Is Courtship Dead?

Is Courtship Dead?

What does courting mean to you?

Courting seems a thing of the past.
FWB'ism is waaaay to popular now.

When the guy would ask you out, you date, you continue to date and get to know each other.
Then down the road he asks and you both discuss being exclusive. Then comes marriage talk further down the road.

Nowadays, there is this leading on, sex without commitment.
Or people wanting commitment after the 2nd date!!!
What is your rush, hold your horses, let me learn about you.
Strive to make me happy.

How long did you court your current "flame"?
How long did you court them?

Who are you currently courting?
Post Sun, Moon and Mars sign.

People are scared to fall in love so they rather make things easier by just having meaning sex.... But they don't realize sex can really complicate things.

No way. A man will be MOVED when he sees a woman he desires, and he will try his damndest to "get" her. If he's aggressive, a RISK TAKER, and courageous enough to take the chance that this woman in question will turn him down, he will be usually win. But he's usually smart enough to see right through her. He won't risk his heart to be broken.

Taurus'
2014
Still courting.

(And getting heartbroken..)

Posted by LunarMaiden
What does courting mean to you?

Courting seems a thing of the past.
FWB'ism is waaaay to popular now.

Courting is not a thing from the past. It's saved for the "keepers".

Posted by LetltB

Posted by LunarMaiden
What does courting mean to you?

Courting seems a thing of the past.
FWB'ism is waaaay to popular now.

Courting is not a thing from the past. It's saved for the "keepers".

click to expand

Amen! It does still exist!!

To me courting means:

*Opening doors for a woman & a woman being appreciative & gladly saying "Thank you!" (So many guys have said that on the rare occasion they still open doors, a lot of women aren't even thanking them anymore)

*Taking each other out, not b/c you expect anything in return, but b/c dating someone meant showing them why they should pick YOU when you could have anybody, thus taking a woman out & investing money in her was his way of investing in her as a whole (This was seen as a sign of respect to a woman's father & also a sign of a man's ability to provide for her in the future)

*Having fun, enjoying each other's company & doing what it takes to get to know someone intellectually/emotionally/mentally so that WHEN (not if) the relationship or marriage finally becomes official, both can enjoy the "other" perks that come with someone (sex, intimacy, & anything else that women were urged to keep to themselves until a man committed to them)

Nowadays, it's not that a man wants to court you b/c he wants to get to know you, show a woman he can provide for her long term per say things were to upgrade to a relationship, etc.

Nowadays, it's about taking a woman out enough so that he can get into her pants! Some guys will spend money 1 night only & if he doesn't get sex, he'll dump her or move onto someone else. And some guys will court a woman for a week & if they don't get the panties, they disappear.

Almost like now men feel they are entitled to getting sex if they spend money on a woman, whether they spend the money for 1 day or 2 months. WOMEN ARE NOT FOR SALE!

The reason the art of "courting" is starting to die is b/c the goal is no longer commitment, but instead sex. Can't expect someone to bring out the best in them & treat you like a queen when their primary goal/focus is sex. When a man's primary goal was seeing a woman they liked & wanting her to be his future wife, yes men were still just as horny, BUT refused to let their testosterone interfere or ruin things.

Courting does still exist though!

Some guys still court women b/c they are extremely traditional deep down regardless of the changes they see in this society with their peers

And some guys will only do so when they feel they have truly met a woman they consider special.

It's important, however, for women to understand that every guy isn't gonna feel that you are "the one" or special. And every guy doesn't have to spend money on you to prove that he likes you or wants to get to know you.

The problem is that men are using courting as a means to get sex (not commitment) & women are using the courting to get that money (lol) (not necessarily a relationship).

I've had plenty of old-fashioned guys tell me that they've stopped courting every single woman they date b/c they can tell that some women are just in it for the free meals or free experience & that's it before they move onto the next sucka. We ladies have to remember too that a lot of women have ruined it for others lol

When I was dating i met a lot of "no courting i just want to hang out" type of guys, I knew what I wanted and I didn't settle for less.

Yes i stayed single for a while, lots of dateless saturday nights, lots of guys dissappeared, until I met my boyfriend, he courted me for 2 months, we never stop talking and seeing each other every weekend since our 1st date, after 2 months he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and make it official.

So yes if you wait for the right guy he will do anything to get what he wants, a real man knows how to treat and get a woman he is truly interested in, the rest are just boys and undeserving of your time IMO

Posted by LunarMaiden

When the guy would ask you out, you date, you continue to date and get to know each other.
Then down the road he asks and you both discuss being exclusive. Then comes marriage talk further down the road.

This is pretty much the only way I do things.

Posted by Dafna79
When I was dating i met a lot of "no courting i just want to hang out" type of guys, I knew what I wanted and I didn't settle for less.

Yes i stayed single for a while, lots of dateless saturday nights, lots of guys dissappeared, until I met my boyfriend, he courted me for 2 months, we never stop talking and seeing each other every weekend since our 1st date, after 2 months he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and make it official.

So yes if you wait for the right guy he will do anything to get what he wants, a real man knows how to treat and get a woman he is truly interested in, the rest are just boys and undeserving of your time IMO

+1. In addition to what Dafna said, if you want courting and chivalry, then you need to be worth it to a guy. How you do that is by setting your mindset to that. For example: hold your standards and stay single until you find that good, decent man. In the meantime, don't be desperate and go around doing flings with all those sex mongers. Don't go around using men for attention or money or whatever.

I agree with Renee7. A lot of men have become extremely sloppy. But I will also say that the female population needs to take responsibility for letting them get this way. Being ok with their half assed attempts. I expect this type of courting too. Very traditional in this (probably because of my Taurus Venus/Mars). If you do not deliver Im not interested. Right now guys seem to be lazy, dramatic, and just ridiculous. I dont have time for anything but A game. Either you bring it or you don't. Don't want to talk to me cause you don't get your way because youre too busy trying to feed me scraps? Guess what? Not going to chase you honey. Because what you won't do some other man will who knows how to court a lady and act right.

Posted by Xin
I agree with Renee7. A lot of men have become extremely sloppy. But I will also say that the female population needs to take responsibility for letting them get this way. Being ok with their half assed attempts. I expect this type of courting too. Very traditional in this (probably because of my Taurus Venus/Mars). If you do not deliver Im not interested. Right now guys seem to be lazy, dramatic, and just ridiculous. I dont have time for anything but A game. Either you bring it or you don't. Don't want to talk to me cause you don't get your way because youre too busy trying to feed me scraps? Guess what? Not going to chase you honey. Because what you won't do some other man will who knows how to court a lady and act right.

What do you do when you meet a courtship lame?
Do you tell him what you want or do you just ditch him?

Posted by Vainth
Taurus'
2014
Still courting.

(And getting heartbroken..)

You haven't met the right one to court.
And I would like to know what you are doing exactly.

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by Xin
I agree with Renee7. A lot of men have become extremely sloppy. But I will also say that the female population needs to take responsibility for letting them get this way. Being ok with their half assed attempts. I expect this type of courting too. Very traditional in this (probably because of my Taurus Venus/Mars). If you do not deliver Im not interested. Right now guys seem to be lazy, dramatic, and just ridiculous. I dont have time for anything but A game. Either you bring it or you don't. Don't want to talk to me cause you don't get your way because youre too busy trying to feed me scraps? Guess what? Not going to chase you honey. Because what you won't do some other man will who knows how to court a lady and act right.

What do you do when you meet a courtship lame?
Do you tell him what you want or do you just ditch him?

click to expand

I dont usually date him. Ill ask him whats going on just to see if he's just socially retarded or if he really is just that lazy. If I get the answer I didnt want POOF gone. No explanation nothing. Because I dont feel I should have to explain myself to someone who doesnt do anything in the first place. I mirror your intentions. Youre lazy? Guess what im lazy, so lazy im gone with no explanation.

Most everything is done via Facebook and Text Messaging now...

We are living in a immediate gratification generation. Hard and fast is what we do best unfortunately.

I have never really been courted as I went through a phase 'step off I don't care for your dick'
Now with my current we are doing all of the relationship steps backwards. Works fine for me but would to love try or be on the receiving end once in my life.

Sun scorpio
Moon taurus
Mars cancer

Most everything is done via Facebook and Text Messaging now...

That's too bad, its nice to hear another's VOICE...try it!

I hope Facebook goes the way of myspace. And twitter goes with it too

So sick of reading what everyone has to say about every little thing, who the h*ll cares if you are going to take a shower or eat a sandwich..so sick of the oversharing.

YES I AGREE MAKE A MAN COURT YOU!! DON'T STAND FOR ANYTHING LESS.

What did we all expect? Guys have no role models anymore. The heroes were replaced by rappers.

Posted by sunshine222
Most everything is done via Facebook and Text Messaging now...

That's too bad, its nice to hear another's VOICE...try it!

I hope Facebook goes the way of myspace. And twitter goes with it too

So sick of reading what everyone has to say about every little thing, who the h*ll cares if you are going to take a shower or eat a sandwich..so sick of the oversharing.

YES I AGREE MAKE A MAN COURT YOU!! DON'T STAND FOR ANYTHING LESS.

What did we all expect? Guys have no role models anymore. The heroes were replaced by rappers.

++++1

I'm in a situation where it was alive and well in the beginning and I stomped on it.

Unless I'm sure on what I want in all honesty I don't believe I deserve to be courted.

Here's a thought completely out of left field.

Could it be that the young men today were not taught how to court? Perhaps, the dad was missing in action and didn't teach a boy how to respect a woman? Perhaps the mom was busy with a career and making a living that she didn't teach him how to open doors or what things a woman likes?

By the same token, could it be that the young women of today were not taught what a real man SHOULD be because fathers are non-existent and again, mothers are either working two jobs or going through men theirselves?

Likewise, latch key kids with little or no supervision, where the parents are their 'friends' and not their parents. Kids doing what they want, when they want with no boundaries or consequences. They become adults and don't learn the behavior that would be expected two generations ago.

And, on top of that, it is the generation of instant gratification, as someone said earlier. People don't want to work for what they get. People don't want to be patient enough to let things develop naturally.

Plus, the media shoves easy sex in our face everyday. Look at our TV shows, movies, music, everything in pop culture pushes sexuality and self absorbed behavior.

Womens liberation - 'who needs a man?' behavior. Some women seem pissed off if a man pays for something or opens a door for her. How is the man supposed to even know what is expected of him these days?

All that said, no, courting is not dead in so many words. If a woman wants to be courted, by her behavior, she can not settle for less. If she's not courted, its because she didn't require it.

Oh, and for the record, I wasn't putting down any of our young people. It was just an observation on the generational influences.

Posted by Impulsv
I think the young generation is all in. Was talking to coworker who explained high-school
Kids are going all out to ask
The girls for the school dance. It was impressive what this boys were doing. So I think there is still hope.

I'm glad to hear that!

I was hoping someone would come in with some good arguements against by theory! 🙂

Posted by lnana04
I'm in a situation where it was alive and well in the beginning and I stomped on it.

Unless I'm sure on what I want in all honesty I don't believe I deserve to be courted.

Pffft.

It isn't about "deserving"-- that's false humility.

If you're honest about the fact that you don't know what you want, then HE can make an informed decision about whether or not he still wants to try to court you.

He may believe he can help you make up your mind-- that's kind of what it's about. 😉

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by lnana04
I'm in a situation where it was alive and well in the beginning and I stomped on it.

Unless I'm sure on what I want in all honesty I don't believe I deserve to be courted.

Pffft.

It isn't about "deserving"-- that's false humility.

If you're honest about the fact that you don't know what you want, then HE can make an informed decision about whether or not he still wants to try to court you.

He may believe he can help you make up your mind-- that's kind of what it's about. 😉

click to expand

i think i can have odd ways, and Its about being deserving to me...it all just makes me uncomfortable.

I had a talk with my Cap friend about this a few weeks ago , and he thought I was weird when I told him I didnt feel deserving of being courted. how I explained it to him, I dont have much sexual experience, but I tend to wonder about guys in terms of sexual compatibility initially. I think those that are interested in dates and courting, are more interested in a relationship, when 100% of the time Im not in the beginning. and even if they are not...and they are interested in sex too, the whole courting thing will only make me angry because they didnt approach it honestly. To be courted in hopes of getting sex down the line will make my skin crawl.

maybe im just overthinking, which my virgo sis tells me i do quite often, or maybe its just my scorpio venus talking, but I avoid dates, dating, and kind of cringe at the idea of being courted. I have a hard time even letting a guy open a door for me...im just that uncomfortable with it all. its not until I decide I really like or love a guy that id slowly open up to the idea of him showing me he see me as someone special and wants to treat me like a lady smh. I guess because at that point, or after time, i feel he now knows me. of course it never gets to that point cause I throw most guys off by my weirdness in the beginning stages...with shutting down all attemps, and they in turn spend the rest of the time trying to figure me out, smdh. ill hush now.

There are still men who court! Both 26, lol.

Two different dates:

Sun Sagittarius, Scorpio Moon & Mars, throughout the entire month we dated, he opened my door every single time I got in the car, hungry? went out to eat. I suggested cooking at times, in which we did and he helped, sometimes fed food in my mouth. He did not share secrets with anyone about us. Oh, we were somewhat home most of the time.

Other date was with Sun Pisces, Gem Moon, Sag Mars, damn, did it suck. The first and last date, he opened the door once, and for himself while walking towards the restaurant. Not much of a conversation going on....

As far as my courting goes, no one at the moment. Decided to drop men and focus on career. In case if a handsome man decides to get lost in it - flick back hair, sparkle in the eyes and a smile - ready when he is.