How to get my leo guy back? Pleaase heeeelp!

HELP LEOMAN!! or JONLEO!

So I met this leo last summer on holidays, only one evening, then the night and never saw him again, but only had a few days left and he always responded to my texts. I was very pushy then to see him. In the last message he said he'd probably see me later that year since he was coming to the country I live in. I forgot all about it.
Then at the end of last year I received his message informing me that he was there. I was detached then but still remembered how much I had felt for him then. Then we only managed to meet a few weeks after that first contact since i left the country several times in that period, and while i was there, he left for a couple of days. Finally we met one evening and here the feeling was again, so close. We had a drink and then I brought him home since he'd missed the last train to his 'staying place'. That place he'd already told me about in his first messages and before we even met, he didn't get along very well with the person he was staying with.

After that first encounter some discreet text messages - he was always outside his 'staying place', fleeing from it. I first suggested to join him wherever he was, then invited him over to my place several times after that, where we talked. About all kinds of things. I laughed so much, learned a lot from him and enjoyed the moment. Then it was always time for him to take the last train 'out of respect' for the person, to his 'staying place'. Yes, there were physical encounters, not always, but always out of the world good ones, often coming after long hours of talking, a small gesture from his side, not going any further before I would respond.
We continually saw each other two, three times a week, at my place or outside.

I learned in the meantime that he had come to the country to stay with a woman, but she turned out to be quite different from the one he'd met and he was basically coping with being called names and being a housekeeper. I asked him why he'd put up with that and he responded that he hadn't made sure before coming to have an alternative place if things went wrong, so he actively was looking for a job and hoped to get out of that flat.
My feelings for him grew. Communication was easy and flowing. One morning he sent a mail saying 'she' wanted him to come with him to get a feel of an area where she wanted to buy a flat (she'd already visited on the previous day, but at a different hour), he didn't want to, but said it would be the co

he didn't want to, but said it would be the correct thing to do.
We spend the day together, then met again in the evening and when coming in bluntly asked if if I wanted to come with - instinctively I said yes.(god only knows why, and maybe even He doesn't). We still had some time before leaving and we talked, well I did. Asked him what exactly the relation with that 'her' was, I thought it was sort of an exchange of flats but he told me it was more, only that things were basically dead with her, but that he had come to the country for a relationship with her before things went south. He thought i had understood that much, then he asked me if I still wanted to come. Yes.

So we met with her, I nearly died seeing him quickly kiss her and then all happy three of us went to the area of the potential flat. I suggested we had a drink somewhere around to get a better feel of the area. In the end we did and he sat across from the both of us. Asked me what I'd do if I were in his place about his 'staying place' situation when she went to the bathroom. I told him to get a job quickly to move out. After that drink weI said goodbye and had to watch them leave together to 'his staying place'= her place. I realize now that he must have had a great deal of trust in me to ask me along.

The next morning I saw a text saying that he'd told her everything he'd been unhappy about the past month, that it was over and that he'd leave the country in two days. I was very alarmed and contacted him, he told me he was packing and call me later. As the day passed, I grew more and more tense. He saw me late in the evening, I realized he hadn't eaten, but talked with her all day. We fixed some food together and he told me what came out when she finally opened up, explained her behavior etc....and that basically she was a quite lonely person with nearly no friends and that he now felt sorry for her. He'd leave at the end of a week, hoped badly to find a job till then. I offered that he stay at my place but he said it wouldn't be 'correct'. As far as I gathered from leo characteristics, it seems hard for him to make an easy transit to a new relationship because of some deep sense of loyalty, feelings of guilt towards the old person. He left and even walked home, a long walk. I didn't insist he'd stay and guessed he needed 'air'. That evening he was upset and exhausted, he still wanted to talk to me about what they had talked about all day, about what he felt, but I had trouble li

he still wanted to talk to me about what they had talked about all day, about what he felt, but I had trouble listening, being so very tense because of his departure, seeing no way out of this.
So the next day I apologized for not having been there fully, that I still had listed and did he want to come over to relax? Just a text very late In the evening from him. He had been seeing a friend. Same next day, I asked him to meet, he'd seen another friend. The day after that he said he'd some things to do but would try to see me later, but i told him i wasn't free. The following day a long text saying he felt more relaxed, had seen some friends and missed me. I melted inside but decided to wait a day and I told him to meet on the weekend to fix something (he had proposed to do that befor) at my place and he came. I just said a quick hello, but he kissed me and hugged for quite some time. Then he fixed the thing and I invited him to dinner. After that we went back to my place and talked. I asked him if he was still sleeping with her? Yes, it had happened since both of us met last time. I told him that I liked him a lot but wouldn't be second. He told me there was no first and second for him. That he had trouble dividing himself between us. Then at some point stopped talking. I felt a big wave of emotion coming over him, something I had never seen and I asked him to hug me, which we did for some time. He said that he had started to develop feelings for me. We hugged a long time. Then I suddenly was all over him to have sex with me, to prove that he still wanted me, I'd never before done that and hell, it was probably some big insecurity that made me do that stupid thing. I should have let that moment be and just continue to hug. He did it I guess to please me but said he would really want to do it when he could relax with me, stay over, wake up with me.
Then it was time and he left to take the last train.

The next evening he texted that now things would even be harder for him since she was suspicious and he had to lie and hated that. I asked him what I could do and he told me to just be cool for the time being. No news at all the next day. The day after just a short remark about his jobsearch, to which I only replied one day later (yesterday). No news from him since then. I guess I should just let things simmer for a while -

So, the way I feel the thing is that he needs space and not being pushed right now, but I also have to make my limits clear. Iam also afraid Iam never going to see him again.
Am also hoping for another big fight with her that makes him realize things don't work and push things over the top so he changes his mind by himself.

Iam pisces, but still have some stronger other signs in my chart, can't remember which. He always appreciated me for being sensitive but also cool and collected.
God ,I miss him, hardly sleep anymore and have to hold back not to call him and beg for him to come to me. I have always been a constant, he confided in me and much appreciated my cool intellect, I feel he needs that now more than ever, but:
haven't seen him now for five days, should I:
- let it just simmer for a while and wait for him to contact me
- Ask him what's going on and tell him I miss our conversations and talking to him
- let him know Iam hurt
- tell him I would not go for less than 100% and that it seems he has made his choice, so, all the best!
- just send him a short light message about something going on in my life?

PLEASE HEEEEEEEELP!

Thank you for your feedback Samiaiascorpio! He just kissed her quickly - this for the record - there was no handholding or anything either.

I think he has this sense of loyalty and also: where should he live? He is till looking for a job and his only friend whom he asked can't take him in.

Also, news: I finally sent a message today, saying I was happy my job ended and was looking forward to what was coming next! Then later he called me, just wanting to hear me, asked me if I was fine. I told him I hadn't been at the beginning of the week but now my head was right back on my shoulders. Asked him him if were going to meet again? Yes of course, but not today....I said: I see that when I believe it and then said I leave you with your tea now.

I believe that he cares for me. There was little sex involved so it is not that that makes us click, made him see me. I think if I stay strong enough, eventually the next fight will come up between them. And then....well, I offered, but he has to make the decision to stay with me.
It was already so good to hear him tonight, I stayed strong on the phone, but I already miss him again!

What if I told him:
"Iam not sure I can see you again. I think I deserve more than a quick check-up, although that was kindly meant"
Will I lose him? Because I really don't want to! I hurt so much and long so much to see him....

2h30 in the morning and am in much pain. Your words are true and still I long to be held by him.Vicious, that hear of mine. Without your advise, I'd never had the strenght to send what comes next....

After his call send him this: "I guess I deserve more than a quick check up by phone although I recognize your kindness and care in doing so. I also have a lot more things to get off my chest but I'd rather do that in person.Maybe just one thing: You were actually 'with' her when seing me and despite the situation you should habe broken things off on a certain level before taking things further with me. I still care though. You are sensitive, smart, funny, and I rarelytook so much pleasure in someone's company.
That was 6 hrs ago. No news yet. I guess if he's afraid of losing me he will get back in the next days, I'll wait until Sunday. If he doesn't, I'll wish him all the best for the rest of his stay.

Problem is: that's only my brain talking. My heart wants to see him, talk to him...and I certainly don't want to lose him!
Any alternatives to a clear break to keep a window for him open?

He knows from you sleeping with him, and texting him that you care. There is nothing more for you to do. Just wait and let him reveal himself for better or worse. I know it hurts. But just hang in there, and don't backtrack. You'll look wishy washy, and he'll lose respect for you. My best friend of 20 years is a male Leo, and when he wants to do something, nothing will stop him. Believe me, if or when he breaks it off with this girl, he knows you are there for him. Just wait to see what he does. And believe me. I know this is difficult. I am going through something similar right now. Stay strong.

At your service, my dear 😉

Hey! We all are fools in love at some point or another.

Sam's right. "A Leo wants someone who is proud of themselves and will only tolerate the best. Do not le this viscous cycle continue because he is using you. Show him that you won't be second to anyone and that you are worth more, cut him off completely until he makes a clean break from the other woman."

I have a Pisces sister and I'm always kicking her boyfriend's asses. Why do you do fall for sweet talkers?

I hate having to say this.
Look, my girlfriend would kick my ass if I ever did what he did to you. Actually, it would be over. She made that clear from the beginning. She knew my past.
How is it that he is in a strange country and supposedly doesn't know anyone except that other woman and you and yet had 'friends' he needs to visit in lieu of seeing you? He sounds like a gigolo and this other woman is probably giving him money for services. I'm not saying he doesn't like you but he doesn't love you. If he loved you, you would have to drag him out of your apartment. We're all over you if we do.

He told you he had sex with this woman (and who else I wonder) AFTER you. Does that compute? Do you want a man who 'loves' a woman but cats around to another? I bet he told her the same he said to you about visiting friends.

I know all the angles; been there, done that. The more you tell him how much you like him after the way he treated you will only make him use you for his ego rather than what you really want. He feels guilty but can't resist the ego boost. His actions show the true self. Pay attention to that and not his calls or words.

Believe me, he knows he's got you, no matter what you say. There is nothing you can do to turn this around unless he gets a sudden change of heart and character. The only way back to you is to BEG for forgiveness and prove his love over time on his own violation. Go dead on the communication and declarations of love, hate, whatever.
Men only act stupid when it comes to women, but we know what we do. No excuses. It's better to be mean to a guy than be too nice! 🙂 I swear it's true! I tell my sis that all the time. She's starting to take heed.

violation - volition. I hate making mistakes like that! 😛

You all kicked my ass- and I thank you for that! Thanks also for your help, I asked in the headline for, Jonleo

I don't mean to excuse but here're more details: that last week end when he sjust sat and got emotional he admitted to like me a lot more than expected. Also that that he couldn't divide between two people. I sincerely think that he was troubled in his heart then.Told me later by text that he hated himself for having had to lie to her when she got suspicious. Funny, but I believe he is actually honest.
Still, here he is back at her place.
Secondly: the three friends he does have here I know by him telling me about them. One I know in person. Two only came to this town at the beginning of the month, they'll be leaving at the end of it.

He spent 2/3 evenings a week at my place, always until the last train left. Said he hated to leave like a thief.
And as I said: Cooking, talking, fixed things I asked him for at my place, but very not always sex. He would just fleeingly touch me sometimes while talking.

That just thrown into the story.

I will not do anything until he contacts me. As I said in my text that I wnted to get the rest off my chest 'in person', I'll have to accept when he asks me to talk, no? But we're not there yet. I'll let you know.

no 😉,he's not a gigolo, she's not giving him any money, he actually adds money to the rent!

24 hours since I sent him my text....still no news. Iam a bit dying inside. Am re-reading all your posts to have the strenght not to call him

Stay strong. You have a better chance of having him in a way that will make you happy, if you wait. Calling him won't make him the man you want and need him to be.

"he didn't want to, but said it would be the correct thing to do."

*He must have gotten a kick out of sitting opposite of you two.

"Asked him what exactly the relation with that 'her' was, I thought it was sort of an exchange of flats but he told me it was more, only that things were basically dead with her, but that he had come to the country for a relationship with her before things went south. He thought i had understood that much"

*You guys never really talked until he was coming. And why would a man in love contact another girl he had a 'thing' with? Would you want your boyfriend to do this if he visited you?

he told me what came out when she finally opened up, explained her behavior etc....and that basically she was a quite lonely person with nearly no friends and that he now felt sorry for her. He'd leave at the end of a week,I asked him if he was still sleeping with her? Yes, it had happened since both of us met last time. I told him that I liked him a lot but wouldn't be second. He told me there was no first and second for him. That he had trouble dividing himself between us

*He feels sorry for her yet can't leave for some reason and still has sex with her & coming to see you and can't say if you have any more meaning than a woman he feels sorry for? Sorry, I'm not making sense anymore, just too blown away.

"The next evening he texted that now things would even be harder for him since she was suspicious and he had to lie and hated that."

*He doesn't HAVE to lie about anything! Don't fall for this. We are not victims! He's playing you.

"Told me later by text that he hated himself for having had to lie to her when she got suspicious."

*Again, with the lying! 😄 And he tells you he's a liar. He's got some heavy balls.

Mebs: Thank you for holding me back for contact. It harder than I thought since we had daily contact and this week just his call two days ago...he doesn't even share his thoughts with me anymore.

Jonleo: As for the talking before coming....we just had a quick fling, he still kept my number for some reason. With her, I know that they met sometime, then he invited her to his town for a couple of weeks, continued the relationship an then decided to come stay with her in winter. When the relationship went bad, he contacted me to just say hi and from there things developped. We started to talk a lot and only quite a bit later started to have physical contact. He admitted that when he first met me in summer he thought I was a bit crazy. I must say I was really chasing him to see him then....

My guess is that he stays because he has known her quite longer, must still have some feelings left and know that she talked, wants to help her grow as a person or something like that; not that he told me that but it's my guess. Maybe he also wants to salvage what's left of the relationship, I don't know anymore.I also insist that he has no jon yet and no other place to stay, except mine of course.

You're right for the lying! he should have come clear then.That means he wouldn't have moved to my place out of choice but because he was kicked ou at hers.

HEEEEElp! Fuck!
So he texted me about 2hrs ago to ask how it feels me not having to go to work on monday, then told me me what he was abot do and asked me what I was up to.

I did not respond, but panicked inside and was about to run to where he is.

Then, just as I was writing this, another one: "
Well Iam really panicking now, also always afrais he may read this somehow, will have to get some air...then come back to you

My last post at the end must be confusing...but I was touched and really needed to get some air. Still wondering if now is the right moment to text him back?

Then, just as I was writing this, another one: "
Well Iam really panicking now, also always afrais he may read this somehow, will have to get some air...then come back to you

^^Is that his text? I don't get it.

No no, that was me starting to post you the text, and then backed off, send you a PM and went out! Sorry for the confusion!

So his last news: he's leaving now, 'very soon', wants to see me before because he misses all the fun we had! He still feels I somehow didn't desserve to get dragged into this.....
Doesn't want to make the situation more complicated for anyone (meaning: doesn't want to tell her about me, I guess)

I must be dreaming...

I need some bird poison here!

The bird poison for wounded bird. No, he's not gone...yet - apparently will leave next week or at the end of next week, although I know he could technically stay longer.

Kept quiet and lay low for 4 days and since then I haven't stopped getting texts and messages. And yesterday then for the first time actually picked up and had him on the phone, got very angry and upset, then send him an email (written while less upset) resuming the whole thing from my point of view. He called again, finished by hanging up on me - said he felt pushed, and that from all sides, wanted me to cool down. Then rang again a few minutes later, apologized for hanging up, hadn't even read the mail yet! told me he didn't yet had the courage to. I told him that was to be his priority!
I had that evening a small get together with a good girlfriend I hadn't seen in ages, we had some drinks and when the call came, I guess the alcool and frustration made my last holding barriers to stay calm, go away and I the words just flooded out of me...