How far for love?

How far do you go for love? If somebody does not recripicate straight away or answer your message when you say you like them should you persue it? If they don't answer does it mean they don't like you and that they want to spare your feelings? Or does it mean they are shy/overwhelmed or unsure of their own feelings so they don't respond or put it on hold?

Hmmm...this is a hard one because there are so many possibilities -- if the person doesn't tell you how they feel straight away, they could be too shy, but I always assume the worst and figure that if their feelings aren't strong enough that they'd either tell me first, or immediately respond to what I'm saying, then they don't have the same feelings for me. If they don't answer at all, that's very strange, were you face-to-face with this person or was this over the phone? I'm imagining the uncomfortability factor of being face to face with someone who's not saying anything. Yikes.

But I don't know if you should listen to me, because I purposely always assume the worst so that I'm not let down really too much.

I wouldn't write anything off just yet. Perhaps, and assuming you have been buddies for a while first, you have given them a wee shock as they viewed you as a friend. This doesn't mean to say that they 'don't' have other feelings for you. They might just need some time to figure it out first.

Phoenix, i always assume the worst too, so i never get disappointed; how funny. I am now angry at this person. My hurt has turned to anger. cookiemonster.

In the future, i am going to be far more choosey about who i reveal my feelings to. I thought I'd take a chance but it failed in my face. Hopefully the next person will be a bit more decent about it.

Hey, i hope you're feeling okay about your guy. I bet you're going to feel like me in a little while. Angry.

Have a look at my 'angry' thread and tell me if i am being unreasonable? Am i carrying on this too far? I want to let go but i can't get on with things until i transcend this rage. At least this time i am directing it at her and not at other people.

hey i'm sorry it didn't work out that much 4 u ,libra. but don't worry ur find someone more u deserve.

Libragirl, I completely get the anger thing. Oh...believe me...I get it (I'm in it, or I was, and I'm now starting to let go and just say, "treetrunk it then - have a nice life". I have to, or this would have killed me.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with being angry about things like this, it's not only completely natural but it's necessary, in order for you to emotionally heal from the wound inflicted. You have to just go through the anger. It will eventually dissipate, or, if you're me, it will recess into the back of your mind enough that unless you actively try to think about the person, it's not on your mind anymore. I do hold grudges, and that's not the best way to be, but that's just the way I am, I remember things. I only forgive people when I truly believe in my heart that they really are sorry, or if I know that they made an innocent mistake. Otherwise, I'm okay with being angry at them if I need to be. It helps me get over them.

I hope you're feeling better.

Aw shux James, that was nice! Phoenix, you crack me up. You embrace your anger so well. Lol. There, i did it, a "lol". Dont be angry. Lol. "Lol".

Reading your post Phoenix, i now realise anger is a natural part of life and no longer feel ashamed of it. I think it is okay to hold grudges. Heck, i think they protect us half the time. I think we, as a people, have to deal with the devestating force of anger. I get so angry i can actually feel it, as a physical force. Or else i feel sick. But it goes that way; it doesn't hang around. It's when it hangs around that you have to be careful. I think that that sort of anger leads to exhuastion and fatigue and is not good for the human soul. Just look at me, i held on to it for so long and it came out eventually.

As well as that, i think that anger can be a constructive force. I know, in my anger, i thought, "that's it, i have to make something of my life", and "i have to make something of this situation". I guess below any anger is hurt though and after the anger dissipates a bit, you feel the hurt. What is worse? Anger? Or the powerlessness of 'hurt'? Don't you just feel so powerless when you let go of that hurt? When you lie in bed at night and it hits you full pelt? I suppose that's why we feel anger - to reclaim some of that power. At the end of the day though, we are better off feeling the hurt.

In sum, im not sure what i am going to do. One thing for sure, i am not going to act while i am angry.

I hope everything's going well for you, you seem to be a lot more chirpy... But as long as you are okay.

Anyway my dear, you take care and thank you for empathising with me and not judging me. I really appreciate it.

hmm. good luck. though. eventually one will let go of grudges. in the long run it does no good becuase by then it'll and should be just a speack of sand along a vast beach of sand.

ohwell.
Watch comdey it lightn's up any trouble.

LG - As long as you don't act when you're still angry (excellent decision), you're way ahead of the game. I assure you that you will recover from this. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and I can tell with each post that you're making progress sorting the whole thing out, even if YOU can't tell that you are. 😛

I'm doing okay, thank you for asking. I'm kind of just going through the motions and forcing myself to move on, just doing the best I can.

I will never judge you, unless you do something mean on purpose, which I really don't see happening. 😛 You're welcome, and thank you for being as open-minded and empathetic with me!

BTW: I had to make myself NOT act when angry, also. And it's extremely difficult. It is very hard. But you have to just completely remove yourself from the intensity of the situation. If I'd acted when I was angry, I would have said many very hurtful things to this person. ("treetrunk you, I can't believe what a treetrunking USER you are, you have no tenacity, no treetrunking willpower, no loyalty, and you lied to me, whether you meant to or not, and you wasted my time. I hate your guts". Some of that wouldn't have been really true, but it was how angry I was at the time (and this isn't very long ago, I'm talking a couple weeks here). So I had to just really calm down and realize that there was no talking "sense" into this person, they were going to do what they were going to do, and let them suffer the loss, if they'll suffer at all. If they don't, then I really REALLY am glad to be rid of them. It's still incredibly sad to me, but at the same time, why do I not deserve to move on and find someone who really loves me?

HOW FAR FOR LOVE ? NOT ONE treetrunkING INCH, NADA DON'T GO THERE.

You deserve somebody who not only loves you but appreciates the being that you are.

James Tate - your treetrunking right! so treetrunking right!!

Interesting - love lives seem down the drain this side of the ocean... yeah, mine too!

I'm the kind who would do anything for the person i love. So er yeah. That's my answer. and treetrunk YOUUUUU MEN if you think the girl is so easy to be taken advantaged of because YOURE ALL SLUTS TOO! POWER TO THE SLUTS!!!

First of all, It seems sometimes people confuse love in so many boundaries. Love IS selfish I'm sorry to say and yet love can be unselfish also. No matter what anyone does, even if it appears to 'unselfish' it is always through self gain. And that is OK. That's how the relationship keeps rolling alright? It's basically like the relationship between your heart and mind, actually I dont know if there is such a difference because the expectations of thinking on rational terms may have been formed from the expectations from society. So what would our real motives be? Maybe theyre both wrong.

Most couples get attached when they are in love. Why? because people need love. So it confuses me. I want to be happy but this happiness can just be an illusion. If there is sadness, there must be happiness. But maybe they're both artificial. If I did not live in this society, if I just lived in some damn cave what would I be feeling? What is there to feel but fear. So maybe the emotions of sadness and happiness are just selfish motives after all.

Getting attached does not mean you are not in love. That's the misconception. Love leads to a lot of things but it gets swept aside as if it's not right.

Love makes the world go around, it?s a powerful motive inbuilt in our genes to make sure the tribe lives on. Hate is the opposite, guess you can?t have one without the other. Good versus evil - isn?t it always so? But one should avoid the negatives when possible; not constructive.
I?ve been around for some time now, and my opinion is never say no to love, short time or permanent doesn?t matter, at least you are alive and can enjoy the moment. And a moment is all you have got anyway. (Forever is just an endless string of moments) Besides, you collect some beautiful memories.
Just my thought, anyone else willing to comment?

PS: I?m not advocating "free love" like a hippie, I?m a respectable widow! But what matters is the moment, you never know what tomorrow brings, so enjoy while you can. This truth I learned the hard way...

Hmm, im thinkin to agree with Turtle, although i can see Luz's point about "love" being a social construct. But i think "romance" is a social construct (the expression of romantic love). Right now i am eating some prunes and that is love!

And i think love can be selfish but ultimate love is not selfish because it is a respect for everything or the object of desire so much so that you like seeing it in it's original form. So sometimes if you love the person you have to let them go or accept the fact that they do not want you in their lives and wish for their highest good. That is love, to let go and hope for the best, but to also hope for the best for yourself.

Yes, and you never do know what tomorrow is going to bring.

So.. you're saying love is unselfish and selfish, hm?