rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
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Those of you with adult children....
Posted by rockyroadicecream
When do you think the line is drawn where it goes from the parenting role when they're younger, to changing your approach due to them being grown up?
A good example would be trying to power trip and be controlling over your adult children as if they were still kids?
Or to address you adult children as if they're still in their teens?
Isn't there supposed to be a shift where you back off and let them live their lives? I know that there's the whole "always my baby" bit, but there's gotta be healthy boundaries, no?
When do you consider it unhealthy/unnecessary?
I doubt anyone's going to admit to doing that.
I've seen people do it-- trying to control their adult children-- but they didn't see it that way.
when they're selling their body
Posted by rockyroadicecream
When do you think the line is drawn where it goes from the parenting role when they're younger, to changing your approach due to them being grown up?
A good example would be trying to power trip and be controlling over your adult children as if they were still kids?
Or to address you adult children as if they're still in their teens?
Isn't there supposed to be a shift where you back off and let them live their lives? I know that there's the whole "always my baby" bit, but there's gotta be healthy boundaries, no?
When do you consider it unhealthy/unnecessary?
Well I don't have adult children yet, but I am an adult child, coz my dad is still alive and in my experience as the "child", there really is no letting go and changing their approach.
They always see you as their "baby" and its hard not to react to that as I always revert back to the child. NOT in a goo-goo suck-my-thumb weirdo way you understand lol but in a very rebellious way.
My dad is a leo and is always trying to tell me what to do and being an aries I ALWAYS push back from that, rebel, and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what he tells me - because I can and because its fun lol
Now that I am a parent though, I have some sympathy with the root of why parents do what they do, even if their approach is wrong. Its because you love unconditionally and you want the best for your children. Its a weird balancing act between letting go, advising, immense pride in what they are growing in to, letting them make mistakes, hoping they aren't reckless enough to go and die in the process etc.
There should be a shift where you have to actively learn to back off, but remember when your parents get older can be a monumental shift the other way; when you may end up being the decision makers for THEM, being the parent OF THEM, especially when they get old and ill.
When adult children are still living with parents...now that's unhealthy lol
Seriously,I just wanna leave our house coz my parents are overcontrolling!
Posted by Montgomery
I doubt anyone's going to admit to doing that.
I've seen people do it-- trying to control their adult children-- but they didn't see it that way.
Wouldn't you consider it unhealthy, though? It's like they can't let go that their kids are grown up and it's time to let them live life without them.
Mine are far from adults capable of making their own choices. To the idea of the thread, I see my role as a parent as one of preparation. It's my job to get them to a point where they are able to do it on their own. As they grow, give more freedoms. They're gonna fuck up. Make sure they learn from it, then move on together. Hopefully they learn enough between then and now that they skip the big fuck ups.
I think my mom did good with my brothers and I. We were latch key kids to a single mom so we made plenty of choices we weren't prepared for. I don't think parents should be overbearing or overprotective. Of course you can't let kids run wild but you have to let them be people.
My son is 12. I've always kind of guided him to making good choices rather than outright forcing my will. Things still got done my way but he chose it. Now he's used to making good choices.
I'm not naive but he is a good kid.
Side note: when I saw the title I thought of the movie step brothers and thought this thread was going a different direction...
I think my mom did good with my brothers and I. We were latch key kids to a single mom so we made plenty of choices we weren't prepared for. I don't think parents should be overbearing or overprotective. Of course you can't let kids run wild but you have to let them be people.
My son is 12. I've always kind of guided him to making good choices rather than outright forcing my will. Things still got done my way but he chose it. Now he's used to making good choices.
I'm not naive but he is a good kid.
Side note: when I saw the title I thought of the movie step brothers and thought this thread was going a different direction...
Posted by LibraSid
Mine are far from adults capable of making their own choices. To the idea of the thread, I see my role as a parent as one of preparation. It's my job to get them to a point where they are able to do it on their own. As they grow, give more freedoms. They're gonna fuck up. Make sure they learn from it, then move on together. Hopefully they learn enough between then and now that they skip the big fuck ups.
I think my mom did good with my brothers and I. We were latch key kids to a single mom so we made plenty of choices we weren't prepared for. I don't think parents should be overbearing or overprotective. Of course you can't let kids run wild but you have to let them be people.
My son is 12. I've always kind of guided him to making good choices rather than outright forcing my will. Things still got done my way but he chose it. Now he's used to making good choices.
I'm not naive but he is a good kid.
Side note: when I saw the title I thought of the movie step brothers and thought this thread was going a different direction...
Oh Sid, you make me lol.
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A good example would be trying to power trip and be controlling over your adult children as if they were still kids?
Or to address you adult children as if they're still in their teens?
Isn't there supposed to be a shift where you back off and let them live their lives? I know that there's the whole "always my baby" bit, but there's gotta be healthy boundaries, no?
When do you consider it unhealthy/unnecessary?