Do You Know?

My Sag friend has this philosophy in relationships: "You don't know til you know, and if you don't know you should know, therefore, you find out so you'll know".

She has no problems with vulnerability because she looks at it as 'nip it in the bud and either be happy or move on and be happy'.

As a cap, I have a hard time with making myself vulnerable and I'm sure the other caps would agree. I really wish I could get more comfortable with her philosophy on life and relationships. I'm envious of people who so bravely express themselves without worry of repercussions.

So how do the rest of you deal with vulnerabilities?

Posted by tiziani
I'm fortunate because I'm more vulnerable in my line of work than most people I know. So when it filters over to risking things in my personal life, it's really nothing out of habit for me.

I am two percent ruling most things nowadays though.

What kind of work do you do, if you don't mind my asking?

I realized I'd rather deal with the repercussions that come from expressing myself clearly, openly, and honestly, than to deal with what happens when people are left to guess and wonder about half truths.

In relationships or even just friendships, I am who I am. The good, bad, strong, weak, ugly...all of it. If we ain't gonna mesh for whatever reason, I'd rather know. If you don't like something, you'll say so, right. Same thing really.

I've got a few good friends, that's all a guy needs. If we do get along and I gain a friend cool, if not, cool. What I don't want is to gain a friend based on false impressions. More so in dating. I'm ultimately only looking for one woman out of billions. Why change who you are with odds like that? Someone is bound to fit great just like I am.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Sid, were you always like that?

I'll be the first to admit I wasn't. Took getting older and more one with the me.

Hell no. I'm a libra, a people pleaser at heart. I still am. I just learned not to let myself be unhappy in the process. It took two divorces before I sat down and tried to figure myself out. Haha.

Posted by truecap
My Sag friend has this philosophy in relationships: "You don't know til you know, and if you don't know you should know, therefore, you find out so you'll know".

She has no problems with vulnerability because she looks at it as 'nip it in the bud and either be happy or move on and be happy'.

As a cap, I have a hard time with making myself vulnerable and I'm sure the other caps would agree. I really wish I could get more comfortable with her philosophy on life and relationships. I'm envious of people who so bravely express themselves without worry of repercussions.

So how do the rest of you deal with vulnerabilities?

Drink ..... a lot.

Actually, I agree with Sid, and cheeky.

I think he pretty much summed it up for me, and cheeky echoed my need to mature before I felt that way.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
My Sag friend has this philosophy in relationships: "You don't know til you know, and if you don't know you should know, therefore, you find out so you'll know".

She has no problems with vulnerability because she looks at it as 'nip it in the bud and either be happy or move on and be happy'.

As a cap, I have a hard time with making myself vulnerable and I'm sure the other caps would agree. I really wish I could get more comfortable with her philosophy on life and relationships. I'm envious of people who so bravely express themselves without worry of repercussions.

So how do the rest of you deal with vulnerabilities?

Drink ..... a lot.

click to expand

That does lower the fear. 😄

Cheers!!

Well, I'm older than all of yall! lol!

I've been burned a few times (family, friends), so perhaps that's where the reluctance comes in.

Posted by truecap
My Sag friend has this philosophy in relationships: "You don't know til you know, and if you don't know you should know, therefore, you find out so you'll know".

She has no problems with vulnerability because she looks at it as 'nip it in the bud and either be happy or move on and be happy'.

As a cap, I have a hard time with making myself vulnerable and I'm sure the other caps would agree. I really wish I could get more comfortable with her philosophy on life and relationships. I'm envious of people who so bravely express themselves without worry of repercussions.

So how do the rest of you deal with vulnerabilities?

Pluto in 7th. Yeah...stuff will always come up for me or towards me.
I am reserved, distant and cautious. Being open takes time with me.
Been burned by family, friends have come and gone.
Honestly now fear of pain and betrayal don't get me as much. I know I'll survive and carry on, no matter how ugly it gets. Rebuilding after the aftermath will still always be a pain in the ass though.

I've gotten better with being open. Still don't volunteer facts about myself unprovoked,and I do love making others guess what I am. Though in the end, I know my pluto in 7th will destroy relationships that don't grow or change and reveal parts of those close to me and myself.

I'm trying to become stronger, to endure the weakness of others around me and the experiences growing from my own pains to help them learn to do the same. Hard since I'm still learning how to cope and overcome my own flaws, but at the very least I can say I have a near zen-like calm with this stuff.

Do I allow the pains other give me consume me or do I draw strength from it and become stronger?
Do I keep all away or let them in? Whatever they do, you'll always know you were true to yourself and that they could or couldn't deal with you on that raw level.

Posted by LibraSid
I realized I'd rather deal with the repercussions that come from expressing myself clearly, openly, and honestly, than to deal with what happens when people are left to guess and wonder about half truths.

In relationships or even just friendships, I am who I am. The good, bad, strong, weak, ugly...all of it. If we ain't gonna mesh for whatever reason, I'd rather know. If you don't like something, you'll say so, right. Same thing really.

I've got a few good friends, that's all a guy needs. If we do get along and I gain a friend cool, if not, cool. What I don't want is to gain a friend based on false impressions. More so in dating. I'm ultimately only looking for one woman out of billions. Why change who you are with odds like that? Someone is bound to fit great just like I am.

Well said and similar to how I feel.

I will be as direct as I can be, however, I have recently learned that what women think is direct isn't necessarily direct to men! 😆

I am pretty much vulnerable and to be mean or mistreat someone that I care for, better yet anyone is hard for me to do.

I dont hold grudes, however I try to create as much boundaries that I can so I can't nor won't be taken for granted. After a while the guy comes back because I express how I feel very well.

Every time I go out on a limb with anyone (not just relationships), I am ridden with internal anxiety for a while until I see what they do with the information (that's the fear of vulnerability). Oh, they'll never know. I'm learning, slowly, to take a little more risks. But I hate being vulnerable. However, I have realized that vulnerability does build relationships and lets people in, which they appreciate.

I'm not concerned with being naive really. I think it could be a fear of betrayal or humiliation. Is this a cap thing? Or a cap moon thing?

Posted by truecap
Every time I go out on a limb with anyone (not just relationships), I am ridden with internal anxiety for a while until I see what they do with the information (that's the fear of vulnerability). Oh, they'll never know. I'm learning, slowly, to take a little more risks. But I hate being vulnerable. However, I have realized that vulnerability does build relationships and lets people in, which they appreciate.

I'm not concerned with being naive really. I think it could be a fear of betrayal or humiliation. Is this a cap thing? Or a cap moon thing?

Only one way to solve this, tc.......

PM me a deep, dark, embarrassing secret and see if I spout it all over the boards.

Take a Xanax after the PM to relieve any anxiety issues.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
Every time I go out on a limb with anyone (not just relationships), I am ridden with internal anxiety for a while until I see what they do with the information (that's the fear of vulnerability). Oh, they'll never know. I'm learning, slowly, to take a little more risks. But I hate being vulnerable. However, I have realized that vulnerability does build relationships and lets people in, which they appreciate.

I'm not concerned with being naive really. I think it could be a fear of betrayal or humiliation. Is this a cap thing? Or a cap moon thing?

Only one way to solve this, tc.......

PM me a deep, dark, embarrassing secret and see if I spout it all over the boards.

Take a Xanax after the PM to relieve any anxiety issues.

click to expand

And I should trust you because.....

lol!!!

Posted by tiziani
The good thing about going through the humiliation/mocking phase is people trust you more afterwards. Strange but true.


"You have to have a little dirt on you for people to trust you" - Alonzo

That's actually very helpful.

Funny thing is.. 99% of the time nothing every happens. So why the anxiety? lol!