Another curious moment..

A study was done (in America, duh, lol) proving that women are so 'desperate' to be in relationships that they are willing to date 'down'. What i mean by 'dating down' is, maybe lets say u r an exec and you end up dating a petrol attendant, etc. I've never thought of this before i heard about the study and i took my time to look at some 'successful' women in my life and its true in 2 of them.

My friend, a nurse, dated a guy who was unemployed (he was very good looking) and to make him feel secured in the relationship she lied about her occupation. My sister, a high ranking army officer, dated a bus driver and she also lowered her rank to him for whatever reason.

I find it strange that when a woman is more successful than her man she goes out of her way to 'lower' herself just to accommodate him. But, with men its the opposite. Just the other day i was at the library and i met a guy there and we ended up talking. He told me he was a police officer, i asked why he wasnt wearing uniform and he took out his badge thing and flashed it in my face to show me his rank. It said 'captain' and i didnt actually know nor cared what captain meant, but he went on and explained anyway. Lets just say i was turned off instantly and when he asked for my number i flat out told him 'NO'.

Do u think women date down just to be coupled?
Do u think women try too hard to accomodate a man when they are more successful than him?
Ever had a right move go bad? Like meeting a gorgeous person (with mouth shut) and the moment they open it..well, they bcome ungorgeous, lol

I would NEVER belittle myself by selling myself short! (of course, I have dated men that seemed threatened by by education and want to belittle me *shrugs* that's there problem!).

*their

Either character matters or it doesn't. Job titles, careers, money, etc doesn't mean squat. Doesn't say how good of a person you are, how you can treat me with dignity and respect(I give those up front) etc. The real problem is that dating has become climbing a ladder. We need to stop letting society dictate what we should have or who we should be with. It's all bullshit! If he's a bus driver and makes you happy and treats you right, who gives a damn what somebody or some article says. From an equality standpoint, welcome to our world ladies lol.

BS- I get your point and ur right, social standing doesnt matter, BUT, some women feel the need to reduce their standing so that a man feels unthreatened if he is 'lower' than her in class. So in a way all that does matter if one party cant be really themselves for the sake of not wanting to make their partner feel unfitting or whatever. Another example is what lildoll touched on..education. If one partner is more educated than the other there's bound to be some level of envy, etc on the part of the 'uneducated' partner. I myself am not educated (i have some knowledge thou), but i must admit that i dont feel comfortable dating a 'blank slate' of a guy and i dont date them, doesnt matter how loving or cute they are. As much as we would like to say certain things dont matter, they do and being oblivious to them wont make them disappeare. It is what it is. Do u agree?

And the other thing is ur a man and men are traditionally the so called bread winners so of course to a man a female lower than them is not an issue bcause of tradition. For (some) women thou it may be an issue hence the need to demote themselves so that the guy doesnt feel awkward. Men on the other hand have no problem flaunting their status bcause they wants to be seen as that traditional provider. I dont know if u get my point here

I am from south africa, right, and here english is spoken, but it is not an official language..we have 11 official languages. Some people speak afrikaans, sotho, xhosa, etc and we use english as a common language of understanding in case u arent fluent in the other languages. Ok. Years ago when i used to waitress i had a crush on the barman at our establishment, but never spoke to him. One day we happed to be outside together at the same time for a smoke break and we had a chance to speak. I was SO elated until mid-convo and i just deflated from there on. We were speaking about something (dont remember what exactly) and i happened to say 'duh'..he said what do u mean by 'duh'. I thought he was joking but he was serious. Any hopes of a relationship died there bcause im not about to explain what 'duh' means. What about all the other things i may say if the relationship were to happen, would i need to carry a translator or dictionary on dates just for him? Dont think so. My point is, certain things do matter in a relationship, yeah love is important, but other things pay an important role too. Imagine being well educated with educated friends and u rock up at a gathering with somebody who only grunts bcause he is out of his league and doesnt know what to say...convo is maybe too sophisticated for his intellect. Fact is u will be embarrassed even thou u love them. Lets get real here, lol

That feeling of embarrassment speaks volumes. Ninja- i too have been with people who werent doing well and that didnt bother me. What bothers me is when i have to simplify things for a guy to get me. That i wont stand. Fuck love, lol. Education or at least a knowing mind is what i value most in a potential partner, other things like money, etc can go fuck themselves. A person must have a standing 'upstairs' or im not interested.

Ninja- ever dated somebody dumber? I was remembering something actually, as much as we all like to say that what society says is not important, its bs bcause we all do in a way..the "WHAT" differs from person to person. I met someone a long time ago, he was white and we hit it off the moment we met and he asked me out to a wine tasting. All his friends were there (snooty friends if i may add) and we were sitting at this nice table. It was an 8 course meal accompaning 8 different wines. There were sooo many spoons, forks,etc for each person that i felt dizzy, lol. Im not the classiest of females so i felt out of my zone. Hahaha. The 1st course was easy but then i lost attention during the other courses that i just used whatever utensil i could get my hands on, lol. Other meals i didnt eat bcause i just didnt want to, ie. snails and the other ladies at the table were sniggering at me amongst themselves. It was THE most uncomfortable and embarrassing meal of my life, lol. Long story short, i never got invited for a 2nd date by my friend. Hahaha. I think i embarrassed him too much infront of his friends. Whatever! I understood thou, lol, I AM JUST NOT CLASSY, so i shouldnt attempt dating classy people. Course learned, lol..a long time after dessert thou. Hahahaha

Posted by beautifulsoul74
Either character matters or it doesn't. Job titles, careers, money, etc doesn't mean squat. Doesn't say how good of a person you are, how you can treat me with dignity and respect(I give those up front) etc. (...) If he's a bus driver and makes you happy and treats you right, who gives a damn what somebody or some article says. From an equality standpoint, welcome to our world ladies lol.

+1
I have a huge issue with the whole "dating down" concept. Any two people in the world have a certain level of compatibility, which may be 5% , 40% , 70% , etc. Job title, skin colour, income, etc. are USUALLY not a relevant indicator of such compatibility. Character - with everything it involves - as well as life- style , general attitude, etc. are the most important indicators of compatibility. And I find it critical to keep in mind that just because two people decide to give dating a try even though they're not HIGHLY compatible, it doesn't mean either of them is dating up or dating down...
This concept also implies a certain presumptuousness... As if people could be placed on a scale depending on their level of education or income! That's just a pile of snobbish shit. I'm currently financially stable and happy with my professional progress, but I'd feel far worse about myself if I dismissed a potential partner based on "what people/society might say" than if I gave a chance to a guy who was, say, unemployed, or clueless about his profession, or, God forbid, working in an "inferior" field (blah, I even hate writing that word!)
And let me make this clear: giving a chance to a guy, any guy, whom I find interesting, equals him giving me a chance too. I DON'T view it as some generous gesture. If I meet someone I find interesting AND I instinctively like, I'll try to get to know them better and let them get to know me better, so we can both establish the level of compatibility between us...and then take it from there. Seems pretty common sense to me, to be honest 🙂

Posted by WaterCup
BS- I get your point and ur right, social standing doesnt matter, BUT, some women feel the need to reduce their standing so that a man feels unthreatened if he is 'lower' than her in class. So in a way all that does matter if one party cant be really themselves for the sake of not wanting to make their partner feel unfitting or whatever. Another example is what lildoll touched on..education. If one partner is more educated than the other there's bound to be some level of envy, etc on the part of the 'uneducated' partner. I myself am not educated (i have some knowledge thou), but i must admit that i dont feel comfortable dating a 'blank slate' of a guy and i dont date them, doesnt matter how loving or cute they are. As much as we would like to say certain things dont matter, they do and being oblivious to them wont make them disappeare. It is what it is. Do u agree?

I understand where you're coming from WC, but I disagree. This is insecurity at its core. Ironically, you'd think that a woman would be more secure and confident after having those achievements. If she feels that way unprompted by him it's on her. Same as if she continues to date him if he does. Regardless of what he does, how she feels is her responsibility. Lying about your career etc only points that out. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. He finds out that she's been dishonest and leaves anyway.

Thanks Capgirl and Rebecca. I agree with you two as well.

Rebecca, your +1 is biased thou bcause u r living it. It doesnt mean that the people who are 'choosy' are wrong or snobbish, its their choice who they choose to associate with. If its a PHd that they seek so be it, who cares? And let me just add that, if LOVE is important to u doesnt mean that it is to everybody else..like the PHd isnt important to u, but is issential to Suzy next to me. See what i mean?

Piscesmoon- no it is not about me, i mentioned in my OP that i heard about this study done on these women and i pondered about it as i do about everything else. To me personally, money, class, title, love (lol), etc arent important, what i look for is mutual understanding and other yummy stuff. The cop guy bored me not bcause he was proud of his job or whatever, he tried to use his rank as a charm...he was boasful. One thing he said was 'u think i would be here right now if i were just a regular cop'. See, i dont care even if he was a president, i just dont like boastful comments...turn off.

Capgirl- i agreed with, must be the cap mercury, lol. I dislike 'dumbness' in people. U r obviously more educated than me and u've been with other educated people, im obviously not, but still i seek out some level of education from people..preferrably higher than mine so i could learn from them.

Ninjagirl- oh thanks, dear, but we werent dating, me and him..we might have thou if i didnt cut my chicken with a butter knife, lol. But yeah i get what u mean too, class is also not important to me

Maybe this is my bias because I'm a white male with a college education and a good career, but I never even think about this kind of thing. Through my marriage, my ex worked a few random jobs from gas station atendant, to toll collector. I found out recently that she had more of an issue with this because she thought I looked down on her because she wasn't like the people I meet at work. I don't think finances or 'social class' have much to do with anything. I would date a woman who made more money than me and not feel threatened at all. I can take care of mine regardless. I have dated women who make less than me and thought nothing of it.

The whole idea of one person lowering themself to the other means that they were above or better than the other simply because of money. It is ridiculous.

Scotty- i think it all goes back to gender then, like i mentioned bfore, for a man to date a woman who doesnt earn much it wont be bothersome bcause of tradition and whatnot. I think the reason why it was stressed in the study for females is bcause its 'untraditional' since men usually earn more than their women aka he who brings the bread home. As for myself, i would date a 'low earner' bcause his finances are none of my business, but i wouldnt marry him bcause tradition sometimes rules, lol. I wouldnt wanna man a household, lets be equal in what we bring home..again thats just me. And if a guy earned more and had a problem i would honestly understand bcause us as women always bitch about being treated as equals and that equality includes everything else the way i see it.

PHV- What about women and why are u shaking your head? Date men then and your mother fucking head may go up + down instead of side to side. I know somebody just perfect for u, lol, his name is Tim and he loves his honnies young. He calls them 'Ben 10's'. Hahaha

Posted by LibraSid
Maybe this is my bias because I'm a white male with a college education and a good career, but I never even think about this kind of thing. Through my marriage, my ex worked a few random jobs from gas station atendant, to toll collector. I found out recently that she had more of an issue with this because she thought I looked down on her because she wasn't like the people I meet at work. I don't think finances or 'social class' have much to do with anything. I would date a woman who made more money than me and not feel threatened at all. I can take care of mine regardless. I have dated women who make less than me and thought nothing of it.

The whole idea of one person lowering themself to the other means that they were above or better than the other simply because of money. It is ridiculous.

Agreed. It's like a solution in search of a problem where there isn't one. I've had a couple of my relationships end because of this. The theme was they saw how driven I am and feltike they weren't good enough. I fully accepted them for who they were and what they decided to do with their lives. I just don't get it lol.

Posted by WaterCup
Scotty- i think it all goes back to gender then, like i mentioned bfore, for a man to date a woman who doesnt earn much it wont be bothersome bcause of tradition and whatnot. I think the reason why it was stressed in the study for females is bcause its 'untraditional' since men usually earn more than their women aka he who brings the bread home. As for myself, i would date a 'low earner' bcause his finances are none of my business, but i wouldnt marry him bcause tradition sometimes rules, lol. I wouldnt wanna man a household, lets be equal in what we bring home..again thats just me. And if a guy earned more and had a problem i would honestly understand bcause us as women always bitch about being treated as equals and that equality includes everything else the way i see it.

But I'm not okay with it because it is tradition, I'm okay with it because I am okay with it. Tradition be damned in my opinion. If we're talking marriage, there is no more mine and yours, it don't matter who brings home how much, it is ours. Hell, marriage vows even say for richer and poorer, good times and bad. Money comes and goes, there's always more right around the corner.

I'm curious if these people who feel they dated down would be as opposed to dating up? Would they view themselves as a lesser person when compared to someone financially better off? Or does it only work one way?

Ya know, I'd rather live in a shack with a woman who loves me than a mansion with a woman who loves my money. Money really don't matter at all to me. Worst case scenario, I know how to tend a garden and catch & cook fish haha.

But what does scotty know?
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

Scotty- i really dont know the reasons behind the study, all i know is that it was done and the results were that high earning women date down, not up or same level, but DOWN. Ok. Maybe they want a bitch or whatever and people like Oprah were made as an example after it was concluded. This was being discussed on radio btw and it was also proven (by the majority of callers) that women who earn higher than their partners were mean to them. They treated the men with disrespect. Like i said my sister and my friend did it..im not sure about the relationship between my sister and her man, but my friend was dominated by her boyfriend..not the other way around. I cant answer your questions bcause i dont know..im not in that situation. But i would guess they feel just fantastic having a man with money and all that. Maybe they should do a study about low earning women with high rollers. Either way its 'whatever' for me