Need advice

Posted by NY154

My Leo husband is very similar to me but because he is so much more stubborn, he refuses to get out of that place and its inevitably me who steps in to calm him. Where is the person who did that for me? Because it sure as hell isn't my husband 😢 Please just tell me that if I had taken that different path a decade ago, I would have still been unhappy and had fights with a cap. Any advice from the Leos about how to handle the confusion of the leo? One minute he's accusing me and denying and aggressive and the next second he's apologising and gentle??!

Make a list with the main things you are repeatedly arguing about, show it to him and discuss it point by point. Imagine you are negotiating a contract with someone, so prepare yourself, be calm and friendly.

If any of the points discussed makes you lose your control, move to the next on the agenda. The goal is for both of you to compromise on a similar number of points. Beg if you must, but don't give up "Look, I really need your help with this one, and trust you can do it". Get counselling as a couple if you don't get anywhere. If he is still a stubborn moron, how would he feel about you two getting divorced and seeing his children who knows when...?

The memory of the Cap is only a distraction. Anyone could be anything for "one week". Did he got out of his comfort zone to be with you? No. So what makes you think he would have compromised to make your life easier? Besides, didn't he ghost you? How would that make him more appealing to you than a stubborn husband?

Posted by NY154

He said he didn't intend to reply to anything more (why?) and that he hoped I had been able to find other good people to surround myself with (any caps who want to break that down for me?) But I can't get him out of my head because I just know that all the problems I'm coming across with my husband just wouldn't have happened with the cap.

He's not trying to help you emotionally cheat on your husband. Thats why. Take the L

As far as not being able to communicate effectively with your husband...your time might be better spent getting couples counselling instead of pinning over an 'almost relationship' with someone from damn near a decade ago.

you are a married woman ofcourse the cap removed you and doesnt want to talk to you. you can't just expect someone to "understand" without telling them but it could indicate incompatibility . time to do self-reflection and decide what you want.

"What about me, you do that to me", which ordinarily would be ok but it is EVERY SINGLE TIME I bring something up.'-are you sure you're not mistreating your husband and only care about your needs?

Posted by frozenintime

You need to get your point across a little more aggressively. In terms that it might actually hurt his feelings, he needs to feel how deep it is for you in order for him to realize the changes that need to be made.

THIS.

Act like a fire sign. hurt his ego. its the only way to get him to do something. You have to be brutal and never beat around the bush with fire signs. Go straight to the point with a firm voice and let him know you are not happy.

Btw, I know Leos especially the men. They act like lions but they can easily be tamed as cats...

You just have to take charge. They love that.

Seriously? It's pretty clear that there are issues on both sides here. Sure the Leo may have issues, but by your own admission so do you. Leos are all about reciprocation. So when a Leo says, "What about me, you do that to me," that mean the Leo is giving back to you what he's receiving. If you want something to change with the Leo be direct, not passive. If your needs aren't being met, tell him.

Also if the Leo doesn't understand you, then why did you marry him in the first place? If things were so great with the Capricorn, why did you breakup? It's easy to look at past relationships with rose colored glasses, but if I had to guess the Capricorn wasn't as emotionally invested. He lived in another state after all, so of course he rationalized your moods. The Leo would be just as logical if he was emotionally detached. It's a bit ridiculous to compare your current marriage to a past relationship that you had when you were young.

The reason why the Capricorn isn't engaging you is because he has no reason to do so. You clearly have baggage and he's clearly moved on with his life. The Cap probably doesn't see the point in catching up with an ex who is married. Likewise you two broke up for a reason. In his mind there is probably nothing good that can come from interacting with you. He knows you're only reaching out because you feel unfulfilled in you current relationship. Instead of seeking out past relationships, how about fixing the one you currently have.

If you truly feel that you are not understood by your husband, you need to stop going behind his back and tell him directly that things need to change. Let him know that you aren't happy and are contemplating a separation if things don't get better. In which case, you'll need to also consider a marriage counselor. Leos pay attention to direct communication, but will ignore passive aggressive communication (or even punish it depending on the Leo). Stirring up exes is also a great way to lose everything with a Leo. So unless that's what you want, I suggest you stop testing your marriage in that way.

Why did you marry the Leo and not the cap?

Start there.

I feel it's really easy to offend, hurt and upset cancer.

I can think of two cancers (m & f) who are easily triggered by the smallest thing I'll say. It's exhausting to always walk on eggshells.

Your needs of belongingness and love aren’t being met. So you’re getting into fights because you’re hoping he will show you he cares. That’s not effective. Try building the relationship a different way. Do something fun together that you both really enjoy or start a new hobby to give u both a chance to bond. Go hiking, travel, or anything you both want to do.

Forget the cap. It’s over. Doesn’t matter anymore. U can’t have him back

Posted by Arielle83

As a Cancer, this happens to me too, but with a Capricorn.

I think it’s more the fact that the guy doesn’t express shit when it happens.

So when you bring up something you dislike in him, by expressing how it makes you “feel”, they go defensive.

Maybe you do do it to, but he’s not bringing it up when it bothers him.

Instead he takes your moment of expression and flips it on you so he isn’t accountable and doesn’t listen.

I tell my partner to please speak when I’m doing something that bothers him.

He needs to have his say just like you, and not dismiss it when you bring it up.

It’s more about communicating, but seems like tit for tat.

And don’t react. Stay calm.

You lose your meaning when you react and you won’t be heard.

I agree exactly. When you try to explain how you're feeling and your frustrations and he turns around and says that you do that to him then you are not communicating effectively.

That really and truly used to yank my chain with my old bff and I finally told her when I have a complaint, she needs to stop bringing up a list of crap that I supposedly did to her 10 years ago. LOL WTH. That was her way of trying to dismiss the validity of what I was trying to say. Screw that. If you didn't bring it up a year or ten years ago, I don't want to hear it now. It IS about my complaint at the moment.