Leo's "Helpful Hints" Getting on my Nerves

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newtothis
@newtothis
5 Years

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I am an Aries lawyer currently dating a Leo male, who is a doctor.

We get along well and match each other's energy, but sometimes the Leo likes to give me "helpful hints" about my flaws. I have brought this up before and told him I am not some sort of Eliza Doolittle project.

I understand that he wants to make be become a better person, but sometimes it makes me feel like I will never be good enough and that I am a project. I should not have to change myself for a relationship.

When I bring this up, he says I do not have flaws and that I am over analyzing everything. He says I should be more straightforward.
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newtothis
@newtothis
5 Years

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Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Sounds like he has Virgo somewhere… when they think you’re “secured” they can be rude like that. And ime it takes years of distance before they start treating you in the conventional way humans treat someone we like and value


At this point in life it’s hard for me not to raise hell and argue against that kind of treatment but I understand if he’s a doctor… maybe. Are you exclusive? If engagement/marriage are both far off I’d tell him you need him to communicate more gently till then (assuming he feels an innate need to be Virgoan and needs a transaction for it to be worth compromising: you’ll be exclusive to him without a ring as long as he tries to speak gently and considerately toward you)


I am not sure about his chart, but I am Aries with a lot of Virgo placements. Libra is my second-most sign.
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newtothis
@newtothis
5 Years

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Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Posted by newtothis
Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Sounds like he has Virgo somewhere… when they think you’re “secured” they can be rude like that. And ime it takes years of distance before they start treating you in the conventional way humans treat someone we like and value

At this point in life it’s hard for me not to raise hell and argue against that kind of treatment but I understand if he’s a doctor… maybe. Are you exclusive? If engagement/marriage are both far off I’d tell him you need him to communicate more gently till then (assuming he feels an innate need to be Virgoan and needs a transaction for it to be worth compromising: you’ll be exclusive to him without a ring as long as he tries to speak gently and considerately toward you)
I am not sure about his chart, but I am Aries with a lot of Virgo placements. Libra is my second-most sign.

click to expand

Yeah, you sound thick skinned at least from your placements and dominants, which I’m sure has gotten you a career as a lawyer. I’m thinskinned to a fault with Cancer and 4th house placements. I wonder how another woman would take the Leo’s communication style … he’s lucky you’re able to take it so well. Where does his sun (and any other planets you know of) fall in your houses?
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I am not sure of all his placements, but thank you for saying that. I try to be calm and rational about things.

Granted, he is not telling me everything I am doin wrong in my life and that I am a horrible person, he is just bringing up unflattering character traits that I have. I would like to do the same to him, but I understand it would probably not go over well. However, I am also thinking it is important to discuss if something is bothering me.

I believe in open and honest communication. While it might hurt, it is better off for both in the long term (as long as it is not malicious or unnecessary).
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Greylatern, The Laughing Heart
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Sounds like a unrefined Virgo. Teach him how to speak to you. " What you mean to say is...."

Or " say it like this"

It was and is a hard lesson for me in the way I say things. Unless I consciously slow down and posse it properly it gets taken personally.

Just in case this is the case for him, give it a shot.

If it's not because of the way he phrases things...do it anyway. Give him a reality check.
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Undine
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Posted by newtothis
I am an Aries lawyer currently dating a Leo male, who is a doctor.


We get along well and match each other's energy, but sometimes the Leo likes to give me "helpful hints" about my flaws. I have brought this up before and told him I am not some sort of Eliza Doolittle project.


I understand that he wants to make be become a better person, but sometimes it makes me feel like I will never be good enough and that I am a project. I should not have to change myself for a relationship.


When I bring this up, he says I do not have flaws and that I am over analyzing everything. He says I should be more straightforward.


Sounds just like my ex, except that I was the doctor. He may not be able to stop it, because some people just can't help themselves. Doesn't mesh well with your Aries energy. Perhaps giving him a taste of his own medicine, each time he's at it, could make him think twice before doing it again.
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"So I can show off my gold chain, gold ring. Roll through the hood on them gold thangs"
@VenusAquarius
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Sounds very familiar to me. My husband is the 1st day of Virgo by a few hours - August 23rd. His sun is 0 degrees Virgo. Is your Leo anywhere near the last days of Leo?

The advice about teaching him how to speak to you is the best. Start now, start early, lol. If he's mostly fixed that's going to be tough but achievable. I would often tell people that it was like teaching a gorilla how to serve tea.

Anything else is going to go bad really easily. I call it speaking like a prick, lol. Can't begin to tell you how bad this can go as the relationship progressed to sharing lives. The bad part about it is it seems so natural and unintentional. It gets to a point where it doesn't matter because you're so sick and tired and sometimes literally sick. And, this is just causal conversation you're speaking of.... wait until an argument. Woah baby, lol. You will probably win (Aries to Aries talking here) but that too will not matter... I learned. Who cares about winning stupid argument cause he doesn't know how to not be stabby when he's talking to you. The part that takes the cake is when you begin to wonder and investigate if he talks to others like that...

This was one of the low list factors of our divorce. Today, this issue still arises from time to time. But, I can see him gather himself before trying to express himself properly. He has Mercury in Leo late degree too. It became clear to me with this Sun conjunct Mercury that there was a lot of ego involved with communication. Everything you say or they say is filtered or runs up against their ego, proudness, defense to, ironically, but while unnecessarily hurting yours. It is uber sensitive. It's like the larger the ego, the more sensitive it is. So, easy to trip over. Did he actually see your comments about the ticket as a criticism of him? Probably. And yes, wow? It's so absurd.

So fucking crazy. Because their egos are so prominent in the communication, it's so sensitive. It was hard to believe, digest, figure out.... just like some people are alluding to here, it seems so petty and insignificant. They don't think it's worth a post. But, I feel you. It can become enraging if you don't know that his ego is lurking in every single conversation, waiting to be wounded. I imagined telling people that I divorced my husband because of how he spoke to me and getting laughed at from people with bigger issues.

If you give him a taste of his own medicine, which I have done, it's not going to be good. I don't think it solved anything. He will mini rage, then you're going to buck.... and... and... lol.

Once I discovered that 75% of it was his own sensitivity, I would analyze the conversation and bring it out in the open that my discussion on about the news today was not about you or a criticism of you. This was after the 4-year divorce and reconciliation. You'll be trying to figure out (now that you know and if you agree that our experiences are the same) where is he thinking this a criticism of him? I say something about a news story involving a brown/black man.... here we go...

The other 25% (or whatever you determine) is just being a critical numbnut...
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Adreamuponwaking
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Posted by newtothis
Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Posted by newtothis
Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Sounds like he has Virgo somewhere… when they think you’re “secured” they can be rude like that. And ime it takes years of distance before they start treating you in the conventional way humans treat someone we like and value

At this point in life it’s hard for me not to raise hell and argue against that kind of treatment but I understand if he’s a doctor… maybe. Are you exclusive? If engagement/marriage are both far off I’d tell him you need him to communicate more gently till then (assuming he feels an innate need to be Virgoan and needs a transaction for it to be worth compromising: you’ll be exclusive to him without a ring as long as he tries to speak gently and considerately toward you)

I am not sure about his chart, but I am Aries with a lot of Virgo placements. Libra is my second-most sign.

click to expand
Yeah, you sound thick skinned at least from your placements and dominants, which I’m sure has gotten you a career as a lawyer. I’m thinskinned to a fault with Cancer and 4th house placements. I wonder how another woman would take the Leo’s communication style … he’s lucky you’re able to take it so well. Where does his sun (and any other planets you know of) fall in your houses?
click to expand

I am not sure of all his placements, but thank you for saying that. I try to be calm and rational about things.


Granted, he is not telling me everything I am doin wrong in my life and that I am a horrible person, he is just bringing up unflattering character traits that I have. I would like to do the same to him, but I understand it would probably not go over well. However, I am also thinking it is important to discuss if something is bothering me.


I believe in open and honest communication. While it might hurt, it is better off for both in the long term (as long as it is not malicious or unnecessary).
click to expand



I don’t like this guy.

I think the only time it is okay to bring up someone’s unflattering charcteristics are if they are one’s that really matter ( have to do with overall values and character) that will negatively impact your relationship and or other relationships they have with other people.

And even in these cases it’s best to be straightforward and not passive aggressive.

I.e - there was a Leo I was getting to know last year who started to throw a close friend of hers under the bus. Mind you I had just met this friend of hers two nights before but I knew how close they were.

It broke my heart that she would bad mouth someone who was supposedly so close to her…especially to someone who barely knows her.

I immediately called her out on it and told her it was not cool.
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Adreamuponwaking
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Posted by Undine
Posted by newtothis
I am an Aries lawyer currently dating a Leo male, who is a doctor.

We get along well and match each other's energy, but sometimes the Leo likes to give me "helpful hints" about my flaws. I have brought this up before and told him I am not some sort of Eliza Doolittle project.

I understand that he wants to make be become a better person, but sometimes it makes me feel like I will never be good enough and that I am a project. I should not have to change myself for a relationship.

When I bring this up, he says I do not have flaws and that I am over analyzing everything. He says I should be more straightforward.

Sounds just like my ex, except that I was the doctor. He may not be able to stop it, because some people just can't help themselves. Doesn't mesh well with your Aries energy. Perhaps giving him a taste of his own medicine, each time he's at it, could make him think twice before doing it again.
click to expand



People like that can usually dish it but not take it.

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longafternoonnaps
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Posted by Saturn_Returns
Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Sounds like he has Virgo somewhere… when they think you’re “secured” they can be rude like that. And ime it takes years of distance before they start treating you in the conventional way humans treat someone we like and value

At this point in life it’s hard for me not to raise hell and argue against that kind of treatment but I understand if he’s a doctor… maybe. Are you exclusive? If engagement/marriage are both far off I’d tell him you need him to communicate more gently till then (assuming he feels an innate need to be Virgoan and needs a transaction for it to be worth compromising: you’ll be exclusive to him without a ring as long as he tries to speak gently and considerately toward you)

I'm betting he's possibly a Libra mooner. I can also sense some gaslighting.

click to expand



😆😆

why is ariana grande acting like that?

oh right libra moon 😆😆