Children out of wedlock

This can be a pretty controversial topic, but I'm curious to see how people feel about children being born to parents who aren't married.

I was born out of wedlock and so was my brother. In fact, my mother and my father never got married; the same with my brother's father. My mother raised my brother and I as a single parent, and I never found anything particularly wrong with this, although some would disagree. While I would like to have children some day, I can't really see myself getting married, or at least not for a long time (for all I know, I could have children before I get married, if I do).

Is there anyone else who has had a similar upbringing or has also had children out of wedlock?

And for those who haven't, are you okay with this? If not, I'm curious to see what you think.

Anyone can have kids as long as they are in a position to take good care of them, provide for them, teach them good morals. Doesn't matter if you're a wedded couple or not. What matters is your maturity level and your sense of responsibility towards those kids.

But unfortunately, too many kids are born to parents who are selfish, immature, and just plain NOT ready to be parents. Then it becomes a problem.

Posted by ellessque


always look at the bigger picture.

The most important advice you can ever give to a virgo lol.


I general I made this thread because I was reading something about Kate Hudson's new pregnancy with the frontman of Muse, and many of the comments about the article were like, "I can't believe they are glorifying un-wed pregnancies" and "Children are so much better when the parents are married" and yadda yadda. So that's where my curiosity was sparked.

My mother had me out of wedlock. I never even met my father which makes me a total bastard. I'm ok with it. I was raised by my grandparents, who were married, and they took over the role of mom and dad. They sucked as parents in the long term but that's beside the point.

I had my own son out of wedlock. I didn't do it on purpose but it happened. I may as well have been married to his father. We were together for several years and we even had joint assets together. I broke it off with his father before he was even a year old and I moved out soon after he turned 1. He doesn't know the difference personally but does express that he wants mom and dad to live together every once in a while.

I was raised in a home with very traditional values. That didn't make the people who raised me good parents. They were pretty damn awful actually. My son has been raised in 2 homes most of his life and he has it way better than both his father and I did. His father and I, while we don't get along, care for him immensely and love him dearly. He has everything he needs and a positive male (his dad) and female (me) role model in his life. In fact, he has more! My bf and my bf's family is very involved with his life as well. I grew up with no family around. My son's dad grew up with his bitter mom and a rarely seen deadbeat dad.

So, I think as long as the child(ren) has/have both a positive male and female role model, along with a web of support, then they will prosper.

These days it seems more and more exceptable but to me I would not purposely have a child out of wedlock. My mum and dad were married when they had me and my brothers and sisters and are still together now, and I really appreciate being brought up in a happy home with two good parents.

I dont see why people are purposely having children with people they are not going to spend the rest of their life with (or atleast have the intenion too). There are far too many children around with "daddy issues" and "mummy issues" these days and I cant help but think it isnt helped by not being brought up by both parents. If two people are together and love eachother then it doeasnt really matter wether or not they have a piece of paper confirming their intentions but I really do not like the amount of kids that are growing up these days never knowing a parent.

But then again being born into an unhappy marriage is just as bad so cant really give a definate answer to the question. I think a child needs to have atleast ONE good parent to be brought up right but having two good parents wether or not they are married will always be the best situation.

I don't think anyone should purposely seek to have children w/o being married OR atleast having a mate, but it's not like children can't grow up to have the same things just b/c they've only got 1 parent OR if they've got 2 great parents who aren't together/married.

Hey, now...I'm from the South and I'm barely inbred at all😉


I wasn't born out of wedlock, but the marriage dissolved shortly thereafter and my mom would have been better off to have just had me on her own and avoided the stress of dealing with my lazy, cheating father.

I think 2011 is being confused with 1951 ... bastards are everywhere, my son is one

I agree that no one should purposely aim to have a child out of wedlock, BUT at the same time I don't agree with people spreading the message that your child has "no chance" just b/c they're born out of wedlock, b/c that's not true.

There are plenty of married couples who are raising some of the most F'd up children, & in these cases, the parents being married didn't do the child any justice. However, there are plenty of F'd up children are messed up simply b/c they were lacking the societal experience of having both parents.

The true focus should be on children having 2 parents that love/respect eachother AND that BOTH have what it takes to raise a child (physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.) THAT should be the goal. The good/bad thing about this is that children truly deserve these things whether the parents are together or not. It's just that children are LESS likely to receive all of those things if they're born from 2 people who were not married.

There's this false misconception that if a child is born out of wedlock, it's b/c the parents don't love eachother. And that's not true. Sometimes parents split up or decide not to become official simply b/c they didn't wanna expose their children to a relationship that's lacking love/respect from 1 or both of their parents.

It's def. alot easier to raise a child financially & emotionally if both parents are together though, b/c with anything, the more the better. 2 parents equal twice the resources to a child. And the purpose when having children is to bring them into a world with all the odds being stacked FOR you/them instead of against you/them.

There's alot more horror stories for kids being born out of wedlock but NOT b/c the parents aren't married; no it's moreso b/c the parents don't atleast love/respect eachother. And you don't have to be married to someone just to love/respect them

Having children in wedlock means very little in terms of parenting if the divorce rates are staggering.


Seriously .. being married has nothing to do with raising children considering a marriage is lucky to last 3 years.

In fact, I think it would be better to have a fatherless child, than to let the child have a half-ass father, who is out of their lives more than they are in.

What if you had a husband, and then he leaves when the kid is 8 years old and the child is fucking devastated that daddy leaves? A child usually never recovers emotionally from something like that.

What if this now ex-husband and you fight and tear each at each other .. look at all the exes like this, Sid doesn't mind telling us how much he doesn't mind that him and his ex put their children in the middle of their immature bullshit. Kids love BOTH of thier parents, and here these two exes are regarding the childrens other parent as pieces of dog shit. A child usually never recovers emotionally from something like that.


Unless you can guarantee the marriage to stay together and it be a respectable and mature one .... then the kids are likely better off being born bastards.

I dont think having two incomes really matters when it comes to raising kids, aslong as there is a roof over their head, food on the table and plenty of love. No one likes a spoilt child! I was raised by both of my parents on ONE income because my mum stayed at home to raise us. Cant put a price on having your mum (or dad) being there when you get home from school to make sure your day went ok.

We have many bastards in the U.K. there are quite a few women who will not marry.

Well my parents got married because of me, she was 2mths pregnant when they got married and now 33yrs later they are still married. I have children out of wedlock and honestly I always knew I wanted to be a mother but I never thought about marriage before becoming a mother. I do want to get married but I am uncertain right now, I want to get married but at the same time I love my freedom.......