leaving the moment to pass without my input lol.

can i just ask you. if this man is so devout...why's he such a LIAR!!!!! is it cos he's a redneck cop perhaps?

you do like a bad boy don't you....don't we all really. after all..who wants a completely nice boy eh?

aaaaaaah.....er ist katholisch!

LOL Roxi...well I am a liar too. 😛 Being a devoted (insert religion here) doesn't make one a saint or immune to being a dummy. You know my story with this man better than anyone so you know how inconsistent and push pull Ive been.

I agree with you he backed off cus he didnt know what to say to me, for whatever reason...his assessing of our relationship or whatever. But boy when he thought I was banging another boy, he had something to say in the form of a made up gal pal. I of course, engaged in that game of lies. I finally see...and understand...FINALLY....that I cannot take it personally his silence yet I have to decide whats best for me and move on. Its too bad he cant be a grown ass man and speak to me when he doubt and not in jealous, emo reaction. Soon enough my silence, and yes I intend to become that monk you speak of, will send my message loud and clear. I am an awesome catch and when he caught me, he should have treasure me like the lovely lady fish I am, instead of tossed me on the dock like a guppie.

Now he will have to eat mullet for dinner cus he ain't eatin' this lady fish!!