communication

got into this argument with a capricorn about a couple months ago about texting, how i'm accused of not being communicative enough which is fair but also total bull coz i think some people.... are just being clingy. the important thing is that we know that the other is still alive and nobody's cheating like stop asking what i've had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. you know my routine and i didn't ghost you so like.... chill.

at one time he's had enough of my 'lack of communication' that he told me he 'respects my desire to not communicate with him as much' that's why he'll refrain from 'annoying me.' and i made the mistake of BEING HONEST by telling him: "yeah i think maybe you should step back a little." but the next day he pretends we never had that agreement.

then lately, i've repeated the mistake of being honest by telling him that: "i don't really feel like talking when there's nothing to talk about. and sometimes i'm too lazy to chat." this is in response to his dad jokes that i'm sorry to say, i don't really appreciate. then he's had enough again and told me that he won't chat me up anymore and that he's sure i'd be HAPPY about that coz i'm too lazy to engage him in chat and that i don't seem that interested.

like wtf.

i literally voluntarily said beforehand that: "i don't really feel like talking when there's nothing to talk about. and sometimes i'm too lazy to chat."

then i get that thrown in my face like i did not just freely mention it. what like it's some kinda dirty secret? dude i just told you exactly what you're accusing me of now.

you can't accuse me of something that i literally just confessed.

that's illegal!

i've noticed he does this often and it kinda feels like a... betrayal. like i confess these horrible things about myself to you and what you do is you weaponize it against me. am i wrong here? why can't i just watch star wars legends without someone trying to ask what i'm having for lunch? this pandemic took away my supply of excuses for not texting back immediately.

what's acceptable communication for capricorns anyway?

i never knew they were so big on communication.

Posted by BlueStar

Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship if not the most. Especially if you are separated.

He’s only repeating what you told him. If you don’t want that thrown in your face communicate better.

You essentially told him that he was unimportant in his mind and then are upset that he’s upset about that.

I’ve seen this pattern in your posts where you are completely self focused in this relationship.

The fact that he’s still with you shows he 1) cares a lot about you 2) may not have good boundaries.

Try to think about how your words will affect someone you supposedly love enough to be in a relationship with and chose them to be partners before you say them.

Intention means nothing if you are hurting someone.

I used to be self protective and selfish when I was younger and all that created was regret now looking back. It can be hard to see past the walls you have up but there will never been a relationship you won’t break until you work on that yourself.

All it takes is compromise. Is there something else you can do beside texting? Like a watch party or online game or something where you have an activity to do so it’s not just the same conversation? Or you both can read a book or take a class and then discuss it?

Sounds like you may be bored with your own life and the lack of stimulating conversation is a result of it and you are taking out your uncomfortableness with that on him.

you see how this reads if the genders were reversed?

i honestly don't see anything wrong coz i communicate EVERY DAY with him.

why is that not enough?

back then, i dated an aries who wanted to videochat for breakfast, lunch and dinner and that got me bored coz it felt unnecessary. and it's not like we even really talk coz he's busy driving so basically he called just so we can stare at each other. that's alright but every single day? srsly? that's why when it didn't work out, i was pretty meh about the whole thing (not like that was the only reason but i just was not into it emotionally).

this guy reminds me of that (except more into texting than VC).

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by BlueStar

Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship if not the most. Especially if you are separated.

He’s only repeating what you told him. If you don’t want that thrown in your face communicate better.

You essentially told him that he was unimportant in his mind and then are upset that he’s upset about that.

I’ve seen this pattern in your posts where you are completely self focused in this relationship.

The fact that he’s still with you shows he 1) cares a lot about you 2) may not have good boundaries.

Try to think about how your words will affect someone you supposedly love enough to be in a relationship with and chose them to be partners before you say them.

Intention means nothing if you are hurting someone.

I used to be self protective and selfish when I was younger and all that created was regret now looking back. It can be hard to see past the walls you have up but there will never been a relationship you won’t break until you work on that yourself.

All it takes is compromise. Is there something else you can do beside texting? Like a watch party or online game or something where you have an activity to do so it’s not just the same conversation? Or you both can read a book or take a class and then discuss it?

Sounds like you may be bored with your own life and the lack of stimulating conversation is a result of it and you are taking out your uncomfortableness with that on him.

you see how this reads if the genders were reversed?

i honestly don't see anything wrong coz i communicate EVERY DAY with him.

why is that not enough?

back then, i dated an aries who wanted to videochat for breakfast, lunch and dinner and that got me bored coz it felt unnecessary. and it's not like we even really talk coz he's busy driving so basically he called just so we can stare at each other. that's alright but every single day? srsly? that's why when it didn't work out, i was pretty meh about the whole thing (not like that was the only reason but i just was not into it emotionally).

this guy reminds me of that (except more into texting than VC).

Genders don’t matter.

If you aren’t on the same page with what you want from a relationship then why are in one with him?

He’s not bad because he wants to text a lot just like you aren’t bad for not wanting to.

But the way you communicate is not good. That’s my point.

And if you aren’t compatible there is no point causing each other distress by trying to force it to work.

click to expand

what's wrong with how i do it? i'm usually so blunt. like i can beat around the bush but in the end, i get very blunt. and i was honest about how i felt at the moment. and i feel like any 'non-positive' comment from me is something he likes to carry around and mention at some future opportunity to weaponize. i'm a first houser. sometimes i just blurt out what i feel at the moment. not like i'd feel that way forever.

and one time i said:

"i'm so sorry for being so moody."

then at a future date he inserts this in one of his long speeches against me:

"you're way too moody."

dude, i literally handed out those words to you.

Posted by PeakSoy

How excited were you to chat at the start?

i was very enthusiastic but that's almost everybody, right?

Posted by GemiAwesomeAss

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by PeakSoy

How excited were you to chat at the start?

i was very enthusiastic but that's almost everybody, right?

Wait. Is this long distance or how does it work?

click to expand

my bday's coming up so we'll see each other soon (but the pandemic and me getting sick meant we couldn't see each other for a couple of weeks).

he's only a city away so it's not that bad.

Posted by GemiAwesomeAss

You 2 seem like you switched roles him being an annoying girl who wants to talk about all the shit in the world. And you being a busy man who is annoyed by her silly demands...🤷‍♀️

Usually it’s women who always have something to talk about (like we are still arguing about a hug lmao for like 3 hours now with my Aries...he ran off to a shower to stop me from talking) and YOU being not having shit to talk about making him...not having his wish granted.

He is the one who controls your sleeping time as well, right?

My ex Cap didn’t give a shit what I am doing and when as long as I didn’t ask him to help...lol

I am afraid you guys aren’t really compatible.

It’s seems like whole bunch of problems that finally will make one of you to say fuck! Enough!

I am with you on - control me and you are a history!

You must see wonderful something in him.

What is it?

i don't always follow my bedtime so i don't care. gawd i'm turning 27 FFS. but okay i'll be honest, since my family doesn't seem to like him as much as i do and he always seems to carry so much bad luck... sometimes i have doubts. but if admitting small, simple things like this makes him go crazy then i'm not sure how he'll take what i have to say.

around 2 weeks ago he told me he's going to take up work far away from me so he's not sure when we might see each other again. at that point, i was still that 'annoying girl' so i cried and asked him to please stay. but he asked me: "do you love me?" then that's when i thought he's being manipulative. that's the type of question you ask after saying: "i'm working and moving far away from you."

and after that i started to resent him.

made me cry and beg then was all nonchalant about it afterwards.

being manipulative is not attractive to me.

if you were into a relationship you wouldn't stop seing for the pandemic ijs

Posted by hydorah

if you were into a relationship you wouldn't stop seing for the pandemic ijs

it's not like we broke up

@GemiAwesomeAss

what i'm saying is that i feel like he's using my emotional breakdowns to feel secure in our relationship.

security at the expense of my own.

like some kinda power source.

i've never cried this much over a guy before (except my dad who recently had a stroke but thankfully recovered). the capricorn... i didn't feel like he was even emotionally-supportive of me when it happened (and it was only a week ago when it happened and a few days from now since my dad recovered). as if all he's thinking about was how i'm not texting him enough.

his ex gf cheated on him so maybe that's why he's a little insecure but i hate how i feel like he seems to be trying to push me into emotional distress just so he can feel like i care about him.

Irrespective whether you feel like replying or not, do you feel joy when you see a text from him?

It’s never a mistake to be honest

Posted by Undine

Irrespective whether you feel like replying or not, do you feel joy when you see a text from him?

lately no i don't feel joy about all the texting,

they're repetitive and aimless.

but i do appreciate little updates every now and then.

it's not even really about the number of texts i send that's a problem with him. but it's more of how quickly i reply and how long that momentum lasts. i rarely spend time glued to my phone replying to him nowadays coz there's nothing to plan. in fact, i like it best when we're not talking and just hanging out. at first, he tells me that he just wants me to send something a day to let him know i care but later on he'll get mad about how 'we have so little time together' and how i need to spend more time chatting. and it feels nicer to get fewer texts coz that'd seem more genuine, instead of this vibe he gives off like he's insecure. it's off-putting.

What would you say is mostly holding your relationship together with him? Like do you both have similar life goals and desires that you both wish to reach together?

Posted by SassyKiwi

What would you say is mostly holding your relationship together with him? Like do you both have similar life goals and desires that you both wish to reach together?

YES

which i think is the #1 reason for either one of us

i just wish he wasn't so insecure coz i'm over that phase

since we've had more embarrassing arguments yet we survived

Posted by Aqua-Marine

What is his venus sign, house, and aspects?

Sounds like you both are quite different in relationships. You like your space, hes clingy and enjoys talking a lot?

No body is wrong in this situation it’s just a incompatibility issue. If I remember correctly you have venus in the 11th house? So that might be why you can’t stand the clingyness, and he doesn’t understand you need time to recharge. Maybe being away from eachother makes it harder.

Maybe set up certain times in the day where you can make a commitment to talk to him, convenient for both of you? Because you need your space, you can make time for yourself while still making time for him.

yes but he's an aqua venus lol.

the time i usually demand from him is actual physical, personal interaction. coz all the texting doesn't make me feel any closer or more intimate with anyone, especially when it's all just aimless talk. he's not like this when we're together unless he's nervous or embarrassed. so this kind of fever texting makes me think he's insecure. there's no need for that, i'm not going anywhere.

Posted by Aqua-Marine

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by Aqua-Marine

What is his venus sign, house, and aspects?

Sounds like you both are quite different in relationships. You like your space, hes clingy and enjoys talking a lot?

No body is wrong in this situation it’s just a incompatibility issue. If I remember correctly you have venus in the 11th house? So that might be why you can’t stand the clingyness, and he doesn’t understand you need time to recharge. Maybe being away from eachother makes it harder.

Maybe set up certain times in the day where you can make a commitment to talk to him, convenient for both of you? Because you need your space, you can make time for yourself while still making time for him.

yes but he's an aqua venus lol.

the time i usually demand from him is actual physical, personal interaction. coz all the texting doesn't make me feel any closer or more intimate with anyone, especially when it's all just aimless talk. he's not like this when we're together unless he's nervous or embarrassed. so this kind of fever texting makes me think he's insecure. there's no need for that, i'm not going anywhere.

Yeah I get it , I think that would get me tired too honestly lol I don’t really enjoy small talk either. I definitely don’t think small talk texting eachother is very intimate either. I feel like it’s not really helping the relationship grow.

It sounds more tiring than anything. That’s why I think maybe once this quarantine is over things will be easier for you guys.

Maybe because he does seem insecure, just being together physically would probably be enough, you wouldn’t have to have all this constant small talk over messaging.

click to expand

i feel like moving in together would fix this

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by SassyKiwi

What would you say is mostly holding your relationship together with him? Like do you both have similar life goals and desires that you both wish to reach together?

YES

which i think is the #1 reason for either one of us

i just wish he wasn't so insecure coz i'm over that phase

since we've had more embarrassing arguments yet we survived

click to expand

It's most likely the distance during covid causing people in general to become a little more clingy/eager than usual I think. There's enough uncertainty going on in the world right now. If you two do plan to come together or live together soon, consistently seeing each other might definitely help the communication issues. I don't think you should let this become an issue yet if he really is a great guy for you otherwise.

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by GemiAwesomeAss

You 2 seem like you switched roles him being an annoying girl who wants to talk about all the shit in the world. And you being a busy man who is annoyed by her silly demands...🤷‍♀️

Usually it’s women who always have something to talk about (like we are still arguing about a hug lmao for like 3 hours now with my Aries...he ran off to a shower to stop me from talking) and YOU being not having shit to talk about making him...not having his wish granted.

He is the one who controls your sleeping time as well, right?

My ex Cap didn’t give a shit what I am doing and when as long as I didn’t ask him to help...lol

I am afraid you guys aren’t really compatible.

It’s seems like whole bunch of problems that finally will make one of you to say fuck! Enough!

I am with you on - control me and you are a history!

You must see wonderful something in him.

What is it?

i don't always follow my bedtime so i don't care. gawd i'm turning 27 FFS. but okay i'll be honest, since my family doesn't seem to like him as much as i do and he always seems to carry so much bad luck... sometimes i have doubts. but if admitting small, simple things like this makes him go crazy then i'm not sure how he'll take what i have to say.

around 2 weeks ago he told me he's going to take up work far away from me so he's not sure when we might see each other again. at that point, i was still that 'annoying girl' so i cried and asked him to please stay. but he asked me: "do you love me?" then that's when i thought he's being manipulative. that's the type of question you ask after saying: "i'm working and moving far away from you."

and after that i started to resent him.

made me cry and beg then was all nonchalant about it afterwards.

being manipulative is not attractive to me.

click to expand

Imagine living with him all the time?

You do realise Caps are never in the wrong?

Good luck 🥴

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by Undine

Irrespective whether you feel like replying or not, do you feel joy when you see a text from him?

lately no i don't feel joy about all the texting,

they're repetitive and aimless.

but i do appreciate little updates every now and then.

it's not even really about the number of texts i send that's a problem with him. but it's more of how quickly i reply and how long that momentum lasts. i rarely spend time glued to my phone replying to him nowadays coz there's nothing to plan. in fact, i like it best when we're not talking and just hanging out. at first, he tells me that he just wants me to send something a day to let him know i care but later on he'll get mad about how 'we have so little time together' and how i need to spend more time chatting. and it feels nicer to get fewer texts coz that'd seem more genuine, instead of this vibe he gives off like he's insecure. it's off-putting.

click to expand

I don't think he's clingy or insecure, he probably things that daily communication is good for a LDR. Don't you? Well, make it every other day then :-)

If you don't like questions about what you've been eating, just ask him to stop them. Don't let him initiate always. If the last text was from him, take the initiative next time. Come up with a new topic. Say you'd give him a longer update if he is willing to WAIT for a text from you, instead of sending you text after text.

You just need to talk to him about your and his preferences and reach a compromise.

does he know you'r'e in a relationship?

Posted by virgoOPPP

got into this argument with a capricorn about a couple months ago about texting, how i'm accused of not being communicative enough which is fair but also total bull coz i think some people.... are just being clingy. the important thing is that we know that the other is still alive and nobody's cheating like stop asking what i've had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. you know my routine and i didn't ghost you so like.... chill.

at one time he's had enough of my 'lack of communication' that he told me he 'respects my desire to not communicate with him as much' that's why he'll refrain from 'annoying me.' and i made the mistake of BEING HONEST by telling him: "yeah i think maybe you should step back a little." but the next day he pretends we never had that agreement.

then lately, i've repeated the mistake of being honest by telling him that: "i don't really feel like talking when there's nothing to talk about. and sometimes i'm too lazy to chat." this is in response to his dad jokes that i'm sorry to say, i don't really appreciate. then he's had enough again and told me that he won't chat me up anymore and that he's sure i'd be HAPPY about that coz i'm too lazy to engage him in chat and that i don't seem that interested.

like wtf.

i literally voluntarily said beforehand that: "i don't really feel like talking when there's nothing to talk about. and sometimes i'm too lazy to chat."

then i get that thrown in my face like i did not just freely mention it. what like it's some kinda dirty secret? dude i just told you exactly what you're accusing me of now.

you can't accuse me of something that i literally just confessed.

that's illegal!

i've noticed he does this often and it kinda feels like a... betrayal. like i confess these horrible things about myself to you and what you do is you weaponize it against me. am i wrong here? why can't i just watch star wars legends without someone trying to ask what i'm having for lunch? this pandemic took away my supply of excuses for not texting back immediately.

what's acceptable communication for capricorns anyway?

i never knew they were so big on communication.

Hi..

I'm a Capricorn woman, and I have to say, although I feel tour frustration, I kind of get where he (the Cap), is coming from.

I can't stand someone going silent on me.

If its a friend, I'm a little upset but I accept it.

But if its a partner, it pisses me right off!

Ok. Ok. I get that maybe someone doesnt feel like talking, I get it, but I guess if it keeps

happening I get upset and start to get a bit pissy!

Its because i love that person and love their company and just want to chat.

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

I think both your pisces moons are doing a circle jerk.

What if a guy and a girl are both Pisces Venus?

What then?

awkward, but he just needs a bit more reassurance.

Awww he misses you and wants to know what your up to. Give the dude a bone and text him a nude or something.