Mingsin89
@Mingsin89
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4 · Topics: 1
Best friends
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It's pretty hard honestly...at least one usually has feelings for eachother. Can it be done though? Yes.
I have a few platonic male friends, granted I don't hang out with these men one on one often aside the occasional lunch, coffee, and group outings when dating someone.
I have a Taurus I've been friends with for over 4 years. He's been a great friend to me, he's close with another Gemini female too he helped through cancer...I much like her also. We've lived together 8 months before (platonically of course) and have a lot of history. He has told me he had a soft spot for me and if I suggested to be physical, he would not turn it down. However, we have a mutual understanding and he has never or would never cross that boundary. He was the most laid back roommate, especially when I brought guys over (female roomies would get touchy about it) he's also able to offer me valuable male input on my guy issues and his opinions. Me and his other Gemini friends opinion on people he date means a lot too. He's not a friend I would give up and nothing would happen between us. Even if he WAS dating someone and I made a move(which I wouldn't) he would not oblige because he is a loyal man.
The other is a Gemini male who is married to my Pisces friend, I met them as a couple and befriended him both. I don't hang out with him one on one hardly and while I used to talk to him daily and was closer with him than his partner, a turn of events happened due to his transgressions (with one of our female friends)and I became not as communicative, at least not daily, to respect her and I became closer with her. I do not hang out with him one on one hardly unless she 100% okays it. We are still close, but because he messed up...he inadvertently hurt OUR friendship even though she trusts me and knows nothing wouid happen, just because he betrayed her yet again with a mutual friend :/
The last close one is a Sag I used to work with. We became close when he was dating my roommate and needed advice. He's been a good friend to me and treats me like one of the guys. I see him totally platonic, I'm pretty sure he does to because he's not remotely sexual even joking with me, not has he ever hinted.
It's def possible, but it depends on the history and if they're attracted. I'm not attracted to any of my male friends and I think of them too much like brothers. Anyways, those are just my personal experiences with my 3 closest male friends. I'm sorry you've had such bad luck
I have a few platonic male friends, granted I don't hang out with these men one on one often aside the occasional lunch, coffee, and group outings when dating someone.
I have a Taurus I've been friends with for over 4 years. He's been a great friend to me, he's close with another Gemini female too he helped through cancer...I much like her also. We've lived together 8 months before (platonically of course) and have a lot of history. He has told me he had a soft spot for me and if I suggested to be physical, he would not turn it down. However, we have a mutual understanding and he has never or would never cross that boundary. He was the most laid back roommate, especially when I brought guys over (female roomies would get touchy about it) he's also able to offer me valuable male input on my guy issues and his opinions. Me and his other Gemini friends opinion on people he date means a lot too. He's not a friend I would give up and nothing would happen between us. Even if he WAS dating someone and I made a move(which I wouldn't) he would not oblige because he is a loyal man.
The other is a Gemini male who is married to my Pisces friend, I met them as a couple and befriended him both. I don't hang out with him one on one hardly and while I used to talk to him daily and was closer with him than his partner, a turn of events happened due to his transgressions (with one of our female friends)and I became not as communicative, at least not daily, to respect her and I became closer with her. I do not hang out with him one on one hardly unless she 100% okays it. We are still close, but because he messed up...he inadvertently hurt OUR friendship even though she trusts me and knows nothing wouid happen, just because he betrayed her yet again with a mutual friend :/
The last close one is a Sag I used to work with. We became close when he was dating my roommate and needed advice. He's been a good friend to me and treats me like one of the guys. I see him totally platonic, I'm pretty sure he does to because he's not remotely sexual even joking with me, not has he ever hinted.
It's def possible, but it depends on the history and if they're attracted. I'm not attracted to any of my male friends and I think of them too much like brothers. Anyways, those are just my personal experiences with my 3 closest male friends. I'm sorry you've had such bad luck
Yes.
If I don't trust him, what's the point to this relationship?
If I don't trust him, what's the point to this relationship?
^exactly. Obviously there is respect and boundaries, they shouldn't be talking all hours of the night and hanging at eachothers houses/lots of one on one, but you should be able to trust them. Just because you've had past bad experiences, doesn't mean they all will be.
Unfortunately it's impossible for me to have a best friend of the opposite sex, and in many ways that's the way it should be.
I don't know any men who are best friends with a female. Friends yes, best friends, sorry no.
I also don't know any men who would trust females with extremely close male friends, and for very good reasons.
Someday somehow things will unfortunately happen. It's out of human control, especially when dealing with a females emotions and a males sex drive.
I don't know any men who are best friends with a female. Friends yes, best friends, sorry no.
I also don't know any men who would trust females with extremely close male friends, and for very good reasons.
Someday somehow things will unfortunately happen. It's out of human control, especially when dealing with a females emotions and a males sex drive.
Posted by Soul
Unfortunately it's impossible for me to have a best friend of the opposite sex, and in many ways that's the way it should be.
I don't know any men who are best friends with a female. Friends yes, best friends, sorry no.
I also don't know any men who would trust females with extremely close male friends, and for very good reasons.
Someday somehow things will unfortunately happen. It's out of human control, especially when dealing with a females emotions and a males sex drive.
Agree.
Ladies, if you think a man is your "best friend", you are very confused. (Unless he is gay, perhaps).
I trust him completely and I know he wouldn't jeopardize what he has with us. I just don't like that he tries to set us up double date with her and her boyfriend or set up play dates with her kids and our kid. I don't want to deal with it or have any part of it. It seems too forced. He will leave it alone of I don't want to but if he brings it up I shut it down quick.
He has nothing but respect for me. He doesn't talk to her on the phone and they don't see each other just on special occasions and I'm there. They have known earth other for a long time but I can't help be I guess somewhat jealous when he uses the word best friend bc of my past experience.
He has nothing but respect for me. He doesn't talk to her on the phone and they don't see each other just on special occasions and I'm there. They have known earth other for a long time but I can't help be I guess somewhat jealous when he uses the word best friend bc of my past experience.
Posted by Soul
Unfortunately it's impossible for me to have a best friend of the opposite sex, and in many ways that's the way it should be.
I don't know any men who are best friends with a female. Friends yes, best friends, sorry no.
I also don't know any men who would trust females with extremely close male friends, and for very good reasons.
Someday somehow things will unfortunately happen. It's out of human control, especially when dealing with a females emotions and a males sex drive.
I guess that's the difference. I may call them best friends as we are close, but we don't hang out weekly or talk daily unlike some of my best female friends..
If there is no sexual attraction from either side, yes.
Just introduce your poorest and ugliest friends first.
Hide the pretty and rich ones.
...or just trust all parties and if they cheat, ditch them.
If you wanna protect your relationship you gotta be on top of your game.
You already compete with internet, work and thirsty single Homewreckers.
Just introduce your poorest and ugliest friends first.
Hide the pretty and rich ones.
...or just trust all parties and if they cheat, ditch them.
If you wanna protect your relationship you gotta be on top of your game.
You already compete with internet, work and thirsty single Homewreckers.
Posted by beautifuldiasterPosted by SirHorns
...or just trust all parties and if they cheat, ditch them.
If you wanna protect your relationship you gotta be on top of your game.
You already compete with internet, work and thirsty single Homewreckers.
Hahahahahaha.
Get on your game mother fuckers before someone else does. Lmaoclick to expand
I think the same.
A woman must come to stay. At the beginning she has time to doubt. But after she made her mind, she's to break any obstacle. Fast or slow. Harsh or soft. takes what it needs.
Exception : toxic rel.
Posted by Mingsin89
Of the opposite sex..
If you are in a relationship, can u trust your SO to have a BFF of the opposite sex?
?
No.
I have male friends who are my good friends. In fact, I'd say the majority of my friends are male. But should I marry, it would no longer be appropriate for me to confide in my male friends over my husband. And should my male friends marry, it would be equally as inappropriate.
It is impossible for males to have best female friends. The males almost ALWAYS have feelings or would agree to date the woman if she offered. How can you claim to be friends but then say you'd be open to dating? That isn't "just friends." It's disingenuous and, in my opinion, it is only veiling the truth that may come back to haunt you. I'd have too much respect for my relationship with my hubby, and I'd expect the same from him. I'd be too protective to engage in behavior that may be high risk.
It is impossible for males to have best female friends. The males almost ALWAYS have feelings or would agree to date the woman if she offered. How can you claim to be friends but then say you'd be open to dating? That isn't "just friends." It's disingenuous and, in my opinion, it is only veiling the truth that may come back to haunt you. I'd have too much respect for my relationship with my hubby, and I'd expect the same from him. I'd be too protective to engage in behavior that may be high risk.
yes i can. my gem bf does in fact have a bff thats a gem lady. a tall, beautiful, talented, accomplished, clever gem woman in fact. they could go on a two day bender together sans me, his phone batt could die and my only qualm would be that i miss him. i hardly know her well too. but i do know the diff between an insecurity and a real reason. fortunately, in this matter i have neither.
It is not insecurity. It's being realistic and well aware as well as honest about human nature. Should anything ever happen between them, no one should be surprised, hurt, or should seek blame as the situation would have been brought on by all three involved. It's foolhardy behavior.
well whatever your reasons might be for trusting or not trusting, lb??_ i don't treat my boyfriend according to the lesser instincts of human nature. i treat him as he deserves, as the man that he is??_ trustworthy, among many other great qualities. if he were to deserve my mistrust, then i would mistrust him. but to mistrust a person just because a lot of *other* people have fucked up... that seems more foolhardy, no?
Posted by CreepyPants
well whatever your reasons might be for trusting or not trusting, lb??_ i don't treat my boyfriend according to the lesser instincts of human nature. i treat him as he deserves, as the man that he is??_ trustworthy, among many other great qualities. if he were to deserve my mistrust, then i would mistrust him. but to mistrust a person just because a lot of *other* people have fucked up... that seems more foolhardy, no?
It's not mistrust and it is not a reflection of him. It does not make him "less of a man." It's not "lesser" instincts, it is human nature. To think one is above human nature is arrogant and the ones in question will certainly be proven wrong. It's reality. Simple as that. However, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are very much trivial and so I would not expect one to take it so seriously. In my opinion, he should also be allowed to openly date other women as you two are not married.
Posted by partiallyimpartial
people tend to project onto others the issues they recognize in themselves, ijs... liars are quick to assume that others are lying to them, people who cheat are the most jealous and controlling in relationships, and people who can't control themselves around half of the worlds population assume that everyone else is the same as them.
the people who say its impossible to be close friends with the opposite sex can really only speak for themselves. its not impossible for everyone... its not even a challenge for everyone. that includes if the other person is attractive.
grow up. the myopic world views are pretty pathetic.
Denial is no better than myopia. People are always trying to defy human nature, and it is a losing battle.
Actually, denial is ignorance's cousin. People seem to fly that flag high in the name of progressivism and under the guise of superior intellect and world view. Ha!
Posted by partiallyimpartialPosted by LilyBlossomPosted by partiallyimpartial
people tend to project onto others the issues they recognize in themselves, ijs... liars are quick to assume that others are lying to them, people who cheat are the most jealous and controlling in relationships, and people who can't control themselves around half of the worlds population assume that everyone else is the same as them.
the people who say its impossible to be close friends with the opposite sex can really only speak for themselves. its not impossible for everyone... its not even a challenge for everyone. that includes if the other person is attractive.
grow up. the myopic world views are pretty pathetic.
Denial is no better than myopia. People are always trying to defy human nature, and it is a losing battle.
denial ISN'T better than myopia. its not denial to say that people are different, its denial to say that everyone is the same.
whose in denial?click to expand
*who's
But human nature is just that, nature. The longer something is allowed to continue, the higher the probability of a risk specific to that situation is of occurring. I just do not believe that your boyfriend keeping an attractive best girlfriend is a wise action. Personally, out of respect for the relationship, I would no longer want to maintain a close friendship with him, but perhaps my values are "old school." Again, should anything happen, all three involved are equally culpable and played a hand in it.
Time will tell.
Murder is also part of human nature. Polygamy is part of human nature. The vast majority of people do rise above human nature to make our society today.
That being said, I would be uncomfortable with my girlfriend having a guy best friend, but there's nothing I can do about it. My only course of action would be to ask her to give up her friend for me when neither have done anything wrong. She would be punished for having a friend. So even though I might be uncomfortable, the only thing I could possibly do is suppress that emotion and trust her. I should also do everything in my power to become her best friend. I should be the better friend than that guy, but it's up to me to earn that place in her life.
That being said, I would be uncomfortable with my girlfriend having a guy best friend, but there's nothing I can do about it. My only course of action would be to ask her to give up her friend for me when neither have done anything wrong. She would be punished for having a friend. So even though I might be uncomfortable, the only thing I could possibly do is suppress that emotion and trust her. I should also do everything in my power to become her best friend. I should be the better friend than that guy, but it's up to me to earn that place in her life.
Posted by LilyBlossomPosted by CreepyPants
well whatever your reasons might be for trusting or not trusting, lb??_ i don't treat my boyfriend according to the lesser instincts of human nature. i treat him as he deserves, as the man that he is??_ trustworthy, among many other great qualities. if he were to deserve my mistrust, then i would mistrust him. but to mistrust a person just because a lot of *other* people have fucked up... that seems more foolhardy, no?
It's not mistrust and it is not a reflection of him. It does not make him "less of a man." It's not "lesser" instincts, it is human nature. To think one is above human nature is arrogant and the ones in question will certainly be proven wrong. It's reality. Simple as that. However, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are very much trivial and so I would not expect one to take it so seriously. In my opinion, he should also be allowed to openly date other women as you two are not married.click to expand
so this is what i'm understanding that you're suggesting??_
sexual attraction to anyone and everyone of the opposite sex is human nature??_ a characteristic that distinguishes us from the rest of the animal population and that we all share
therefore my bf will cheat on me
my relationship with my bf isn't that important to he or i, and that i should say, "hey honey??_ you can date other women since we're not married"
—?
"sexual attraction to anyone and everyone of the opposite sex"
x% of people suffers from that disease. ^^^^^^^^^
y% of people suffers from the disease that they would use and abuse anything they see around them when disperate.
(100-x-y)% of people would always keep the same friendly distance to the their best friend of the opposite sex.
Hint on the y% people : once my Leo gf asked me to play the lesbian sex with her. I'm sure she was not attracted to me. she just wanted to have the so famous experience. use anything around you. just use! use! use!
x% of people suffers from that disease. ^^^^^^^^^
y% of people suffers from the disease that they would use and abuse anything they see around them when disperate.
(100-x-y)% of people would always keep the same friendly distance to the their best friend of the opposite sex.
Hint on the y% people : once my Leo gf asked me to play the lesbian sex with her. I'm sure she was not attracted to me. she just wanted to have the so famous experience. use anything around you. just use! use! use!
Posted by LilyBlossom
*who's (Note: I consider this a passive aggressive way of showing you are more intelligent than the person you are talking to. However correct it may be. It's also an asshole thing to do if it is not requested by the other poster to correct them.)
But human nature is just that, nature. The longer something is allowed to continue, the higher the probability of a risk specific to that situation is of occurring (Note: That's not how probability works. What you mean is chance/risk. Probability can go both ways and depends on external factors. Yes I know I'm being an asshole, I just had my coffee thank you very much.). I just do not believe that your boyfriend keeping an attractive best girlfriend is a wise action. Personally, out of respect for the relationship, I would no longer want to maintain a close friendship with him, but perhaps my values are "old school." Again, should anything happen, all three involved are equally culpable and played a hand in it.
Time will tell.
I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"
Sure there is always the chance your boyfriend will cheat on you with his best female friend. Alcohol, spending too much time together or a bad spell in the relationship where they come looking for confirmation can all lead to infidelity.
But it's also up to both to draw some lines. Just as you don't have sex with someone who 'Is just a friend' you don't get into cuddling sessions or go shopping for lingerie with a best friend of the opposite sex. Real friends respect each others boundaries.
Here is another saying for you: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"
Befriend the shit out of his best friend. Invite her over to listen to her personal drama together. That way there is much more respect between you two and less chance of something happening.
I have one friend who reminds me of the ex-pornstar Sasha Grey. I like Sasha Grey in her videos.
We do have a friendship however that will never get sexual. We already concluded we would kill each other if things got serious between the two of us. She pisses me off sometimes and for other people it can be hilarious to see us fight over nonsense. But we are great sounding boards for each other exactly because of our different modes of thinking. Some relationships are like that.
Another female friend of mine does have an undertone of tension. I just choose to stay away from certain situations like sleeping over at her place when we go clubbing and drinking. It helps that she has a boyfriend that I respect. We meet up for lunch and Skype together but I won't be cuddling on the couch with her or deal with all of her personal issues. Some things are for her and her boyfriend to deal with. Not me.
Another friend of mine I did have sex with but we became friends afterwards. There is room for playful teasing ("It's not like I haven't seen your tits before. / I've had bigger dicks than yours.") but we both know nothing will happen as long as either one of us is in a relationship. It is something we agreed on early. Otherwise the distance between us would make it easy to just shut out the other person completely. It's a good deal.
We do have a friendship however that will never get sexual. We already concluded we would kill each other if things got serious between the two of us. She pisses me off sometimes and for other people it can be hilarious to see us fight over nonsense. But we are great sounding boards for each other exactly because of our different modes of thinking. Some relationships are like that.
Another female friend of mine does have an undertone of tension. I just choose to stay away from certain situations like sleeping over at her place when we go clubbing and drinking. It helps that she has a boyfriend that I respect. We meet up for lunch and Skype together but I won't be cuddling on the couch with her or deal with all of her personal issues. Some things are for her and her boyfriend to deal with. Not me.
Another friend of mine I did have sex with but we became friends afterwards. There is room for playful teasing ("It's not like I haven't seen your tits before. / I've had bigger dicks than yours.") but we both know nothing will happen as long as either one of us is in a relationship. It is something we agreed on early. Otherwise the distance between us would make it easy to just shut out the other person completely. It's a good deal.
Posted by CreepyPantsPosted by LilyBlossomPosted by CreepyPants
well whatever your reasons might be for trusting or not trusting, lb??_ i don't treat my boyfriend according to the lesser instincts of human nature. i treat him as he deserves, as the man that he is??_ trustworthy, among many other great qualities. if he were to deserve my mistrust, then i would mistrust him. but to mistrust a person just because a lot of *other* people have fucked up... that seems more foolhardy, no?
It's not mistrust and it is not a reflection of him. It does not make him "less of a man." It's not "lesser" instincts, it is human nature. To think one is above human nature is arrogant and the ones in question will certainly be proven wrong. It's reality. Simple as that. However, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are very much trivial and so I would not expect one to take it so seriously. In my opinion, he should also be allowed to openly date other women as you two are not married.
so this is what i'm understanding that you're suggesting??_
sexual attraction to anyone and everyone of the opposite sex is human nature??_ a characteristic that distinguishes us from the rest of the animal population and that we all share
therefore my bf will cheat on me
my relationship with my bf isn't that important to he or i, and that i should say, "hey honey??_ you can date other women since we're not married"
—?click to expand
Don't be confused. She has a somewhat weird understanding of how important human nature is. And lacks boundaries when it comes to telling other people how to live their lives. She seems to think a committed relationship without being married can not have the same rules as being married. (legal parts aside of course)
Posted by Shruikan
Murder is also part of human nature. Polygamy is part of human nature. The vast majority of people do rise above human nature to make our society today.
That being said, I would be uncomfortable with my girlfriend having a guy best friend, but there's nothing I can do about it. My only course of action would be to ask her to give up her friend for me when neither have done anything wrong. She would be punished for having a friend. So even though I might be uncomfortable, the only thing I could possibly do is suppress that emotion and trust her. I should also do everything in my power to become her best friend. I should be the better friend than that guy, but it's up to me to earn that place in her life.
+1
thats why religions were there to "help" people rise to spirituality. To help them get out of the hedonistic life.
you're right. people have DESIRES. you can't help that and you can't control that at all. but it's nice to have friends with others who are married/ or in a serious commitment and they're happy/satisfied. couples usually have friends with other couples, that are in healthy relationships. 🙂
and honestly she shouldn't have to have any other guy besides you, in my personal opinion.
Posted by Shruikan
Murder is also part of human nature. Polygamy is part of human nature. The vast majority of people do rise above human nature to make our society today.
Yep.
There's nothing to believe in, best friends of the opposite sex is a thing. Of course. I don't understand why it's so hard to grasp that some people are just not sexually/romantically interested in one another. And they still manage to love each other and enjoy each other's company, can you imagine? And they don't even wanna sleep together? What's this blasphemy?! ...believe it or not, some people have standards and preferences that go beyond "this person's private parts look different than my own".
btw. if you in that scenario imagine a woman crying on some guy's shoulder and confiding her deepest secrets in him... not all friendships are of such nature. There are many different types of human relationships. My best friends have seen the worst and the best of me but we never had an emotionally based/please-hear-my-shit-out relationship. Still, we've always known that we would do anything for one another. There was never even a need for it to be said out loud. Air Moon friendships ftw.
There should be an official poll on this topic.
Separated by gender, of course.
I think the results would tell the story.
I 100% believe women can be friends (platonically) with men.
Being a man, it's the men that have the problem with this arrangement.
Separated by gender, of course.
I think the results would tell the story.
I 100% believe women can be friends (platonically) with men.
Being a man, it's the men that have the problem with this arrangement.
Posted by CapTenn
There should be an official poll on this topic.
Separated by gender, of course.
I think the results would tell the story.
I 100% believe women can be friends (platonically) with men.
Being a man, it's the men that have the problem with this arrangement.
i dont know.....did you read some of the threads in the relationship forums? alot of women are crying over men all the time. Many of them are UNREQUITED love. so it goes both ways.
Posted by lisabethur8Posted by CapTenn
There should be an official poll on this topic.
Separated by gender, of course.
I think the results would tell the story.
I 100% believe women can be friends (platonically) with men.
Being a man, it's the men that have the problem with this arrangement.
i dont know.....did you read some of the threads in the relationship forums? alot of women are crying over men all the time. Many of them are UNREQUITED love. so it goes both ways.click to expand
I'd wager they are the exception and not the rule.
Posted by CapTennPosted by lisabethur8Posted by CapTenn
There should be an official poll on this topic.
Separated by gender, of course.
I think the results would tell the story.
I 100% believe women can be friends (platonically) with men.
Being a man, it's the men that have the problem with this arrangement.
i dont know.....did you read some of the threads in the relationship forums? alot of women are crying over men all the time. Many of them are UNREQUITED love. so it goes both ways.
I'd wager they are the exception and not the rule.
click to expand
Science agrees with you. Here is another link.
Basically both make the mistake of thinking their feelings must be representative for the feelings of the other person.
Men are just more likely to move it into the friends-with-benefits-zone whereas women are more likely to feel uneasy about it and leave men feeling rejected or friendzoned (Hate that word btw)
Thanks for the links, TigerCap.
For those thinking the human species has "evolved",---- we haven't.
Well, us males anyway. 😉
For those thinking the human species has "evolved",---- we haven't.
Well, us males anyway. 😉
Im in the same predicament in a way. Ive also been best friends with a guy for 15yrs. Thing is, he's married.
The other day he started complaining about things in his marriage saying he might be over it, then he brought up how weird it was that if i married i would want to live next to my husband in a duplex instead of with my husband. Then he threw in there i should marry him, but started saying how the duplex thing probably wouldnt work, and we'd have to figure something out.
He use to do that "we should get married" stuff long before he married. I could never know for sure if he was joking or not.
I really should cut him off, but its hard after so long and I honestly believe he only think he wants me. I cant satisfy him...nobody can, there will always be an issue but i think in his mind he's sold on the idea that he has these issues because he's in love with his best friend. I personally think its deeper than that, much deeper, so...
Anyway, i guess i don't believe in the best friend of opposite sex thing.
The other day he started complaining about things in his marriage saying he might be over it, then he brought up how weird it was that if i married i would want to live next to my husband in a duplex instead of with my husband. Then he threw in there i should marry him, but started saying how the duplex thing probably wouldnt work, and we'd have to figure something out.
He use to do that "we should get married" stuff long before he married. I could never know for sure if he was joking or not.
I really should cut him off, but its hard after so long and I honestly believe he only think he wants me. I cant satisfy him...nobody can, there will always be an issue but i think in his mind he's sold on the idea that he has these issues because he's in love with his best friend. I personally think its deeper than that, much deeper, so...
Anyway, i guess i don't believe in the best friend of opposite sex thing.
so there are exceptions. interesting. *rolls eyes*
Posted by TigerCapPosted by CreepyPantsPosted by LilyBlossomPosted by CreepyPants
well whatever your reasons might be for trusting or not trusting, lb??_ i don't treat my boyfriend according to the lesser instincts of human nature. i treat him as he deserves, as the man that he is??_ trustworthy, among many other great qualities. if he were to deserve my mistrust, then i would mistrust him. but to mistrust a person just because a lot of *other* people have fucked up... that seems more foolhardy, no?
It's not mistrust and it is not a reflection of him. It does not make him "less of a man." It's not "lesser" instincts, it is human nature. To think one is above human nature is arrogant and the ones in question will certainly be proven wrong. It's reality. Simple as that. However, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are very much trivial and so I would not expect one to take it so seriously. In my opinion, he should also be allowed to openly date other women as you two are not married.
so this is what i'm understanding that you're suggesting??_
sexual attraction to anyone and everyone of the opposite sex is human nature??_ a characteristic that distinguishes us from the rest of the animal population and that we all share
therefore my bf will cheat on me
my relationship with my bf isn't that important to he or i, and that i should say, "hey honey??_ you can date other women since we're not married"
—?
Don't be confused. She has a somewhat weird understanding of how important human nature is. And lacks boundaries when it comes to telling other people how to live their lives. She seems to think a committed relationship without being married can not have the same rules as being married. (legal parts aside of course)click to expand
guess i forgot to end my post with a big LOL cuz that was def not me being confused.
Posted by lnana04
Im in the same predicament in a way. Ive also been best friends with a guy for 15yrs. Thing is, he's married.
The other day he started complaining about things in his marriage saying he might be over it, then he brought up how weird it was that if i married i would want to live next to my husband in a duplex instead of with my husband. Then he threw in there i should marry him, but started saying how the duplex thing probably wouldnt work, and we'd have to figure something out.
He use to do that "we should get married" stuff long before he married. I could never know for sure if he was joking or not.
I really should cut him off, but its hard after so long and I honestly believe he only think he wants me. I cant satisfy him...nobody can, there will always be an issue but i think in his mind he's sold on the idea that he has these issues because he's in love with his best friend. I personally think its deeper than that, much deeper, so...
Anyway, i guess i don't believe in the best friend of opposite sex thing.
see what i mean—
what if you were married and your husband had a friend girl he said those things to—?
you would feel doubt that he had DEEP feelings for this girl, very very deepppppp down. Secretly wanting her. SECRETLY (big S for secret) and then you'll wonder and ache, wonder and wonder if he dreams of her, fantasizes of her, naked and stuff. See—? how awful that is??
and what happens if your wife or husband calls out another womans/man's name and it's his/her friend huh— see what i mean?? How AWFUL that is....
next thing you know, you're looking at that Lorenna Bobbit knife real good.
next thing you know, you're looking at that Lorenna Bobbit knife real good.
width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8sO-wF5bjC0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>
i was gonna post the vice versa ones....where the husband beats up the wife's lover...
omg!!! that is worse. it's too violent 😢
omg!!! that is worse. it's too violent 😢
Posted by partiallyimpartial
Let me say that I believe 100% that there are people for whom it IS impossible to maintain platonic friendships with the opposite sex.
But the fact that there ARE males and females who HAVE exactly that^ makes it fucking stupid to say its impossible. Reality contradicts you...
Is it really so hard to comprehend?
agreed. dwellingonmove said it well too.
Posted by TigerCap
I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"
also agree. if you don't think it's possible, then you're probably in denial about something.
though it's interesting that both sides of the discussion accuse the other of denial. one side is more case by case while the other makes a very broad generalization.
Posted by lisabethur8Posted by Shruikan
Murder is also part of human nature. Polygamy is part of human nature. The vast majority of people do rise above human nature to make our society today.
That being said, I would be uncomfortable with my girlfriend having a guy best friend, but there's nothing I can do about it. My only course of action would be to ask her to give up her friend for me when neither have done anything wrong. She would be punished for having a friend. So even though I might be uncomfortable, the only thing I could possibly do is suppress that emotion and trust her. I should also do everything in my power to become her best friend. I should be the better friend than that guy, but it's up to me to earn that place in her life.
+1
thats why religions were there to "help" people rise to spirituality. To help them get out of the hedonistic life.
Exactly. And I feel like the place of, "the only other guy in her life," is a place that needs to be earned. Not just given cause you decided to ask the woman out.
you're right. people have DESIRES. you can't help that and you can't control that at all. but it's nice to have friends with others who are married/ or in a serious commitment and they're happy/satisfied. couples usually have friends with other couples, that are in healthy relationships. 🙂
and honestly she shouldn't have to have any other guy besides you, in my personal opinion.click to expand
@lisa not sure why that got cut off. Oh well. Yeah I agree with the woman not having, "any other guy in her life besides you," but I feel like that needs to be earned. It's not a title that should be given just because the man decided to ask her out. Or vise versa of course.
Posted by TheatrumPosted by Shruikan
Murder is also part of human nature. Polygamy is part of human nature. The vast majority of people do rise above human nature to make our society today.
Yep.
There's nothing to believe in, best friends of the opposite sex is a thing. Of course. I don't understand why it's so hard to grasp that some people are just not sexually/romantically interested in one another. And they still manage to love each other and enjoy each other's company, can you imagine? And they don't even wanna sleep together? What's this blasphemy?! ...believe it or not, some people have standards and preferences that go beyond "this person's private parts look different than my own".
btw. if you in that scenario imagine a woman crying on some guy's shoulder and confiding her deepest secrets in him... not all friendships are of such nature. There are many different types of human relationships. My best friends have seen the worst and the best of me but we never had an emotionally based/please-hear-my-shit-out relationship. Still, we've always known that we would do anything for one another. There was never even a need for it to be said out loud. Air Moon friendships ftw.click to expand
very true.
Posted by partiallyimpartial
sorry, but the religious people in this thread seem to be the ones who struggle with the concept that men and women aren't just there to be each other's fuck toys.
so.... ijs. I have multiple female friends who I've been extremely close to for over a decade... and it wasn't till I realized religion is phony that I was able to view women as people, and not just part of God's plan for me to spread my seed.
Cool story, bro.
Posted by CreepyPantsPosted by TigerCap
I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"
also agree. if you don't think it's possible, then you're probably in denial about something.
though it's interesting that both sides of the discussion accuse the other of denial. one side is more case by case while the other makes a very broad generalization.click to expand
that's actually latin:
http://www.inspirationalstories.com/proverbs/latin-ill-doers-ill-deemers/<BR>
different strokes for different folks.
Posted by Shruikan
@lisa not sure why that got cut off. Oh well. Yeah I agree with the woman not having, "any other guy in her life besides you," but I feel like that needs to be earned. It's not a title that should be given just because the man decided to ask her out. Or vise versa of course.
like i said,
it's awesome if you find a couple who are in a good relationship and you two form friendships there.
why have a THIRD wheel—
jus'sayin.
besides, you got the messageboards for very distant friendships. 😆 😆 to talk about relationships, pain, heartache, astrology related stuff, and what ails you.
non-descript and some of you folks are taken. so it's all around a good deal.
non-descript and some of you folks are taken. so it's all around a good deal.
Posted by lisabethur8Posted by CreepyPantsPosted by TigerCap
I would have to agree with the other posters here. Being afraid something will happen tells you more about yourself than about your significant other. Or as the Dutch saying goes: "Ill doers are ill dreaders"
also agree. if you don't think it's possible, then you're probably in denial about something.
though it's interesting that both sides of the discussion accuse the other of denial. one side is more case by case while the other makes a very broad generalization.
that's actually latin:
http://www.inspirationalstories.com/proverbs/latin-ill-doers-ill-deemers/
click to expand
Well, the literal translation "The innkeeper trusts his guests like he trusts himself" or the alternative "It takes one to know one" simply didn't roll of the tongue all that well 😛
There is a surprising number of sayings that use the exact same 'story' between German, Dutch, English and undoubtedly Latin. 🙂
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