Agentgem24
@Agentgem24
12 Years1,000+ PostsGemini
Comments: 102 · Posts: 1323 · Topics: 48
Early stage dating expectations
Yeah we didn't really talk about it at all. We didn't kiss on the 1st date and I was wondering if that meant we didn't have chemistry.
But I was however finishing his sentences, and thinking of his thoughts right off the bat. It's def been one of my best 1st dates.
But idk. I initiated contact yesterday and he replied back immediately. I'm going to give him a chance to message me today, and I guess if he doesn't...I'll send something tomorrow?
I told him when I was free this week and he said we will figure out something soon and I better be at his Halloween party next weekend. He's older than me, but my longest relationship is twice his length and he's got 8 years on me.
But I was however finishing his sentences, and thinking of his thoughts right off the bat. It's def been one of my best 1st dates.
But idk. I initiated contact yesterday and he replied back immediately. I'm going to give him a chance to message me today, and I guess if he doesn't...I'll send something tomorrow?
I told him when I was free this week and he said we will figure out something soon and I better be at his Halloween party next weekend. He's older than me, but my longest relationship is twice his length and he's got 8 years on me.
Posted by xvll27Posted by Agentgem24
What is your personal approach/ style when you are getting to know someone and going on dates? What do you expect?
I like to observe them and provide them some space if they are in to me they will come back but daily text etc is not my stuff although am a pretty good listener 🙂click to expand
I see...I see. -takes notes-.
I'm just so highly communicative.
I like every day but my best friend says at least every other. My issue is I get attached really fast then fizzle out. I get bored if there isn't enough contact or I don't see them enough, but if it's TOO much it annoys me.
I disagree
I remember 1 time pouting to my sister b/c I didn't hear from a new guy that I liked every day like I wanted. I'll never forget her words. She said, "Krys, you're not important to him yet. Give him time to feel that you are important. Once you are important to him, all the other stuff will naturally follow."
Those were the truest words ever! And she was right! I had "girlfriend" or "wife" expectations for a man that I was neither of those things too. I got so caught up in having expectations that I forgot to enjoy the moment & get to know him as a man/person
I'm all for having standards, but not necessarily expectations b/c there is a difference. Having high expectations too early is putting them on a pedestal that they may not even deserve to be on yet.
Do I like the communication to be consistent? Yes, but not necessarily at first b/c when you're too busy in life enjoying yourself, your friends & everything else that's great in life, you don't have the time to keep score/count of how many times a guy called.
When my now husband & I 1st met and started dating, we only talked once a week! The communication b/w us gradually became more consistent the more the attraction grew. And look, we are married & madly in love with each other! Had I freaked out or ran him away with my high expectations or pouting, I would've surely missed out on him!
I remember 1 time pouting to my sister b/c I didn't hear from a new guy that I liked every day like I wanted. I'll never forget her words. She said, "Krys, you're not important to him yet. Give him time to feel that you are important. Once you are important to him, all the other stuff will naturally follow."
Those were the truest words ever! And she was right! I had "girlfriend" or "wife" expectations for a man that I was neither of those things too. I got so caught up in having expectations that I forgot to enjoy the moment & get to know him as a man/person
I'm all for having standards, but not necessarily expectations b/c there is a difference. Having high expectations too early is putting them on a pedestal that they may not even deserve to be on yet.
Do I like the communication to be consistent? Yes, but not necessarily at first b/c when you're too busy in life enjoying yourself, your friends & everything else that's great in life, you don't have the time to keep score/count of how many times a guy called.
When my now husband & I 1st met and started dating, we only talked once a week! The communication b/w us gradually became more consistent the more the attraction grew. And look, we are married & madly in love with each other! Had I freaked out or ran him away with my high expectations or pouting, I would've surely missed out on him!
Posted by krysrenee7
I disagree
I remember 1 time pouting to my sister b/c I didn't hear from a new guy that I liked every day like I wanted. I'll never forget her words. She said, "Krys, you're not important to him yet. Give him time to feel that you are important. Once you are important to him, all the other stuff will naturally follow."
Those were the truest words ever! And she was right! I had "girlfriend" or "wife" expectations for a man that I was neither of those things too. I got so caught up in having expectations that I forgot to enjoy the moment & get to know him as a man/person
I'm all for having standards, but not necessarily expectations b/c there is a difference. Having high expectations too early is putting them on a pedestal that they may not even deserve to be on yet.
Do I like the communication to be consistent? Yes, but not necessarily at first b/c when you're too busy in life enjoying yourself, your friends & everything else that's great in life, you don't have the time to keep score/count of how many times a guy called.
When my now husband & I 1st met and started dating, we only talked once a week! The communication b/w us gradually became more consistent the more the attraction grew. And look, we are married & madly in love with each other! Had I freaked out or ran him away with my high expectations or pouting, I would've surely missed out on him!
Thacker you 🙂 I guess I need to be more patient.
I'm not knocking those who say daily communication is their thing
Just saying that you'd be surprised at how many people who are now happy couples/happily married tell you that things weren't 100% consistent or by the book when they 1st met or started dating
Give a man time to think you are important. That takes time. He may like you, but he has to like you ENOUGH! And that takes time. Once he feels that you are important, he'll be more consistent in everything else. This method is more natural
Trust me, you don't want a man who only texts/calls you b/c he feels he has to. If a man is truly interested in you, the communication-pace will automatically/naturally increase. If he's not that into you, it will decrease. But the grey area in between, I wouldn't worry too much about
Just saying that you'd be surprised at how many people who are now happy couples/happily married tell you that things weren't 100% consistent or by the book when they 1st met or started dating
Give a man time to think you are important. That takes time. He may like you, but he has to like you ENOUGH! And that takes time. Once he feels that you are important, he'll be more consistent in everything else. This method is more natural
Trust me, you don't want a man who only texts/calls you b/c he feels he has to. If a man is truly interested in you, the communication-pace will automatically/naturally increase. If he's not that into you, it will decrease. But the grey area in between, I wouldn't worry too much about
Yes, not only be patient, but instead of keeping score/count of how many times he reaches out to you, how about YOU deciding if he's even someone you like?
We girls start liking a guy just a little & then reach a cap. Once the interest is there, even a little bit, here comes all of our high azz expectations. Little do we know, a man needs more incentive than just "I like her" for a woman he's dating to get consistency.
1 man can like (not love) 5 different women at the same time. Why should he contact them ALL on a consistent basis if he's not really into all of them? If all 5 women are expecting consistency too early, at least 1 will be disappointed.
Not b/c he didn't like her, but b/c he hasn't had the time yet to feel she's important. The min. that 1 female becomes important, she'll notice a difference & be GLAD that he's communicating more with her than with others.
Then once the relationship becomes official, she'll see that his communication with other girls goes from little to non-existent. See, isn't that better?!
A man's pace of communication with you depends on his level of interest in you. Just b/c he's not die hard in love with you or 100% interested in you up front doesn't mean that you should just shrug him off or walk away or that things will always be that way. Interest builds & takes time just like trust does.
If you'd think it'd be unfair for someone to expect you to trust them overnight, then understand that it's just as unfair for you to expect for someone to consider you important overnight
We girls start liking a guy just a little & then reach a cap. Once the interest is there, even a little bit, here comes all of our high azz expectations. Little do we know, a man needs more incentive than just "I like her" for a woman he's dating to get consistency.
1 man can like (not love) 5 different women at the same time. Why should he contact them ALL on a consistent basis if he's not really into all of them? If all 5 women are expecting consistency too early, at least 1 will be disappointed.
Not b/c he didn't like her, but b/c he hasn't had the time yet to feel she's important. The min. that 1 female becomes important, she'll notice a difference & be GLAD that he's communicating more with her than with others.
Then once the relationship becomes official, she'll see that his communication with other girls goes from little to non-existent. See, isn't that better?!
A man's pace of communication with you depends on his level of interest in you. Just b/c he's not die hard in love with you or 100% interested in you up front doesn't mean that you should just shrug him off or walk away or that things will always be that way. Interest builds & takes time just like trust does.
If you'd think it'd be unfair for someone to expect you to trust them overnight, then understand that it's just as unfair for you to expect for someone to consider you important overnight
Yeah I just feel like I reallly like him. I think about him a lot, although I only met him sat? Lol it just went really well! I felt an intensely strong connection and we had an hour phone conversation before we even met up.
But I want him to contact me more. Sure if I message him, he will message me. But I don't want to feel like I'm doing all the work. Some think I am reading too much into it but it is true. I just told him I'm interested and I don't want to feel like I'm chasing him. I guess I should leave things up to him? Who knows...
But I want him to contact me more. Sure if I message him, he will message me. But I don't want to feel like I'm doing all the work. Some think I am reading too much into it but it is true. I just told him I'm interested and I don't want to feel like I'm chasing him. I guess I should leave things up to him? Who knows...
Honey, I thought you were going to be single for awhile??
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Honey, I thought you were going to be single for awhile??
Well I am single. I date, it's fun. But nothing serious unless I meet someone WOW. Just having fun for now. My friends and family always come 1st though.
Posted by FrostAndBite
Back when I was single I wish I would have followed less of 'dating rules' and had done what I wanted. And I didn't even follow typical dating traditions really, but the one or two times I listened to my female friends advice on how to 'handle' dating I regret. Luckily they had no effect on my final result. But that was probably only because I listened to their advice all of twenty four hours before doing my own thing ha.
If you wanna talk to someone, talk to someone. Don't make a big deal about who does what first. If the relationship is unbalanced that will reveal itself rather quickly and you can address it how you choose then.
I'd rather live by my own expectations though than make any for the other person. That way whoever you are dating gets your authentic self, not someone constrained to a set of rules or ideas about how the first three months or so of a relationship should be scripted.
+1 however I think someone should have you know their wants and needs figured out and what they will compromise with etc., but I have some rules with dating and I won't waiver from them. I definitely dont agree it should be scripted but it should come with an outline.
Posted by CuteGemPosted by ellessque
plus with all the analysing you do, you are just setting yourself up for fail after fail, never figuring out what *you* want and establishing standards instead of crazy expectations.
Nothing wrong with crazy expectations.click to expand
Lol! Huh?
Posted by CuteGem
are you talking to me rocky? LOL
I am being single... not really dating. I flirt though. It is fun. ^_^
I also go out a lot with my friends and have fun. I do travelling lately as well.
Did you write the post?
No, it wasn't directed at you or I would have quoted you.
Posted by Agentgem24Posted by rockyroadicecream
Honey, I thought you were going to be single for awhile??
Well I am single. I date, it's fun. But nothing serious unless I meet someone WOW. Just having fun for now. My friends and family always come 1st though.click to expand
You will never get a grip on your litany of problems if you keep hiding behind dating and fucking around with guys.
Be. Single.
No dating. No fucking around. You have problems that need to be addressed and you're rather selfish in trying to hide and/or take them out on the guys you date. You can have fun and be single, oh desperate one.
This is really just advice in general for dating. I'm not saying I'm super serious in dating right now, just curious as a whole what people think because I never understood the whole dating rules etc
Sometimes friendships/dating turns into relationships b/c both people did things by the book (followed the rules)
Other times, friendships/dating never upgrades to relationship status simply b/c both people were to scripted & did things by the book
There's always gonna be that 1 guy whom you can snatch up & have a happy ending with b/c you knew the "game" & followed the rules
However, there's also always gonna be that 1 guy whom you can't seem to snatch. Not b/c he's not that into you. Not b/c there's something wrong with you. But b/c he doesn't follow the rules & would prefer someone with the same courage not to either, that he has
The rules technically encourage a man to do all the work in the beginning. I disagree. It's 1 thing to expect a man to initiate the 1st phone call or date. But it's another thing to be 2 or 9 months in & you're still playing hard to get.
You have to know when using "the rules" is the most beneficial. Your TIMING has to be spot on. You can't play hard-to-get during the phase when a man needs you to prove your attraction/interest to him. Then again, you can't be too available, do all the pursuing & all the work, during the phase where a man is up for the challenge of proving himself & his interest to you
Timing is everything. Some rules work best only a certain times. Not throughout the entire dating process though.
Other times, friendships/dating never upgrades to relationship status simply b/c both people were to scripted & did things by the book
There's always gonna be that 1 guy whom you can snatch up & have a happy ending with b/c you knew the "game" & followed the rules
However, there's also always gonna be that 1 guy whom you can't seem to snatch. Not b/c he's not that into you. Not b/c there's something wrong with you. But b/c he doesn't follow the rules & would prefer someone with the same courage not to either, that he has
The rules technically encourage a man to do all the work in the beginning. I disagree. It's 1 thing to expect a man to initiate the 1st phone call or date. But it's another thing to be 2 or 9 months in & you're still playing hard to get.
You have to know when using "the rules" is the most beneficial. Your TIMING has to be spot on. You can't play hard-to-get during the phase when a man needs you to prove your attraction/interest to him. Then again, you can't be too available, do all the pursuing & all the work, during the phase where a man is up for the challenge of proving himself & his interest to you
Timing is everything. Some rules work best only a certain times. Not throughout the entire dating process though.
Such "rules" (e.g., playing hard to get, not being too available, having him initiate the first text, allow him to chase, etc.) I equate to game playing. The most important factor at the onset, I believe, is that both are on the same page.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I bust the windows out your car.....have you done this? Or anything close? I can get soo angry but I NEVER had the
I'm very confused by a man I recently met... 3 weeks ago... I'm really attracted to him.. Really! LOL very handsome and
If a baby was 6 months premature, what would its starsign be? The day its born or 3 months after the baby was born consi
So are there any Zodiac-fetischists in the house? Do you get turned on by a person merely based on the fact that they ar
Tell me about how/why you n your ex/ex-es broke up. 1.both of your sun n moon signs 2.how/why did you guys break up?
Interesting topic! I've always wondered where people stood on it. I've heard anywhere from age knows no love, to it's
What signs/placements do you think are more subject to this? What role do you think synastry plays? What are your
I need people to share their thoughts/experience on this love lifestyle. I have a boyfriend of three years, and I love h
Just wondering what your height preference is when dating, something I've wondered on the opinion from others for awhile
I've been reading about this topic for sometime now and usually every story I've read about twin flames usually end bad.
In general, same element Sun signs seem to play well together - how does this play out for other personal planets. Can t
I'm a gem, Aquarius rising...libra moon. My bf is a Scorpio, aquarius rising, Leo moon. My whole love sector is Cancer,
I'm dating a Leo man and he's very sweet, very affectionate, calls and text me all the time, and buys me stuff. Anyw
My Leo ex, rising Gemini, Taurus moon, and I were together 4 years. I broke up with him march 2012 for a number of reaso
So, I finally broke up with my boyfriend after putting up with his BS for months. I had a feeling he had been lying to m
So im a virgo and my head is spinning, this aqua girl i met almost 2 months ago has me for a loop. She is everywhere but
Hi I met someone whom I share these aspects with; My pluto trine her venus and her moon trine my pluto. I was wondering
First, what are your details. Then pick 3 closest friends to you (not bf/gfs) and list their main placements. Tell us ho
Say you like someone and you go on a date, the date goes really well. How much should you expect to talk to that person, see them? Should you talk daily....if you don't talk daily, does that mean they aren't interested? Should you see them weekly? Etc
Some people seem to have a vastly different approach to it. In my opinion, I would think if I went on a good date with someone and they said they had a good time, I would be put off and think them not interested if they didn't text me daily. But is that too high of an expectation? I like to make things more complicated than they are, generally.
What is your personal approach/ style when you are getting to know someone and going on dates? What do you expect?
Discuss 🙂