xtina
@xtina
17 Years1,000+ PostsAries
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4299 · Topics: 74
Hot mess vs put together
It's not like you can pick your potential mate out of a lineup. Your attracted to who your attracted too.
And oftentimes people lie to themselves and others about who they are, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about a first date. You dress up, eat politely, talk about PC topics. Your essentially on your best behavior, 'playing a role' in the hopes that this person will like the impression of you that your projecting and will want to see you again.
Many people continue to lie to their SO far into the relationship. And by the time they expose their real selves it's too late, your already hooked. You've caught those pesky feels.
And oftentimes people lie to themselves and others about who they are, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about a first date. You dress up, eat politely, talk about PC topics. Your essentially on your best behavior, 'playing a role' in the hopes that this person will like the impression of you that your projecting and will want to see you again.
Many people continue to lie to their SO far into the relationship. And by the time they expose their real selves it's too late, your already hooked. You've caught those pesky feels.
Posted by LadyNeptuneYes I completely agree. And I definitely understand that. I guess this is more of a hypothetical question. I think that might be even a better question from something you brought up and that's the front people put up in relationships. I've been guilty of that myself but in my case some of the men I've dated have never seen that wall come down at all.
It's not like you can pick your potential mate out of a lineup. Your attracted to who your attracted too.
And oftentimes people lie to themselves and others about who they are, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about a first date. You dress up, eat politely, talk about PC topics. Your essentially on your best behavior, 'playing a role' in the hopes that this person will like the impression of you that your projecting and will want to see you again.
Many people continue to lie to their SO far into the relationship. And by the time they expose their real selves it's too late, your already hooked. You've caught those pesky feels.
Thank you!
You bring up very interesting points 🙂
Posted by ImpulsvThat's exactly what I was thinking.
What is a hot mess? Example I think if she unemployed , career wise got nothing going , has chaotic life but looks good n dresses good is a hot mess to me.
Someone who is very dependent on other people and doesn't know how to take care of herself but also emotionally immature too
I'm not trying to judge because sometimes I thought no more men would prefer a hot mess to put together... Similar to how some women prefer bad boys
If the majority of people weren't a hot mess, then most people would be successful.
PS: ILU xtina
PS: ILU xtina
Posted by Libralula‚‚‚
I'd rather someone put together but who's to say what that really is anymore?
Just give me someone who can love me, love the earth and respect other human life, clean, pleasing appearance, spiritual not religious, not psycho or a pervert, and a freak in the sheets and that covers the basics.
Omg you're so right.
I guess this is just a useless question then
I was just wondering so that I wouldn't feel what I've been telling my friend isn't wrong. But I guess I'm probably completely wrong 😄
Posted by Arielle83How are you both? Certain times you are one or the other? Or can you be both at the same time?
I'm both.
Which makes me unpredictable.
I got married, so I guess it's alright.
Because having a Virgo rising I find it hard to let loose unless I feel comfortable
Posted by xtinaWe all do it to some extent. And the more you date and are in social senerios in general the more easily you pick up on red flags warning you that all is not as it seems.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes I completely agree. And I definitely understand that. I guess this is more of a hypothetical question. I think that might be even a better question from something you brought up and that's the front people put up in relationships. I've been guilty of that myself but in my case some of the men I've dated have never seen that wall come down at all.
It's not like you can pick your potential mate out of a lineup. Your attracted to who your attracted too.
And oftentimes people lie to themselves and others about who they are, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about a first date. You dress up, eat politely, talk about PC topics. Your essentially on your best behavior, 'playing a role' in the hopes that this person will like the impression of you that your projecting and will want to see you again.
Many people continue to lie to their SO far into the relationship. And by the time they expose their real selves it's too late, your already hooked. You've caught those pesky feels.
Thank you!
You bring up very interesting points 🙂click to expand
But yeah, it's not as simply as deciding you want stable and then finding it.
I try to take things slow and keep grounded. Not get swept up in emotions (ironic coming from a water sign ‚). I look for actions over pretty flowery speech.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI'm the same wayPosted by xtinaWe all do it to some extent. And the more you date and are in social senerios in general the more easily you pick up on red flags warning you that all is not as it seems.Posted by LadyNeptuneYes I completely agree. And I definitely understand that. I guess this is more of a hypothetical question. I think that might be even a better question from something you brought up and that's the front people put up in relationships. I've been guilty of that myself but in my case some of the men I've dated have never seen that wall come down at all.
It's not like you can pick your potential mate out of a lineup. Your attracted to who your attracted too.
And oftentimes people lie to themselves and others about who they are, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about a first date. You dress up, eat politely, talk about PC topics. Your essentially on your best behavior, 'playing a role' in the hopes that this person will like the impression of you that your projecting and will want to see you again.
Many people continue to lie to their SO far into the relationship. And by the time they expose their real selves it's too late, your already hooked. You've caught those pesky feels.
Thank you!
You bring up very interesting points 🙂
But yeah, it's not as simply as deciding you want stable and then finding it.
I try to take things slow and keep grounded. Not get swept up in emotions (ironic coming from a water sign ‚). I look for actions over pretty flowery speech.click to expand
But I'm curious what are some red flags you consider to be important especially in the beginning?
I have my own ideas but I know I can be naive sometimes so it's great to hear others thoughts and opinions
Imma hot mess and i don't caarrrrrre..
Meeeeoooow!
😛
Okay all kidding aside.
who can say if another is a hot mess or not? No one really, i can't judge what you have been through or how you will deal or not deal with stuff.
Also, Men are so much easier than that..
Job or career that they enjoy, favorite hobby/passtime, sexy pics of yourself, good booze ( if they into that), full tummy, done...
Us women make it so much harder than it really is.
Meeeeoooow!
😛
Okay all kidding aside.
who can say if another is a hot mess or not? No one really, i can't judge what you have been through or how you will deal or not deal with stuff.
Also, Men are so much easier than that..
Job or career that they enjoy, favorite hobby/passtime, sexy pics of yourself, good booze ( if they into that), full tummy, done...
Us women make it so much harder than it really is.
Some that have happened to me...
Commenting on my personal appearance, "You should straighten your hair."
"I like girls that wear dresses"
Ordering for me. It all points to someone whose gonna be controlling.
Also had guys talk about ex's nonstop. It especially annoys me when their talking crap on their ex. I sit their thinking to myself, "If I date you is this how you'll talk about me to the girl that comes after me?"
These have all happened on the first few dates (never went further than that).
So much more comes to mind but it's way past my bedtime ðŸ'¤
I'll pick this up tomorrow.
Commenting on my personal appearance, "You should straighten your hair."
"I like girls that wear dresses"
Ordering for me. It all points to someone whose gonna be controlling.
Also had guys talk about ex's nonstop. It especially annoys me when their talking crap on their ex. I sit their thinking to myself, "If I date you is this how you'll talk about me to the girl that comes after me?"
These have all happened on the first few dates (never went further than that).
So much more comes to mind but it's way past my bedtime ðŸ'¤
I'll pick this up tomorrow.
Posted by justagirlWe do!! Ugh. It's a double edged sword. Sometimes it can be useful and other times just drive us crazy.
Imma hot mess and i don't caarrrrrre..
Meeeeoooow!
😛
Okay all kidding aside.
who can say if another is a hot mess or not? No one really, i can't judge what you have been through or how you will deal or not deal with stuff.
Also, Men are so much easier than that..
Job or career that they enjoy, favorite hobby/passtime, sexy pics of yourself, good booze ( if they into that), full tummy, done...
Us women make it so much harder than it really is.
Posted by LibralulaI usually move on. If I love them I will try my best to help but I know the limits of my help. But then it makes me wonder am I just giving up to easily? I know that's hard to know.Posted by xtinaNo you're not wrongPosted by Libralula‚‚‚
I'd rather someone put together but who's to say what that really is anymore?
Just give me someone who can love me, love the earth and respect other human life, clean, pleasing appearance, spiritual not religious, not psycho or a pervert, and a freak in the sheets and that covers the basics.
Omg you're so right.
I guess this is just a useless question then
I was just wondering so that I wouldn't feel what I've been telling my friend isn't wrong. But I guess I'm probably completely wrong 😄
Like other said it's hard to know if someone is a mess on first few dates...
The question becomes, once you find out they have issues are you the type who wants to help or save them? Or move on for someone with less baggage.
click to expand
I hear stories all the time of people who stay with their partners and work through all the difficulties and then others that don't.
How to know what's long enough and too much. Right?
Posted by Libralulayou ask on the first date? DannnngPosted by LadyNeptuneI like to test men.
Some that have happened to me...
Commenting on my personal appearance, "You should straighten your hair."
"I like girls that wear dresses"
Ordering for me. It all points to someone whose gonna be controlling.
Also had guys talk about ex's nonstop. It especially annoys me when their talking crap on their ex. I sit their thinking to myself, "If I date you is this how you'll talk about me to the girl that comes after me?"
These have all happened on the first few dates (never went further than that).
So much more comes to mind but it's way past my bedtime ��'�
I'll pick this up tomorrow.
I always ask maybe date one or two about the ex and take note of their reaction.
😛click to expand
@libralula
Why'd you hide your comment? I was about to comment on the appearance part. I mean the guys I date are usually put together but I never thought of that as a sign although I do agree with everything else
Why'd you hide your comment? I was about to comment on the appearance part. I mean the guys I date are usually put together but I never thought of that as a sign although I do agree with everything else
Posted by justagirlI know right?! That's like I don't give AF bitch status 😉Posted by Libralulayou ask on the first date? DannnngPosted by LadyNeptuneI like to test men.
Some that have happened to me...
Commenting on my personal appearance, "You should straighten your hair."
"I like girls that wear dresses"
Ordering for me. It all points to someone whose gonna be controlling.
Also had guys talk about ex's nonstop. It especially annoys me when their talking crap on their ex. I sit their thinking to myself, "If I date you is this how you'll talk about me to the girl that comes after me?"
These have all happened on the first few dates (never went further than that).
So much more comes to mind but it's way past my bedtime ��'�
I'll pick this up tomorrow.
I always ask maybe date one or two about the ex and take note of their reaction.
😛click to expand
Posted by Libralulaoohhhh okay yea i guess i have asked something similar, lolololPosted by justagirlI ask casually of course and as polite as possible.Posted by Libralulayou ask on the first date? DannnngPosted by LadyNeptuneI like to test men.
Some that have happened to me...
Commenting on my personal appearance, "You should straighten your hair."
"I like girls that wear dresses"
Ordering for me. It all points to someone whose gonna be controlling.
Also had guys talk about ex's nonstop. It especially annoys me when their talking crap on their ex. I sit their thinking to myself, "If I date you is this how you'll talk about me to the girl that comes after me?"
These have all happened on the first few dates (never went further than that).
So much more comes to mind but it's way past my bedtime ��'�
I'll pick this up tomorrow.
I always ask maybe date one or two about the ex and take note of their reaction.
😛
Usually just say something like "How's a handsome man like you not married yet? " you know boost the ego, after he laughs a bit he will say "Well, my last relationship was .... " and he'll tell you all you need to know.
Lolclick to expand
Posted by xtinaI know this sounds like wanting your cake and eating it too, but I want someone who is put together, but creates hot messes. IOW, I need someone to ruffle my feathers a bit because the two fold effect is not only does it keep me stimulated, but it also increases the passion big time. Simply put, I need to emotionally wrestle with my partner. NOT fight. Wrestle. There is a difference.
So I've been talking to my friend about women that are a hot mess vs put together.
I know you can't always help who you fall for but I've always assumed since I'd prefer a guy that was stable vs a guy that was unstable... Yet I've dated and chosen quite the contrary before... I've always assumed men where the same way. But I'm probably completely wrong.
So when looking or picking the girl of your dreams to settle down with would you prefer a put together girl over a hot mess or you couldn't care less?
I just ask because I keep reassuring her yet I have no real clue. Hey! I am an Aries and my job depends on me making quick assumptions 🙂
Sometimes, I think this is common among cardinal signs. I have noticed that Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn all seem to have this innate need to do battle with their partners in a relationship, and are the biggest examples of wanting what they can't have. And I am willing to bet a lot of people with their sun in these signs will agree with me, or have an epiphany of their lifetime right now lol. Each are competitive in their own way and want to win. It's all about winning with these fucking four signs! But the win doesn't mean shit if it comes easy.
Posted by LibralulaAll very good. Glad mine are limited to just a few 😛
Red Flags:
Talking about exs too much (positive & negative)
Unclean appearances: stained clothes, dirty hair, dirty fingernails.
Treats his mother Poorly, no respect etc..
Too much porn/all about sex
Calls or text too much
Always talking about things he dislikes or is against (negative personality)
Sudden outbursts of anger, sadness
No respect for animals or children
Homeless, no steady address
*at least one: car, job or enrolled in school
hot mess = drama, instability, aggravation and frustration. no thank you!
Posted by CrabraYes, I'm totally with you. I want it all too and I want that which I can not have... Sigh, not sure if it's possible but I will damn sure try 🙂Posted by xtinaI know this sounds like wanting your cake and eating it too, but I want someone who is put together, but creates hot messes. IOW, I need someone to ruffle my feathers a bit because the two fold effect is not only does it keep me stimulated, but it also increases the passion big time. Simply put, I need to emotionally wrestle with my partner. NOT fight. Wrestle. There is a difference.
So I've been talking to my friend about women that are a hot mess vs put together.
I know you can't always help who you fall for but I've always assumed since I'd prefer a guy that was stable vs a guy that was unstable... Yet I've dated and chosen quite the contrary before... I've always assumed men where the same way. But I'm probably completely wrong.
So when looking or picking the girl of your dreams to settle down with would you prefer a put together girl over a hot mess or you couldn't care less?
I just ask because I keep reassuring her yet I have no real clue. Hey! I am an Aries and my job depends on me making quick assumptions 🙂
Sometimes, I think this is common among cardinal signs. I have noticed that Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn all seem to have this innate need to do battle with their partners in a relationship, and are the biggest examples of wanting what they can't have. And I am willing to bet a lot of people with their sun in these signs will agree with me, or have an epiphany of their lifetime right now lol. Each are competitive in their own way and want to win. It's all about winning with these fucking four signs! But the win doesn't mean shit if it comes easy.
click to expand
Give me a hot mess to put together.
Posted by rabidtalkerWhat you don't like a challenge? 😛
hot mess = drama, instability, aggravation and frustration. no thank you!
Posted by ManilaViceWhat do you consider a hot mess?
i'm going to go with hot mess
Posted by PalerioYou're one of those people... That's ok I am too ‚‚
Give me a hot mess to put together.
Posted by tizianiI usually consider the nature of the sign, placements and aspects as well, some of them are just more difficult to deal with than others, even if some people like to think they're all the same, they're not.Posted by PalerioHonestly, walk in the room put together and let's turn it into a hot mess and back again.
Give me a hot mess to put together.
Virgo Mars problems.click to expand
For instance if you have Virgo Mars, and I do love this placement in women, to me, you're "allowed" to be a mess inside because it's within your nature. You can be the most evolved and put together person alive but with Virgo Mars, or Virgo heavy chart in general, you're always going to be a mess (exactly what you wanted to hear right? aha), it's something latent that arises from time to time, there's no escape, it's just who you are, which is obviously not a justification when you don't get things done, simply "unacceptable" by any standards.
Yes, with a Scorpio moon you can be an emotional hot mess. With an Aqua sun conjunct mercury? You can be all over the place as much as you like, as far as I'm concerned; I can live with that and I like that because I'm like that too and I appreciate people, with no filters, as they are if it's within their nature.
But when it comes to a Taurus sun conjunct mars for example? I can't stand a hot mess, I can't stand people gifted by nature with exceptional drive whose life is not put together. You can have other flaws with those placements, but your life can't be a mess. It means you're not playing to your strengths.
I'm emphasizing, I'm clearly not that drastical and it's more complicated than that (environment/family ecc...play a role too), but you got my point: embrace your true nature, play to your strengths... and being perfectly put together, although you can try, is not anyone's strength.
If you're a hot mess? Try to be the most awesomely put together hot mess you can be, but please keep a bit of your messiness because it's what makes you hot and usually quirky too.
Posted by SensitiveBluesYou should try harder.
im a hot mess. but sometimes i try .
Posted by SensitiveBluesAm I?Posted by Palerioyou're judging mePosted by SensitiveBluesYou should try harder.
im a hot mess. but sometimes i try .click to expand
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
So, this has happened a few times over the last 2 years, I meet a guy, I'm attracted to him, our personaltys click, we get along and things are going well...but when they express to me their feelings about the situation I am suddenly so put off by them an
Hello all, I've been lurking these boards for a long time reading advice, and finally worked up the courage to just post my question. I'm with a January Capricorn man. I'm an Aries (Leo ascendant, Pisces moon). Yes, yes, we all know how that sh*t go
Ok so I met this Taurus guy on a dating site about a month ago (I know: such a small amount of time to start worrying) and we actually hit it off pretty well at first and then things started to change. He was super flirty at first and wanted to know about
To like the smell of your man's funk.. not arm pit smell funk... but his natural skin odor, like once the cologne wears off. He usually wears this Tommy Bahama cologne, and he sprays just a little around his chest area after his morning shower, before
Are you kinky? Do you like weird fetishes? Do tell your sexual preference. Is it normal or somewhat naughty can't tell kind of thing lol
I've been seeing this guy (Aquarius with moon in Taurus) for 3 months, and I'm confused. When we hang out, we get along great - never had an argument yet. We're both busy in our careers, and I give/ get a lot of space. In the beginning he was texting me e
All you ever hear about on this forum are love romantic relationships but never friendships. My best friend in the world is Libra with Virgo moon. I have never had a best friend like her. I can tell her anything. My deepest darkest fears and secrets. I
After a date, you wait a few days before talking to each other/set up another date? Leo male and I(Aries) hung out for hookah, talked, had fun. During the hangout, he would get close to me and put his head on my shoulders, of course my dumb butt didn't re
So I'm a Cancer sun, Gemini moon(maybe it's that??) And I have this problem with staying with one guy for too long.. I hate myself for it really. I'll fall in love and it will be perfect.. I'm entirely focused on only him... Then a few months go by and I'
If you have been BADDDDLY hurt in the past ...how do you get over the fear of falling in love with the new one... if the new one is the complete opposite... I'm perfectly happy with the new one..but when we are apart...the fear creeps in.. ITS really
When I am just talking to someone and have an interest in them, I find myself focusing on that one person and not even able to talk to other people other than semi-friendly or have an interest in anyone else. It's like I go kind of cold and unapproachabl
Hi, I'm new to the board! I am looking to try and gain some insight into Aquarius men and relationships. Any help would be appreciated. About a year ago, I got divorced after almost 10 years of marriage. Then, five months ago I started talking to an A
I have a question & recently I was new to fb site & started using starting a little over 2 months ago. Here is the problem I have been seeing/dating my Aquarius guy for the last 2 1/2 months & he is on fb often & he likes some womens pictures which I'am c
What placements or um, various connections make it so that you could possibly have intimacy issues? Or once bitten twice shy in a way? Nothing seriously traumatic of a happening though I'd admit. Can that even be filtered into a placement?
Im a libra girl with a scorpio moon, venus in virgo and my just recently ex was a sag with a venus in scorpio, moon in sagittarius, both have mars in leo. We met 5 years ago I am 19 and he is 21. after two years of meeting we began dating at a very youn
I'm at the local dive bar with my gf and I see my neighbor whos living with his girlfriend, a Taurus (and her young son) *passionately* kissing a another woman. I am very friendly with my neighbor and I care about her yet I have an internal struggle about
I'm a sag woman with 5 houses in Scorpio, I felt an instant connection with a Scorpio man I started dating a while back, we were good for two months and he told me he really liked me, we hit it off but he is too afraid to open up and be serious with someo
I know you can't always help who you fall for but I've always assumed since I'd prefer a guy that was stable vs a guy that was unstable... Yet I've dated and chosen quite the contrary before... I've always assumed men where the same way. But I'm probably completely wrong.
So when looking or picking the girl of your dreams to settle down with would you prefer a put together girl over a hot mess or you couldn't care less?
I just ask because I keep reassuring her yet I have no real clue. Hey! I am an Aries and my job depends on me making quick assumptions 🙂