Capricorn Friend & Money

Ok, so I have a mate, known her for about 3 years. She receives Disability Allowance as she's Diabetic. Last year she came into a considerable amount of money from her mum (mum passed two years ago) and she basically spent all of it in 2 months. She booked 6 holidays for her mates and her family, brought clothes etc. She offered me ??1000 which I refused so she offered to pay for a little weekend caravan trip to Devon with a few of our mates.

In December I borrowed ??50 which I gave back to her. A few weeks later she paid a deposit on a new flat which she only managed to keep for 2 months as her money ran out, and she got evicted. She's now living with her daughter, her man and her 4 grandkids. The guy she's with is still seeing his ex wife, and the ex basically told the Social that she came into money, the social stopped her benefits (Income support) and the Social are wanting to do her for fraud as she didn't tell them about the money she'd received.

My mum passed away last year and the roles have reversed. I'm not going to get a 1/4 of what she got but last week I rang her and we were talking and she began to say she doesn't know how she was going to 'manage next year.' I'm obviously thinking she's going on about her housing issues (she's going to court in August where a decision will be made to see if she'll be able to be back on her Income Support benefits) but as she kept talking I realised she wants me to book her and her bloke a 2 week holiday in Tunisia which will cost over ??1,000.

Seeing as she paid for my trip to Devon, I was thinking of sharing the equilivent back to her as I never asked for any money from her when she got hers, and although I feel sorry for her and the situation she has found herself in, I can't bail her out with a holiday next year.

For me, this may be the only opportunity I get with putting my money into good use (I plan to decorate and furnish my new place and get a car).

So? Opinions? Do you think it's fair to give back what she had paid for with her money? Should I give more?

Thanks!

1. Your friend has NO business going on any vacations unless she's financially stable enough to take care of her daily affairs.

2. If you can spare the money & if you can honestly say that if you gave it to her that you wouldn't need it back, sure go ahead & lend it to her.

3. BUT it seems like you've got in mind what you need to do with your own money. And if you've got things you need to take care of, put yourself 1st

4. And if you can't give her the money, don't feel bad. Perhaps she's in the situation she's in to begin with b/c she doesn't know how to prioritize or manage her money. You giving her money is you enabling her to live a life style she can't afford.

5. Alot of people blow it when they get large sums of money. I may feel sorry for them & feel obligated to help them out IF (keyword) I see that they need the $ $ for bills or a necessity but I'd be damned if someone uses my inheritance money for a vacation.

6. Had you won the lottery, 1 thing. But it's a little selfish of her to expect to get a vacation off of your mother's death.

7. She choose to give you that money. It was nice of her & all, BUT your circumstances are different. Maybe she felt that she was in the financial shape to lend it to you. Problem is, if you're not in the shape to do the same, she can't be mad at you for it. What good would it be for you both to go broke?

Thanks for replying!

I do feel bad for her, because now she has absolutely nothing and if the courts do throw her out next month, she'll be living at her daughters for good. When I last spoke to her she sounded down and depressed, probably because she wants her own freedom and to live with her man independently and I do understand where she is coming from but I can't afford to fund a holiday for her. She paid for her best mate to go to Las Vegas this year and she told me that she would have only done it for this particular mate(they have been friends for 20+ years, so I'm baffed as to why she would expect me to do it for her...I feel like her priorties are off-point, BUT I do feel mean for thinking in this way.

Well you can't base whether or not you can financially help someone on your feelings. You base it on whether or not you can financially afford to do so & just HOPE that if the other person is REALLY your friend that they'll understand & not feel entitled to someone else's money

Think of it this way...there are plenty of other times in life that you can help her out. Maybe even in other forms other than money.

You may not be able to help her out in the same exact way she helped you out, & hey, that's ok. I doubt she'll question your loyalty or the entire friendship over this.

Later on down the road WHEN you're more financially stable, then you can pay for her vacations (b/c I'm sure she'll want another 1 later!)

And if she was really your friend she wouldn't want you going broke or you suffering financially all so she can party for a few nights.

When it comes to your own money, you're NOT being mean. Now had you owed her money or had you borrowed money from her, different. But your circumstances right now just aren't in the right shape for you to be funding someone else's vacation

It sucks that she's in the shape that she's in but perhaps she's in such bad shape b/c of all the bad financial decisions she's made in the past. You can't change her of course, but you can actually HELP her by not enabling her to make another bad financial decision

Where I come from, if ya don't have it ya just simply don't have it! If you don't have vacation $ $ to spend, a vacation is the 1 place you're NOT going!

My mom used to always say, "If you don't have prada money, you won't have prada!" It's that simple


I'm not passing judgement on your friend, I'm just saying that funding her trip is just 1 more example in her life where she's encouraged to put the wrong things as priorities