I have heard this so much lately I'm curious to hear what the men on this forum think: "no single guy is ever just friends w a girl wo an alterior motive."
Friendships with single men
I think the one thing is that if you were to ask a single straight male friend if they were down for some sex with you, they'd certainly be down.
It can work from personal experience, but drawing on that experience it can also get messy as fuck.
Posted by scorpgal76
I have heard this so much lately I'm curious to hear what the men on this forum think: "no single guy is ever just friends w a girl wo an alterior motive."
As a woman standing outside the box on this^^^query...ever think if women stopped fucking their male/acquaintances or male friends it may not come to question again?
I have several single male friends, not once have I had this problem..yet they have some other female friends/acquaintances who have given them permission to use them up when needed.
^^ Agreed
People are taught how to treat us, and the modern woman seems to believe it's acceptable to fuck a friend, so this is what these women are teaching men ... that it's perfectly ok to believe that female friends might benefit them sexually.
How sad it is for human existence that people don't realize that they are teaching others how to treat them by setting their standards according to what they accept/tolerate.
I can't be around str8 guys too long I tend to get rapey??_.Its always the unobtainable factor that makes the juice worth the squeeze
I haven't had great success in being only friends with a man. In my situation, they were hanging around, waiting in the wings, and hoping for either sex or a full blow relationship. I don't do close friendships with men for this reason. My motto these days is be friendly but not friends with men. We can share a random laugh or conversation over the water cooler but not as an on-going friendship. Getting close to a man you're not involved with is simply asking for trouble down the road. Besides, that's why I have my girlfriends. I can be intimate with them, share anything, and never have to worry about the sex, since I'm straight.
And I agree with others who posted on FWB. Women who allow themselves to be used like this are basically advertising that they're "fuck buddies" and why degrade yourself like that for some man who doesn't have the decency to court you and make you a legitimate GF or wife one day? Pretty foolish.
And I agree with others who posted on FWB. Women who allow themselves to be used like this are basically advertising that they're "fuck buddies" and why degrade yourself like that for some man who doesn't have the decency to court you and make you a legitimate GF or wife one day? Pretty foolish.
Almost impossible! to be just friends unless he is gay and all he want to do is go shopping with you.
Posted by scorpgal76
I have heard this so much lately I'm curious to hear what the men on this forum think: "no single guy is ever just friends w a girl wo an alterior motive."
Single or not, man or woman, there is always an ulterior motive. We all want something.
Posted by Este8
I haven't had great success in being only friends with a man. In my situation, they were hanging around, waiting in the wings, and hoping for either sex or a full blow relationship. I don't do close friendships with men for this reason. My motto these days is be friendly but not friends with men. We can share a random laugh or conversation over the water cooler but not as an on-going friendship. Getting close to a man you're not involved with is simply asking for trouble down the road. Besides, that's why I have my girlfriends. I can be intimate with them, share anything, and never have to worry about the sex, since I'm straight.
And I agree with others who posted on FWB. Women who allow themselves to be used like this are basically advertising that they're "fuck buddies" and why degrade yourself like that for some man who doesn't have the decency to court you and make you a legitimate GF or wife one day? Pretty foolish.
"I have no control and can't keep men at bay when they're interested."
If at least one of the parties keeps things in check, I don't see this as a problem down the road unless the interested party flips out or some shit.
Posted by Este8Getting close to a man you're not involved with is simply asking for trouble down the road. Besides, that's why I have my girlfriends. I can be intimate with them, share anything, and never have to worry about the sex, since I'm straight.
I cannot fathom how it's asking for trouble. I've never had this problem, probably because I've been up front and direct about it. Line in the sand. Not one has crossed it and respects it. Are they thinking it? Who cares? I don't believe in the "thought police" and they are not dead. They just know where I stand. I'm still good friends with some ex's too. No problem with that either.
We talk about everything under the sun, and I think they appreciate my input when they ask me advice on women. I do the same with them. There's no cock blocking we have a code on that. It's all good. Communication and understanding I guess is key.
Posted by atearth
Single or not, man or woman, there is always an ulterior motive. We all want something.
In England maybe. I hear you guys screw like jackrabbits over there without a thought. Maybe that's the problem?
Posted by tizianiPosted by LetltBPosted by atearth
Single or not, man or woman, there is always an ulterior motive. We all want something.
In England maybe. I hear you guys screw like jackrabbits over there without a thought. Maybe that's the problem?
Hey woah, you're from Napoli ok LIB? 😛 may be a strict upbringing over there but it gets HOT every summer too.click to expand
lol..Grandparents, aunts are from Naples, Dad was born in states 😉 but really, the brits are horndogs.
In fact I remember someone posting article on the rape issue there as well.?
Thanks for the replies.
I am def not into any FWB type situations. I take
intimacy & relationships way too seriously to even entertain that thought.
I was really just curious because I've had guy friends express an interest n me n the past & once I've made it clear things would not be going any further they've still wanted to remain friends, and while some of them seem to be fine with hanging out/going places together, there are others that don't seem to be willing to do the same. They always seem to have a reason they can't go if I ask them to do smtg. Do they just kinda stay around because they r hoping smtg will change or what?
I am def not into any FWB type situations. I take
intimacy & relationships way too seriously to even entertain that thought.
I was really just curious because I've had guy friends express an interest n me n the past & once I've made it clear things would not be going any further they've still wanted to remain friends, and while some of them seem to be fine with hanging out/going places together, there are others that don't seem to be willing to do the same. They always seem to have a reason they can't go if I ask them to do smtg. Do they just kinda stay around because they r hoping smtg will change or what?
Posted by LetltBPosted by Este8Getting close to a man you're not involved with is simply asking for trouble down the road. Besides, that's why I have my girlfriends. I can be intimate with them, share anything, and never have to worry about the sex, since I'm straight.
I cannot fathom how it's asking for trouble. I've never had this problem, probably because I've been up front and direct about it. Line in the sand. Not one has crossed it and respects it. Are they thinking it? Who cares? I don't believe in the "thought police" and they are not dead. They just know where I stand. I'm still good friends with some ex's too. No problem with that either.
We talk about everything under the sun, and I think they appreciate my input when they ask me advice on women. I do the same with them. There's no cock blocking we have a code on that. It's all good. Communication and understanding I guess is key.click to expand
I'm merely speaking from the wisdom of my own experience. All the men I've developed a friendship with later admitting to liking me. Like hard core liking me. At that point things got awkward. I'm not saying I'm model beautiful by any means. I am saying that the men who wanted to be friends with me were really just pretending. That is why my motto is "be friends but not friendly." But to each their own. Your experiences are obviously different. And I'm not saying your wrong. I'm just saying I don't run my business the same way for different reasons. Experience is the best teacher. I've nothing to teach you that your own life won't teach you.
What does smtg mean?
Over in the UK. Some people are sex mad, mainly those with low standards.
Over in the UK. Some people are sex mad, mainly those with low standards.
Posted by atearth
What does smtg mean?
Over in the UK. Some people are sex mad, mainly those with low standards.
Lol sorry...my shorthand 🙂
Smtg = something
Posted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by Este8
If at least one of the parties keeps things in check, I don't see this as a problem down the road unless the interested party flips out or some shit.click to expand
See now this is where I have to respectfully disagree with you. I've been on the receiving end of men who played the friendship card and yet really wanted more. In fact I've got one old male friend who admitted to me not long ago that he's still in love with me. And you know hanging out with him is uncomfortable to me. Why? Because we're not doing the same things in this relationship and him having these intense unrequited feelings is kind of creepy. He's a really good guy but it's never been more than friendship with him and he knows it. On one level you could say, well then that's his problem. But I don't feel comfortable being friends with a man whose got this whole fantasy love affair going on in his mind. It doesn't feel honest or healthy to participate in that. So for me, it comes down to not doing the same things in the friendship and me being creeped out by the unrequited sexual energy there. I rarely see my friend for this reason. I don't cut him out altogether b/c we have friends in common. But I kinna wish we never went down the friendship path, to be real honest.
Here's the long and short of it....
Do you know, ever heard of, or ever seen, a 300 lb woman that has single guy friends?
I haven't, thus the answer. If you are not a beast, yes, your guy "friend" wants to mount you.
Do you know, ever heard of, or ever seen, a 300 lb woman that has single guy friends?
I haven't, thus the answer. If you are not a beast, yes, your guy "friend" wants to mount you.
Posted by Este8
See now this is where I have to respectfully disagree with you. I've been on the receiving end of men who played the friendship card and yet really wanted more. In fact I've got one old male friend who admitted to me not long ago that he's still in love with me. And you know hanging out with him is uncomfortable to me. Why? Because we're not doing the same things in this relationship and him having these intense unrequited feelings is kind of creepy. He's a really good guy but it's never been more than friendship with him and he knows it. On one level you could say, well then that's his problem. But I don't feel comfortable being friends with a man whose got this whole fantasy love affair going on in his mind. It doesn't feel honest or healthy to participate in that. So for me, it comes down to not doing the same things in the friendship and me being creeped out by the unrequited sexual energy there. I rarely see my friend for this reason. I don't cut him out altogether b/c we have friends in common. But I kinna wish we never went down the friendship path, to be real honest.
Sooo, because you're immature and couldn't handle it like an adult, you made it all awkward.
The problem here is you, not the guy. I've had guy friends my whole life and some wanted more out of it when I didn't. I made myself clear and kept everything at a friendship level. If they truly wanted to remain friends, they did. And if they didn't because they weren't getting the ideal outcome, well then eff them. I don't have time for people who are only friends to get something out of it.
But I left THAT decision up to them. I wasn't a self absorbed twat and dropped them because they confessed feelings. Only cowards and immature people pull that move.
"OH YOU LIKE ME?? THEN I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU." ...okay dick. Have a nice life.
Posted by CapTenn
Here's the long and short of it....
Do you know, ever heard of, or ever seen, a 300 lb woman that has single guy friends?
I haven't, thus the answer. If you are not a beast, yes, your guy "friend" wants to mount you.
LMAO! Exactly!! You probably look haggard if your guy friends don't secretly dream about you lol
What a bunch of fucking idiots!!
Maybe when a few of you grow up you'll get it.
Maybe when a few of you grow up you'll get it.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by Este8
See now this is where I have to respectfully disagree with you. I've been on the receiving end of men who played the friendship card and yet really wanted more. In fact I've got one old male friend who admitted to me not long ago that he's still in love with me. And you know hanging out with him is uncomfortable to me. Why? Because we're not doing the same things in this relationship and him having these intense unrequited feelings is kind of creepy. He's a really good guy but it's never been more than friendship with him and he knows it. On one level you could say, well then that's his problem. But I don't feel comfortable being friends with a man whose got this whole fantasy love affair going on in his mind. It doesn't feel honest or healthy to participate in that. So for me, it comes down to not doing the same things in the friendship and me being creeped out by the unrequited sexual energy there. I rarely see my friend for this reason. I don't cut him out altogether b/c we have friends in common. But I kinna wish we never went down the friendship path, to be real honest.
Sooo, because you're immature and couldn't handle it like an adult, you made it all awkward.
The problem here is you, not the guy. I've had guy friends my whole life and some wanted more out of it when I didn't. I made myself clear and kept everything at a friendship level. If they truly wanted to remain friends, they did. And if they didn't because they weren't getting the ideal outcome, well then eff them. I don't have time for people who are only friends to get something out of it.
But I left THAT decision up to them. I wasn't a self absorbed twat and dropped them because they confessed feelings. Only cowards and immature people pull that move.
"OH YOU LIKE ME?? THEN I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU." ...okay dick. Have a nice life.click to expand
Wow. You can't even hang with a person disagreeing with your world view based on their own experiences. And you engage in personal attacks because I've obviously struck a chord. Why are you making what I think this important? I would never impose my world view onto others but I don't mind noting the distinctions. Now that's being an adult. You need to learn to handle criticism and different world views better than this
It's called wanting different things in life and not wasting people's time. If anything it's more mature than your oversensitive rant.
Hey thanks, Tiziani. Hit the bull's eye here. I do want different things. I don't want to engage in one-sided fantasy relationships that aren't based in the truth. I believe a relationship should be reciprocal and doing the same things. Anyway, that's how I see it. Namaste.
I've always had male friends and never had a problem with it. I think some would take it further if I let them, but they respect me and know I'm not that kind of woman. Thus, they value my opinion more when they do ask for advice on women.
*shrugs*
*shrugs*
Posted by Este8
Wow. You can't even hang with a person disagreeing with your world view based on their own experiences. And you engage in personal attacks because I've obviously struck a chord. Why are you making what I think this important? I would never impose my world view onto others but I don't mind noting the distinctions. Now that's being an adult. You need to learn to handle criticism and different world views better than this
No sweetcheeks, I just see flaws in your logic. Have a differing view all you want, and it's precious you think your drivel hit a "chord" with me. I just think your approach is rather immature, and it's lol worthy that another notoriously immature individual agreed with you.
To each their own, but I feel sorry for any guys that come into contact with you is all.
What's your next comeback? "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS??"
Posted by truecap Thus, they value my opinion more when they do ask for advice on women.
*shrugs*
lol...just got one of those calls a little while ago..
..."hey lib...you got a minute?" Love those!
Posted by CapTenn
Here's the long and short of it....
Do you know, ever heard of, or ever seen, a 300 lb woman that has single guy friends?
I haven't, thus the answer. If you are not a beast, yes, your guy "friend" wants to mount you.
this is so true. *shakeshead*
any of these females who say otherwise, i dont know...... they are greedy for male companionship and not going "there".... it's like a TEASE to a man. Unless they are not attractive to the man, they are probably gay (the guy)
Posted by truecap
I've always had male friends and never had a problem with it. I think some would take it further if I let them, but they respect me and know I'm not that kind of woman. Thus, they value my opinion more when they do ask for advice on women.
*shrugs*
Lol.
tease. 😉
Female friend: "Will you come over and help me with my pipes? Or hey, i need to move, and i need a big strong guy...."
Male friend: "uh sure...anytime."
Female friend: "I got a six pack of beer for you when you're done."
Male friend: "ohhhhh that's what i've been waiting and wanting for more than anything, right AFTER i work off a sweat, breaking my back helping you move and getting dirty under your toilet to fix it. Ohhhhh yyeeeaahhhh!"
Male friend: "uh sure...anytime."
Female friend: "I got a six pack of beer for you when you're done."
Male friend: "ohhhhh that's what i've been waiting and wanting for more than anything, right AFTER i work off a sweat, breaking my back helping you move and getting dirty under your toilet to fix it. Ohhhhh yyeeeaahhhh!"
Posted by lisabethur8
Female friend: "Will you come over and help me with my pipes? Or hey, i need to move, and i need a big strong guy...."
Male friend: "uh sure...anytime."
Female friend: "I got a six pack of beer for you when you're done."
Male friend: "ohhhhh that's what i've been waiting and wanting for more than anything, right AFTER i work off a sweat, breaking my back helping you move and getting dirty under your toilet to fix it. Ohhhhh yyeeeaahhhh!"
Rest assured, any single male doing the things you state above, is interested in sex or a relationship.....period. That 6 pack of beer can be had for 5 bucks, and your buddy will pick it up for you on the way over to your place to watch the football game. LOL. Good example, lisa.
Posted by LetltB
What a bunch of fucking idiots!!
Maybe when a few of you grow up you'll get it.
Maybe you are so mad because you don't have to contend with younger girls have to deal with, that a lot of guys want them, when you reach a certain age maybe men start looking at you as only friend material.
I think that if overtime you and a friend get attached past the line of friendship it is okay if BOTH parties want to pursue a romance
however, if only one party expresses feelings and the admired party makes it clear they only want friendship it should be respected if there was ever really a true friendship (this means, no flirting, accepting gifts that may come from a place of romance, no hidden motives, no obligations)
if the man/woman respects they will be happy to remain friends
or
leave because of hidden motives
IT IS WRONG......for a woman to lead a "male friend" on who they know has feelings..because the woman wants to be admired secretly, wants to accept gifts & whatever else because you know the guy likes you.
Once the idea of romance has been brought up...thread lightly to ensure the line is not crossed.
at least that's what I think
however, if only one party expresses feelings and the admired party makes it clear they only want friendship it should be respected if there was ever really a true friendship (this means, no flirting, accepting gifts that may come from a place of romance, no hidden motives, no obligations)
if the man/woman respects they will be happy to remain friends
or
leave because of hidden motives
IT IS WRONG......for a woman to lead a "male friend" on who they know has feelings..because the woman wants to be admired secretly, wants to accept gifts & whatever else because you know the guy likes you.
Once the idea of romance has been brought up...thread lightly to ensure the line is not crossed.
at least that's what I think
Posted by CapTennPosted by lisabethur8
Female friend: "Will you come over and help me with my pipes? Or hey, i need to move, and i need a big strong guy...."
Male friend: "uh sure...anytime."
Female friend: "I got a six pack of beer for you when you're done."
Male friend: "ohhhhh that's what i've been waiting and wanting for more than anything, right AFTER i work off a sweat, breaking my back helping you move and getting dirty under your toilet to fix it. Ohhhhh yyeeeaahhhh!"
Rest assured, any single male doing the things you state above, is interested in sex or a relationship.....period. That 6 pack of beer can be had for 5 bucks, and your buddy will pick it up for you on the way over to your place to watch the football game. LOL. Good example, lisa.click to expand
Yep! They are single, helpless women so they NEED a strong man to do the handywork. They're not gonna go and do the heavy manly work and not pay for it, and if they have a so called friend to do it, call them up. It's free!! well, cheap. Just a couple of beers and you're ready to go. And dress appropriately so they will do the work very very well!! getting that plumbing system done right!! It's expensive to get a plumber or a handyman when you're a single woman..... so male friends...who are strong and feel the tinge of passion when they 'see' you....gets their blood boiling!!
Posted by KittenLaRougePosted by LetltB
What a bunch of fucking idiots!!
Maybe when a few of you grow up you'll get it.
Maybe you are so mad because you don't have to contend with younger girls have to deal with, that a lot of guys want them, when you reach a certain age maybe men start looking at you as only friend material.click to expand
I'd expect a comment like ^^that from a young girl today who wasn't taught when and when not to part their legs when around the male species. You clearly can't grasp what I'm talking about, not to mention your young mind misinterprets "so mad" for witnessing over and over dense females thinking the only thing their vagina is good for is to make friends with the male species. When you grow up you may just remember this conversation, and..get it. 😉
Posted by LilyTree
I have had guy friends develop feelings and it made things uncomfortable and complicated. It came out of left-field but, upon reflection, I can't fault them as it's only natural. A girl once had a close male friend of over a decade suddenly grope her, leaving her stunned as she never thought he thought of her like that.
I prefer my male friends to my female friends because I get along much better with them, and our conversations are so much more eclectic. However, I am more weary of any signs that they may be misinterpreting our relationship or beginning to think of me as more than a friend. I don't like to lead people on, so I clarify things immediately.
I don't think guys could be "just friends" with a woman anymore than a woman could be "just friends with benefits" with a man. Women think that men could be "just friends", but men know better.
There's an interesting YouTube video done by university students on this very topic.
my god, that's horrible for the poor girl who is obviously "clueless" just like that film, "clueless"
*shakeshead*
Personally, the experiences I had when things became too much was when the guy began to overstep clear boundaries, or was trying to manipulate the situation into more, or was using the guise of "friendship" as a way to get into my pants (when it didn't happen, they were gone SO fast).
I have had friends who were really friends and kept the established boundaries. But some guys just rather listen to the little brain and end up just being absolute douchebags about it.
In some scenarios, I had to distance myself A LOT because I saw obvious manipulation happening and I was NOT having any of that shit.
Guy friends are awesome to have and sometimes emotions happen. But if they truly respect you and have a freaking level head on their shoulders, they won't pull all that other ridiculousness. I noticed that the immature dudes were the ones who pulled all the games, manipulation tactics, and overstepping boundaries.
I have had friends who were really friends and kept the established boundaries. But some guys just rather listen to the little brain and end up just being absolute douchebags about it.
In some scenarios, I had to distance myself A LOT because I saw obvious manipulation happening and I was NOT having any of that shit.
Guy friends are awesome to have and sometimes emotions happen. But if they truly respect you and have a freaking level head on their shoulders, they won't pull all that other ridiculousness. I noticed that the immature dudes were the ones who pulled all the games, manipulation tactics, and overstepping boundaries.
Posted by LetltBPosted by KittenLaRougePosted by LetltB
What a bunch of fucking idiots!!
Maybe when a few of you grow up you'll get it.
Maybe you are so mad because you don't have to contend with younger girls have to deal with, that a lot of guys want them, when you reach a certain age maybe men start looking at you as only friend material.
I'd expect a comment like ^^that from a young girl today who wasn't taught when and when not to part their legs when around the male species. You clearly can't grasp what I'm talking about, not to mention your young mind misinterprets "so mad" for witnessing over and over dense females thinking the only thing their vagina is good for is to make friends with the male species. When you grow up you may just remember this conversation, and..get it. 😉click to expand
And i would expect a comment like ^^^ from an older woman. the way to connect to a guy is through his heart not just by opening your legs and i am a monogamous relationship kind of girl, thank you very much. You are ignoring the fact that a guy is more likely to think of an older woman as a "friend" more than a sexual partner unless he happens to be into milfs and is more likely to be sexually attracted to a young hot girl. Unless, as i stated, he is "into" older women.
No sweetcheeks, I just see flaws in your logic. Have a differing view all you want, and it's precious you think your drivel hit a "chord" with me. I just think your approach is rather immature, and it's lol worthy that another notoriously immature individual agreed with you.
To each their own, but I feel sorry for any guys that come into contact with you is all.
What's your next comeback? "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS??"
I don't have time to waste on people who engage in personal attacks based on ridiculous and unfounded assumptions.
Posted by KittenLaRouge
And i would expect a comment like ^^^ from an older woman. the way to connect to a guy is through his heart not just by opening your legs and i am a monogamous relationship kind of girl, thank you very much. You are ignoring the fact that a guy is more likely to think of an older woman as a "friend" more than a sexual partner unless he happens to be into milfs and is more likely to be sexually attracted to a young hot girl. Unless, as i stated, he is "into" older women.
..when you grow up and mature, and also understand what a real man is, maybe we can readdress this conversation. You'll figure it out. 😉
Posted by Brobian
I can't see a guy just being friends with a girl, it's just not logical. I can almost assure you, even if he says you're just friends, he would pounce on the first opportunity, that he got, to forward the relationship. However, if he's gay, then possibly, but if he's straight, no way.
I've been told by all my male friends they'd pounce on me in a nano second if the thought was mutual, but none of them have and we have a very open and close relationship with a line drawn in the sand. None of these I speak about are the Gay friends either. I have some very close gay friends as well.
I think it's odd that some people think man/woman cannot be friends. Blows me away actually.
Every now and again a co-worker will mention the bomb shelter under our building. And every time I will say, to whichever one who mentions it, I am NOT going in the bomb shelter. I??d rather die. You will really learn that we are mammals.
Keep a rightly balance of realism and idealism.
Given the right situation and the right amount of deprivation, who will slide backwards on the evolutionary scale? Can we guess at where each other is on that scale? Oh, but to tell how far we are capable of sliding?
Keep a rightly balance of realism and idealism.
Given the right situation and the right amount of deprivation, who will slide backwards on the evolutionary scale? Can we guess at where each other is on that scale? Oh, but to tell how far we are capable of sliding?
Posted by scorpgal76
I have heard this so much lately I'm curious to hear what the men on this forum think: "no single guy is ever just friends w a girl wo an alterior motive."
I'm single and friends with many women, no ulterior motive. I was attracted to one of them, but she made it clear it wasn't happening since the beginning. I appreciate her honesty, as much as her rejection hurt.
The girls I'm friends with are not attracted to me either, which (I think) makes the whole thing easier.
Also I've noticed that age also makes a difference for me. I can make friends easily with older women because even though I'm not attracted to them, I happen to find them very cool and interesting.
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