Patience With Scorpio Man? Thoughts PLEASE!

Hi all - I'm a total newbie here - I've got an issue that I really could use some insight on. I've done some searching on Google and my searches always seem to bring up great discussions here on DXP. I would welcome your thoughts and guidance - especially from Scorp men....

I am by nature a true Cancer. My birthdate is 7/7/76. His is 11/3/80. I am intuitive and loving and my friends always come to me for loving/constructive advice. I'm a mother hen - not bossy at all, but I just get so much happiness from helping and caring for my friends and family. I am coming out of a marriage and I am REALLY in my shell. I'm very untrusting toward men, I have to say I'm highly skeptical and really not looking to jump into another relationship. However...I met someone through a friend, a Scorpio, who I instantly connected with. Not so much a physical thing, just an emotional bond, like I was meant to meet him. He on the other hand, has a bunch of emotional and physical scars. He's had a rough go of life in the past few years, and he just moved to my area and is rebuilding his life. Over the past 2 months, we've spent a ton of time together, hours and hours. We haven't been very physical, although that fire is DEFINITELY there. He's told me that he needs me in his life, that I am what he's looked for for the longest time. My bullsh*t alarm has never gone off - meaning I don't think he's playing with me - but my skeptical 'crab' side is wondering if he is. I don't know a whole lot about his past, but every time we're together, he lets me in a little more. He's affectionate and passionate with me. Because of the pain I sense in him, I long to love him. We laugh together, he's cried with me - and then he bolts for a few days. SILENCE from him. This past weekend he was out of town with his daughter (whom he doesn't have custody of) for Christmas. He has her all this week. Last week before Christmas, we REALLY bonded. He let me in to him more than ever, made me listen to a song that's highly relevant to our situation, and told me that "I'm his". Now I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. He's still our of town, and sometimes in bad cell areas, but I feel like he's disappeared. Does he really care about me? Is he afraid of falling in love? Is he testing me? If so, what should I BE DOING to keep this going? Do I keep wuiet, hoping he'll come back around again? Or is he a jerk and playing games? I am SO afraid of being hurt...Thanks for reading

Hi Caring! Welcome! 🙂
I am not a Scorpio but my best friend (a girl) is and my boss (male) is. I see both sides of a Scorp female and male! LOL. They are both very different in their aspects.
My friend is very non showy of emotions. She beleives the man should shower her with love and affection. Attention to her is what proves their love. To me, being a Sag she is going about it all wrong! Sometimes you need to give a little to get a little.
My boss is very showy of emotion. He showers his girlfriend (who also happens to be my other boss!) with flowers, dinners, suprise trips, jewelry, cards, you name it!
Your guy seems to show you interest which is a very good sign. You see, Scorps, whether male or female have secrets they do not want revealed too soon. My female Scorp friend is just like this! She may be having a tough time all around but would never let on anything is wrong. Your guy slowly telling you bits and pieces is a great thing! Please do not push him, but be your natural loving self!
Bring him and at the same time bring yourself out of your shell. You stated you are not sure if you even want to date yet (just being divorced yourself) so in the mean time take time for you. Look deep inside yourself to see what it is you want. You may be suprised at the answer!
I know I may not have helped specifically, but if anything just know we (all of us at dxp) are here for you! 🙂

Thanks Nikki! I really appreciate your words...When I care about someone, I give and give and give. He realizes this and has thanked and thanked and thanked...This year has been rough for me (bring on 2012), but it has brought me new, dear friends and tons of insight into who I am. I would say that I am NOT ready for the dating games, the dating pool, etc. Which is what's shocking to me about the connection I have with this man. I would totally spend all my time with him, which does go against my instinctual self preserving nature right now. Just him. No one else. We have an absolute BLAST together and I can't remember laughing so much with someone. In all my reading, I see so MANY nasty boards and comments about Scorpios, how they cheat, play games, are cold...Now, my guy is very sensitive and I see it in his eyes, but only his eyes - until our deep talks when he blurts confessions and details to me, only to clam up again. From what I've read, also, when a Scorp is in love, they are in love (like your boss) and there isn't anything they wouldn't do for you. Now, I am not expecting LOVE now, but what I truly want to know is if these signals I'm getting, these facts, affection, and unfortunately, disappearing acts occasionally, are signs that HE ISN'T a jerk - is he REALLY interested? He's told our mutual friend, a couple we know, how he doesn't deserve someone as loving as I am, given all the stuff he's done in his past - Since he's rebuilding his life (literally), he doesn't have much to offer me right now. Is he scared? He's not showing a whole lot of posessiveness/jealousy, which I hear is common among Scorps. I am as patient as the day is long, and if the end justifies the means, I will stand by him through thick and thin. But if this is all just a game to him, then I'm out. See what I mean? Ugh. Going on day 2 of not hearing from him....

@caring, relax. He's yours for the taking. This is one of his tests. He likes to be missed and he MISSES you.

Ah, Pathfinder, you are probably totally right. This is the battle between my heart and my head. Not only is he a Scorpio (we've talked about our signs, he seems to know a good bit about them), like I said, he's been hurt. Bad events and challenges in his life. He's very independent and starting afresh can be tough. He wants a sidekick I know, but he's not totally willing to let me in, and that's TOTALLY understandable. My big question next, is how do I handle the test? Do I remain silent and let him come to me when he's ready? He should really know how I feel about him, as I have already told him I am always there for him and I will always be by his side. So, without pushing him, how do I pass the test? I miss him dearly after not seeing him this past week. We were supposed to spend NYE together but things aren't working out with his daughter, the last I heard. I doubt he will be home in time for NYE. Again, the last I heard from him was Tuesday while he was still away. He said he wasn't able to make it home (he was bringing his daughter back home, here, for the week) It's likely that his daughter didn't want to come back here - but I don't know! He clammed up. UGH! Thanks again for all your support ladies! 🙂

Posted by CaringCancer
He should really know how I feel about him, as I have already told him I am always there for him and I will always be by his side. So, without pushing him, how do I pass the test? I miss him dearly after not seeing him this past week. We were supposed to spend NYE together but things aren't working out with his daughter, the last I heard. I doubt he will be home in time for NYE. Again, the last I heard from him was Tuesday while he was still away. He said he wasn't able to make it home (he was bringing his daughter back home, here, for the week) It's likely that his daughter didn't want to come back here - but I don't know! He clammed up. UGH! Thanks again for all your support ladies! 🙂

You don't sound like someone who is "not ready of a relationship". Sounds like you are more ready than him...

He's going through some heavy stuff with his daughter, who he doesn't have custody of, who probably didn't want to come back with him... how would you be feeling in this situation?
Would you be worrying about tests, and his not-yet relationship? Or would you're priority be with your daughter?Scorpio's are very loving and tenacious parents.

Step back, calm down, draw on your own strengths, be a bit more empathetic to his situation and look past your own emotional needs.

Thanks Let It Be - I appreciate your candor, really. I do adore him, and I do believe that the things he's saying about us are true when he says them. But what gets ME is the silence. You are right - it is only a couple of days. I have a tendency to worry in all areas of my life, probably because I am by nature very sensitive - I can see things from all different angles and wonder - "What If". This is why so many of my friends come to me for advice. I'm a big communicator, I love hashing things out, expressing everything, yadda yadda. He does too at times. It is almost too good to be true. Maybe I feel that I don't deserve this intensity of affection. I want to take things slow, obviously, and I am not expecting him to LOVE me yet, if ever. But like I said, the HOT and COLD with him is what's scary. I've made it clear to him how I feel, and I will not let him down if he needs me, that's for sure. My previous relationship was not emotionally damaging, it was actually amicable. I was hurt, yes, but not to the point where I wouldn't trust someone again - I'm sure there is some insecurity there though. Thanks - I am 35 by the way.

Hi Shell - I totally understand the situation with his daughter - He is her champion and I will NEVER, EVER take away from that. It's one of the things I admire the most about him, is his love for her. So many bad parents out there. I certainly keep that in mind when he's with her. Absolutely. He has a WHOLE lot of stuff going on in his life, and I know he needs to come to grips with many issues. But one minute he needs my help, the next he doesn't. I do not and have not pushed him, trust me. I do not nag at him and I do not criticize him, please know that. I've stepped back and he knows I am here for him. I've got plenty to occupy my time. I do just need to relax!!!! 😉

LOL Let it Be, I do appreciate it! I am untrusting in general, meaning up until I met this guy, I wasn't really even looking to start the whole dating thing again - I was happy living for me for once. I really didn't want the drama/games associated with this date, and that date, and "Oh, let me set you up with this guy I know". I was pretty much just doing my own thing. BUT the connection I feel with this guy HAS rocked my foundations a bit. It's like a bolt of lightning that came out of NOWHERE. So my protective shell comes out - "Do I deserve this, do I want this, etc." The passion we feel is exhilarating and scary at the same time. I am very sentimental and very much a sap. It gets me into trouble on occasion. I didn't expect this connection right now. So I question it. And I come here, to this board, for guidance, which you all have given me in abundance and I am eternally grateful. 🙂 I'll keep you posted. Thanks again!

Haha! I have never been in a relationship with a Scorp so this is new, and totally fun when we are together - I always thought Pisces were my favorites. Trust me, I do not want to scare him away, and while, yes I have some fears to deal with, so does he, from what he's told me. I want to be what he needs, and I get the feeling he feels the same. I do not want to scare him away if he's truly connected to me. He's struggling with other issues right now while he's away, which he told me of Monday afternoon. He needs this time away, I am sure of it. Like I said before I'm don't push or nag - so do I just wait for a message or call from him? I feel like such a moron, I just don't want MY giving him space to be construed by him as a lack of feeling or concern for him. I'm glad you're a Scorp and a woman, Let It Be - it helps!!! 🙂

Is that a pic of you?

You are very pretty

Thanks P-Angel - that is me, in Mexico, last year about this time. Going again next Sunday for a few days.

Hi guys - First I want to say thanks to all of you again for your thoughts. I'm happy that there are people that do care enough to reply. Some new discoveries with me regarding this topic since my last post. I didn't get into this in my other posts due to time and work-day restrictions, but there is a little more history. When my guy and I met in October, he was "dating" someone back in his hometown (where is daughter is). His daughter and this other woman's kids are close friends. He told us (me and my friends that I met him through) that they had just started dating and that they were free to see other people. My friends, Chrissy and Ken, have met this other woman once, before I came into the picture. They didn't like her. This other woman has my friend Ken's cell number. Since our relationship has developed, my guy says he broke it off with her. He swore to all of us that it was over. She still texts him, but she knows about me and him. During a weekend last month he was up in his hometown with his daughter and working on a house he's rehabbing, this other woman came to the house, confronted him about ME, took his phone and his wallet out of his car and took off. She then proceeded to text ME from his phone, to which I didn't respond. She was insane sounding. My guy came home that same night to talk to me about it in person - with a fat lip from where she'd punched him. Since they broke it off, my guy discovered that she's on different antidepressants and that she's a little nutty, obsessed, etc. That's all fine and good, and I wholeheartedly believed him, until today. This other woman texts my friend Ken still, looking for my guy. As recently as last Thursday. Today Chrissy matched the other woman's number to a message my guy has sent to a group of us. He did this last Thursday. Tell me why, if this girl is nutty, suicidal, obsessed, and they are over, would you voluntarily send her a text message? The worry I have with this scenario is that SHE is up there, where he is now, and this isn't the only time he's gone quiet on me while he's been away. I hate sounding this way, after all you have kindly said to me... I do trust him when we are together, he's loving, expressive and I feel that he's genuine. But the last thing I need right now is to be deceived. It sounds so typical of Jerry Springer cheating episodes that I am ashamed to even say it here. What to think? I'm sure he'll contact me when he's ready, but how do I handle this?

Im late to this thread, but do have eperience with a disappearing scorp. So, his history with you is when he goes to his hometown where this ex lives, he doesnt contact you? Hmmm...your leaving that out in your first post DOES show you dont trust him. THats important to note.

So the *story* you heard about her steaking his wallet, phone and fat lip....were from him? Or did he he show you a police report? With all this, the disappearing, the group text message...seems like a confrontation is in order. Dont be mislead by my use of that word, not angry, just firm, to the point and in person. If he is lying, it will appear in his eyes.

Seeing that he blew you off on NYE, Im thinking its not going to be a good outcome. But better to know NOW the truth than a year from now when your heart is in the gutter. GOod luck, let us know how it goes.