bLAME hIS sTAR sIGN: Leo

Leo (July 23-August 22)

'I make it up all different every time I'm asked.'
Andy Warhol (Born August 6)

A Leo male is warm-hearted, generous, and dignified. He's a genuine romantic you won't have to tempt twice to go for a moonlit stroll or to your favourite hideaway for the weekend. The Lion seeks a mate who is stable, family-oriented, and intelligent. His family adores him, he keeps his friends laughing, and he's always the centre of attention. In the office. In jail. At the beach. He's the centre of attention. Always.

His favourite game is Commander-in-Chief. A Leo will snap off orders with the crispness of a general ordering his troops and expect you to move at double time to wait on him hand and foot. He demands to be rewarded for coming home in the evening, and he demands your respect, whether he deserves it or not. Should he remember your birthday, nothing but a blatant display of fawning will satisfy his ego.

He rarely loses his temper as long as you call him 'master' while bowing in respect. Challenge his authority, and he will roar, kick the sofa, and issue a couple of ultimatums designed to strike fear in your heart. As soon as the scene is over, everything is forgotten. Be stupid enough to deliberately wound a Lion's pride or, worse, attack his dignity, and you'll soon feel like helpless prey being sized up for dinner.

If he's a quiet Lion, he'll be a benevolent dictator who wants you to hover over him constantly. He'll want you to rub his aching shoulders and tell him how fit, strong, and wonderful he is, no matter what his age or physical condition. He, on the other hand, will not hesitate to tell you that your hair is a mess, your ass is too big, and that you have the intelligence of a gnat. When you burst into tears, he will be genuinely shocked because, in his mind, he was only trying to give you the benefit of his wise counsel.

Study the character of Professor Henry Higgins in Leo George Bernard Shaw's play Pygmalion if you want an object lesson in the character of a male Lion. After berating, humiliating, and lecturing Eliza Doolittle, he refuses to praise her efforts and, instead, takes credit for her success. In typical Leonine befuddlement, Higgins runs shouting for his mother when the girl finally tells him to get lost. Eliza had to be a Capricorn.

In a playful mood, the Lion may act like a clown, but there's nothing easygoing about his nature. Tell him he's being silly, and his mood will change faster than a Cancer under the full moon. Leo wants an audience, not a critic.

He's cocky. At his worst, he's a combination of Felix the Cat and Napoleon on steroids. He'll wear dark glasses at night and make passes at anything that walks, crawls, or slithers. He'll spend money faster than you can earn it. And by the time he's 40, will resemble an aging teenage hoodlum with his beer gut hanging over his too-tight Levi's.

His vanity knows no bounds. He'll have a tattoo on his butt and not hesitate to drop his drawers at the poolroom to show it off. He, of course, thinks he's the world's greatest lover, which he announces to anyone within a 10-decibel range. However, there's really very little to be said. Two words do come to mind -- frequent and enthusiastic. His definition of foreplay is 'Get in the truck'.

Everything about a male Lion is exaggerated. Whether yours is a stuffy, overbearing egotist or a wild and woolly jungle cat, the key to taming a Lion is knowing how to react. Next time he's snarling, lecturing, and posturing in the kitchen because dinner is five minutes late, ignore the fit, smile, and tell him how nice it was of him to fix the neighbour's lawn mower yesterday. He'll start to bluster, puff out his chest, and forget all about chastising you. Then he'll agree it was nice of him. It was damn fine, as a matter of fact. And, during dinner, he'll regale you with the tale of his virtuous deed. It's t

It would be interesting to read a satirical piece on Leo women. We ARE pieces of work, I tell ya what.

Kris, shh. It was posted on all the boards. Ever hear, if it doesn't apply let it fly? It's funny. Laugh. That's an order. 🙂