Taurus broke my heart

It's been 3 weeks since I called off our 2 year affair. I miss him so much and as u can tell I'm not over him yet bc I'm still talking about it lol. The thing that bothers me is that I ended it thru email bc he wldnt see me or txt me bc he was afraid of getting busted by his live in girlfriend with 4 kids 2 are his. I got the last word but I'm upset and very hurt that he didn't fight for me after saying he loved me. My self esteem and self worth is extremely crappy right now. I guess I just needed to vent. Any advice?!

lol...you're pitiful and stupid. that's not really "advice" per se, but it had to be said.

I guess I deserved that. Just add to my pity fest. I guess your right "once a cheater always a cheater". Shld I tell his gf?

Why, to be a vindictive cow? You've already bore this dude a child as the other woman. If it's done it's DONE. That means all the way round done. Raise your child and live your life.

And no, you should stay OUT of his (and his girlfriend's) lives. She's got enough to deal with just being the girlfriend of this man, I'm sure. Don't add to her problems out of feeling hurt and wanting revenge cuz her man didn't "pick" you. Not your place to tell this woman -- she'll find out eventually, her own way, in her own time. And she will deal with it in her own way. And YOU should have nothing to do with that..

.. what? You didn't think you were the ONLY side-piece he ever had or will have? Don't be naive.

Reposted with typos fixed:

Advice? Umm.. find a man who isn't already taken. A man you don't have to share with another woman like that. A man who doesn't have to CHEAT to be with you. Build a relationship with HIM, and the Taurus cheater will fade away to a bittersweet memory.

.. btw.. your self esteem and self worth were ALREADY crappy, if you settled for a taken man. It's not a contest or competition.. getting a cheater to cheat is no great feat.. and even if you "win" him, you lose -- cuz your fabulous grand prize is a cheater who cheats, a man you can NEVER trust or believe in, not really. A woman who values herself would NEVER settle for some half-assed relationship with a sub-par guy, cuz she knows she's worth more, she's worth a proper relationship. The very second she found out about the other woman *POOF* her attraction would be gone, (as it would/should be when ANY man reveals an absolutely revolting, broken and unfixable problem about himself.. such as being a pedophile or beastie-lover or animal torturer.. or wanting you to shit in a hat to get him off sexually.. or being the kind of man who would have a woman (and kids!) and cheat on them.. which also reveals his complete lack of respect for YOU and utter disregard for your wants, needs, or feelings!) Revealing such a DISGUSTING character flaw... he would suddenly seem like something nasty one might step in, and therefore, a secure, worthy, valuable woman would hold her head high and proud as she unflinchingly walks away from something that does not serve her well.

But I will agree that your self-esteem has likely plummeted even more.. because you had it all tied up in this unavailable man, in the challenge and chase of taking him away from another woman, and your ego is bruised. Put your ego to bed, she's not doing what's best for YOU!

Oh, you little instigator, nights lol

SMH. I cant.

I agree with Nefer. It's not your place to interfere with the chain of events. By doing so, you involve yourself in something that is NOT good for you. Let events unfold, the piper must always be paid.

Posted by Dreamer02
SMH. I cant.

You should, you've already involved yourself in ways that you shouldn't, take the lesson and turn over a new leaf.

Jesus, why are DXP threads so fucking heavy all the time. This site makes me feel old. I'm seriously one of the most happy-go-lucky, carefree people and then there is this site...

Okay, I agree with that. A father should be a father. Take it to the courts. File for paternity, child support, the whole shebang. She is entitled to have the father's support to help raise their child.

But her "Should I tell the gf?" question wasn't out of care and compassion for the girlfriend (she's been banging this guy behind her back for two years! Little late to want to "help" this woman!) ... it felt more like her wanting permission (or exoneration) to run and tattle to the longtime girlfriend.. you know, maybe make her mad enough to dump the cheater.. then he'd be single and alone and frantic.. and maybe more likely to finally choose his shorter-term girlfriend here... you know, like revenge.. like her bruised ego is still driving the bus, and wants to WIN at all costs. Even if her prize sucks.

So NO.. don't go running off and TATTLING to the girlfriend (you'd look like a vindictive bitch anyway)... but DO file paperwork to get the legal things rolling for your daughter. For your daughter.. NOT your bruised ego.

wow Dating a taken man. And making a thread about it. Disgraceful.

Posted by Awakened

Posted by Dreamer02
SMH. I cant.

You should, you've already involved yourself in ways that you shouldn't, take the lesson and turn over a new leaf.

click to expand

HAHAHA.. the OP is Dreamweaver03... and Dreamer02 is NOT the same person.

Dreamer is da bomb, however. Jus' sayin'.

Oh! Well I'll take that bit of information and depart from the thread! They say that the foolish won't heed advice and the wise don't need it! So no point in being here anyways! 😛

ALSO, hi Nefer! I hope you're doing well. You're easily one of the best folk on this hur' site. 🙂

Much love to you and your lady, Awake 🙂

Posted by Nefer
Okay, I agree with that. A father should be a father. Take it to the courts. File for paternity, child support, the whole shebang. She is entitled to have the father's support to help raise their child.

But her "Should I tell the gf?" question wasn't out of care and compassion for the girlfriend (she's been banging this guy behind her back for two years! Little late to want to "help" this woman!) ... it felt more like her wanting permission (or exoneration) to run and tattle to the longtime girlfriend.. you know, maybe make her mad enough to dump the cheater.. then he'd be single and alone and frantic.. and maybe more likely to finally choose his shorter-term girlfriend here... you know, like revenge.. like her bruised ego is still driving the bus, and wants to WIN at all costs. Even if her prize sucks.

So NO.. don't go running off and TATTLING to the girlfriend (you'd look like a vindictive bitch anyway)... but DO file paperwork to get the legal things rolling for your daughter. For your daughter.. NOT your bruised ego.

YUP. It's all about making her just as shit miserable as she herself is. Annnnnd I can just about BET the dudes *girlfriend* isn't as stupid as he thinks she is.

All shit trickles downhill eventually. See your point regardless. This other woman has more than one child ..lives with the dude. If she doesn't have an inkling of anything he's up too she's a retard. Or blinded herself to it. The truth may also ruin lives. I'm all for honesty, but if she's adopted a 'blind pig is a happy pig' mentality then she can swim in her own ignorance. This is all ponderings naturally. Only have the word of one in this three pronged soiree of hilarity.

Posted by Nefer

Posted by Awakened

Posted by Dreamer02
SMH. I cant.

You should, you've already involved yourself in ways that you shouldn't, take the lesson and turn over a new leaf.

HAHAHA.. the OP is Dreamweaver03... and Dreamer02 is NOT the same person.

Dreamer is da bomb, however. Jus' sayin'.

click to expand

LOL. I was like WTH?? You know I love u girl 🙂

The gf has a right to know, but I take issue w/ the fact that you are only compelled to tell her now that the relationship is over. Smells like revenge. Clearly you weren't so concerned about doing the right thing for the last two years. Its a tough one.

2 years with the OP and they have a child? ya... the gf already knows. You'd be surprised how many women put up with that crap. I mean...the OP didn't mind sharing. The gf probably is satisfied with the fact he lives with her.

*smh*

Yep. As soon as I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I filed for divorce. The great unforgiveable. Cheat..ya ass is GONE. Would I have wanted some woman on my doorstep in hysterics or on the phone telling me about a cheating mutha? Not so sure about that one. Yes, I'd want to know, but would I want my entire world ripped out from under me. Do I want my children going through all of that right alongside me. Do I want all my trust to shatter like glass. Do I want to look at the man I love and know he doesn't love me back enough to honor me or our relationship. Not feeling the fireworks and razzle dazzle flag waving over that one.

Thanks for all your comments. Nefer made some good points that I will take to heart. I'm afraid to tell his gf bc I was afraid of losing him. We've know each other 20 years. I don't want to be responsible for breaking up his sugarcoated family bc he told me if she leaves she takes all kids and will be the biggest beeoch and not let him see them. Just threats I think but takes men longer to figure that out. Any how I just want him to hurt the way he hurt me but I'm not that vindictive and I hate myself for having the martyr syndrome. I just rather suck it up so only I get hurt. God knows how many ways ive thought about sending her a message on facebook or mailing her pics. My baby will always be taken care of whether he's in the pic or not besides I'm doing her a favor keeping the likes of him away.

So, you're going to tell her then? This is a really sad story.

No I won't tell her but I'm gonna fantasize about it. She will find out eventually. I'm a firm believer in karma. my guess is that he'll try and contact me in a few weeks. He has a heart and he feels guilty that he cldnt be a father to my baby in fear of losing his other 4 kids. I know he's wondering about our child and it eats at him. I don't know how he gets any sleep.

Sad story indeed 😢

Five bucks says the OP has an Aries Venus 😄

Posted by Dreamweaver03
No I won't tell her but I'm gonna fantasize about it. She will find out eventually. I'm a firm believer in karma. my guess is that he'll try and contact me in a few weeks. He has a heart and he feels guilty that he cldnt be a father to my baby in fear of losing his other 4 kids. I know he's wondering about our child and it eats at him. I don't know how he gets any sleep.

Hes got a heart? Hes a selfish coward! No way in hell would I let fear of looking bad keep me from my child.

You are in love w/ who you want him to be and not who he really is. Any man that could do what he has done is pretty much worthless. And this is the man you chose as a father to your child. Thats the saddest part of all.

I hope I dont sound too judgmental..but this situation is fucked up on so many levels. How are you supposed to teach your child self worth? Oh, this makes me sad. 😢

Do you really believe he thinks about you and your child when he's tucking his others into bed and climbing in alongside the other? If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. I don't care what kind of b.s. story he's been siphoning into the shell of your ear at night, what kind of phone calls he's made. Bottom line is simply that. That crap about *losing* his kids. Nope. He'd pay support out the ass and get them every other weekend. Same as most every other single father does. He would have the court behind him in that. He pays support, he sees his children.
Don't spout karma when you've been the one creeping with him behind someone elses back. Makes zero sense. The finger you point outward and all of that. Sad to say I'm sure he sleeps just fine. What you need to do is cut contact, go the courthouse and get support rolling. Not depend on him to shuffle you monies here and there, not trust even that. Nope, you'd be a fool too. Money is cold comfort indeed, but it keeps the lights shining and food in a mouth.
Now, do you think he cared so much about his four other children when he was putting boots to you, he cared so much that he didn't take great care to not father any more children with anyone? NOPE. Not thinking much past his erection there. Believe it. Use your BRAIN woman. Take care of yourself, and your daughter. The important ones. Because a cheating mo'fo IS NOT important, not at all.

Sad story.

The heart sure can play some fucked up games. I believe you love this man and it's unfortunate for you. I hope you find some peace out of the situation once you gain control.

Posted by venusianbull

Don't spout karma when you've been the one creeping with him behind someone elses back. Makes zero sense.

I agree with everyone who said the OP should file child support. You deserve it, your baby deserves it and the bastard Taurus MOST DEFINITELY deserves to pay. Do not get sucked into the false pride, martyr role by avoiding filing for child support. Maybe you don't want him in your kid's life but that is not a good enough excuse to let him off the hook like that. Make.Him.Pay.

The Scorpion in me also wants to point out that filing for child support will most definitely alert the live-in GF ... It's so nice when revenge is a side effect of doing the right thing.
:: walks away, stinger waving::

Posted by Nights22
Hmm some You ladies be way to shaming of the other women. The bf/husband needs his comeuppance and her telling would do that.

I have no sympathy for any of the adults involved. The thing is... I've seen the 'other woman' come forward and tell the gf/wife many times. (including lots of family members cause the men are kinda like that)

The reality is 8 times in 10 the g/f wife knows and stays with the man. Or the gf/wife puts on a big show of leaving and ending it, just to wind up with the guy again later down the line.

Yes, the guy is the common denominator and if she wants to create drama... then tell. But there are 5 kids involved and they are the ones that will feel the effects once the adults in their life finish emoting.

I don't want her to feel shame, she looks at herself in the mirror. What I'd very much LIKE for her to do is get what she needs for her daughter and herself. And to pull her cranium firmly out of her backside ( you'll hear an audible pop ) over this man being any sort of pink fluffy bunny rabbit at the state fair.
YA HEARING ME WOMAN!? If he has done this to her, and flip it round, done/doing it to you...what makes you think he'll ever be worth the having of? Think more of yourself than some slinking alley cat spreading his questionable attributes around. You deserve better. That little girl of yours certainly deserves FAR better than seeing a revolving door with cheating Daddums around. Look to her, she's the one that deserves all this misplaced love and attention. Look into your babies eyes. Ya feeling me?

You guys are helping me take off my rose colored glasses. Very much appreciated! I am in love with him ??but up until now I haven't been able to see what he's been doing to me. I never talked about our situation outloud until now. I know my baby deserves better and when I gain control of my emotions and get a clear head I will file for child support. If his gf wants to stay with him after this then I feel sorry for her.

Posted by Dreamweaver03
You guys are helping me take off my rose colored glasses. Very much appreciated! I am in love with him ??but up until now I haven't been able to see what he's been doing to me. I never talked about our situation outloud until now. I know my baby deserves better and when I gain control of my emotions and get a clear head I will file for child support. If his gf wants to stay with him after this then I feel sorry for her.??

I agree, your head is not clear and sometimes just talking about a situation out loud has the effect of making you realize how fucked up or wrong it really is. But don't wait to file, babe. Court proceedings can actually help with the "moving on" and "clearing your head" process ... if you wait until you feel a specific way to do it, Miss Fishy, you might never get around to it! Call your local family court TODAY to find out what you need to do in order to file. Just make the phone call, take that first step, gather the information you need. I bet it will help with how you are feeling right now.

You may have made mistakes in the past but that's behind you ... now is the chance to stand tall and make it right for you and your little one. This is the beginning of a much better life for you, one you can live honestly and openly and without secrets. You will be so amazed at how great that feels.

::::: shakes head :::::

Posted by Dreamweaver03

.... but up until now I haven't been able to see what he's been doing to me.

Let me guess .. you have no clue what you've been doing, and only allowing yourself to recognize that he's fucking you up.


What the hell is all this talk in here about this person deserving better?

This IS her fucking karma calling for knowingly being the skank whore who is sleeping with another woman's man.

she doesn't deserve shit


Justice will be when his woman kicks her ass for fucking her man.

Posted by Dreamweaver03
You guys are helping me take off my rose colored glasses. Very much appreciated! I am in love with him ??but up until now I haven't been able to see what he's been doing to me. I never talked about our situation outloud until now. I know my baby deserves better and when I gain control of my emotions and get a clear head I will file for child support. If his gf wants to stay with him after this then I feel sorry for her.??

Aaawww, you made a mistake...we all do, so just move forward girl, don't look back. I also believe in karma...he will get his in some way. Even his live-in gf probably knows she is not his one and only. You have a beautiful baby now and you will find a man who will love and care for you both. Good Luck and stay FIRM in your decision.

Posted by Nights22
Meh!
She should still tell regardless of revenge or whatnot. If my SO was having an affair I'd want to know. Now if the affair partner told me I may or may not punch him in the face but I would then thank him for coming forward. Even if she does it for revenge its actually in the girlfriends best interest to know the truth. The truth shall set you free.

I agree.

I was in a LTR with a guy who was cheating on me and wanted to break up with me. One day a chick I worked with( we both knew her) came up to me and told me he wanted to break up with me. I confronted him and he denied it at first. He couldn't keep eye contact and eventually came clean. Some of my co-workers were angry at her for not letting things unfold on their own. I thanked her. How long would he have kept up this charade?

Ahhh yes, life lessons (for some smart enough to learn)

"Justice will be when his woman kicks her ass for fucking her man."

Yep. I would kick her ass and then kick the man's ass out the door.

5 kids involved?! Humanity disgusts me more all the time. Ugh. Poor children. What the hell is wrong with people? Pathetic animals, we are.

lol...this is ridiculous.

she's not telling him so that he gets his "comeuppance." she's telling him because she HOPES the gf breaks up with him. once free, she HOPES he'll come to her.

she's not trying to get over him. she's not trying to do right by a supposed child...when did a child come into this? (what i get for speed skimming). she's doing this because she's a manipulative, self-centered, dumbass whore.

how much you wanna bet she tells the gf by sending a christmas card?

i had a friend who endured something similar and she plotted and schemed at ways she could use the news of her child to destroy his life. she's a virgo btw...the irony.

i'm guessing she got pregnant on purpose. two years and "all of sudden," she's with child?

yeah...right...ok!