Top secret message to Allen

Mine boss, as you will be busy all weekend observing the behaviour of stock cars, you probably wont read Duncans friday horoscope. Presuming it?s allowed to repeat: "Life is truly what you make it. We all get bored with day-to-day living, but we must always remember it?s up to us to put some spark into it. If nothing else, pretend you?re someone else for a day or two and see the difference it makes."
Coincidence, do you think?

thanks loyal turtle,
I have returned, with a major league headache from lack of sleep, but I was able to decipher your highly coded message. (by the way, never combine 170,000 drunk and crude nascar fans with 12,000 dixie chicks fans within a 15-mile venue, traffic jam from hell)
i see the freebird has still not escaped the clutches of dr. tate's cage. i am very worried. it is time for plan b, my dear turtle.
and of course, morgan can go to france with us. I am very easy to get along with. i interview and talk to people for a living, so i am very flexible. but what if dr. tate is trying to lure us to europe for high personal fish fry. pisces crave love, not war. let's hold hands slender turtle. now i am confused. is morgan of boston really turtle or are you two different girls. ouch my head hurts.
wherever you are freebird, i still love you babe

oh i forget the highlight of weekend adventure in charlotte.
i saw a super cool concert by 3 doors down , it was a one hour show at the track. love the song superman. the lead singer really gets into the show. lots of emotion. ever heard of them anyone.

Three Doors Down is awesome. I'm jealous.

cool,
morgan actually knows these guys. It was a great show at a unusual venue for rock, but the guys gave their all. the lead singer relates to the audience so well and they all seem like normal people instead of crazy rock stars. that superman and another song (i forget, the hit single) was outstanding. I'm going to buy the cd this week. turns out the guys are big race fans. they played a new song saturday and it absolutely rocked. you don't see many hang loose signs at a nascar race, but it such a nice change of pace for me. i was the youngest guy in the press box and loving it while the other older writers were cussing and fussing.

goodnight beautiful freebird wherever you are,
Don't worry my dear bird _ Turtle, Morgan and I will rescue you from Dr. Tate's cage very soon and take you on a whirlwind tour of france _ paris, lyon, versailles, etc. Although I must admit, I think I am becoming attracted to the turtle in your absence.
Sorry. You know what a hopeless romantic I am. Can a turtle and goldfish coexist in harmony. hmmm. all this lovey-dovey so upsets the cynical dr. tate, but i can't resist. Not to brag, but I am pretty good looking fish and I love to flirt.

Turtle admits that turtle is always turtle, even when undercover [sigh] Morgan would be offended if turtle tried to be Morgan [2nd sigh] And Morgan wouldn?t dream of trying to be turtle [3rd sigh]. Who said life was just?

oops, so sorry beloved turtle. i still have no clue what this duncan expose thing is and how arrived here. i just back from the office, one my day off no less, and got fussed at by a selfish parent.
and thanks so much for that friday horoscope. that was eerie, but i believe very strongly in astrology anyway. some days i feel like the biggest pisces in the world. i fit ALL the sterotypes. so can i hold your hand or flipper dear turtle

Sweet Allen, us turtles have neither hands nor flippers, not exactly, but you may knock on my shell anytime. By the way, I see a new assignment coming up, did you read the eery message from our friend no. 13 on the other thread? Should be worth while to find out about his merchandise - or if James 13 is in fact the terrible Dr.James the other trying to trick us. Any news of our friendly bird?

very perceptive, beloved turtle. i suspected the same thing. it appears that James 13 is not nearly the innocent, lovelorn boy we thought. he is actually the american agent for dr. tate.
and where the heck is freefird. either dr. tate has her locked up in his british cage or i scared her off with my incessant flirting. what shall i do. hmm. oh well, i think i will turn my attention to the lovely turtle. let's meet somewhere, get a pizza, cry during a romantic movie and then go for a long and hot swim. i am still single, although this 6-foot forensic psychology student asked me out today. no kidding. wonder if she wants to conduct an experiment on my tortured brain. save me turtle.

Alas: wish I were James the 13th, but it shall never be. I never remember to use a hyphen in pronunciation to show syllabic division. To write like 13 the use of variant pronunciations, parentheses in pronunciations, partial and absent pronunciations dare I mention functional labels and inflected forms? Nay Nay in comparison with outher languages english does not have many inflected forms. It would be personal pronouns or demonstratives. Perhaps 13 feels stronger about old, middle, english rather than modern english. I think I have it, when 13 uses a word appearing as a main entry he may be using an origin unknown. Only in rare and exceptional circumstances is the entries identified as a variant or a derivative. Yes the system of language, the vocabulary or lexicon the comprehensive collection of words in order to form discourse, sentences, paragraphs all language has this except 13, Who has his own language which because of the lack of rules, permits some kind of word formation that is dubious and renders still others clearly impossible. Even though the former is not normally part of our everyday working vocabulary, this versatilize might give us considerable pause, to consider the language of an isolated people of kent ucky.

JT, where did you find this stuff? It?s exactly the kind of text one has to put up with when studying linguistics.

P.S, no, this is definitely not the 13s writing style !
Hope you accepted that date, Allen, you might get the chance to experiment on her brain too...

we had to postpone until this monday due to my schedule. dang it, she is not a pisces. that's bad karma. i am trying ever so hard to find an intelligent, witty and sexy turtle. but where would i ever find that. still no word from freebird, huh. you guys have been on here far longer than i. has she ever flown away for this long.

Check if your date has moon in pisces, that?s very compatible to pisces sun, at least for a good friendship if not a romantic relationship. I can?t tell you about freebirds habits, let?s just hope she turns up soon. Now it?s time for my daily turtle-nap. G?night!

Freebird from time to time has p.c. problems. Or perhaps I am holding her in the chunnel HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

exactly, finally the evil dr. tate comes clean.
do you need any more evidence, turtle and morgan.
so turtle, i assume from response that you are married, how sad.
my date was born in december but she is very pretty. hmm, what's more important emotional peace or beauty? i need a compassionate pisces who understands my many moods. forget the beauty. hello turtle or freebird.

james 13 ( is he named after british royalty or something)and allen are going bar-hopping in search of fellow fish. get out the fish net james 13 and I'll bring my endless supply of hair gel and calvin klein fragrance. beware all turtles.
break on through to the other side. seek it.

rofl.

Holding me in the "chunnel?" What is this, JT? I'm curious....sounds very interesting.

Hi Allen,

I have a question regarding your above post....how many "moods" do you have? What type are they? I am curious about this too.....I am just a very "curious" human being or is that a being becoming human? Hmmmm...now my brain is oiled up and ready to ponder. Off I go now to the "ponder room".

Hope everyone is doing well and has had a great weekend!

after driving over four hours from the race through crude drunks, 85-year-old women going 14-mph, insane old men in huge recreational vehicles and reckless truck drivers, my mood is exhaustion, frustration and realism. (i arrived at 7 a.m. and didn't leave the track until 8 p.m.) I'm tired of seeing adults act like drunken, loudmouth slobs in front of innocent children and women. Some people, who cling to their handy religious shield, have no standards of conduct and it sickens me to the core.
according to the reviews, tuscan sun is a movie about starting over, taking chances and opening your heart again to new possibilities. The time is now. I have much to offer and I intend to repair this broken heart to someone deserving wherever they may be.

Welcome Home Allen and glad that you made it back safely....you sure do see a lot of what is "out there" and this is a good thing! At least you know what you do not want to be 😉 You see life...the many facets of it. Wisdom comes from these type of experiences don't you think? However, I do suppose that after awhile the same thing can get old. Time for a new assignment for you then.....How come you haven't seen the movie Under The Tuscan Sun yet? I thought perhaps you were going to see a couple of weeks ago? Ah well, when the time is right you will do it.

Hey, did you have any trouble getting onto this site? I could not get on until now....Was I being blocked or was the server all discombobulated?

Felt very strange to think that I could no longer communicate with my friends...I did not like that feeling. 😢

Turtle: The stuff you speak of comes from my back ground, I have studied at both Columbia university in New York and at Oxford university in oxfordshire. One area of study was the systems of language the major parts being lexicon, grammar, semantics, and phonology. The most interesting to me being lexicon / vocabulary the collection of words and word elements which we put together in various ways to form larger units of discourse: phrases, clauses, sentences, paragraphs, and so forth. All languages have a lexicon and rules except the language of 13. I digress lets us all move forward.

Allen:

Mend that broken heart boy, perhaps you should see what the little river band saw (the face in the crowd)the sooner you fall behind allen the more time you have to catch up . time to get out of the dream world and start catching up. One must ask ones self the question, why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour? Answer that me mate and you will find the meaning of life.

freebird duncon is an alien and blocked us out I am sure of this.

Dear Tech Support :

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

? In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

? Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

? I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

? What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Desperate,

? First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system

? Try to enter the command C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2.

? Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.

? But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

? Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudlyWAV files.

? DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.

? These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

? It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

? In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly.

? You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance.

? I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5
combined with such applications as that old stand-by...Lingerie 6.9
which has been credited with improved performance of the hardware.

Good Luck!
Signed,
Tech Support

How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
rename the mail folder: Instruction Manuals

dear freebird,
The date with the college pscyh major can be summed up in one word _HORRIBLE. So horrible that it was surreal _ like a poorly-written situation comedy filled with bizarre sequences. I even wasted big money on a classy restaurant. Oh Well.
I need someone with not only a pretty face but a mature brain and free-spirit. I have not see Tuscan Sun because my emotions cannot handle it right now and that's the honest truth.
I fear that you are married, freebird. I continue to reach out to you and offer you invitations to the big dance called life yet you decline. Do you need to know more about me or are you simply hesitant. I am a very open and honest person, my dear. Write me if you want. I am a goldfish. I do not bite. Spread your wings and fly south to virginia for a day. I promise that you will not be disappointed. I feel like swimming away somedays. The sky was so spectacular last night, but my heart remains closed. Someone, somewhere has the key.

Hi James, I see we have something in common, General linguistics was my first love at University. What I took was phonetics, phonology, syntax, morphology, semantics, comparative grammar, sanskrit, gothic and runes, etc. I still love that subject, but it?s more like a hobby these days, I majored in an economic subject. Semantics is my favorite, I guess the morphology is yours.

Allen, what a shame about that date, but don?t despair yet, just try to liven up a bit and have fun, seriousness killed the cat, not curiosity.....

Dear Turtle:
you use the word university not college, so I assume you come from my side of the big pond. I started out in life in a field of anthropology, linguistics being a part of it, and like you its more of a hobby, I find it hard to make a living with my head stuck in the past , I was in sales now I drive for the same company. Alas life is a cookiemonster then you die.

Yes JT, University as in Europe. I did hint at it sometime before that I was on the "right" side of the big ocean. And am just grateful for that, Europe is small, and you travel all over, all the time. Allen thought at first I was in Manhattan, but on several second thoughts pinpointed me in Ireland. Well, he?s a bit off course but getting hotter. English isn?t my language, not even my second language. But I DO travel, like all turtles!, have been to US of A many times, and a number of times to East Asia, but Africa and Australia must be done later. I agree totally on your comment with G.L. making a living; I changed my mind when I found out there was no future in linguistics but teaching - which I just can?t stand - not to mention the money (or lack of it). As you say, we only live once!

Ya know...I am seriously wondering if we should all give up sex for Trick or Treating...what do you think?



Top 10 Reasons Why
Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex


10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. It's okay when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else,
because you ARE someone else.

5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!!

wow turtle,
I am so very impressed by your knowledge and depth. I will never forget that one fantastic we shared last week at dublin cinema. I may have to swim across the ocean for you again my dear. The great freebird is wondrous but tentative. I have no patience, lately. None in fact.
As for my date, I am always flirtatious and fun yet the college student was silly and sadly lacked an esstential component _ a BRAIN!!!!
have a wonderful day, all fish and fish lover. I even wish the best for Dr. Tate who seems to have quite an impressive resume. Bravo, old chap. Let my buy you a fosters, just stay away from the fish and chips please.

Hi MR. Fish....

No patience? maybe that is why I am here? Didn't Phil Collins say that we shouldn't hurry love? You are a fish...fish let life flow...don't you naturally go with the flow, let the current take you on adventures? Swim and trust...it's okay.

I am so sorry about your date....good thing is, the more dates you have the more you find out what it is you do like and need in a relationship. Getting closer to the living truth of you. She lacked a BRAIN? sounds like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz....;(

Hey, do you like Blue Moons? (the beer) I brought that up because I was reading your above post about the Fosters...Hey, get him a black and tan. No fish and chips for me!

Freebird, you are just great, you said it all. If Allen isn?t recovering now from his latest set-back, he?s a hopeless case! I?d say, though, always find it positive when a guy finds out his dolls should have a BRAIN.
There is some progress here after all!

hello wondrous freebird,
You made me smile for the first time today. A brain you say, she lacked a skull i fear. I have been letting life flow for weeks now and I am still swimming upstream. We saw the movie runaway jury and, oh my, did i ever want to run away. FAR AWAY.
Dear birdie, how do i connect with you. I don't want to sound to personal, but you interest me on so many levels. Is there a bird test that i can take. We seem to be around the same age and we share some beliefs and interests. I am ready for the next stream in this big ocean called lie. Please tell me freebird, what should i do. I want to know you better, my dear. I am so very innoncent, open and trusting. If you are married to another boy bird, just tell me.
Honestly, I am nut sure which way to swim now. This circling is hurting my gills and fish head. alas, i must slink off to work and don't know what else to say.
It's definitely an Elton John day. taken me away with Daniel. Sir Elton.
allen the friendly, frustrated fish

P.S. (darn, always have to split up my answers) trick or treat is fun and should always come first, you can have fun with all your friends but sex is exclusive, right?

Hello Turtle Pal! Thank you for the compliments they are very much appreciated. I agree with you on the Trick or Treating..have fun with friends but to me as well...sex is exclusive to the one I am with. I happen to be a one man woman. I am not capable of handling more than one man at a time...makes life way toooooo hard!

Dearest Friendly Frustrated Goldfish,

I wish I had a water proof band~aid for your gills and fish head...I'm all out at the moment. They were kinda cute too, came in a delightful array of bright colors just to brighten up sad Goldfishes....I know!!!! I got it! You can have some goldfish crackers...pop a few of those into your fishy mouth and let them swim around in there for awhile (they will think they are on a wild adventure!) it's fun to psyche out the "crackers". Then swallow them and you will feel so in control of you that the God of Fish will emerge and peace will be yours. Gee, am I nuts or what? I have no clue where this stuff comes from...space I say! Someone out there is sending me these msg's. through my fingers. I'm just typing away.....

No, I am not married. You are so cute...a bird test? Of coarse not! I do not like being tested nor will I test anyone else. Just be you. You don't need to know which way to swim....let it flow...the stream will take you in the right direction. Maybe you feel like putting on a life jacket?

so sorry to hear u'all's dates didn't go as planned. but u know that's the way life. goes. Turtle, let's see Europe right? uhm, France, Spain, Belgium? Or is it back to the isles off of but in Europe such as the u.k or Irleand? Where oh where Turtle....

hmm.read more info on me in i'm here stuff.
went 2 dr. denist today. got a new filling for a small cavity. yeah!!!!!!!!!. well.
i 2 couldn't get on yestearday at all. what was up w/ that?

Dear Trutle:

Do you perchance speak Bailoon or french the spelling may be wrong. I knew allens thoughts on Irland was off the course. No Englishman or one from Eirn, would ever be known as a europian. Nothing personal in that remark.
Freebird:
What about sex for a treat?
I think I might talk Den into this, Tell her its an american custom. There is a lot of possibilities here.

Nope, DEAR JT, look north! Follow the Greenwich line (not too far though or you end up on the North Pole) and at a moderate distance from your starting point do some educated eeny-meeny-miny-mo: east or west? Should I perhaps start a new guessing game here; whoever finds out where my dwelling pond is gets to visit?

holland, glorious holland

i am crushed by your news, freebird. Simply crushed. And I'm not kidding one bit. By I love you just as much, my dear friend. I understand. My heart often gets ahead of my head.

I am just a bit confused here...won't you explain? What news are you crushed by? I had no intentions of crushing you...hmmmmm I am wondering. And, I still love you too, fishyman.

sorry freebird, i am crushed that you have a man. it was too hard to say, my dear compassionate and caring friend. As you know, I dream big. Alas, none of my dreams are becoming reality these days. I still look very good for a fish, but cannot find a fellow. I have high standards and refuse to lower them.

Okay....Mr. Fish....where did I say that I had a man? I said that I am not married. What are you drawing your conclusions from my dear? Bird is flapping her wings ...getting ready to fly around in the dark looking for the light...hopefully I won't hit a light post.

If I may butt in; I think Allen thought Freebird had a hubby, and when Freebird said she didn?t, he was crushed because he - well, was crushed. Allen isn?t used to good news and needs time to adjust. Ain?t I right, Allen?
And, no, ?tisn?t Holland. Good try though!

Freebird: HIGH FIVE!

Turtle my friend....I don't understand that logic but then again I have realized that I cannot understand a lot of things...oh well. Thanks for the HIGH FIVE...as I receiving it from you (in the dark while flying) I flew into a bat, got tangled in its wings..the darn bat became all a frightend and bit me on the bird neck!

Now I am probably going to turn into some womanly goddess going around biting the necks of sensitive men left and right.....I need a blood sucking volunteer!

No fear, never heard of a bird becoming one of those, but if you want to bite someone you DO have a volunteer...