What the hell ..

So this leo guy and I have been friends for some 4 years - connecting on and off - more like friends with benefits. Mostly he's been traveling to other cities for work. We've been in touch always - frequent chats, phone calls here and there, texts. Since 2011, he stopped messaging me on chats or even calling me - it was after I told him that I had a thing with this guy I was planning to get married but it fell apart. He told me with a baritone that he didn't like it when I told him about that guy. I thought he might've started developing feelings but I didn't react much because I was already mourning over my breakup. Now this guy came back to my city for 2 months and we had a very good time together - connected like we never did before, talked like we never did before. For the first time in many years, he complimented me about things - like i'm smart, intelligent and that he is comfortable with me.
I always have had this special corner for him but he was never much into me so I never let these feelings build much, besides, he was never around much. Now that he's here for good and we meet up every week, I've started to feel closer to him and the feelings are building.
Now the problem - he is currently out of town for a month before he finally comes back to my city. Now while he's there (and I know he's busy and all that jazz, so am I) he doesn't respond to my messages/online chat messages/texts. He responds only when he's willing (sometimes i feel that he's replying because he's not able to sleep or has nothing much to do).
Totally opposite signals. When we meet, he's like really sweet and nice and caring (although he jokingly once said that I am arrogant; I am but I feel that i am quite mellow around him. My behavior with him is more buddy like, I dont tell him what I'm feeling for him because I dont want to scare him off or ruin things. I am also not someone who would go and tell someone how she feels, i think the guys should make the first move).
Anyway.. is it that this guy is totally not interested in me and sees me only as friends (with or sans benefits)? or is it that he had feelings once and they evaporated when he came to know about the guy I dated for a while? How should I know his feelings? And how should i convert them into something more than friendship? Or should i just let it go and get over my own building feelings for him?
Any advice is welcome here. I am totally obfuscated.

Well obviously he developed feelings for you after treetrunking.
This is bound to happen.
I initiated a topic, "Can Men and Women Just Be Friends".
He developed feelings for you early on and did say anthing to you hoping that you would also developing feelings for him and you would say this to him and start a real relationship.
Well,what are you going to do about this?

@cbseawind - he never gave me any hints whatsoever about what (or if at all) he was feeling (except that one time when he showed disappointment about my involvement with my boyfriend). On the contrary, he was fooling around with girls while he was away. Well, treetrunking is a strong word for what we have had. We have never gone base 3 (lol, juvenile term). He said a couple of times (before I had this boyfriend) to spend the night but I didn't because I thought he was a pathological flirt and wasn't a big deal for him to "sleep around". A few months ago, however, he told me that he hadn't had sex with anyone except one girl (his girlfriend in college) because he didn't feel right with them. He admitted that he had done a lot of other stuff though. Since I know him a bit, I can say that he's not lying about this but how do I know what he "feels" for me?

xdimplez - maybe you're right. But if that were the case and from what i've read about leo men, he would've surely made it clear that he had feelings for me. The closest he has come to saying is "i did not feel good when you told me about your boyfriend, i did not feel good, i did not feel good" repeatedly under the influence of alcohol. If his feelings were genuine, why didn't he say anything after that? Why did he stop talking to me completely for long? And now that we're meeting often, how do I make him realize inexplicitly that I like him?

jynja - being what i am, i can never muster up the words or courage to ask HIM what he feels for me. I mostly keep my feelings to myself (and especially when I am not at a certain level with the other person). Even with friends, I have to be really close to someone to open up. So with him, unless he has said it first, I would rather not say/ask. And playing mind games is too tiring. But I also read that you have to make a leo man chase you (that's some sort of a mind game eh?). Am I irritating y'all too much? LOL !!

xdimplez - What if i tell him how i feel and he doesn't feel it back? I don't want to face that situation of embarrassment or awkwardness. I know I am asking for too much without taking any chances. But I am a capricorn (did I tell that earlier, lol). And I have no idea where these "lols" are coming from because right now I am feeling everything but "lol" 😛

I am not even sure if he has ever chased me. If he were chasing other women on the side, I wouldn't want to say that he chased "me". I am okay to give more than a little, but how do I make him initiate it? Do I need to drop any hints? If yes, how? I am generally not as naive as I am sounding right now, but there's something else with this guy. He is not making any move. His hints (if they are hints) are vague and unclear and abstract and mostly I dont even understand if what he's saying is a hint or a general statement. Like the other night, I was at my parents' and drinking with my brother. Leo called me up from his city and we talked for two hours. I said something like "oh yea, don't preach me.. i know the kinda girl you want". And then he forces me to speak further and then i said "you want someone hot, dumb and shallow". So he says "yea, hot oh man hot is good" and then we giggled and then he gets serious and says "you know i don't mind dumb and dumb as in innocent but i can't take shallow" and then he goes on to say "NOW LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE A TOTAL IDIOT, YOU ARE INNOCENT BUT YOU ARE NOT SHALLOW". Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Was it a hint or am i just hearing what i want to hear?

I had made my peace with this situation as it is. But this evening I met with a few friends and we're planning a party. So I texted this friend that "dude, when you're here, do you want to date me for two days, just two" followed by three four winks.. this is the usual tone we talk in, bashing the other one totally. When we say "i love you" to each other its more like "i lauuu you".. So when he didn't respond to my message half hour, i wrote "or just forget it, ignore my last message". Two hours later, he saw both my messages (and I know because he the message application says he logged in). Its been 9 hours and he hasn't replied to my messages. He is online on chat but won't ping. So I have tried dropping hints too today but I think it has scared him. Not sure.

Now there's one category that looks for familiarity and the other gets bored of too much familiarity. Talking of the former group, of course separation makes the re-union sweeter because they start missing the "familiarity". Latter group, well, we (women) must know that men in general look for something "new". It's only the former category that comes back to the "old" when they miss them and the feeling of being around that one someone all the time. Their headcount is short though.

What category is my leo? * I wonder *
A few weeks ago, he said "you know, knowing someone inside out is tiring. knowing only a part of him/her is safer and risk free". The thing is the jerk is torn between how he wants to be and what he actually is. He wants to be this cool cat who gives a damn about emotions and just fucks around so that nothing messes with his ambitions but as I have seen him, he has a soft side.

4 years? No he doesn't have feelings for you other than possession. Leave the Leo out of it for a moment and look at the man:

"he doesn't respond to my messages/online chat messages/texts. He responds only when he's willing (sometimes i feel that he's replying because he's not able to sleep or has nothing much to do)."

"he never gave me any hints whatsoever about what (or if at all) he was feeling (except that one time when he showed disappointment about my involvement with my boyfriend)."

"He is not making any move."

"Two hours later, he saw both my messages (and I know because he the message application says he logged in). Its been 9 hours and he hasn't replied to my messages. He is online on chat"

A man who wants a womann takes her (obviously if she is open to being taken otherwise its a criminal act 🙂)

Bringing the leo back into it:

"But I also read that you have to make a leo man chase you "

Yes and no, a leo man can be instigated to "chase" someone whom he just wants to mess around with. A leo man will not chase a woman he sees as a potential mate - he will HUNT her, CATCH her and HOLD her down with his big fluffy paw while he SHOWS her physically and mentally exactly how much he wants her and intends to keep her - she will be his and she WILL know it.

Posted by xdimplez

Posted by cbseawind
Well obviously he developed feelings for you after treetrunking.
This is bound to happen.
I initiated a topic, "Can Men and Women Just Be Friends".
He developed feelings for you early on and did say anthing to you hoping that you would also developing feelings for him and you would say this to him and start a real relationship.
Well,what are you going to do about this?

i read in an article once that..women fall in love with closeness/intimacy where as men fall in love with famililarity

so in other words..women develop feelings after sex. men develop feelings having that person around all the time. am i wrong?

click to expand

I think so, men and women develop feelings at any time, those feelings either grow or dissipate with familiarity. I don't develop feelings after having sex with a man for whom I don't particularly have feelings for, and my men, whom have developed feelings for me, have developed them fairly quickly and they have grown through time, not through sex.

@celticlioness - Hmmm.. That certainly has lifted the little mist that I wanted to clear. Thanks. So I'm guessing its just that he wants the feeling of possession over me - and it has not risen out of love but maybe out of our friendship or connection or whatever name it can be called.

Update: He replied to my message "Of course, Sure ttthhiinngg my love" to which I said "my love, long story short, your services (paid or free) are not required now" after which we had a long chat (again around the time when he had hit the bed and was trying to sleep". At one point he asked me "tell me dude, i think you're hiding that you're seeing someone" and he kept asking me that repeatedly. I was irritated and said "are you just taking my trip or really think i'm seeing someone". he said "what do you think". I said "I think you're just killing time because you're not feeling sleepy". And then he said "f*** you, I am VERY sleepy but still am talking to you". But again, I should stop reading too much into this and know that if he had feelings for me, our situation would not have been as it is - a limbo 😉

He didn't ping me the whole weekend and I can't refrain from obsessing why... How should I make him take a notice of me in other light? And if this is nothing more than friendship for him, how do I snap out of this gooey feeling thing I'm having for him?

@stillwater - you so get me fellow cap 😄 😄 (even the LOL part 😉 ) .. yes, I have been on the other side of a leo-cap association too where this leo guy (in my previous job) secretly loved me and stalked me much to my oblivion. When he saw me with my boyfriend, he backed off, changed job and the city but still stalked me on facebook. When he found that I had broken up with my boyfriend and was single again, he came back into picture and totally made clear his feelings, so much that it smothered me. It smothered me more because we were incompatible even as friends.

And then look at this leo I'm crazy about. We are simpatico and everything but from the looks of it, he doesn't have feelings. But that's life 😉

@stillwater You were right when you said that they say something at a given point with utmost conviction. They say it because they're feeling it but as soon as they're away from you, unless they ACTUALLY love you, the temporal feeling vanishes. This reminds me of a funny episode. My roommate who also happens to be my closest friend had this huge crush on a leo guy who we met at a bar. This guy had approached me first but I did not reciprocate so he went on to flirt with my roomie. They clicked well in the beginning and started hanging out - slept together etc. Three of us hung out a couple of times and he would stay over (with my roomie in her room) often. She always used to tell me that even though they're sleeping together and everything, she doesn't feel the sparks. During our hangouts, this guy and I found we had a lot in common - our interest of music, drinks, news, movies, just about everything. He even went on to use the phrase "my alter ego" for me but since my roomie had a major (read MAJOR) crush on him, I started to avoid this guy because I felt he was coming on to me.
Then this one time, we had a friends get together at our apartment. This guy who was until a day ago sleeping with my roomie was totally hitting on me. He asked me for a dance (which I did because I thought it was just a friendly gesture). But I noticed whenever my roomie was away from the room, he would give me THOSE looks and linger on. At one point when we were all wasted, he took my face in his palms and looked at me and said "why were you all this while". I moved away after cracking a joke on him.
After the party, I decided to tell my roomie about it. Turned out, she had been noticing him flirting with me and my averse reactions.
I'm glad this guy never went on to become a reason for any differences between me and my her. We still laugh about this. 😉
So yes, leos are flirts and its easy for them to fall in love or get attracted; equally quick to fall out of it.