What to do when a relationship is going nowhere?

Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by pisceswoman123
If she told you is going nowhere it’s not going anywhere. It may be too late to do anything about it.
Well I mean the way I see it, it isn't. Part of the issue is that she's not emotionally grounded and we share way too little interests. Like we come from two different worlds. Or maybe she just wants constantly improvement and change in a relationship?
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by DonumDei
Posted by EtherealTraveler
So my Pisces S/O told me about it and it chilled me down to the spine.

While I agree it's kinda a Pisces thing since our goals are unclear especially in our age, I'd like to see what we can do to make this relationship go somewhere.

Like what can we do to make it better in general.


The bolded part will be entirely contingent upon her willingness to consciously put in the effort...assuming of course You are already there by the sheer virtue of making this post alone.

Personally I don’t think all is quite lost as her declaration could be taken as either a forewarning or indeed a foreboding tiding of finality. In case of former, I’d suggest starting with finding or alternatively cultivating things/activities that you both might enjoy/share.

Personally, I’m bit different than my fellow Pisceswoman in that I am perfectly fine with entertaining myself but there is a certain element of discouragement if I can’t share my excitement and stories from my journeys of my mind...whether literal or figurative. It put a damper on a relationship... for the lack of better words.

I’m not sure how old you both are and what precisely she meant by “going nowhere” but this kind of talk is, to the best of my knowledge, indicative of a “commitment speech”.

I could be wrong on all counts, but the least you could do, (unless you are already applying yourself in which case forget I said anything), is try to take more active interest in her and take it from there.



Wishing you the best! 🙂

click to expand

I'm less than a month away from being 18 and she's 20

To be fair we have completely different interests and due to many circumstances, I can't necessarily adapt myself to her totally. For instance, I don't have the time to install and play a video game she constantly plays, nor do I listen to music (I in fact despise music, I prefer silence while she likes things like K-pop and J-pop)

The things I do, she doesn't do either. I read random articles, enjoy talking about things that I read (usually romance or even smut), and she doesn't necessarily share my libido which I blame it on Mars square Pluto.

But I see what you mean. Because thus far it felt... childish in a sense. I once asked her what keeps our relationship together and she said she felt more attracted to me (double sun-moon conjunction in our synastry chart) than interested. And thus far it's all been lewd talks and flirting and getting to know each other. It lacks a real purpose so to say, aside from me once telling her about the purpose of a relationship, which is to push each other to be the best versions of ourselves.

She has also, in the past, felt kinda infatuated to someone else because they share a lot in common and that person is in their 30s and constantly behaving like a parent to their child, like reminding them to go to bed, etc. That also scares me because that's what she does to me and it felt like she's taking care of her child, AKA me.

Does that mean I have to be the adult and lead?

P.S: It's a long distance relationship
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by lesenfantterribles
Posted by EtherealTraveler
I in fact despise music, I prefer silence
Posted by EtherealTraveler
enjoy talking about things that I read (usually romance or even smut)
lmao!!! you sound weird, man
click to expand

Mild childhood traumas, also what's wrong with reading all sorts of things? My Pisces moon needs all the imagination possible through literacy, and with hormones running rampant, I tend to explore into those NSFW stuff as well.
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by LadyNeptune
Her saying it’s going nowhere could be her asking for your assurance that your invested in the relationship. What steps are you taking to build a future together? Is this a conversation you’ve had with her??
Welllll

To be fair there's no actual plan towards the future. As dumb of an excuse it is, we're still kinda children. The plan was really to finish school then meet up and go from there, assuming we didn't break up.

And yes, that's a concern she brought up with me yesterday. Quoting her, she said she doesn't see our relationship going anywhere and that scares her, and she wants to know what she can do to make it better and in a sense, with a purpose.
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by DonumDei
@EtheralTraveler

Seeing your age, now I am even more conflicted in what to recommend. On one hand I am urged to advise you to reconsider prolonging the inevitable, but on the other, given how rare it is to see a Cap fight for a relationship in spite the distance, part of me is rooting for you guys.

As you may know, relationships require work...some more than others....and long distance more still. Not to be a bearer of bad news, but the reality is that very small percentage of LDR succed and the majority of those involves couples working on eventually sharing their every day lives together.

I want to say You are still so young and there is a whole world for both of you to experince before stalling down, but I also understand that some people, irrespective of ones' age, can effect us in ways that remains etched in our memory for good.

If only you weren't so young, first thing I'd suggest is meeting in person and doing so as often as possible, but either one of your finances may not permit that.

As far as your interest in reading goes, nothing wrong with that. Certain source material may not be my first choice, but I come from a different generation which is also why I cannot relate with gamer enthusiasts. I try not to judge. ;p

Regarding the whole mothering thing though... yeah... it's kind of a catch 22 situation in that most, if not all, women desire a man who takes charge without being controlling or overbearing, but we also wish to extend our effections to those we care and sometimes that can be perceived as mothering. Unless it bothers You, if I were you, id take if for what it is...sincere expression of care.

Last but not least, did you perchance ask her as to what course of action she might be willing to entertain in order to remedy the situation? If not, I suggest you do so.

If all else fails, you guys might consider remaining friends. That way you can both operate absent any pressure of expectations! (:




While I do understand that little LDRs actually work out, I'm still willing to wager and hope that it can last longer than it would normally (like more than a few months, we're just over the 3 month mark atm).

The thing about asking her that question is, she doesn't know either. I have limited interests and it's hard for her to blend into my interests, but on the other hand it's easier for me to blend in, although due to RL issues I can't necessarily do that easily.

She's as confused as I am here.
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by UnicornSag
You're very young and need more experience to see things more clearly. When you don't share some basic interests with another person that relationship is pretty much doomed. Even the ones with a lot of things in common are often doomed cause some major interests might be different for those people. And on top of that she's parenting you while it "should" be the other way around since you're Cap if I remember well? She told you the truth and it's pretty much at the furthest end since she as Pisces came to that conclusion and they should be the ones who are more "delusional". So that part speaks for itself that it's pretty much doomed. So why hold on to something like that. You might be attracted to each other but when you share no common interests and are even in LDR there is no real future there I'm afraid. Be realistic and think about it, how would it look like if you get to be together for good. In one place. How would your activities and interests look like? Wouldn't they clash each other as they currently look like?
Well she's suggesting that if I don't do something about it, it's doomed, not it is already doomed. There's a difference between crashing into an iceberg as a ship and about to crash into one if I don't steer it around. Our situation is the latter.

And that is why I'm trying to find solutions, to turn it around. Is there any?
Profile picture of EtherealTraveler
DividedWeCapricorn
@EtherealTraveler
8 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn

Comments: 261 · Posts: 1160 · Topics: 39
Posted by Undine
Posted by EtherealTraveler
Posted by Undine
I know that Capricorn-Pisces attraction is out of this world. And you have a Pisces moon to keep you enslaved too!

But...

But...

But...

But...

You don't need to save this relationship.
We both are trying to save it here.
She is not trying!
click to expand

She'd be trying if she knows what she's supposed to do.
Profile picture of libralotus
libralotus
@libralotus
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1249 · Topics: 93
Posted by DonumDei
@EtheralTraveler

Seeing your age, now I am even more conflicted as to what to recommend. On one hand I am urged to advise you to reconsider prolonging the inevitable, but on the other, given how rare it is to see a Cap fight for a relationship in spite the distance, part of me is rooting for you guys.

As you may know, relationships require work...some more than others....and long distance more still. Not to be a bearer of bad news, but the reality is that very small percentage of LDR succed and the majority of those involves couples working on eventually sharing their every day lives together.

I want to say You are still so young and there is a whole world for both of you to experince before settling down, but I also understand that some people, irrespective of ones' age, can effect us in ways that remains etched in our memory for good.

If only you weren't so young, first thing I'd suggest is meeting in person and doing so as often as possible, but either one of your finances may not permit that.

As far as your interest in reading goes, nothing wrong with that. Certain source material may not be my first choice, but I come from a different generation which is also why I cannot relate with gamer enthusiasts. I try not to judge. ;p

Regarding the whole mothering thing though... yeah... it's kind of a catch 22 situation in that most, if not all, women desire a man who takes charge without being controlling or overbearing, but we also wish to extend our effections to those we care and sometimes that can be perceived as mothering. Unless it bothers You, if I were you, id take if for what it is...sincere expression of care.

Last but not least, did you perchance ask her as to what course of action she might be willing to entertain in order to remedy the situation? If not, I suggest you do so.

If all else fails, you guys might consider remaining friends. That way you can both operate absent any pressure of expectations! (:




Aww this was such genuine and kind advice. I even enjoyed reading it.