Remaining Friends

OK here goes.....we all know about the story of LIbra and I....well its been a while and I'd really like to remain friends with him (as does he) but he has asked this question:

"How do we become platonic friends after being intimate, how do we not let the past get in the way?" and "I've seen it before where people are intimate, then become friends, its all good until one or the other finds a new partner and then there is jealousy, hatred and it gets ugly"

OK well that was the whole point...to be FRIENDS, nothing more...I've done the jealous bit with him being on his singles sites, etc....that's my cross to bear should he find a new partner and I can't move on...that should be my choice yeah?? Its NOT like HE will get jealous is it?? he is the one who wouldn't/couldn't commit so why would he get jealous? I see no problem here but he wants me to come up with valid points as to how and he will "take it on board".

Any suggestions?? I mean its been like 5-6 weeks since I have seen him or had a decent conversation with him....my feelings are slowly fading so I truly see no dramas here....

Aren't Librans meant to not want to lose a friend??

Chatz, although he wasn't ready for a relationship. There were feelings there. He would probably be jealous if you ended up with a new partner. Not enough time has passed.

He just sounds like he is afraid that things might fall back to the way they were and the emotional rollercoaster for you both will begin again.

hmmmmmm ok, didnt think of it like that......I just see him as a cold person right now - guess he's being "cruel to be kind" so to speak.

Ahwell, nobody can say I didnt try and honestly, I cannot see why we couldn't keep in touch in the future....guess time will tell.

Thanks QS

he may appear that he won't be jealous if you find someone to make you happier before he does, but I guarantee he will be.

chatz, i've shared with you outside of here how i feel he doesn't deserve you and all your patience. don't make yourself available to him and stick to your gumption to let these feelings fade away. if he's serious about being a true friend to you, then neither of you will revert back to that same level of intimacy. It can be done; I've done it. It is awkward, but you have to separate yourself and force yourself to remember all the nights you stayed up wishing he'd be with you than on that singles site.

You have to give him, you and the situation a lot of time and SPACE right now. You need to give him the gift of missing you! You have to turn it around!! According to a Libra clock....... it's something like an Eon or an Epoch amount of time. LOL

In the meantime, do things. A LOT of FUN things. Take a class, travel, learn a foreign language, read , just be occupied with good things that are not related to him, or things that will lead you to him, or accidentally on purpose run into him. Find a new path......or make a trail where no one has gone before! But one day..........he'll show up again. Why? Because he'll miss you.

LOL you're all right of course....I seem to have detached a bit and am doing my own things but didnt realise he had to as well (I thought he had but seems not the case).....hmmmm kinda selfish really. *smacks thyself*

Thank you again 🙂

They say remaining friends is having the person still do things for you that won't put out. I don't remember where I heard it. lol

My ex libra FWB, is a very good friend to me. He will definitely help me when I need him.

Libra never wants to lose a friend. Even if they've banished you physically from their presence, you're a friend in memory. I can't imagine how hard that is for someone dating a libra who's been romantically involved many times. I guess crowdedness would be quite an understatement, if not always, then periodically.

***I can't imagine how hard that is for someone dating a libra who's been romantically involved many times. ***

It is hard but it can be done.

I know QS, I'm dating one whom I believe is not a romance virgin. Wonder how many places they've left their heart.
As for me, I'm a libra as well, but I would say that if the other person (ex-involvement) was out of sight, my memories of them won't be jogged too much- just a wistful remembrance of happy thoughts.

Spica, libra men seem to hold on a little longer. They eventually let go, but it can take awhile.

* Aren't Librans meant to not want to lose a friend??

Depends on the amount of drama involved. I will dump a friend who is romantically attached until I can ensure they no longer are. Unwanted romantic attention, as well meaning as it is, is unwanted and uncomfortable for all involved.

To be honest Chatz, from what he said, I have a weird feeling that he is already seeing someone but doesn't want you to get hurt.

If not that, I don't think he is convinced that your friendship is just friendship (no stings attached) not you waiting for him in hopes he changes his mind. Martryrs are unsexy.

He probably is turning the tables on you so you can move on and find someone with whom you don't have these power issues with. He really does want you to be happy and he probably thinks a clean break is what would ensure that.

Sorry as I know this isn't what you want to hear.

😢

Chatz, after rereading what he said and LS's comment. I too think he is seeing someone else. Wow, I didn't see it that way, but it sure makes more sense according to what you posted he said. You know the read between the lines. If it was him who was afraid he would be jealous of you moving on, I think he would have said it differently...

He either doesn't believe you can just be friends or he is moving on. Or again, afraid the two of you might end up where you were and doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to release you from his spell so to speak. He knows it isn't fair the way things have been going on between the two of you 😢

Yes thank you all....I have closure...we talked on the phone for 1&1/4 hours last night. He's not seeing anybody else, yes I asked him straight out and I asked him to be honest with me - no BS....he CAN BE VERY HONEST!!

He still goes on singles sites every day and night...NOTHING changes. He admits he's just not ready to be involved with ANYBODY. We spoke frankly, he allowed me to say exactly what I felt, let me vent (encouraged me to vent more LOL), and to have a little cry.....yes he hurt me - you dont know the full story and it just doesnt matter anymore....and no I never lost my cool.

I ended the conversation (yes I ended it - wooohoooo the power!!!), with "goodbye, I wish you a Merry Xmas and hope you find what you are looking for"...he said after quite a long pause...."you too, lets see how we go"...ummmmm there's that LIbra confusing thing again!!!! If you wanna end it, then end it, don't say things like that...Grrrrr

I do not expect to hear from him again and must admit I was shocked to hear from him last night. I can now go on without him, I will not check the singles sites anymore (coz its just so tragic)....and he is well aware that Im "done" as I said to him.

He asked "why do you have feelings for me?" and "I've done things I even hate myself for, why would you still have feelings for me?"...well hello— we cant help who we fall for but I didnt go into it and just told him the following..."when you allow yourself to feel again and to care for somebody, she will be a damned lucky woman"....that's it....I wasnt about to give him any more compliments.

So there you go - another ending but Im doing ok 🙂

(((Hugs))) in awhile you will be like "Libra who?" 🙂

(((Chatz)))

Leo/Libra ... Libra/Leo .... brutal when it doesn't work out.

(((Chatz)))

Oh its not brutal....its ok....we all knew it would end like this....he'll be back as a friend in time Im sure, and if not? I never had him as one. He admitted that he's upset right now too but he just cannot give me what I want....fair enough but Im tired of only giving him what HE wants....simple really....Im going where its not so hard.

Right now, just keeping busy and going out meeting others....a year is enough to have waited and hoped...up and on 😛

Thank you all - I will miss him terribly but there are plenty more fish in the sea....he's actually the one missing out coz he'll just keep doing what he's doing....can't be much fun to be honest. At least I got stuff off my chest and told him how I saw it....apparently he "took it on board"...we shall see but yeah Im sure he's doing that great Libran balancing act right now LOL

xx

Well you do have closure now and that in itself allows you to take a deep cleansing breath........let it all out...........and move forward. Being "stuck" where you were sux!! QS & KennyG are both absolutely correct......***You are due for a great December *** *** in awhile you will be like "Libra who?"

🙂

Chatz, I think you did the right thing.

Some people on this site give advice about "protecting" yourself. I'm a mature woman in my 40s with kids, and a new Libra boyfriend. I have never known protecting yourself to ever help in any way. It's *always* better to go the extra mile, look like the fool, be the one to make the first move etc. etc.

Because love is really what it's all about! It doesn't matter if you are the one who loves more. Because ultimately what goes around comes around....and if you are the sweet one, the giving one... you will get that back in some way.

It's a law of the Universe and always works. So good for you -- calling him, sharing your feelings....

thank you....he actually made the effort to call me though....what I had said to him previously had haunted him so he wanted to "resolve issues"...it was healing and I am hoping 2008 will be a better one 🙂

Before that though, just as you wrote....I went the extra mile, looked the fool, made ALL the first moves....this time, when its ending he did it - I was impressed if I can possibly be impressed LOL

Thank you everybody - I will be ok 🙂

Chatzy, it's a GOOD ending. With emphasis on ENDing. You have PLENTY of people here who really LOURVE you!

😉