Granting Wishes!

Rules: 1. One person makes a wish
2. The next person grants that wish but corrupts it in a
humorous/diabolical way.
3. the second person makes a wish...and so on.

Example:

Wish : "I wish we existed in an Utopian society and didn't need wishes"

Reply: " Granted ,You now live in a Utopian society, there are no worries about jobs, food and shelter is plentyful as long as you contribute fairly with the rest, and why wouldn't you. You have no choice. You are now an Ant."

I'll go first,

Wish: I could fly like a bird.

Hey, crab23,it's perfectly fine,for the first time anyway. Let's see what other folks have to say.

Ok,granted but your a certain little insect that drinks blood,can you guess what it is?

i wish i had a wish

Ok,wish granted but she's already mine and I like knives

I wish haffo would play because im bored

I wish I had Tiamat as a girlfriend.

Granted: You're now Tiamat's boyfriend,but you only get to see her in her huge female dragon form. Enjoy...and get burned! (Tiamat is a huge female dragon according to Babylonian mythology).

Wish: I could go to Thailand right now.

Granted: You're visiting Thailand, discovering a new culture, eating exotic food and making tons of new friends. One of those friends is 3m long and lives inside you.

Wish: I wish i was a virtuoso of the caliber of Nicolo Paganini.

Granted: Your talent now far exceeds that of Nicolo Paganini,but you're afflicted with deafness like Beethoven.So you can still compose but can no longer truly appreciate your own originality.

Wish: I was an alien.

Granted : Now you've the power to turn everything you touch into gold, you're so ecstatic with this new found power that you start turning everything around you into gold.Then you meet the woman of your dreams who promises to make your wildest fantasies come true.Unfortunately,she leaves after learning it has to be strictly platonic since you cannot touch her.

Wish: I had E.S.P.

Thats cheating! someone make a new wish.

Granted: You now can fly! But the day you set out to test your wings is also the day Melusine gets ESP and you die in the hurricane!

I wish I was a little bit taller...

Granted....you are Jerry Winfry....a cynical afro american....with a talk show only weirdo's watch and cry at your endless tales....

I wish. I won the lottery...!!!

Ooops.........i made a boo boo i was answering the wish at the bottom of page 1....silly me!!!

GRANTE😱 You are now the proud recipient of $ 1 lottery ticket! BUT a homeless man sees you in your celebration, knocks you over the head with a stick and takes it from you!

I wish I was Bill Gates...

Granted: You are now the richest and greediest person in the world, but it has it's short comings.Did you ever hear that j/k about Bill Gates' Wedding Night? it goes something like this:
Q : What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
A : "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

Wish: I wish I's a kid again.

GRANTE😱 you are warpped back to the days of being tossed in the mud by your peers, feeling insecure, disrespected by adults.. and tormented by the neediness of children younger than you. Oh.. and you smell like Pee.. but you're WAY too old to be in diapers.

I wish my sweetheart and I lived closer to each other 😢.

Granted: You and your Sweetheart now live very close to each other, indeed you're cell mates in a facility for the mentally ill.(do they actually allow that?)

Wish: I had supernatural powers.

GRANTE😱 You now have the super natural power pass gas..which really acts as a neural toxin. (Oh this was just too easy).

I wish I had jumped into this game much earlier!

GRANTE😱 Now you jumpen into game eariler. You are jumping...still jumping....still still jumping...Oh no you can't stop jumping....Haffo takes gun and shots STD down. Now you can say thank you for stopping you jumping..

I wish I was a president.

You are now a president. The president of a transexual elvis impersonators club and all the participants have sex with you trying to get privileges.

I wish i was immortal.

GRANTE😱 You are now immortal sex slave- I hope you like being the submissive.

I wish I were a dancer!

Granted: You're now a world renowned belly dancer, the only catch is you never get to stop dancing,C'mon STD,what are you waiting for,start dancing...😉

Wish: My tormentor would go away.

*can't.. stop... dancing..!✨

GRANTE😱 Your tormentor DISAPPEARS, but was replaced by a butt-plug which is 3 inches in diameter [that's 7.67 cm for you Metric Freaks]....*whew* talk about a pain in the bootie!!

Wish: That a nude statue was built in my honor, and placed somewhere in the White House.

Granted:Ur nude statue has no legs no arms, one breast dat's upside down and a peice of booty dat seems like ur left foot,And the statute is infested by pigeons,oooh the horror and the mess,ewwwww.

My wish: I wish,i had xray vision,healing powers and the ability to teleport.

OOOoooooOOOo...

Your wish is SO GRANTED!
GRANTE😱 Your x-ray vision only works on the lower half of men. It's been a year now and you've seen more SACK and CRACK than a doctor giving prostate exams!

GRANTE😱 Your healing powers can be used for the benefit of healing people you personally can't stand! It's also combined with call signal- so you can be at their beckoning call for anything .. including things as minor as hang-nail.

GRANTE😱 AH and the teleport. That was cool until you tried to teleport while a fly had landed on your skin-- causing both your DNA's to combine. Trust, you weren't cute and after 12 painful surgeries, we're finaly able to make out a human face.

I wish I could invent something that everyone could use, liberally.

Granted: You've finally figured out a way to make cold fusion work, now everyone can use water as the main source of energy,and in doing that you inadvertently start a world war (for control over water resources) which leads to the eventual destruction of all humanity.Congrats!!

Wish:I was good at solving riddles.

Granted....your a mastermind at solving riddles.....designed for 3 yr olds....alas...you have tons of competition!!!

I WISH: I was a fairy :o)

You are now a beautiful and magical being 4 inches tall. Sexual intercourse with the man of your dreams is impossible, the closer you'll get is standing in the palm of his hand.

Wish: i was a talking bear

GRANTE😱 You're lost in translation...with 2 Canadian Mooses...lololololol SOUND FAMILIAR.....?

I WISH: I had a crab and a fish to play with all day long...

GRANTE😱 You now have a brand new fish and fresh crab to play with- but not enough water 😢!! The fish and crab fight to the death over the limited supply of water, with some Star Trek music playing in the background, and end up fatally injuring each other. Rather than let the remains go to waste... you end up with crab legs and baked mahi mahi for dinner.. Hmmmmm.. am I invited?

I wish I was out drinking with friends right now.

GRANTE😱 You lose your job and all of you co-workers feel sorry for you so they take you out for wheat-germ shots!

I wish Haffo would finally get some SEX!

Thank you for such beautiful wish Cancerlady.

GRANTE😱 The man in your dream pop's out of your head and gives you big slapp lol.

I wish I found a lamp of Aladdin and had 3 wishes more lol (Umm that makes 4 wishes now).

Wait.. Cancerlady wished that you would get sex.. so um... the man of YOUR dreams... popped out of your head.. and slapped you? (Haffo, something you wanna tell us?) 😉

Crab23 made "not pleasant" realisation of CL's wish about me. I wrote Crab23's answer to her wish and moderator deleted her post.

Even tought Crab23's post was offencive, I stil find it funny. 🙂

Yeah a game. The game should be funny, not disgusting lol. Anyway, I will stop that before people start whine about my detail oriented personality...Duh.

I wish I knew what Crab23 said!

GRANTE😱 Crab23 uses the powers of unfiltered PM to send cancerlady what was said (because after all, midgets are fun.. who doesn't want one?). They both have a good laugh, and then cancerlady-- then suddenly they look into each other's eyes... "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye begins playing in the background ... and.. and.. well, you know the rest...

I wish the weekend was 4 days long.