Break up with no closure

I've been in a relationship with a Piscean guy for a while and recently some problems arise as i dont feel he's that into me anymore. Sometimes he would just disappear on me for a day or two and came back with some lame excuses that he forgot his phone or internet broke down (he's the most tidy person i've known and work needs to communicate with him urgently at night sometimes so there's no way he would forget his phone). It's a long distance relationship so i expect to communicate with him on a regular basis everyday at least. I've been trying to address what have been bothering me already and he would just dance around, avoid me, change a topic, pulling a sad man trick on me that he's stressed about work and family back in UK as his daughter's mother just discovered she's having a tissue cancer and his daughter is very upset so it's kind of making me feel guilty to ever make a fuss on how he treats me.. So i have been trying to stay calm, bite my tongue and just support him then a few days later, he wouldnt act as though he's stressed anymore, he would tell me about how he just went out to put a deposit on a new car in white and shopping in Armani shop on weekend bla bla and it's just a question in my mind if im that stressed, would i feel like going out to buy a new car— If he's really that stressed or just using a guilt on me to stand up for myself?

So anyway, last 2 weeks, same thing happened again, he disappeared on me as i've been trying to contact him. so the next day before i flew to an important meeting i felt that i eventually should make this over so i sent him a very understanding email telling him how frustrated and hurt i have been and that i cant take it anymore.. and wish him good luck and that i will miss him.. I didnt hear from him at all after sending that email and the next 3 days were quite tough for me as i wonder if i've done the right thing letting him go and if he's ok so i sent him a text if he could call me back he replied that he's back in the UK now urgently as his daughter's mother is admitted to hospital for cancer operation and to be with his daughter and he'll call me when he gets to his house.

then i felt totally stupid as i didnt know he was back in UK urgently so i sent him another text expressing how stupid i felt to send him that email 3 days ago and hope she'll be ok. Anyway, he didnt call me back as he said.. So the next day i sent him another sms to apologise him for causing troubles out of my anger and ignorance which i really regret right now and to plz ignore them and that i will leave him to focus on his family now as they probably really need him right now and if he ever wants to talk to me, i will always be there for him.. no response from him again but i kinda of understood that he's probably busy right now then a few days later, i saw him online on Skype so i sent him a msg asking how's everything going there with you now? no response as well! I thought maybe he didnt get the msg so i sent him a sms the next day asking the same question if everything is ok with him? no reply from him also

so i've come to realise that maybe he's really ignoring me now which is a shock to me... I know i've sent him a break up email and its a big mistake but i also didnt know that he had to go back to UK urgently only if he told me... I dont know what i should do now.. If i should let him go or just wait around until things get better for him. Although i have a feeling that he's using silence to punish me now and it is really driving me crazy. I've been seriously hurt that this is happening to us. I'm completely lost as he doesnt say a word about our break up... if he acknowledges it or agrees with it.. Any insight on what i should do is much appreciated.. Thank you so much...

Im sorry for a very long post 😢

bijou2u, Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it 🙂 I've already stated on my SMS to him last week that i didnt mean to make it over between us and that i really regret sending that email right now which should imply to him that i still love him and wish us to work this out again... What hurts me most is i wish i could be the source of his supports right now but i still manage to cause more troubles to him... 😢 He's a good guy who i admire so much for his good heart with people in his life but doesnt seem to apply with me somehow 😢

I dont know if he's being hurt by our break up because he doesnt show it at all... and for the fact that he hardly ever shown any emotion in our relationship or feelings to me. I just hope that he will speak to me about us, our break up for once soon so i know how he feels and thinks toward us.. And that i can either move on or try this out again... It is a shock to me how he leaves without a word like this as once he's a person (he's older than me) who suggests me i should make a contact with my ex Aries bf who i dont speak anymore that i should take a higher road and show the maturity in my life.

Its my birthday in 9 days so i hope he might be so kind enough to speak to me on my birthday... 😢

Break up with no closure?

A break-up is an end, that IS the closure.

In reality, you wanted him to respond to you that he's still into you and wants to be with you .. so closure, or ending to the relationship isn't what you were seeking at all.

In reality ... you sent him the break up message with intentions of getting him to respond to you in a certain way .. this certain way NOT being a closure, rather, endearment.

To get him to respond to you is do-able ... however, you first have to be real about this. A Pisces can see straight through a manipulation.

He realizes what you did here .. that you said "break up" and told him you were finished, and then started prompting him to chase you.

I don't know if he's swam away or not ... but, if he hasn't, then it's possible to get him to respond to you. To do so, your words have to match your actions ...

I agree with P. I dont understand why people have this need to discuss the reasons for the breakup! It takes two to make a relationship work and when one party wants out-does it really matter why. And when will women learn that tricky tactics like breaking up to make him want you more is not only immature and manipulative;its just not a good foundation to sustain a relationship on. Oy Vey-I'm getting too old for this.

"She wasn't trying to elicit a response"


That's how it sounded to me ... she broke with him and then contacted him like 5 times afterwards, trying to get him to communicate with her to tell her how he feels about her.

That ^^^^ isn't a desire to break up ... it's a desire to use a pretense of "break up" to get him to communicate to her how he feels about her.

"i have a feeling that he's using silence to punish me now"

That ^^^^^ is a clear indication to me that her intentions weren't to actually break up ... because she believes his silence is about punishing her in some way, which = she was expecting a response from him about how he feels about her.

This whole thing sounds so idiotic to me ... you're with a man who avoids you, who won't communicate to you about his feelings, for whatever reason .. so you decide that it's not worth it to you and break up with him for it.

Then is fretting and crying over the fact that he's NOT communicating with you?

wtf?

And you're SUPRISED that he's avoiding you?

Isn't that WHY you broke up with him?

And now you're carrying on because he won't communicate with you?


But, that's why you broke up with him.



**** head spins, spins, spins ****

LG - Girl, do I feel for you. I've gone through the exact type of situation. The ending result in my case was no closure. Yeah, I also did the goodbye thing (through SMS as I wasn't able to get the guy on the phone). I was so frigging mad at him and it drove me nuts not to get a reaction out of him. Then about 5 days later I began to feel guilty and wrote I was sorry and for him to get in contact with me. Nothing. He didn't do it and I, of course, at the time, was very sad and regretted saying goodbye. If I could speak to him one more time, calmly, I would be very happy. I felt he was taking advantage of me and said so. I also stated what goes around comes around. I guess I thought he would take contact with me not understanding what was wrong. He didn't and I was floored. It spoke volumes to me. This was in December 2006 and I have yet to hear from him again to my knowledge. There have been a few private calls to my cell phone but I don't know if it's him or not. The last time I got such a call was in January. I have also done 2 text messages to him stating I hope he's doing well. Nothing still. He refuses to acknowledge me and so be it. However, it did leave me, at the time, with doubting myself and the decision which never had happened to me before. Please keep your dignity in tact and don't contact your guy again. There's no point in doing so. His actions are telling you how he feels and he doesn't want to speak to you now. Maybe one day he will, but don't hold your breathe. Stay strong and believe that good things will come your way. I'm over the guy in my case, but I still wonder and will always hold a special place in heart for him. I know it's easy to say, but you have to move on, take with you this experience and learn from it. Just my 2 cents.

That's really sad, Mystical .. and unfortunately, a Piscean truth.

Once an emotional disconnection has occured, and the Fish no longer cares about a person >>>>>>>>>> we're gone, forever.

Sorry this has happened to you, sorry it has happened to anybody .. but, somewhere in his Piscean mind, he felt justified. And we always do. No matter how it is recieved, or interpreted by another person ... in our heads, we had a reason to swim, a valid reason .. even if it only existed in our head.

And it's likely that this same thing has happened in this situation, also .. the moment she broke up with him, he likely disconnected any feelings he had for her and swam away.

I don't see how long-distance-relationships can work anyway .. for a woman needs to have constant emotional reassurances, while men need to have physical release (ejaculations). It's unfathomable to me that a man can exist in a LDR without having a woman on the side for him to release this, often.

"Once an emotional disconnection has occured, and the Fish no longer cares about a person >>>>>>>>>> we're gone, forever."

I've known A LOT of pisceans to do that. I only get like that when I feel a person is mistaking my kindness for weakness. Hence, I haven't spoken to one of my very best friends from high school in almost 8 years and I don't intend to. He has tried to contact me through out the years, but I have no friendly feelings toward him. 😢

Sorry for a late response. I've traveled alot with my job recently and times difference.

Thank you bijou2u for understanding me perfectly in this situation. I did break up with him because i was tired and had enough. It took a while for a Libra to come up with a final decision but once its being made, its final... I didnt expect him to come and chase me afterward because as the wound is starting to heal now. i have realised its for the best to let him go... I was just confused in the beginning if i've let a great guy slipped away but no, i know i've made the right decision.. i was feeling guilty to break up with him during a tough time for him when i thought i should have been there for him.. Thats why i second gueesed myself in the beginning if break-up is a good call at that time... And thats why i tried contacting him just trying to show my supports and concern to him... So P-Angel, Im quite disappointed with your judgment on me and for the fact that your many posts on this Pisces board i've been reading have positively encouraged me to swim away and walk away from this crappy situation with him...

I only need a closure with him because this is an adult relationship so when its over, at least there is a word of Goodbye should be enough.. and i want to remain on a good term with him or perhaps friends one day at some points.. (Thats the way of life for Air signs wanting to be friend with ex's i know!)

I actually received a SMS from him a few days ago that he just got back to Qatar (where he works) and not happy with my email and that he will send a reply later that day.. So i told him he should give me a call to have a proper talk instead of an email.. I was waiting for it all day long after and until now, there is still no reply, call or anything from him... I was very angry and frustrated from waiting for him (my Aries moon can heat me up alot!) I seriously have no clue why he's doing this to me... But i just cant be bothered to care anymore.. Will just let him go the way he wants to... and just move on...

Thank you everyone so much for giving me many good insights on here and kind words to lift me up again.. Much appreciated... 🙂

"So P-Angel, Im quite disappointed with your judgment on me and for the fact that your many posts on this Pisces board i've been reading have positively encouraged me to swim away and walk away from this crappy situation with him"


Disappointed?

But, if my words encourage to walk away, when you've stated that you had already made this final decision to walk away .. then how is this disappointing if it's the same?

"It took a while for a Libra to come up with a final decision but once its being made, its final... I didnt expect him to come and chase me afterward .."


Is it disappointing (eventhough it's the same choice you claim to have already made) .. because you were actually expecting to hear words about STAYING in a relationship in which you claim to have already made a final decision to leave?

If you are truly finished with this man .. then why all the contacting still to get him to respond to you, and the upset that he hasn't ..

"i told him he should give me a call to have a proper talk instead of an email.. I was waiting for it all day long after and until now, there is still no reply, call or anything from him... I was very angry and frustrated from waiting for him (my Aries moon can heat me up alot!) I seriously have no clue why he's doing this to me"



You make absolutely no sense at all ..... you talk out of both sides of your mouth, to be honest.

One side says ... I'm done, I've made my final decision
The other says .. why hasn't he contacted me, why is he doing this to me

And .... my other post still rings clear in my head when it comes to this ...


You break up with a man because he doesn't contact you, he doesn't put forth the effort you need with communication, and care with telling you how he feels about you and the relationship ..

.. that ^^^^^^ ... IS .. the reason you broke up with him.


And now .. you're surprised and upset that he isn't contacting you, and spilling his guts out to you about how he feels?


It's like .. you're 'stuck' within a mind-set of not understanding a truth that's right in front of your face .... he IS avoiding you, he has always been avoiding you >>>>>>> you break up with him for it, and still 'stuck' within not comprehending that he is avoiding you.

You can say it, you can act on it ... but, you have no comprehension that he's actually doing it.

Very strange ... perhaps, your Libra mind is wieghing this out way too heavily, and has prevented you from seeing with any clarity as to exactly what is happening here. Maybe you should stop putting any more thought into it because it's clogging your head up.

You say, you're finished .. you're done .. you're not expecting him to come and chase you ....


.... then sit and wait with bated-breath for him to call you to talk about the relationship.


"I was waiting for it all day long after and until now, there is still no reply, call or anything from him... I was very angry and frustrated from waiting for him"



libran_girly .... seriously .. you are extremely confused here, for your words don't match your actions.

And to be completely honest with you .. it's this hypocracy on your part of words/actions that is the likely reason why he avoids you, and always has.

Everything you said is true .. well, I have to take your word on it for what you said about Air Signs .. but, the Pisces part is true.

However, I'm still astounded that there is a Surprise on her part that this man is avoiding her = the reason she broke up with him.

It's right there ... how can that be missed?

Whether the thought process is different or not, doesn't change this.

It's like .. you leave your husband because he beats you, then he finds where you're hiding and beats you up again .. and you wonder why he beat you up for leaving him BECAUSE you left him?

Makes no sense to me at all .... if this man AVOIDS her, and has all along, then why on earth would she be upset and surprised that he is avoiding her NOW.

I can't wrap that around my head .. for that's WHY she left him in the first place.

Shouldn't ^^^^^^ be the focus of the thought-process, and NOT continuing to be distressed over that he is still doing it?

"Air signs = talk THROUGH their process. In verbally articulating a decision making process, an air sign can hear how it sounds, can weigh the truth, can analyze the options."


I believe you on this, for it is so .. however, no matter how much this woman WANTS to verbally go through this process, or NEEDS to go through this process .. doesn't negate the fact that he is not, will not, does not .. it is what it is.

This man cannot be made to do this, she can desire or have a need to do this until the cows come home ... but, why put herself through this when she KNOWS he's not going to? And then be stressing over him not doing something you know he's not going to do because ...

.. that's WHY you broke up with him in the first place.


It all just seems so insane to me.

You break up with a man because he avoids you
Then you're upset because he is avoiding you AFTER you break up with him.

Am I the only person who can see how silly that is?

i

As far as I am concerned, if two people break up, it is the RIGHT of either person to keep in touch or discuss unresolved isssues, and it is the DUTY of each ex parther to be able do this for the other if requested; and, if this duty is NOT done, it is a CRIME and should be CONDEMNED.

Good luck with that ... I'd start stocking up on tissues now if I were you.

P Angel, please take a hike and get a life.

I have read your posts in many places, and your opinions are arrogant, immature and ignorant.

I learned a long time ago that only abusers expect others to be above things like revenge and to take the abuse, and you are an abuser.

In future I suggest you refrain from making comments about situations you have no experience in.

Wal-Marts having a special righ now .... you're gonna need them, lots of them ....