Sometimes...

Sometimes i feel like i have so many faces, even infront of the ppl on this board. Sometimes i feel like even though i put on this face, and it even if it is me, i still feel like ppl dont expect much out of me. I dont like it when ppl judge me so quickly to think that i dont have any brains and all i think about is having fun and just living it up. Sometimes i say something and yet say another because i know i can explain both sides of some things. And it appears like im 'contradicting' myself but its just called self growth and realizing some things. Sometimes i feel like i think too much but never have much time to let all those thoughts out. Sometimes i feel like i have multiple personalities but i know everyone does. Does anyone have those 'sometimes' moments? or can anyone relate?

Nope...am always myself (unless I have a role). Feel totally comfortable with myself, but then again, I'm a mature age so had plenty of life experience to find myself.

Yeah, i do it all the time, censor myself. I guess i am too scared to be myself because i know how radical i can be and i know i won't appeal to popular opinion and im sick of being the outsider. Its catch 22, you compromise yourself and be accepted by the masses or you be yourself and rist not being accepted by the masses. Quite frankly im sick of not being myself, it is becoming quite uncomfortable. Im getting to the stage where i have to be myself again because not being is hurting too much. Besides its fun having attitude and that's me to a T! I was throwing my weight around in a social setting the other day and i thought, "anyone dare challenge me and Ill rip ya treetrunking head off"! I was SO in the mood to rip into someone. I think that's the frustration you get when you aren't being yourself. I'm rather potty and batty and rah rah rah so we'll see what happens. I think I'll do the world and myself a favour and start being myself more. Im sure the world can do without me ripping its head off everytime i feel frustrated at not being myself...🙂

I'm mature aged too, you'd think I'd have my act together by now. I still don't really know what i want to do with my life. Anyway, enough of that. Keep throw'n 'em at me.

Wow...24/7 Lawgoddess, you are happy with yourself 24/7 that's amazing...but one question...to Libragirl too...

What does age have to do with being happy with yourself...?

Libragirl,
I think you have it backwards. You would be accepted more being yourself then being somebody your not.
In the words of Lauryn Hill "the real you is better than the fake somebody else".

Yes, people hate me or are envious of me at times for being myself but I rather be deemed abnormal in a society/world deemed normal. Futhermore, they don't have a heaven or hell to put me in, so why would their opinions and jugements of me matter? People love to hate me because they see the glow that God has bestowed upon me... a glow they can't resist, a glow that keeps them coming back, a glow they long to have.

If God wanted us all to be the same he would have created us that way... think of how boring that would be.

Peace & Love

Oh yeah Luz, the same applies to you.


Love You All!

Okay, I'm not going to write anything else after this.

Here' an excerpt from a poem I wrote called Selflessness. Unfortunately, I can't put the whole poem on here because I have not yet copywritten it. Well, here goes...


I'll be who you want to be psychologically,
but in the reality,
I'm the person my FATHER
made me to be,
did you forget you didn't help
co-create me
so your opinion has no
effect on me.
It's not about you, it's about me
trying to reach my full level of competency.

Coming to a store near you, in it's entirety!!

Syke, but I hope it helped a little.

I'm going now, I have to finish reading for my midterm this evening.

Peace& Love

Luz, I think you have been consistent all along. I don't see much contradiciton in you.

I have my own opinions about this subject and I have been through it and it is hard to fathom why someone would act in such a manner. It is playing games and it is not very easy to keep up with the lies unless you are one shrewed and mentally gifted mind! I say do what ever you need to do; don't get caught!

Back to the main thought, the reason they act this way is to keep others at a distance while they watch to see if they can catch them lying? Kind of strange isn't it!!

What I have learned to do is to mirror the persons behavior so they can see what it feels like and sounds like from my perspective!

I think everyone has some contradictions even when they are being themselves! We are all multifaceted gems! Sure there is a main core...but...do you see?? I am mostly the same, but not completely... I react differently to different people..and sometimes, it takes me awhile to assimilate and absorb...
I know what I want to say...but, I am not sure it is coming out as well as I intended...

Luz, I can relate and you are beautiful! (all of the "yous" you are!)

Some people make me shine and some people make me want to give them a shiner! j/k...well, mostly kidding!! LOL!

Luz, you go girl! Be the best you that each moment calls for!!

Star

Rare Gem,
Thanks for sharing that piece of poetry! Loved it!! Star

That is only one theory. It could be they like to keep things interesting and hit it from all angels and that is a good way for someone to learn. I do it and it is not necassarily because this is how I feel; I have been told that I am very curious and I ask too many questions, but this is how I learn. I am absorbing and keeping my mind open and whatever opinions I have, is a result of little bits of info from many differnt sources and some of my own.

Just because I have an opinion doesn't mean it is carved in stone, and things change and so have my views as I get older.

There are things I believe in that nobody is going to shake loose from me; I will stop arguing if I feel like that is all I am doing. But, I am never dishonest about it. I would not change just to smooth something over. I have pissed alot of people off, but really at the end of the day, the only one I have to live with is ME! And I am pretty proud of the way I have turned out. I did it, not anyone but ME! I left home at 15 and my parents did not impose any of their beliefs on us. As a matter of fact they were so into letting us make our own decisions, that I dropped out of school after my first year of high school and moved 3,000 miles away and never went back except to visit occassionaly.

I don't know why I am telling y'all this, except maybe I feel a need to defend myself with Rare Gems poem?

Why?

lol im not scared to be myself, its just that some things should be kept to myself at times and i do act like myself its just that i have many faces but that doesnt necessarily mean that i am fake, cus all those faces are a part of me. But ofcourse, i do put on that 'mask' at times just so ppl would stfu 😄. If YOU are to say that you are truly "REAL" and that you ALWAYS act like yourself then that is great! good for you! and star! luv ya! you are also very beautiful! you have a very kind heart and you try and understand ppls and stuffies!! i love that about ppl, instead of spitting ideals that they cant even follow or trying to just look good like they know something. And libragirl, keep ur head up! always gonna be here for ur girl

thats great suzy Q, keep being the way you are! 🙂

"Sometimes i feel like even though i put on this face, and it even if it is me, i still feel like ppl dont expect much out of me."

And sometimes I feel like people do and they want to know use me. We all have to work it out on our own selves.

yeah, true truecheerrioos!!

"i love having my own lil fun, not hurtful words but just things like shocking ppl(libragirl can relate) mu har har 🙂 its fun to see their reactions even if it is negative, mu har har, anyway much

"instead of spitting ideals that they cant even follow or trying to just look good like they know something."

Who is this intended for, Luz?

its toward the ppl who do it lol and and, dont feel bad!! everyone has those days..just hope you feel better 😢 and sometimes i get the feelign the only person you can trust is yourself but it still feels nice to have someone in thsi world to trust. You shouldnt be trying to earn their love, they should just be giving you their love naturally, and if theyre not then maybe theyre not ur 'friend' :/

OK! Thanks but do you think that I am one of those people, Luz?

I know I don't now the absolute truths. I only know what I think they are?

I'll be quite now!

CU later

Suzy Girl,
I love you...I think you are great! I want you to give yourself a big dose of unconditional love....from YOU to YOU! I want you to do this every day. Picture this big wave of light and love comin' at ya! (Did you ever read my angel meditation...not that it really belongs to me...on the Aqua board?)

Luz, You are right. The only one anyone can ever really trust is themselves, IMO. Sorta sad...but, I am stronger for it! I do have those who I can lean on...but, trust is still an issue for me...

Love and Light,
Star

Suzy Q,
What's your beef with my poem— If you are not the type of person that judges a person prematurely then my poem wasn't meant for you, and if you are then, I can care less about what you think of me because I'm going to lead my life the way I see fit.
And what's this about your opinions?? You totally lost me.
I never said anything about anyone not being able to share their opinions, including you Suzy. It seems to me that you need a hug. Whatever it is, it too shall pass.

Hugs,Love& Peace

Why do I feel like I am drowning in misunderstandings? Do I communicate that badly? The converstation ended with an impression of your work.

"I don't know why I am telling y'all this, except maybe I feel a need to defend myself with Rare Gems poem?

Why?"


When I look at a painting or listen to a song or read a poem, in this case yours, I get impressions, feelings, or it stirs some emotions. Your poem did that to me and this is how my feelings came out.

I had no other discussion about anything with you, Rare Gem. Just a comment about the poem.

Thanks rare gem, Im going it. starting today.

what is wrong with my spelling?! that was supposed to be, "im DOING it, starting today!". Even the capital letters make me feel like i should do it and not cop out like i usually do.

Suzy Q,

You didn't respond to my question...

And, I have another question...Is Durrie male or female?

I find that I have assumed the wrong sex for people on these boards...not that it matters...

Hope all is well with you!
Love and Light,
Star

Hi Star,

Sorry I didn't realize you wanted me to answer you. The Angelmeditation is about vauuming out all the negativity. Yes I have read it a couple of times. I don't think I have any in me. I guess I am just a little to high strung and need to slow down some!

"sometimes you laugh;
somtimes you cry;
life never tells you
the winds of why.
Butwhen you have friends
that wish you well;
there comes a point
you will exhale!"

I think those are the lyrics?

Thanks for your friendship and Durrie and everybody else who I talk to!

Suzy

Yeah...but, it is more than that...it has brought me closer to my angels. It is a form of communication with your angels...perhaps I didn't explain it very well...
Oh well...
I guess each of us have our own thing...it works for me!
didn't know you had read it already.

Love and Light,
Star

The vacuuming out of negativity is mainly for a person to be more receptive to the Love and Light of the Angels...(though naturally it's also helpful for those who have a lot of negativity interfering with aspects of their life).
I am glad you have none!

As I said, I must not have explained it clearly.
You have your beliefs and I have mine.
You sometimes surprise me in what you post....that is all.

Love and Light,
Star

durrie is male lol argh today was so bad. I seriously hate school, my concentration always wonders off and i cant help but just like..think about something else. I'm getting f*cked up grades and im thinking about dropping out and getting a job, or i just might go to some other school where i can just concentrate on my studies. I dont know, but i've been getting this feeling for the past years, that something out there is waiting for me, like i have something that im going to do and im gonna like it. And im gonna make it big, i really dont know, did anyone have this problem at school and does anyone have that gut feeling something interesting is gonna happen in ur life later on?? :/ *shrugs*

(((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))

Things are always changing but not as fast as I want them too all the time! I have been learning patience for the last 5 years!! What is it you would like to do Luz?! I just think I am gonna take it day by day, otherwise I get overwhelmed. Although everyday something different happens, and I never know what! For some reason I woke up feeling cute today and stayed in a good mood and everything seems to be ok. Tomorrow may change? School is easy, I have a good job offer and I have to be down there tomorrow at 10 am and my bills are paid, got a roof over my head, I'm healthy etc...I can't complain. I guess I mostly feel good because I am like a self contained unit. If something breaks, I can fix it myself, if I need something I can get it myself. The only thing I'm lacking is a mate, and that is gonna happen too, somehow!

Star!

"You sometimes surprise me in what you post....that is all."

Girlfriend, I really didnt mean to minimize your prayer!!! I love it!

The part I described is what stuck in my mind that is all!

I have read it over several times!

It is on the Aqua board, page 14, under 'Angry Aqua' I believe.

I take things day by day, and today I dont have any negativity in me. Yesterday I was ill; tommorrow may be different. I don't know.

We have different beliefs, but it is still a good and relaxing thing to do. I liked it very much!

I had a french manicure today finger nails and a toes! Felt good!

I try to just put one foot in front of the other and that is all. Keepin the blinders on!!!


Love,

Suzy

*HUG!!!!✨ LOL Yes, change always comes eventually, but sometimes changes just piss me off cus it doesnt go my way sometimes! yeesh, thats life i guess ^^ thats good that you dont complain, im just a selfish friend i guess LOL 😄 but i think my problem is that i keep thinking about other things one sec and then another sec and then im like in deep thought sometimes. My friends think i think too much and i over analyze things too much about some stuff. But i cant help it. I wish i was in the world already and just get out there and get a job and do something for myself, i want to become more independent! Yes, even though thats probably a f*ckin drag sometimes but still, i want it. And its gonna happen someday but im impatient lol maybe i need to learn to become more patient. :/ Anyway, im thinking about like... working at some restaurant and like..when i turn 21 i wanna become a bartender LOL wee. I also want to street race and my friend is gonna teach me how to mix on the turn tables so it shall be great :-) :-) :-) mu har har. Can anyone else share their dreams with me?

Luz,

Fill up a bubble bath and have a drink and unwind! Let yourself relax and empty your mind! Just be quite and soak!

You'll sleep like a baby!
🙂

My dream is to live in the wildnerness near a lake or river and have all my animals, and the man I love and write, go riding, play music, read, grow a garden, cook, make love, run a few dredges, just be self contained and in the wild!

wild, reow, 😉

Don't know where? After the man I love should have been a family.

Suzy!!
My bad!

I love your dream! It sounds so free!!

Luz!!
Thanks for confirming for me that Durrie is a guy...thought he was and then in one post he talked about makeup and stuff...I thought, well...it confused me!!

I still feel like wonderful things are going to happen to me! I have not completed my destiny! I will probably not be famous. But, that is not my goal. I have been published and plan to again...but, it is not a big deal. It is for my daughter that I do this...

I find that if I cannot concentrate on something...it is not for me.. perhaps another school? perhaps another major?? Education is always worthwhile. I hate to see you give it up...but, who knows...

I wish you the best whatever road you choose!

Oh! and for money I would have my own nursery/greenhouses and sell plants and trees. I have done that professionally for years and I loved it! Decided to go into Law and it is interesting but I rather do horticulture, that is my first love.

Thats alrighty Star! I should have been not of been so short, but I really wasn't thinking!

Yes, Durrie is most defintely a guy with great big huge heart, and he understands women! Nice combo! Huh!!!

Suzy!
Yeah that is a good combo...

He uses my 'Love and Light' ...but that is OK...guess he likes the visual it gives. I do too!

He and I have talked a few times..but, not nearly like you and he have.

It's OK...Suzy. This isn't the same as talking to someone in person and sometimes, misunderstandings occur. No big.

I enjoy these boards and talking to you and Luz and all...so, I don't want to give it up! It is very relaxing for me...my unwind time. I also learn from you and Luz and others that post!

I can perhaps be irritating...I don't know...I don't mean to be...I am a rooster in Chinese astrology. That is my excuse!!

Hugs! Love and Light!
Star

I think you are a beauty and you're a kind and gentle person!

And you are very funny! I have learned alot too, but I seem to miss alot of the people that come and go.

Star, you and CB and a few of the others seem to be the only ones that are continuous. It is nice to know we have some place to talk about our concerns and share our stories.

You are never irratating; I always look for your posts.

Chinese astrology I love! Rooster is -

I am on hand
to herald in the day,
and to announce it exit.
I thrive by clockwork and precision.
In my unending quest for perfection
all things will be restored to
their rightful place.
I am the exacting taskmaster,
the ever-watchful administrator.
I seek perfect order in my world.
I represent unfailing dedication.

I AM THE ROOSTER!

Is this you, Star? It sounds like you, except for the seeking perfect order in your world. I bet you are more of a free spirit and not so much a fuss pot, huh?

Love and hugs
Wonderbox

Wonderbox!
You wonderful person, you! Some have nothing good to say about the rooster...only that we crow!! LOL!

I do not seek perfection...perhaps excellence...it depends! You are right, I am a free spirit and while I prefer things to be 'in their place', I am easy going and not a 'fuss pot'!

Yes, people do come and go...there are those that I miss also...but, with the 'new' system of no unregistered users...I am uncertain if some are those are ones I used to know by a number....

Thank you for your kind words! I do amuse myself, but, sometimes I am unsure if others are also amused!!

(((HUG))) you!
Love and Light,
Star

dude..i need a car and i need a job.. and if im gonna get that job, i need a frockin car. I dont care what car i get right now, cus when i save up my money, then i'll consider getting a new one and fixing it up but for right now, i just want wutevers, as long as im not busting out a flinestones move, then its all good.

Talk to your Angels, Luz! They can do more than people give them credit for! I am quite serious! They are God's helpers and messengers.

I will pray for you! Are you quitting school? What job do you want?

I wish you the best!
Love and Light,
Star

wut angels? LOL @_@ and i dont know for sure, but im transferring out of that school and going to night school or something, or one of those fockin classes. I feel stupid just by talking about this because im sure ppl are like "haha that treetr*nkin drop out, shes probably treetr*nkin stupid." :/ But i know i'm gonna make it in life! and thanx star ^^ for right now, i just wana work at some restaurant and work my way up somehow..

I have a 22 foot Pink Lincoln town car that you can have, come get it! You would be looking good in this car, Luz!!! If someone doesnt take it I am gonna open the trunk and plant flowers in it. It has turned into a very large lawn ornament!!!

Go get that car Luz! It is an ugly color...but, you would look good in anything...I just know it!

Suzy! PINK! OMG! Why??

Luz, everyone has angels...all you have to do is relax and talk to them...that is all the angel meditation us really about...communicating with your angels. There is an Arch-Angel in charge of the day you were born and there are many others underneath....they are with you everyday!!

I don't have a car to give you, Luz! Only my love and well-wishes...

Love and Light to you!
Star