Do you say I love you or wait for your s/o?

I've never been the person to say "I love you;" I've never even been one to say it back.
I have been told it twice within a romantic context, and discouraged my ex from telling me it a third time.
I've never been "in love" so I've never wanted to mislead somebody into thinking I was. Even now with my Virgo boyfriend, I like him A LOT, much more than I've liked anybody else, but after 9 months, I still don't love him (yet).

The scary thing is that I feel it heading in that direction, though. I don't personally know what "love" is, but the way it's developing for me is nothing like I've been told to expect. It isn't a head-over-heels, can't live, breathe or eat without you kind of sensation. The way I see this progressing for me is like finally growing into an over-sized sweater that once overwhelmed me. What seemed ill-fitting earlier suddenly feels like something comfortable I can slip into.

My concern, though, is that if/when I really do fall "in love," should I just tell my boyfriend or wait for him? I know most guys have a tendency to really freak out when faced with that four letter word, so I don't want to do something to cause a riff just as I feel my boyfriend and I are getting closer. And I understand that this is really unnecessary concern over something that hasn't happened and could potentially never happen. There are a million things that could arise in the meantime; ie my feelings changing, HIS feelings changing, etc. The thing is, my boyfriend is very reserved when it comes to verbally expressing his feelings. How he feels, he shows rather than tells me. He is very affectionate and has become more so recently--even texting me out-of-the-blue just to tell me that he "really likes [me]." This doesn't mean I'm interpreting his actions for love, but I'm saying IF he ever feels that way towards me, the chances of him TELLING me are slim. So IF I feel that way towards him, should I just tell him or wait?

And really, I'm interested to know about your personal experiences as well. Are you the first to say it? Do you wait? Why? Have you ever told someone you loved them and had them distance themselves as a result?

PS Sorry for the supremely long post!

Hmm... the feeling you are describing is not love by a form of adoration that is obsessive, dependant and unhealthy. I had it in my last two relationships which ended terrible grief.

I usually hold out on saying I love you because I like to know that they feel that way before I do. Does he have to say I love you tho? I would rather he showed it to me personally because a lot of people will say they love you, but their actions speak otherwise

Posted by happykitsune
Hmm... the feeling you are describing is not love by a form of adoration that is obsessive, dependant and unhealthy. I had it in my last two relationships which ended terrible grief.

I usually hold out on saying I love you because I like to know that they feel that way before I do. Does he have to say I love you tho? I would rather he showed it to me personally because a lot of people will say they love you, but their actions speak otherwise

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Grief that comes from heartache is so disruptive and awful. Not to mention, scary!

You're absolutely right. But this is a communicative problem that has caused me a lot of confusion in my relationship. We are two completely different people, with two completely different forms of expressing ourselves. I'm driven by words; he's driven by actions. I tell him how much I like him, he shows me how much he likes me. However, we are so accustomed to our own method of communication, that we overlook the impact of the other's.

He's told me before how he doesn't like SAYING how he feels about me too often because it takes away the "specialness" of it and actions mean more. I've told him I don't like showing him how I feel too often because I feel it takes away accuracy and can't properly articulate exactly how I feel. For example, take a hug. He would opt for it in lie of saying "I like you" because he thinks it means more. I, on the other hand, would say "I like you" in lieu of the hug because I want you to know. I don't want that hug to be interpreted as something more or less than what it's EXACTLY meant to imply.

I do agree with you, though. I'm just being too analytical lol.

Nah it's cool. That's why were all here. Maybe I missed it but what is his sign?

i never say i love you first.

and if someone tells me that they love me first, i dont say it back. i wait and see if their actions match their words.
after i have determined if this person is worth it, i will tell them that i love them

Likewise I have had three serious relationship before the one I am establishing now but they all said I Love you first. but with my sagg I didnt tell him in person but through a text he ask me "Do I Like Him" I told him it more like "I Love Him" and he replied " I feel the same way but I didnt want to mention it first, it's a man code" I just laugh like yeah you just wanted me to be first to say it. and then he said it by text one day he said " Luv you" but never in person yet. So that Love word it hard to know when to say it.

Oh and Ellesque I so agree I have said I Love you too, to be polite and not hurt the other person feelings. I have did this but it does end up being love but in the begining you are so confuse to if it is love or lust.

i always thought that the man code is that men have to say it first.

when my ex Leo used to tell me that he loved me, there was always some urgency in his voice.

when my scorp told me that he loved me, he hung up the phone about 5 seconds after he said it. he gave me some time for me to give him my reaction. which was "un huh". then he hung up. i texted him afterwards and asked if he was human? he said yes.

20 mins earlier, we were having an intense conversation in the car about why i cant go any further with him. and he agreed with me on every point. he said that im too emotional and were both crazy. but he also added that i couldnt be with him because i f.u.c.k.e.d his best friend (a pisces). mind you, i was with the pisces before the scorpio. i looked at him dead in his eyes and got out of his car and slammed his cadillac door. then i get a phone call from him proclaiming his love. such a wierdo. love that dude.

only a scorp would tell you how much of a whore you are but then tell you that they are in love with you.

i must say, i love putting him through the ringer. after he told me that he loved me, i waited about 2 months to tell him that i loved him.

when my scorp told me that he loved me, he hung up the phone about 5 seconds after he said it. he gave me some time for me to give him my reaction. which was "un huh". then he hung up. i texted him afterwards and asked if he was human? he said yes.


What you text him reminds me so much of something my sagg would say Lol. He always ask me do I have feelings I tell him I am senitive and he tells me it's not a senitive bone in your body.

Also if my sagg and I are in an intense conversation it's so funny cause he will always change the topic when he feels me getting heated he will say "I Miss You" or "How was your Day" just to throw me off or stop the confrontation.

only a scorp would tell you how much of a just like me you are but then tell you that they are in love with you.

So True in the begining of our relationship I told him I think we are too much alike and then that night I told him that I still wanted to be with him, I don't know why we do those things but we learn that why it is important for Scorp and Saggs to take their time.

yes you definitly understand why the relationship must go slow or someones going to get physcially hurt.

i want to shake him feverishly sometimes. i want to kill him and then raise him from the dead and smash him.

when i told him that i loved him, i damn near had a heart attack. loss of breathing. eevrything. what he fails to realize is that my love will consume the living crap outta him. he has no idea of the torture and love that i will give him..good thing he is a scorp, so he can take whatever i throw at him.

@DMV that is so freaking crazy cause I told my sagg last night I seen some handcuffs I think I should get so we can use. He was like no I dont know what you might do to me if you put those handcuffs on me since somtimes I talk som much shit to you, you might try to ge payback (that his scorp in mars talking).

So I told him you so talk a lot of shit to me but not that much to where I would hurt you, he said well sometimes I feel like hurting you. and before like about the marry thing he said well we gotta take this slow cause if we get married now I would end up killing you or you would try to kill me.

I didn't realize I make him get that angry but I guess we scorps can just do things to really piss yall sagg off to the point where it can get physically, like he always tells me he would have to put his foot in my ass, or pull my hair and I am like damn sorry I am making you upset but I cant help it.

however, sometimes people are like "EEEEK" and we feel embarassed and retreat. because put quite simply, we can be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy over the top.

Yeah he tell me sometimes you would even want to know the things I think in my head it can be sick sometimes I just said really. Oh and I an opening the door and leaving it open I have sagg in mars so believe me anything he said probably would not offend me.

saggis like having some sort of shock value, but i really feel like slapping him repeatedly, yelling at him at the top of my lungs, and breaking things. this could be my scorpio moon talking.

there are times when he does get physcial with me and it hurts. he has no idea what he has unleashed on his ass.

at scorp dive, what are your placements and your scorps?

I recently said the words first for the first time (through text message...not fair, he knows the more tired I am the more honest I am.) But I refused to say it again (until he cheated and got me to say it). He said it a few weeks ago in an IM and than a few days ago in person. Which shocked the butter outta me.

OP- Enjoy the moment, but don't force it or over think it. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you still manage to step in it.

I think I have to be the first one to say, "I love you" romantically. I will get really flustered and will surely withdraw to register it.

"I'm driven by words; he's driven by actions."

Heh. The typical male and female ways of both expressing and expecting love.

@DMV

Me
Sun Scorp
Moon Taurus
Mars Sagg
Mer Sagg
Rising Sagg
Venus Scorp


him
Sun Sagg
Moon Pisces
Mars Scorp
Mer Scorp
Venus Sagg
Rising? I bet it's an earth he is too laidback

oh ok...i remember you guys now

your like almost mirror image of each other.

Posted by piranhaparadise
honestly I can't even remember who said it first LOL

me either

Posted by QLIbraMale
i think the person who initiated the relationship be it guy or girl, should initiated the i love you speech. as its to be expected.

really?

Posted by piranhaparadise
honestly I can't even remember who said it first LOL

same thing lolz!


But I can say for sure, if I am in love with a guy, I would say it first, to me he has already stolen my heart so there is no sense to me to keep it from him.


To me love means we don't keep secrets from each other.


I don't know how someone can keep themselves from saying "I love you" when they are overwhelmed with the love they are feeling for their s/o

Posted by DMV
i never say i love you first.

and if someone tells me that they love me first, i dont say it back. i wait and see if their actions match their words.
after i have determined if this person is worth it, i will tell them that i love them

I'm the same way. One of my good friends told me he loved me last night and I was very confused and unbelieving. I kinda did the whole nervous laugh. I'm not used to someone just coming out and saying "I love you" if were not in a relationship. He was really drunk tho so I'm blaming the alcohol. He kept insisting I had the thing he wanted in a girl tho and that he would get in a relationship with me right then and there which scared me and made me remember I still really like the scorpio o.o I didn't sleep a wink and I know now that I still would pick the scorpio over anyone else.

Idk if it's a sag thing or my venus in cap, but being told "I love you" and rushing into a relationship really scares me, especially when I have one guy I really like in mind

the sag part is definitely the commitment phob...the venus in capricorn helps you make decisions in love. the venus sign can also SLOW the love process down...make you seem hot and cold.

i get that 2, men professing their undying love for me. its the scorpio moon. its draws them to us

what is your rising sign?

Posted by DMV
the sag part is definitely the commitment phob...the venus in capricorn helps you make decisions in love. the venus sign can also SLOW the love process down...make you seem hot and cold.

i get that 2, men professing their undying love for me. its the scorpio moon. its draws them to us

what is your rising sign?

Lol I don't get it that often. And this one really shocked me.
My rising is gemini