Analyze This

Posted by LibraSid
He's an asshole. He lies, he cheats, he manipulates openly and seven years later she's still stuck on him... he must really fuck her good.

Tell him to jump out another window. If he lives have him committed for attempted suicide.If not, well... at least he'd have finally followed through with a commitment

Posted by wagtail
This is your chance to be the friend she obviously has never had.
She needs support, and she needs to leave him- for good. What do you think though? Does that make sense or is there more to the situation, kids, financial etc?

Posted by LibraSid
He's an asshole. Sadly some people are born like that and many of them never change.

I have no idea what his problem is but tell her to stop making it hers. If he's using suicide as a means to try and keep her than he is sick and manipulating. He lies, he cheats, he manipulates openly and seven years later she's still stuck on him... he must really fuck her good.

Tell him to jump out another window. If he lives have him committed for attempted suicide. If not, well... at least he'd have finally followed through with a commitment

Posted by TAURUSbelle

Posted by LibraSid
He's an asshole. He lies, he cheats, he manipulates openly and seven years later she's still stuck on him... he must really fuck her good.

Tell him to jump out another window. If he lives have him committed for attempted suicide.If not, well... at least he'd have finally followed through with a commitment

+++++++1!! hahah If that doesn't work advise him to visit a bridge, or play in traffic.. craziness.. He's TERRIBLY Manipulative and SELFISH living on the "If he can't have her, no one can." motto which isn't fair.. your friend needs to open her eyes and seriously evaluate her worth, 7 years on & off wasnt worth it then, it is certainly not worth the headache for another 7 .

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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Get her to call the men in white coats if he's repeatedly done so, especially if he has put this in writing. It's for his own benefit tbh, and surely the dumping has already been done a long time ago, even if she hasn't so much as said it for the final time?

Posted by BalmyTigress
If he jumped out of a window and is still just fine, then it must've not been a very heartfelt attempt. When I was young, I dated this man who was just a walking disaster. He also was always pulling stunts like that. Once after I was done with him, he slit his wrists...in the middle of a bar. So of course nothing happened to him except a lot of hassle and worry over him.

There's no other information available about this person, but I'd advice her to look up the definitions for narcissists and sociopaths and their behavior patterns and see if any of it rings a bell to her. It's amazing how you can get a person to stay in a horrible relationship for years and years. It's easy to say that she should just leave him, but when there's a master manipulator in the picture, it's really difficult. If he's ready to do emotional blackmail with suicide and cheating repeatedly, then he's likely to have done much more. Subtle remarks, that slowly eat away your confidence and the ability to leave, all the while veiled in promises of love and caring.

I don't want to project my own experiences onto her, but I'd still check out those things. There's a lot of info online and detailed descriptions of behavior patterns. That might help her to get a grip and distance herself from him.

I hope it works out well for her!

Posted by tiziani
He's a user. And he'll never leave. Not even via a window. So she has to be the one to leave.

Posted by tiziani
Haha I read back and realized the window comment seemed tongue-in-cheek but it's true. She's his drug and he'll keep using if she keeps enabling him. She just has to decide to leave. Can't really say anything more than that.

Posted by tiziani
Drug as in Love Addiction. Here are a few examples from Peabody - Self Growth dot com

The Narcissistic Love Addict was an addiction I had for a while. Not full blown but bad enough to make me a douche. There aren't enough details of the guy to know which type of addict he is but very often they are not full blown and even sometimes overlap a mixture of two. Plus it's important for her to know: 1. She's probably only one part of the drug and using - coupled with the other women and other people, so it's not for her to take full responsibility for anything he does. But it IS for her to take full responsibility for leaving. Otherwise she might have a problem in that she could be a co-dependent love addict. And 2. Love addiction has nothing to do with loving the other person. He may have been in love with her at times but he does not love her. He does not care for her.

Posted by .
Relationship Addicts (RAs), unlike other love addicts, are no longer in love with their partners but they cannot let go. Usually, they are so unhappy that the relationship is usually affecting their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be described as —I hate you don't leave me.??

Narcissistic Love Addicts (NLAs) use dominance, seduction and withholding to control their partners. Unlike codependents, who accept a lot of discomfort, narcissists won't put up with anything that interferes with their happiness. They are self-absorbed and their low self-esteem is masked by their grandiosity. Furthermore, rather than seeming to obsess about the relationship, NLAs appear aloof and unconcerned. They do not appear to be addicted at all. Rarely do you even know that NLAs are hooked until you try to leave them. Then they will no longer be aloof and uncaring. They will panic and use anything at their disposal to hold on to the relationship—including violence. Many professionals have rejected the idea that narcissists can be love addicts. This may be because they rarely come in for treatment. However, if you have ever seen how some narcissists react to perceived or real abandonment, you will see that they are indeed —hooked

Posted by tiziani
More possibilities. CluelessCancer is clued up on these types.

Posted by .
Ambivalent Love Addicts (ALAs suffer) from avoidant personality disorder—or what SLAA calls emotional anorexia. They don't have a hard time letting go, they have a hard time moving forward. They desperately crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy. This combination is agonizing. ALAs come in different forms too. They are listed below.

Torch Bearers are ALAs who obsess about someone who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some torch bearers are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.

Saboteurs are ALAs who destroy relationships when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime—before the first date, after the first date, after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up—whenever.

Seductive Withholders are ALAs who always come on to you when they want sex or companionship. When they become frightened, or feel unsafe, they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection—anything that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are seductive withholders.

Romance Addicts are ALA who are addicted to multiple partners. Unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to one degree or another— even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived or happening simultaneously. By —romance?? I mean sexual passion and pseudo emotional intimacy. Please note that while romance addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner. Often romance addicts are confused with sex addicts.

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Posted by feb16aqua
She's steady for him, but he still wants the excitement of a new pursuit.
She keeps taking him back and he knows he can get away with it without any real repurcussions. That sucks.

Posted by wagtail
Also, Watercup, its really lovely that you want to help or what have you...
but you are not obliged...

I mean, to be honest if she was my neighbor of only two months I would probably be a little more direct with her and say -
My suggestion is you get out of this relationship, and fast.

If she whinges and carries on after that I would walk away, throw up my hands, and just not get involved.

She should have family, other friends, people who know the both of them together and apart etc... if this has been going on for so long I highly doubt others have not tried to help with this situation.
Therefore if she hasn't listened to them why would she take your advice?

Posted by WaterCup
Ok please help me help a friend of mine because I don't know what to say in her situation. Plus I'm crap in relationship advice. I've known this girl for like 3mnths & we became fast friends, but I don't know her history with this guy other than the fact that they've been on/off for 7 years.

They are currently broken up because of his serial cheating. He's done it repeatedly for 7 years with different women, nothing long term. In short, its flings.

When they are broken up, like now, he is beyond himself with grief & have been suicidal in the past because she dumped him. He jumped out of a window etc. He says he loves her, but when she is with him other women become more attractive & tempting than when she is not. In other words, her presence make him cheat & when she is gone, the same 'tempting' mean nothing & he gets that.

What is his problem?