Need Advice from/about Cap Men

Hello all,

I've been lurking these boards for a long time reading advice, and finally worked up the courage to just post my question.

I'm with a January Capricorn man. I'm an Aries (Leo ascendant, Pisces moon). Yes, yes, we all know how that sh*t goes, he's controlling and I'm angry. Everything thus far has gone in a completely predictable fashion, given our sun signs.

I normally avoid getting entangled with Capricorn men, but he's a special case. I met him at the mall one day and tried to hook up with him as a fling, since I was about to move to a different city. We both liked it and each other so I saw him the next day, and the day after. On the third day, long story short, he convinced me to drop ALL my plans and stay where I was so I could be with him. I'm not joking! Is that kind of behavior normal for Cappy men? I couldn't believe he would ask something like that, but I knew if I left I'd always be wondering what could have been...and he seemed confident that despite the fact that we're completely incompatible in most ways, we could overcome it with what we have in common. I decided to commit to it.

Fast-forward to a month later. Our fights have escalated to the point that he's instituted a 30-day "break", during which time he has instructed me to "control my crazy" (bipolar disorder) and "start to work and make money".

I should mention he's an Israeli.

Now, mind you, I had TWO jobs before I met him, jobs I quit because I was supposed to be leaving the state in a week. I had my own place. Since I canceled all my plans, I've had to squat at my parents' house while I start over. It's taken me time to find new jobs, but I think I've done pretty well all things considered. Even got a massive pay raise. But the work itself doesn't start until a few days from now, and checks are a couple weeks after that. So maybe from his perspective I'm just not putting in the work?

He works in sales, and I know right now he isn't doing well. I know stability is important to him. Maybe I seem too unstable. But he accuses me of "doing only what I want" and "nothing he tells me" and I worry he just wants me to be a submissive walking vagina that cooks. He wants me to stop doing what I want all the time, but all the choices I've made have been to make sure I have jobs that will be good, stable, and putting us in profit.

"Going on a break" is the coward's breakup, but he seems like he really means it? He says in 30 days, if I meet his standards we can try again. But I don't even know if we should get back together. I'm a proud woman and he's hurt me a lot. It's like talking to a wall. Incidentally, in our final battle he said it was "like talking to a chair".

He says he won't change, but in the same breath accuses me of refusing to change. I don't want to change him, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to date. I just want the faith and trust I've given him.

Advice? Maybe I should accept it's over. Or end it myself. There are 29 days til

@OP- He sure is nagging alot, but if you truly want to see, make the effort to change yourself and better yourself, and we all have some controlling tendency or want to motivate another person better..if you like someone yes you would do what it takes for both to make it work.

You got to compromise and adapt, being a Pisces moon you can if you like that person you'll find ways to show you are willing to change. Maybe some people don't know how to simply express something and need a boost. But not arrogantly or stubbornly.

@OP- What do you guys have in common? So far I don't see anything positive here..., why or how did you become attracted to each other, physical, mentally, sexually, emotionally? Randomly? Can you change alittle and then tell him to change something about him without trying to control.

I definitely know I have areas where I can stand to improve. I'm pretty much emotionally retarded as expressing myself goes, and with people I care about it's magnified x9001. I've been medicated for bipolar for almost two years now which has allowed me to improve a lot, but of course it still makes things difficult.

When we first got together I was very "w00t single lyfe party girl" and he nipped that in the bud right away. He said if I wanted to date him then I had to quit drinking, smoking, and drugs right away, and of course he wanted monogamy. I've been faithful to that, but I don't know if that necessarily counts as a change to him. And I guess he must be willing to try too, because after a brief, impassioned lecture from me he started wearing a seatbelt. My some miracle I was smart enough to notice and tell him I appreciated that at least!

As far as what we have in common--we're both people of simple needs in many ways, we enjoy the same boring activities like spending days off inside watching terrible action movies on Netflix. We like to please and go out of our way to make the other more comfortable. We both require appreciation/affirmation, and it just so happens that we admire each others' qualities enough that it comes naturally.

I didn't have enough characters in my first post to explain, but really he's a very sweet guy. He's stern and likes to play tough, but he's a softie. He's considerate and romantic in an old school way that I like. In the beginning he was very communicative, receptive, let me run my life while he ran his. He was so humble it made ME humble. We had a strong mutual respect for one another. The sex was...not like the movies or anything at the beginning, but we have the same attitude about sex so it was uniquely comfortable and we were both satisfied with it.

I think the biggest problem was that his perception of me spiraled out of control--or I guess in his eyes, I spiraled out of control! Every time I spoke to him it was just panic about jobs and money and he was very dismissive of anything that didn't start with "I had work today".

When I tried to talk to him about this, he just recycled the same phrases which usually caused me to become frustrated. It was like I was dating an NPC. If I'd been more in control of myself I would have thought to ask how I could help him with whatever he's dealing with. I know he has a lot on his plate. A lot of stress. Argh, he's always telling me to control myself and I didn't really get what he meant by it until he finally explained it--right before he broke up with me...

He never explains things, just gives commands. I know I can change things about myself--I WANT to change certain things, which is part of why I wanted to date him. But I'm at a point where I feel like I can't do anything right, and maybe he doesn't want ME but wants an IDEA of me that he made.

I guess I should also mention that I was attracted to his goofball sense of humor. He giggles like a naughty child making the silliest jokes and I love that. He's so serious and has that tunnel vision for work and success, but when we're in bed or relaxing he goes and cracks himself up with his own dumb jokes.

Not to sound condescending--I think they're funny too, and he's said before that he wanted to date me because I had a good sense of humor and he thought I was a nice girl. From what he's told me/shown me in his texts, I guess he's been treated pretty poorly by would-be dates because he's foreign. I didn't even know girls could be that rude to a perfectly acceptable man before I saw those text strings ~___~

@OP- Oh yeah you seem like you do want things to work out, seems like you've tried changing, but he isn't so..

Like it must be hard for someone who may not understand bipolar, could be that. Maybe just be friends for now and just see where it leads.. in the long run you do need to talk to each other, you need someone supportive through thick and thin times. You actually need someone who communicates easily and understand the other person when your mood swings come and some people don't know.

He needs a slap of wtf. Lol he is just so bitter. But seems you do have good common interests. The sex isn't holding you guys on. So you can literally be friends, fwb, but long term there will be some troubles..

Yoi sound

You sound like a cool person. So hope it is what you need out of someone. Lol. Just know Capricorn are really into work, career, family, then lover. Haha.

@OP- Or yeah he has some of his own issues about his past and maybe putting on the strict standards towards what he may expect or not. Yeah sometimes our past can be alittle damaging if you have ever been hurt or simply used..Usually most people will expect traditional upbringing qualities. Work, take care of yourself, take care of your loved ones, be financially stable, and then work on a making time for a companion..

@Donna- Oh I hate that, but when the emotions are detached yeah it's kinda has to start from the beginning all over again, to bring my openness out. If I shutdown it's hard to open like I was before. I would just stay friends most likely.

@FirstDecanTaureanWomen0428 Lol that's the exact order for him! Honestly when he started having issues at work it was like I didn't even have a boyfriend anymore. Barely heard from the guy and always had to initiate the conversation. I started feeling really insecure about the relationship when he got on the work issue and that didn't help!

Don't get me wrong, I have similar priorities. But I just broke it off with a guy who was too self-absorbed to do so much as send a text once a week.

Reading over our last conversation, I think (not sure cause honestly the guy can't spell in English at all) he's doing that thing Caps do where they need THINK TIEMMM. He says "let's take 30 days to focus on work and think, then we try to get back together and start from 0". Nearest translation lol. He seems super optimistic about the whole thing and I'm all kinds of messed up. In my world, anything could happen in 30 days, and we all know what going on a break usually means anyway...

@Donna Well, I say a lot that he has his head up his ass, but really he's more like a cleidsdale with the side-blinders on...he doesn't moan much about exes, but I know he was with a girl when he was fresh off the boat who he dated for a month, then their condom broke and she refused to take Plan B, then she wouldn't talk to him, then she left him a bunch of nast-e-grams about child support and never contacted him again. He's also mentioned that he wants to "fix my problems" before we live together because he's moved in with a girl before and the issues just got worse. Maybe that just compounds his unwillingness to take a risk on me.

I really wish I could just accept the relationship is done and move on with my life. Him not being around won't change any of my plans, aside from the fact that I can choose a better roommate lol. But damn if I don't still want him. I feel like I got hit and run. Seems like a dick move to chase me that hard and then dump me when the going gets tough! Jeez! And he was the one guy I brought home that the folks liked!!

Youre young and still learning.

Rule #435

Do not change your goals for a man. Do not side track your life for a man.

@DMV In hindsight, I don't regret my decision not to move--I consider my ex convincing me to stay to have been a force of the universe stopping me from making an even worse mistake. But there's something incredibly humiliating about changing everything around the guy and then this...

@OP- Yeah I don't even know you or him. But damn he's not really worth it, I know it may be hard, but you can really find someone else who can or is willing to work things out without always being in control..lol

Good luck, and you definitely don't need that in life but you are young and I've been through things similar to that at that age. It took me awhile to know change is for the better..in a bad situations and sometimes life creates a way out..

I guess all I can do is see what happens. Right now I'm too offended to feel really heartbroken...I'm just going to go forward with my plans and get over him. I don't think we can be friends because I'm always going to want him.

I'm not trying to be dramatic lol 😛 I only say that because a year ago I crushed on a Cap boy who I never pursued and part of me still isn't over it. I've never been dumped before or even left a relationship without exhausting all possibilities, and for a long time I'm going to see him as mine. I don't want a tense friendship. He works 11 hours a day, 6-7 days a week...I'll be working 13 hours a day, 6 days a week soon anyhow, so we'd never have time lol

If this thread doesn't get locked or something then I'll update with any further developments...thanks to those of you who responded for giving me advice and helping me come to terms.

@Op- Sorry to hear, it is truly hard to let go....I hope you find someone better and I hope if I replied that I didn't sound bitter, but seems dxp is highly in responses to guys or woman treating each other bad who happen to be good people, yeah we all have our flaws but someone has to match them or it will be inconsistent, unsecured and less likely to be friends after it all.

@FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428 Honestly part of me was happy that the ladies who replied were so staunchly in favor of just leaving him behind...I've developed the habit of always taking blame and trying to be understanding of the other side of the argument, etc, but often to a fault (thanks a lot, Pisces moon ~__~)

I've got all these gross feelings going on so I don't know the difference between my ass and my elbow. Not the best time for me to be trying to rationalize his misbehavior 😛

I also don't want to spend a month obsessively convincing myself 100% to his point of view because the likelihood of us getting back together is hovering around zero. If I don't use this time to move on I could end up chasing him. It's in my nature, Aries + Dog = Doberman lol. But for once I think I'll take a step back and not embarrass myself.

@Op- Doberman watch out now..Lol