Idiotic jokes thread!

Come on, you know you love them!

Why are pirates called pirates?

They just Arrrrrrrrrrr

A man walks into a bar and gets a compound fracture of his pelvis.

what sport do you play with a wombat?

Wom

Australian walks into his girlfriend's bedroom with a sheep under his arm, he says "'ere jen this is the pig I f**k when you're too tired!"
Girlfriend looks up blearily and says "I think you'll find it's a sheep..."
Ozzie says "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you.."

HA! that third one made me giggle ever so slightly

How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, TWO, one, one, TWO, two-two.....one, one, one one-two....

How many Zen Budhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb, one not to change the lightbulb.

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb—

2.but they'd have to be quite small

or
(2.1 to screw the lightbulb in,the other to suck my dick!!)"

Heh, I know another version of that joke-how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a trick question-feminists can't change anything!

I've got another one-what's brown and sticky?

A stick!

Why did the pie cross the road? Cos he was meat n' potato.

Two cows in a field, one turns around and says:

"You hear about this mad cow disease going around?"

to which the other replys:

"Yeah its terrible, Thank God I'm a dog"

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Some B-tch: GOSH YOU'RE SUCH AN A-HOLE.
Some dude: No, no, you're the A-Hole. I'm the D1ck 😉
Random dude: That's probably why he keeps Fuck1ng with you.

Two cows in a field, one turns around and says:

"You hear about this mad cow disease going around?"

to which the other replys:

"Yeah its terrible, Thank God I'm a dog"

- hahahahaha!!!!!!!

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartended says, "No."
Five minutes later, the duck comes back and asks,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartender looks at him and says, "I just told you no."
The duck leave and comes back five minutes later,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartender gets slightly annoyed and says, "I already told you no."
The duck continues to come back every five minutes and ask for lemons. Eventually the bartender gets really irritated and says to the duck, "LOOK! We do NOT have any lemons! And if you come back and ask me that ONE MORE TIME, I am going to NAIL YOUR WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!!!"
The duck waddles away, comes back five minutes later and asks,
"Do you have any nails?"
The bartender, a little flustered, replies, "No."
So the duck says, "Good. Do you have any lemons?"

"A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartended says, "No."
Five minutes later, the duck comes back and asks,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartender looks at him and says, "I just told you no."
The duck leave and comes back five minutes later,
"Do you have any lemons?"
The bartender gets slightly annoyed and says, "I already told you no."
The duck continues to come back every five minutes and ask for lemons. Eventually the bartender gets really irritated and says to the duck, "LOOK! We do NOT have any lemons! And if you come back and ask me that ONE MORE TIME, I am going to NAIL YOUR WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!!!"
The duck waddles away, comes back five minutes later and asks,
"Do you have any nails?"
The bartender, a little flustered, replies, "No."
So the duck says, "Good. Do you have any lemons?""

ROLF, that's pretty funny xD

well spank ya creepy eyes!
i heard it when i was like 10...