I really like this guy but he is so rude to me

I (29 year old female) know this guy (45 year old male) a little bit cause we work in the same field. He asked me to coffee to talk about our field kind of like a networking coffee.

It went well. Now we meet quite often for coffee or lunch. I really like him and I thought he felt the same, but lately he has been really rude to me and over the past week he's been really short with me and also ignoring me. Even just as a friend I find this really hurtful. I asked him if something as wrong and he said no.

He is so friendly with everyone else, flirting with waitresses when we have lunch and checking out every woman in the street when we walk together, so he's not gay. When people call him on the phone he's super friendly and nice to them. Yet he's really rude when he talks to me. It's so hurtful. It's as though he thins everyone else in the world is wonderful, but I'm not worth even being nice to. Yet he initiates coffee and lunch things to talk about work.

I don't understand why he doesn't like me and I wish he did, he's quite a bit older than me, is overweight, shorter than me and bald, which I don't mind at all, I think he's super cute, but the vibe he gives off when he talks to me is that he thinks he's too good for me. Kind of an arrogant vibe. I've noticed him checking me out before when I've been walking ahead of him, but he never makes a move.

I'm not ugly - most people tell me I'm really pretty, I'm thin and fun to be around. Men check me out when I walk down the street and I am asked out several times a week just going around the city doing my errands etc. I'm a really kind person and I feel like he gets angry when I am kind and nice to him.

I think I have made it pretty obvious that I like him. He would have to be very thick not to realise and maybe that is why he's being rude to me lately. I don't know.

I know he's single and he goes out drinking with his friends every night, but never invites me out at night to dinner or anything.

What can I do to turn this situation around and get him to like me?

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I (29 year old female) know this guy (45 year old male) a little bit cause we work in the same field. He asked me to coffee to talk about our field kind of like a networking coffee.

It went well. Now we meet quite often for coffee or lunch. I really like him and I thought he felt the same, but lately he has been really rude to me and over the past week he's been really short with me and also ignoring me. Even just as a friend I find this really hurtful. I asked him if something as wrong and he said no.

He is so friendly with everyone else, flirting with waitresses when we have lunch and checking out every woman in the street when we walk together, so he's not gay. When people call him on the phone he's super friendly and nice to them. Yet he's really rude when he talks to me. It's so hurtful. It's as though he thins everyone else in the world is wonderful, but I'm not worth even being nice to. Yet he initiates coffee and lunch things to talk about work.

I don't understand why he doesn't like me and I wish he did, he's quite a bit older than me, is overweight, shorter than me and bald, which I don't mind at all, I think he's super cute, but the vibe he gives off when he talks to me is that he thinks he's too good for me. Kind of an arrogant vibe. I've noticed him checking me out before when I've been walking ahead of him, but he never makes a move.

I'm not ugly - most people tell me I'm really pretty, I'm thin and fun to be around. Men check me out when I walk down the street and I am asked out several times a week just going around the city doing my errands etc. I'm a really kind person and I feel like he gets angry when I am kind and nice to him.

I think I have made it pretty obvious that I like him. He would have to be very thick not to realise and maybe that is why he's being rude to me lately. I don't know.

I know he's single and he goes out drinking with his friends every night, but never invites me out at night to dinner or anything.

What can I do to turn this situation around and get him to like me?

First you need to find a self esteem. Second there isnt much you can do to "make" someone like you. I think he's letting you know he's not interested in you at all. You need to move on and find someone else. Men KNOW when you are into them and they make it obvious whether or not they feel the same. I would move on.

Xin, thanks for your help. Why do you think he's making it obvious he doesn't like me?

Posted by xvll27
No comments 🙂

Why not? Are you being sarcastic? 😢

Posted by EccentricUranian
Maybe the age difference is a bit of a "bump" for him. What sign is he anyway?

I'm not sure, I asked him for his birthday, but he wouldn't tell me. I'm a pisces though. He is very serious, not jokey and so I guess maybe a virgo or capricorn might be strong in his chart. I don't know.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
Xin, thanks for your help. Why do you think he's making it obvious he doesn't like me?

Well most guys don't want to be the bringer of bad news to females lest they have to deal with our "emotions". So they will do everything else BUT tell you if they are afraid of a woman's wrath. Some guys will tell you straight out but most don't. Looking at other women in front of you is so rude especially if he knows. The only two things I can say is he either is making it obvious that he DOESN'T like you and picked up on your vibe. OR he doesn't KNOW you like him. Some men are oblivious. Is he married? Divorced?

He's rude and disrespectful. Even if he doesn't like you that way, he should still treat you with the same amount of kindness and respect that he treats others. You need to stop wasting your time with him. Also try to work on improving your self esteem, you should never try to "make" someone like you. Either they like you or they don't, and if they don't forget about them.

Posted by twinklebluetoes
You don't want him to like you and you aren't interested in him.

Your ego was bruised and you think that by making him like you, it will prove you've still got it.

That's not true, I really do like him. I don't have an ego at all. I actually have very low sense of self and self esteem.

Posted by cappy129
He's rude and disrespectful. Even if he doesn't like you that way, he should still treat you with the same amount of kindness and respect that he treats others. You need to stop wasting your time with him. Also try to work on improving your self esteem, you should never try to "make" someone like you. Either they like you or they don't, and if they don't forget about them.

Good point. I really do have low self esteem. I always feel so bad about myself. All my friends can't believe how badly I let people treat me, I think cause my dad was an abusive alcoholic I have some issues there.

Posted by xvll27

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Posted by xvll27
No comments 🙂

Why not? Are you being sarcastic? 😢

Look I'm almost 27 but I would never wish to date with a teen girl like 18,19 or at least you have to be like too mature by brain for me to date you like hmm 30 or 32 or 26 what ever... yes age + brain and wisdom matter to me the most the way you have described your self your pretty face etc etc and all that you could give it a try with some other men or it's always not necessary to fall for a man you could have even better things to do rather than getting your self emotionally messed up with some crazy rude guy 🙂

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Thanks. 🙂 That is good advice.

Posted by MilkySoft
He sounds gross. Instead of you trying to get him to like you, I suggest you not give him the time of day.

hahah yeah...

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Posted by cappy129
He's rude and disrespectful. Even if he doesn't like you that way, he should still treat you with the same amount of kindness and respect that he treats others. You need to stop wasting your time with him. Also try to work on improving your self esteem, you should never try to "make" someone like you. Either they like you or they don't, and if they don't forget about them.

Good point. I really do have low self esteem. I always feel so bad about myself. All my friends can't believe how badly I let people treat me, I think cause my dad was an abusive alcoholic I have some issues there.

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That's unfortunate. I come from a somewhat similar background and I had low self esteem and some other issues when I was really young. I was able to eventually regain my confidence/self esteem and now I love myself, maybe even a little too much. Lol i'm still really kind to people and some try to take advantage, but i'm learning how to address things that bother me and not let it build up out of fear of confrontation. Just try to look at yourself each morning and tell yourself that you are worth it and you deserve the best.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Posted by cappy129
He's rude and disrespectful. Even if he doesn't like you that way, he should still treat you with the same amount of kindness and respect that he treats others. You need to stop wasting your time with him. Also try to work on improving your self esteem, you should never try to "make" someone like you. Either they like you or they don't, and if they don't forget about them.

Good point. I really do have low self esteem. I always feel so bad about myself. All my friends can't believe how badly I let people treat me, I think cause my dad was an abusive alcoholic I have some issues there.

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Play up your Leo part and find someone who treats you like a princess.

Posted by EccentricUranian
Maybe the age difference is a bit of a "bump" for him. What sign is he anyway?

i think the guy is scorpio, lol.. most scorpio's dont like being asked even their bdays and yes they are also rude at some point and some that i know dont like it when a girl is too obvious showing interest in them even if they like it they will feel like it wont be a challenge, u know what im saying? but what do i know lol.. anyways, dont try too hard to make him like u, try to ignore him, and not show much interest on him, then you'll see he'll be the one to come around (hopefully)..😛

Posted by idk
call him!
call him
call him call him

tell him you thought it was a number for some male escort agency.
he'll understand. i swear.

@IDK: LOL 😛

My take? He was interested in you at first so she put on a show. Now that he's lost interest AND has gotten an emotional attachment( not necessarily romantic) he feels he can be that way towards you because he "senses" that you'll allow it. He treats other people differently because he either is interested in them or is trying to maintain an "image."

While it is understandable for you to feel this way because of who you are, the lesson comes in turning off those feelings and not putting energy and emotion into a "current" situation that is not rewarding because of how things used to be. You have to accept the present as well. Men and women will come and ambush you. Try to lure you in to fulfill their needs then detach without warning. You must become secure in yourself in order to survive these situations. Its difficult, but if you put in the work you'll soon be able to do it without any though...it will be instinct. Turn your attention and energy to those who return the positive energy you give. That way, you'll always be replenished.

I remember you ... you're the ditz who tried to convince us on the Virgo board that your boss worked you 20 hours everyday, with no days off.

It was realized then, that you're not all there ....

Posted by P-Angel

I remember you ... you're the ditz who tried to convince us on the Virgo board that your boss worked you 20 hours everyday, with no days off.

It was realized then, that you're not all there ....

That was 100% true. I work in a very stressful profession. That you don't think some people work these kinds of hours makes me think you have lead a very sheltered life.

Posted by beautifulsoul74
My take? He was interested in you at first so she put on a show. Now that he's lost interest AND has gotten an emotional attachment( not necessarily romantic) he feels he can be that way towards you because he "senses" that you'll allow it. He treats other people differently because he either is interested in them or is trying to maintain an "image."

While it is understandable for you to feel this way because of who you are, the lesson comes in turning off those feelings and not putting energy and emotion into a "current" situation that is not rewarding because of how things used to be. You have to accept the present as well. Men and women will come and ambush you. Try to lure you in to fulfill their needs then detach without warning. You must become secure in yourself in order to survive these situations. Its difficult, but if you put in the work you'll soon be able to do it without any though...it will be instinct. Turn your attention and energy to those who return the positive energy you give. That way, you'll always be replenished.

I think this is very true!!! Wow..... you are good.

What do I do now to turn the situation with the guy around??

Posted by seraph

Posted by starlover

Posted by seraph
He's rude to you, makes you feel like dirt, and you find him unattractive . . .









And he's got you so flustered you're desperately seeking answers online.






Damn.

This guy is a PRO.

But you're putting in 50% of his work.

Yeah a professional idiot by the sounds of him

Once again, I'm in agreement with you, but he isn't really the problem here, at least not the one that actually matters - he probably doesn't even give a damn, possibly because he's turned off by Miss "How can I get him to like me?!!??"

I know I'd be.

As already made clear in the thread, OP needs to get herself *to like herself*. A surefire way of dealing with these predicaments.

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See I know this is true, but I'm not sure how to put it across to other people that I like myself. So you would be turned off by the way I am? Do I need to be more standoffish and meaner?

Posted by prettypiscean

Posted by EccentricUranian
Maybe the age difference is a bit of a "bump" for him. What sign is he anyway?

i think the guy is scorpio, lol.. most scorpio's dont like being asked even their bdays and yes they are also rude at some point and some that i know dont like it when a girl is too obvious showing interest in them even if they like it they will feel like it wont be a challenge, u know what im saying? but what do i know lol.. anyways, dont try too hard to make him like u, try to ignore him, and not show much interest on him, then you'll see he'll be the one to come around (hopefully)..😛

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I think you are right? Don't you think it's weird he wouldn't share his birthday?

Posted by seraph
He's rude to you, makes you feel like dirt, and you find him unattractive . . .









And he's got you so flustered you're desperately seeking answers online.






Damn.

This guy is a PRO.

But you're putting in 50% of his work.

😢

seraph, so even just reading my comments it's not attractive cause I seem not confident?

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

Posted by beautifulsoul74
My take? He was interested in you at first so she put on a show. Now that he's lost interest AND has gotten an emotional attachment( not necessarily romantic) he feels he can be that way towards you because he "senses" that you'll allow it. He treats other people differently because he either is interested in them or is trying to maintain an "image."

While it is understandable for you to feel this way because of who you are, the lesson comes in turning off those feelings and not putting energy and emotion into a "current" situation that is not rewarding because of how things used to be. You have to accept the present as well. Men and women will come and ambush you. Try to lure you in to fulfill their needs then detach without warning. You must become secure in yourself in order to survive these situations. Its difficult, but if you put in the work you'll soon be able to do it without any though...it will be instinct. Turn your attention and energy to those who return the positive energy you give. That way, you'll always be replenished.

I think this is very true!!! Wow..... you are good.

What do I do now to turn the situation with the guy around??

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Its simple. One, it starts with what Seraph said. Don't look for outward approval to determine your worth. You know yourself best. Do your best without looking for acknowledgement...you'll always be disappointed. Two, ignore the dude. Don't let his actions determine how you feel. YOU determine that. Let go. You know how he is, so it shouldn't come as a surprise and not bother you. Pick your battles, you feeling bad about what happened and who he is isn't going to change him. Karma and the universe will knock him on his ass and will do a better job than you will...in this lifetime or the next. Acceptance of how people are doesn't mean your settling or giving up. It makes you wise as to when to act and when not to. When to show empathy and when to show tough love. Without wisdom and judgment...clear vision...you'll be all over the place...the place being where you are now emotionally.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius

I actually did work that much and sometimes over 24 hour days. You have obviously never worked in a field where long days (but not this long) are the norm.

because there is often more than 24 hours in a day

Posted by seraph

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
seraph, so even just reading my comments it's not attractive cause I seem not confident?

No. Reading your comments is neither this or that. You came here looking for answers. Attraction (or lack thereof) doesn't play into it.

Generally, according to your account you're attractive and desirable. I'll assume it's usually YOU who is the one to control the situation with men. Then, outta the clear blue sky, some runt (according to you) appears, who is completely nonchalant about you, unfazed by you, whereas other men predictably fall all over themselves in your presence (I'm not being glib here, you get my point.)

So this is throwing you for a loop. Suddenly you're questioning things and pulling your self-worth into question because this anti-Adonis acts like he *owns* you, and two things are happening here: 1) your pride is hurt and demands satisfaction, and 2) part of you finds being knocked down a few pegs irresistible.

What's really happening, though, is in the final count, this is only one guy, and it's best not to allow your pride to compel you to seek something long term with someone based on their ability to throw you into a state of confusion.

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Thanks seraph, you give really wonderful and kind advice. Really wise and I really appreciate it. I really am searching for answers and what you write makes an enormous amount of sense.

Posted by seraph

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
seraph, so even just reading my comments it's not attractive cause I seem not confident?

No. Reading your comments is neither this or that. You came here looking for answers. Attraction (or lack thereof) doesn't play into it.

Generally, according to your account you're attractive and desirable. I'll assume it's usually YOU who is the one to control the situation with men. Then, outta the clear blue sky, some runt (according to you) appears, who is completely nonchalant about you, unfazed by you, whereas other men predictably fall all over themselves in your presence (I'm not being glib here, you get my point.)

So this is throwing you for a loop. Suddenly you're questioning things and pulling your self-worth into question because this anti-Adonis acts like he *owns* you, and two things are happening here: 1) your pride is hurt and demands satisfaction, and 2) part of you finds being knocked down a few pegs irresistible.

What's really happening, though, is in the final count, this is only one guy, and it's best not to allow your pride to compel you to seek something long term with someone based on their ability to throw you into a state of confusion.

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I think it really surprises people...a simple explanation.