Going through HIS phone...

So I want you guys to REALLY REALLY think about this 1.

Whose MORE in the wrong?
1. The woman who goes through her man's phone & actually FINDS trouble/proof of deception
OR
2. The man who was dumb enough to keep his dirty secrets in his phone in the 1st place?

I know, I know..I'm aware that any time a woman/man goes through their partner's phone that this is seen as an act of insecurity & perhaps even an invasion of the other person's privacy BUT, 1 thing I rarely hear people talking about is how WRONG it is for the person who wants all this privacy & a secure partner, to keep all of their dirty work in their own phones!

EVERY person has a right to know if they're being cheated on. Who cares that the other person, whose probaby cheating anyways, hates this. I'm sure even the cheater would want to know AND would NOT feel bad for wanting to know either. So if a woman thinks she's being played, IS SHE WRONG for going through any means necessary to find out, whether it be to go through his phone, check his statements, etc.??!!?

Although I do agree that a woman must be pretty damn insecure to go through a man's phone, I also don't believe in protecting the privacy of someone who isn't dedicated to the fidelity in a relationship.

After all, it's RARE that a woman gets her "proof" by merely walking in on her partner sexing another person. Usually the "proof" is in areas the cheater was ARROGANT/DUMB enough to leave it. So if a man leaves the proof in his phone ONLY, I can't really knock the woman (especially MORE than the man) for invading his privacy just to find out the truth, especially if the cheater was DUMB enough to leave the "truth" in his phone.

That'd be the same as me knocking anybody who found out their partner wasn't faithful. That'd be like me knocking the police for searching through cars/houses or for giving lie detector tests. Sure, it invades the privacy of the other person BUT WHY should the person whose lying & deceitful be granted all the things THEY deserve (privacy, for example) if they know deep down they're doing wrong?

Now granted, some women don't know how to give up. They'll go through their man's phone, find nothing but yet KEEP going through it. Now THIS is wrong, b/c it's almost like her way of being unwilling to accept that her man is really faithful after all. Some women even find evidence of cheating in his phone but yet won't/don't leave the relationship. These types of women ruin it for the women who actually WILL see the proof & run like hell afterwards!

BUT, what about the man who leave the proof of his cheating ONLY in his phone? Would it be right for a woman to miss out her chances of finding out the truth (in his phone), ALL for the sake of proving that she's not insecure?! If a woman starts getting suspicious, that suspicion & gut feeling won't go away whether she looks through his phone or not. And if a woman plans on actually taking some ACTION persay she WERE to find some proof, would she be wrong for making sure she's not being played? After all, it's very RARE for the person cheating to actually ADMIT/CONFESS to cheating! It's not like most men walk in & say, "Hi honey! By the way, I cheated today!"

Truth is, most of us HAVE to resort to something considered "insecure behavior" in order to find out whether or partners are being faithful or not, whether it's listening to "he-said/she-said" or invading their partner's privacy to get the truth.

Going through a man's phone when you suspect he's cheating is NO different than thinking you're hearing sex in the background & pinning your ear up against the door just to make sure. Point is, if you THINK it's going on, you're entitled to make sure AND find out that it's NOT going on. The problem is in when people either DO or DON'T find their proof but yet keep on seeking even AFTER they've gotten their answers.

If I walk in my house & THINK I heard sex noises, I'm going to pin my ear up against the door OR walk in the room just to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Call me insecure for doing so, oh well. To me this is the same as noticing your man getting phone calls at 3am & feeling entitled to atleast MAKING SURE no funny business is going on

I have zero desire to hunt for information I don't want in the first place. Nevermind the fact that there will inevitably be something there that would bother me...which more than likely should not. Therefore, I stay away.

Posted by Shadows
I have zero desire to hunt for information I don't want in the first place.

Agreed. The problem I also have with this is that it's a. an invasion of privacy, and b. I know women who have hired private detectives; looked through phones, etc and found things and yet they do NOTHING after confronting the guy. WTF is THAT about? Why the hell would you go through all of the time, expense and agony and do NOTHING? It's quite foolish in my opinion, BUT people can do whatever they want, as it has nothing to do with my life, I just think it makes that woman look like an a $ $ . I'm stating woman, because I've NEVER known my male friends to do ANYTHING that my female friends have done.
I had a boyfriend in high school who taught me two lessons, he said, "Never ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to," and "If you look for something, you just may find it; so be prepared."

Also, as cappy stated EVERYTHING always comes out in the wash; ALWAYS. I've told men on many occasions, "If you want a babysitter, pay some b# $ ch $ 10 to watch your a $ $ , cause that's not MY job." Plain and simple, either somebody wants to be with you, or they don't. If they don't - let them go. I'm NOT saying that's easy or that your heart won't break, but why in heavens name would you want to be with somebody who doesn't WANT to be with YOU? Blackmailing, throwing a pity party for yourself, whatever, it just is not becoming - for me, but again, each individual needs to do what suits them.

Yup. Thats the thing too...if you are a sort of snooper, your boyfriend most likely knows in which case they'll make more of an effort to hide stuff. If you're not a snooper...if you give them enough rope...they will hang themselves eventually. (If they're that type that is.)

Posted by Shadows
If you're not a snooper...if you give them enough rope...they will hang themselves eventually.

Yep, that's been my experience.

this is a pet peeve of mine. i'd rather leave than stoop to such a level. anyone who drives me insane to the point that i have to keep tabs on them like a teenager or a crackhead, screw that!

to me, feeling the need to go through the phone is answer enough...he's cheating. why would i need more proof? isn't the original proof good enough or i have to have a smoking gun? is the smoking gun the phone number or is it going over the girl's house and confront her? or is it sitting outside of his house to see if he has visitors? or is it hacking into his email? voicemail? calling him momma n dem?

i can't do it and refuse to. i don't care if it does protect you in the end, i can't lower myself to such a level.

We never knock the women or call them insecure when they actually DO find something in his phone & especially IF she leaves the relationship afterwards. BUT yet people will knock that very same woman if she goes through it & doesn't find anything. That's kind of contradictory to me.

Granted, we always say, "What starts in the dark will always come to the light," BUT let's take a look at HOW most things come to the light ANYWAYS! No, I don't want to find out 4 years later that 3 years ago my man was having an affair. If there's a chance I can find out today AND react on it, I'd want to find out today. I mean let's be honest here. Most people don't find out from their actual partners that they've been cheated on NOR do most people actually have the luxury of walking in on their partners when they're cheating.

I don't think a woman is wrong for having suspicions nor do I think she's wrong for wanting to make sure that she's not in the wrong relationship. That's the same as telling me that if I come home & THINK I hear suspicious noises, NOT to check it out b/c after all, I oughta "trust" my partner. Bullshxt! If I hear a suspicious noise coming from my bedroom, I'm gonna wanna go check it out; Sure, I can only HOPE that sex is not what I'm hearing BUT if it IS what I'm hearing, I'm not going to PURPOSELY ignore those sounds all to prove the point that I'm not insecure or that I trust my partner. That's bogus to me.

If a woman actually finds proof, whether it be b/c a 3rd party told her, she went through his phone OR she saw the evidence herself, 1 thing I hope we all agree on is that EVERYBODY (man & woman) has the RIGHT to make sure they're not being tricked. And this mindset doesn't just apply to relationships. It applies to OTHER areas in life too. It's just that some people take the "investigating" to the extreme!

I'm not saying a woman is in the right for going through her man's phone BUT nothing boils my skin more than to see a man get caught cheating b/c of what's in his phone only for him to flip the script on her & BLAIM HER for why she found out something she was ENTITLED to know anyways!

If you suspected your partner was watching child pornography, would you fall for the "insecure" label? NO! If I'm living with a man whose around my children & if I have the inkling that he might be a potential danger to me (emotionally, financially, physically, psychologically, etc.) OR my child, you're damn skippy I'm going to make sure he's not watching child porn on the computer! Yes, technically, I can ignore my suspicion & take the leap of faith that I'll "eventually" find out, BUT unfortunately, I wouldn't want that "eventually" to be when something happens to my child OR when the feds show up at my house!

My best friend went through her man's phone & discovered that he was gay. She already had her suspicions & dreaded the thought of going through his phone, BUT she figured that he didn't deserve his right to privacy if he choose to strip her of her right to a faithful partner! So she went through his phone & discovered that not only was he gay, but that he had ALSO been sleeping with male prostitutes. IN this case, now looking back in hindsight, should I have encouraged her to "WAIT" for his gay lovers to reveal themselves? Hell no! Her health was at risk!

And to make it worse, he flipped the script on her when she found out. Instead of explaining WHAT was found in his phone & WHY it was in his phone, he made the argument about how wrong SHE was for going through his phone in the 1st place. He completely OVER-LOOKED the fact that he was scandalous & deceitful for having ANYTHING like that in his phone in the 1st place. In this case, I was shocked that even though he stripped her of her right to have a faithful partner, he STILL felt entitled to his right to privacy! Ha! Isn't that what all Villians say? Don't they ALL want privacy!

Posted by caligula
i'd rather leave than stoop to such a level. anyone who drives me insane to the point that i have to keep tabs on them like a teenager or a crackhead, screw that!

to me, feeling the need to go through the phone is answer enough...he's cheating. why would i need more proof?

i can't do it and refuse to.

Absolutely. I can't fault those who feel it's necessary; however, I can't imagine it, nor would I even want to be bothered with that. I have too much ish going on in my OWN life without having to be looking around for ish that may or may not be going on. I'd rather be shopping, eating, traveling, horseback riding ANYTHING fulfilling, versus awaiting for someone to leave so I could go through all their stuff. It's just not my modus operandi. I have a Scorpio cousin who could do a "sweep"(so she called it)of her man's house/apartment in a minimum of 30 min or less and uncover dirt! She didn't give a damn if they knew, because when she DID find stuff, she would cuss them out, and then leave. So, it wasn't a circumstance of finding our stuff and then staying, she found out stuff in a couple of her (major) relationships, and trust me...there was a lot of dust of the trail she left leaving their a $ $ es.

Whose MORE in the wrong?
1. The woman who goes through her man's phone & actually FINDS trouble/proof of deception
OR
2. The man who was dumb enough to keep his dirty secrets in his phone in the 1st place?




You make the implication in this question to suggest that it's not wrong of him to decieve .. rather merely his stupiditiy of not being slick enough to cover it up properly.

So, he is allowed to have his dirty little secrets?

Just be smart about it because whatever she doesn't know won't hurt her.


:::: shakes head at stupidity :::


Let's just hope you don't counsel anybody in RL

To your point, I don't think it's right whether the person finds dirt or not, but at the end of the day, people need/will do what works best for them, and quite frankly that's fine, as it has no bearing on my life at all. I don't take other peoples trangressions personally to my life. I'm not perfect, so I definitely can't be throwing stones at another, so I chose to live my life for what suits me, and not others.

I had a friendship with a couple we were neighbours and business partners and after my marriage split they helped me in my new home. I helped them also as they were first time parents with twins. I decided to add an alfresco area to my new home and my friend decided he could help out as it was right up his alley of expertise. We use to meet on occassion at the local hardware store(which had an internal cafe) when I needed to go up and purchase the products that he had listed for me and he also had contacts up there so I was assured cheaper pricing. If I pulled in and saw his car in the carpark I would text and tell him to order me a latte or vice versa. Around 3ish he would text for me to come over for a drink with his wife and himself at theirs and I'd help out with the twins feeding etc...Really and honestly purely mutual friendship with nothing other than that from either him or I...

One day I got a call from her to come round, I was confronted with our relationship had gone too far, he was always over at mine helping and she had been through his phone and the evidence (me ordering a latte, secret meetings) was clear we were on the verge of having an affair. He had to put a stop to seeing me at all or she would walk with the twins!

After some debate which ended heated I left, my friend just sat there with nothing to say for himself...

I didnt go back, realising that I couldn't change her mind and that she wanted me gone and that it was best for him to ride this out alone. After a few weeks I emailed her wishing her the best for her family and the future and carried on with my life. My friend always asks my girls about me when he sees them and says to say Hi from him.

My point is, if you are looking for something because of your insecurities....you may find what you are looking for even if it is not there, you will fit it to justify yourself!!

Absolutely Sweetheart! I've been in similar situstions as I have quite a few male friends. I can say it causes some problems with some women and with others it doesn't.

"situations" damn BB keys!

I don't think people realize how UN-fun it is to suspect that your partner is cheating. I don't think that the average person WANTS to think their partner is cheating, NOR do they think it's FUN to have certain suspicions.

The problem is that so many people assume that the women/men who go through their partner's phone must be getting some type of joy or thrill out of it & I assure you that the average person does NOT think it's fun. The women/men who suspect their partners are cheating go through a process of devestation mentally BEFORE they decide to go "snooping." By the time the evidence is actually found, most of the tears/mental anguish is already OVER!

NONE of us would like to think our partners are cheating, BUT some of us are in situations where we'd be FOOLS to ignore "the signs." It's not about having fun or getting a thrill out of snooping. It's about protecting your heart & making sure that the person you've invested is is ACTUALLY WORTH IT both in front of your face AND behind closed doors. And honestly, I think EVERY person is entitled to know whether or not they're in the RIGHT relationship. Their means of FINDING that answer is another story, BUT I'd like to point out that insecure or not, most of us WOULD want to know if we were being tricked.

Technically, a woman could be considered "insecure" the MOMENT she even SUSPECTS in her mind that she might be getting played. After all, all that "trust" she has for her partner is supposed to OVER-SHADOW any mental/psychological suspicions that she's got. BUT, then there's REALITY. Most people CANNOT shake that suspicious feeling even if they DO stay away from their partner's "personal space," phone or whatever.

If a woman GENUINELY has a good/valid basis for which she feels she might be getting cheated on AND figures that her man's phone is the ONLY way for her to find out, sure it'd suck that she'd have to stoop to such levels just to find those answers BUT then again, I wouldn't necessarily recommend her completely IGNORING "the signs" either.

I'd rather "cross the line," go through his phone & actually FIND proof vs. NOT doing so & letting those "suspicions" kill me or consume me every day/night

I've been in a situation myself where I started suspecting that my partner was cheating. I suspected cheating b/c 1. He started randomly getting calls from the same number at around 2am every day 2. He had to leave the room every time that number call his phone & 3. He started showing the "Classic" signs of a cheater (change in mood, appearance, attitude towards the relationship, etc.)

My 1st instinct was to go to whatever source was making me suspect he was cheating in the 1st place. Of course that "source" was his phone. My 1st instinct was to look at it, BUT then I had that moment where every woman remembers how that'll look. I didn't want to admit that me going through his phone meant that I was "insecure" or that maybe it was a sign that I didn't need to be with that person. I was so worried about HIS need for privacy & HIS possible reaction moreso than I was loyal to MYSELF & the fact that I had a right to know. The way I saw it, if I was wrong, I'd check myself, apologize & wouldn't let it happen again. BUT if I DID find proof that he was cheating, I wouldn't DARE blaim myself for finding it! That's just silly!

I thought about it all. I didn't want to be labeled as "insecure." I didn't want to the "Respect his privacy" speech. I didn't want to look through his phone & actually be WRONG! BUT, I realized that hey, when a person cheats they DON'T plan on telling you. In fact so many men who cheat can be SO arrogant & boastful about their cheating that they'll even be cocky enough to leave the proof 3 feet from their partners.

So then it hit me...what were the odds of me asking him for the truth & him actually TELLING me the truth? Slim to none. And hey, that wasn't just a characteristic specific to my man. MOST men (people in general) ALWAYS deny cheating UNLESS they are caught red-handed. So I had to make a decision. What did I have to lose by ignoring his phone AND my own gut feelings? And what did I have to lose by going through his phone, finding the truth & losing the relationship?

I discovered that I had MORE to LOSE by turning a blind eye to my own suspicions. Not everybody will leave their partners strictly on suspicion ALONE! Some people need to see that actual PROOF so that they can feel the comfort in knowing they weren't "imaging things."

I knew that if I went through his phone, I was taking the risk of losing him ANYWAYS! I'd either lose him by 1. Him finding out I went through it & him dumping me for it OR 2. Me FINDING proof he was cheating & losing him by way of running like hell!

Long story short...I looked. I did what society says is something only "insecure" women do & looked. Not only did I find PROOF that he was cheating but ALSO that he was laughing at the fact that he never thought he'd get caught b/c he was taking my trust for him & his personal space, for granted. He knew I'd never look. That's why he kept it in his phone. Even though he knew I had access to his phone, he took the fact that I trusted him, for granted. And if you really think about it, most cheaters are caught the EASIEST of ways. The easier it is to catch a cheater, the more COCKY they probably were about it.

After I found the proof, not only did I run like hell & never speak to him again BUT I patted myself on the back for overcoming the whole "insecure" creed. Sure, I could've just "trusted him" & IGNORED my intuition, BUT had I done that, I would've potentially spent 1 more DAY in a relationship with someone whom didn't deserve me. And to me, THAT was a big deal! Sure, I could've possibly found out the truth later on down the road, BUT technically, I can't be with someone whom I feel I need to suppress my OWN intuition for. I can't be with someone who, when they're being the villian, I have to continue to PROTECT THEIR feelings.

Yeah it hurt to have to go through that phone that day, BUT it would've hurt EVEN MORE had I:
1. Ignored my intuition only to find out that doing so was a DUMB move
2. Spent ANOTHER DAY with someone whom didn't deserve me
3. Waited on HIM or some "fairy" to reveal the truth to me. Truth is, some people NEVER find out. Not all cheaters are dumb enough to leave the proof somewhere for others to access. THIS is why intuition is a life-saver.

And I'd be a FOOL to blaim/knock myself for "looking" when me looking SAVED me more than it hurt me!

Posted by Pesca2
but how would you feel if you came across NOTHING? would that satisfy you? or would you check again after some time? or even go through other personal artifacts? if you have the feeling something is not right, you are going to look until you find something....anything. a hair, a business card, an email......the list goes on and on....

even if you do come across some kind of "evidence" what would the consequence be? how would you act?

Well that's the tricky part! This is where most people mess it up for everybody. If I found NOTHING, than I'd want to know what it was that was WITHIN ME that egged on all those suspicions. Sometimes people aren't aware of their own jealousies, insecurities, etc. UNTIL they are face to face in that moment! And if a person has the right mindset, they'll take the time out to check themselves & re-evaluate themselves AND their relationship. And me doing so would be a win-win for both me AND my partner.

After all, some insecurities were already there BUT not all! Some insecurities/jealousies can be provoked. And if someone arouses my suspicion, I will NEVER apologize for that.

If I found nothing, I'd tell my partner what I did, apologize, & then go figure out why my intuition was going crazy. Hell, I'd be just as curious to why my intuition led me in the wrong direction. 1 thing I would NOT do though is promise my partner that persay I were to see the "signs" again, that I wouldn't react on them. If I see panties that aren't mine lying on the floor, I WON'T/CAN'T promise that I won't pick them up & ask him some SERIOUS questions.

Posted by Pesca2
even if you do come across some kind of "evidence" what would the consequence be? how would you act?

If I found proof, I'd be gone! I'm no fool. I know what certain "things" mean. If I see the same unidentified number 1 million times on his caller ID, I'd use my common sense. 1 thing I learned about cheaters is that ONCE they make the DECISION to hide their deceit, there's NO use in asking them OR counting on THEM to reveal the truth to you. Most cheaters leave a trail; it's just up to the OTHER PERSON to find all the clues. And hell, some men will even continue to lie even after they're caught red-handed. Point blank: Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

So to answer your question, I'd run from the relationship. I'd leave him. I wouldn't ask him a million questions that my intuition already knows the answers to. I wouldn't keep re-going through his phone only to keep devestating myself. Where I come from, you react the FIRST time.

I won't go looking for something unless I'm actually prepared to make a move IF/WHEN I find something. And if I found something, I'd leave. There'd be nothing else to discuss or talk about. When I found that text that said, "Hey baby, meet me at 10! I can't wait to be inside of you again," that was all I needed. There weren't any questions I needed to ask b/c it wouldn't have made a difference. And it wouldn't have made a difference b/c I don't believe in giving 2nd chances when it comes to cheating. Some women do, but NOT me. So I'd leave him & his phone to their own misery & hope that NEXT time he cheated on someone, he wouldn't be so ARROGANT to leave the proof 3 feet from me

In my situation it was purely jealousy from the wife's part just because we had a good friendship...time I took away from her, even though we tried to give it back by being with her almost everyday around 3ish. Her motivation was to purely get me out of HIS life so she didnt have to share. So she found enough to make it look like an affair...

Ironically, she married a man that has to have people around all the time. He is a crowd lover and I know will still have someone going around there everyday around 3ish to share in a a wine or will bump into people at the local hardware and have coffee..there will always be another me in his life be it male or female.

As there will always be the woman that snoops for her own insecurity and the man that is and will always be cheating, lying...Is there anyone right?? You invade someone privacy and justify it with I was just making sure and your relationship is heading for disaster whether he is or isnt...the TRUST has already gone!!!

@Sweethearts: Granted there are SOME people who will be insecure whether or not their partners actually DID anything to warrant those insecurities. BUT, what about the wommen/men who DID trust their partners, only to find themselves face to face with "the signs." Are they insecure for simply acknowledging & recognizing those "signs?"

I'm sure MOST people who are no longer with their cheating ex, STARTED OFF trusting their partners 99-100% . BUT, the minute something aroused their suspicions, it no longer was about "trusting." Yes, it's good to trust the other person BUT it's also IMPORTANT TO TRUST YOURSELF!

The question is WHAT do we do when we 1st get that 1st suspicion, especially if it was aroused by the other person?(coming home later than usual, lipstick stains on the collar, suspicions phone calls, etc.) Should a person completely ignore those 2am phone calls in hopes that "1 day" the truth will be revealed? OR does she just come right out & ask OR find out for herself?

I'm sure lots of women who've been played & who can now look back on their cheating ex's, were NOT all women who were naturally/already insecure. After all, when you walk in & see panties that are NOT yours under the bed, it doesn't take rocket science to know that something fishy is going on. And if that very same woman NEVER ONCE suspected her partner UNTIL she saw those panties OR those "signs," I'd be dead wrong to knock her for picking up those panties & asking some serious questions, if not leaving the relationship altogether.

At what point do people realize that it's OK to trust their intuitions AND their partners at the same time?! If the only reason 2 people are still together is b/c 1 person had to suppress OR ignore their intuition all so the other person would be "comfortable" then is that even really a relationship worth staying in?

I always said I would never go through a guys phone and never had till earlier this year. I found exactly what I was looking for, and I knew I would.

Even if I hadnt found it I would have ended the relationship, Same if I found out my guy had been through my phone. I dont see any point in continuing the relationship once the trust has gone. It was over the minute I picked up the phone.

I've been cheated on before, and while it's NOT a good feeling at all, it still will NOT make me do something that I PERSONALLY would not like being done to me; meaning going through my s# $ t. It's inappropriate and I wouldn't stand for it. And while I have nothing to hide, I STILL don't want people going through my s# $ t. It's like people who say, "I don't care if the police come in and search my house, I have NOTHING to hide." Yeah well, I've seen that argument bite more than a few people in the arse.

I found out the men (it happened twice) were cheating, and I didn't have to go through any of their phones, etc. The writing was on the wall. One person "manned up" when confronted, the other person didn't, but it didn't matter, because I KNEW in my heart of hearts, and I was right. BUT, I understand there are some people who need 110% via whatever means to ensure their intuition is correct; hence the private investigators being paid (by women I know); going through there stuff; following them, etc. I've even had some girlfriends say to me and others that they would need to "catch them in the act" to be assured of their infidelity. Well, I don't need all that. I'm smart enough and wiser now, that I know what I know.

"their" stuff

Posted by krysrenee7
We never knock the women or call them insecure when they actually DO find something in his phone & especially IF she leaves the relationship afterwards. BUT yet people will knock that very same woman if she goes through it & doesn't find anything. That's kind of contradictory to me.

speak for yourself cause i do.

i don't view this shit as cute. mind your fucking business. if you can't, STEP!

Yeah, I told the story of one of my Scorp cousins earlier in the thread. She is a naturally inquisitive person, so I guess given what you wrote it may stand to reason. One thing I give her though, is she doesn't go back on her word about anything. If she tells a guy she's leaving, she's gone before she finishes her sentence. She's a snooper; I disagree with it, but we are two different people.

Yes I disagree with snooping, but like i said, it was over when i picked up his phone, regardless of what I found on it. I did not trust him, I was already going to leave him. Finding nothing would not make me go back on my decision.

I dont look for problems when I am in a relationship, if i get a gut feeling I go with it. Im far to lazy to sit up and plan how to catch someone out lol. Just wanted to know for def as I thought he would lie about it when confronted, which he did!

I would split up with a guy who looked through my phone/emails. If he doesnt trust me he should leave me, I dont want to be with someone who feels the need to check up on me.

i have intuition too. it's says...

"bitch leave"

or

"bitch stay! you know you can't quit that d*ck!" 😛


but seriously, how many people who snoop actually stay in these relationships for the long-haul? and how healthy are they? when your women's intuition is screaming at you and alarm bells are ringing...leave.

why lower yourself to high school bull shit?

Posted by caligula
i have intuition too. it's says...

"bitch leave"

or

"bitch stay! you know you can't quit that d*ck!" 😛

LMFAO!!!! Hahahahaha!!!

Posted by caligula


why lower yourself to high school bull shit?

click to expand

Yeah, I definitely have to say "word" to that one. I chose not to. It's been a long minute since I've been in high school and that behavior wasn't becoming then (when you had an excuse because of your age/maturity level/inexperience, etc); it's DEFINITELY not becoming for me at this age and time in my life. Not that I'm ancient, lol, but I'm too old for B.S. like that. I can't really be bothered. Period.

yup!

bleaching clothes, slashing tires, egging cars, calling every number in his phone, hacking emails, staking out his house, busting windows, breaking phones...

^all of that begins with invasion of privacy and a bitch with too much fucking time on her hands.

i never saw the purpose of being a childish bitch and it just isn't in me to stoop that low which is why i guess i find it so objectionable when someone does. i treat people the way i want to be treated and i believe in karma.

an eye for an eye has no place in relationships. if someone wounds you, you can't ever truly get them back. you can't make him feel the way you felt when he cheated so why try?

in the end, you look like a stark raving mad bitch and he fucked you and you're friend. in the end, you're still a fool. congrats!

Posted by caligula

i never saw the purpose of being a childish bitch...
in the end, you look like a stark raving mad bitch and he fucked you and you're friend. in the end, you're still a fool. congrats!

Word! But, to each his/her own. The thing is, I've known people since I was younger (and sadly now that I'm older) who have done all of that, and when I asked them if they feel better doing all that crap; they initially say "yes" but later say, "no" as it doesn't bring that person back. Why the hell would they want to be w/some one who is wild'in out like that, but there are some people who like that drama...yea, they can save all that ish! I don't want any parts. I repeat, I am NOT a f@cking babysitter. Either get yo' a $ $ on the ride, or get off and step! Also, I never understood breaking up ish, and then you get back with them and you've f@cked up all their ish! —? What the hell is THAT about—— ("Two Can Play That Game" - I don't like Vivica Fox too much, but a lot of that stuff in that movie was the truth; especially the "Don't tell your friends NOTHING!" LOL).

Why go behind their backs? Ask straight up if you can have a look at their text messages. You are suppose to be in a COMMITTED relationship so why cant you put all your cards on the table openly and honestly. If they have nothing to hide then there wont be a drama about it however if there is something to hide then there will be opposition met. Sneaking is just that sneaking no matter how you portray it or make excuses for it..some may be able to live with it, not me. I dont even go into my childrens private things.

@ Cappyluv, I know the reason he remained silent and it wasnt to do with a crush or anything sexual...they are a religious couple and she had gone one step before me and taken it to the elders of the church. So it was under this instruction that they then called the meeting with me and the reason he had to be present when she spoke with me. I know this religion thoroughly and I know the way it works and it is with respect of this that I left and allowed them to sort through their own differences...I lost a couple of really good friends but that was the least important thing here. There is no way I'd want to add to marital problems which yes I believed existed with or without me. On the bright side they are still together and that was 4 years ago.

Posted by sweethearts
Why go behind their backs? Ask straight up if you can have a look at their text messages. You are suppose to be in a COMMITTED relationship so why cant you put all your cards on the table openly and honestly. If they have nothing to hide then there wont be a drama about it however if there is something to hide then there will be opposition met. Sneaking is just that sneaking no matter how you portray it or make excuses for it..some may be able to live with it, not me. I dont even go into my childrens private things.

If a guy asked to see my texts I would leave him. I have nothing to hide, he just has no need to see them, they are MINE! By saying "can I see your texts" he is saying "are you cheating on me?". If he is suspicious then he can just go!

Posted by CappyLuv30
And you know what else is said.....when a man is suspicious of his significant other, it's because HE himself is up to no good!

In other words, sometimes the very fears/concerns we have of others are prevalent because they are what YOU would do/say vs. what he would do/say.

Yes very true, its amazing how suspicious a guy gets when he has started cheating, starts thinking "if i can do this,then whats stopping her from doing it"

Posted by libra sun

Posted by CappyLuv30
And you know what else is said.....when a man is suspicious of his significant other, it's because HE himself is up to no good!

In other words, sometimes the very fears/concerns we have of others are prevalent because they are what YOU would do/say vs. what he would do/say.

Yes very true, its amazing how suspicious a guy gets when he has started cheating, starts thinking "if i can do this,then whats stopping her from doing it"

click to expand

And honey, that's exactly what his a $ $ should think. Cause, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's not to say a person would stoop to doing that, but far to often women don't give themselves any credit, and believe you me - if someone wants his a $ $ , there are SOMEBODY'S who want yours too! I've written this before, but It deserves repeating, one of my cousins always told me growing up (paraphrasing) "You shouldn't be worried about your man (where's he at, etc); HE should be worrying 😅 about where YOU are!"

lol 🙂

i think that's true. a woman who maintains her autonomy, sense of worth and maintains her dignity is in a position of power. we are naturally nurturers, we naturally put our loved ones first. i personally had to learn that i could give of myself without giving ALL of myself.

i own me! and he shall not forget it.

Posted by libra sun

Posted by sweethearts
Why go behind their backs? Ask straight up if you can have a look at their text messages. You are suppose to be in a COMMITTED relationship so why cant you put all your cards on the table openly and honestly. If they have nothing to hide then there wont be a drama about it however if there is something to hide then there will be opposition met. Sneaking is just that sneaking no matter how you portray it or make excuses for it..some may be able to live with it, not me. I dont even go into my childrens private things.

If a guy asked to see my texts I would leave him. I have nothing to hide, he just has no need to see them, they are MINE! By saying "can I see your texts" he is saying "are you cheating on me?". If he is suspicious then he can just go!

click to expand

@ LS, I'm talking about long term commitment ie marriage, living together, children perhaps. Where you dont just walk on the slightest things.

I also look at it as how I would expect to be treated and I think there is at NO time when someone should invade your privacy..however if someone asks then I have the right of refusal or exceptance so I feel if the shoe was on the other foot I would ask to look rather than sneakily do it. Yes of course it could open up a can of worms but it will be out int he open to work on!

I don't know but I think if someone goes through your phone you are doomed from the get go.

I would be so f***** pissed if someone went through my phone.

On my first date with my first (lier) boyfriend we were waiting for our movie to start. I needed to go to the restroom and he told me I didn't need my phone in there, that it can stay with him. I didn't care. I had nothing to hide. When I came out he was going through it. Turns out he came across something I didn't want him to. (this was over a year ago and I had my brother kicked out and before his 'attack' he had sent a threatening texts which I saved as evidence for the police but forgot to delete later). It was embaressing!

But here's the part I never really thought of until later: he never let me go through his phone. Even though it was only the pictures I wanted to go through. He showed them to me but didn't let me 'hold' the phone and go through them myself. Yea... he had something to hide!


Plus I go through allot of peoples phones. Who ever lets me anyway. I was in my cousins room while he was practicing his guitar in the back and I just went through all his texts and pictures and games and everything a phone has. I just like to browse, never look for anything.

ok i didn't read all these comments.

pretty sure im alone on this but i totally wouldnt even care if my boyfriend snooped through my phone.


in your scenario i think the guy is the bigger idiot.

Posted by ellessque
the man i've been seeing has a journal.

A journal? Thats awesome! I tried to write in one once when I was little. It was about simple, day to day things and my older brother took it from my bag, read it out loud in a funny way and made fun of me. And then from then on I couldn't write in one again. 😢

I want to start a memoir once I become a daddy.

Y'all are better than me, because if I suspect, I will go thru a phone.

My ex cheated on me and while my intuition told me, the phone gave me proof. I smashed up the phone and damn near smashed him up too. I was ready to fight himlike a bitch in the streets, and if I had access to his car in the heat of that moment, I would've smashed that shit up too. Ill never forget that sickness in my stomach.

So, yes. I can be a crazy bitch if betrayed, although that was quite some time ago, I'm not sure id react the same today.

I left his ass though for a while, but we eventually got back together....I lost interest some time later and broke up with him.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by Amandus

Posted by ellessque
the man i've been seeing has a journal.

A journal? Thats awesome! I tried to write in one once when I was little. It was about simple, day to day things and my older brother took it from my bag, read it out loud in a funny way and made fun of me. And then from then on I couldn't write in one again. 😢

I want to start a memoir once I become a daddy.

yeah, i had a traumatic experience with my journal when i was a teenager. my gemini mother went thru. swore i'd never keep another one.

but they are good to have. it's kind of cleansing. i think it is totally and completely awesome that a man keeps a journal. i wouldn never snoop on something so private.

click to expand

Same except my mother is a Libra.

Sure did!

lol

I only did it once and my suspicions were confirmed. Some people lie and then play victim.

I have gone through my partners phone statement (4 years ago - Gemini)....things didnt add up, he would act all weird, his phone was never around and it was always on silent or off when it was. Long story short, I found literally hundreds of text records to a woman who was in the UK (we are in Australia) for 3 months. It was a woman who had just turned 21 whilst she visited with Gemini's cousin...I even met her, invited her into my home and my darling Gemini then accompanied them both interstate for a weekend (I had no issue with that) where whatever happened happened. When he returned home he'd changed, thats when he got secretive and for 3 months after this Id had enough of wondering so I went online and checked the statement. Hundreds and hundreds of texts. He still to this day would argue that nothing happened and the only reason he continued the texts was because "she thought that there was something between them and I didnt want her telling my family stuff if I broke it off (the texting)"....he actually wanted me to believe that LOL. Needless to say our relationship didnt last a hell of a lot longer.

If I hadnt have gone through it? it may have gone on for years, who knows? I didnt want a part of it any longer and once the trust is gone? its just gone. Simple

And his story? pathetic!!

Checking your boyfriend's phone doesnt always mean you'll find something even if something is going on. I dont believe its wrong to check if you have suspicions and any man/woman who feels threatened or upset at having theirs gone through I belive has something to hide. If you arent doing anything wrong whats the issue?

In another of my situations, I actually checked his phone (things really didnt add up and I did find out that they were far from adding up LOL). His phone revealed NOTHING. He was that smart he would phone this woman up on the way to work (time difference was a blessing for these 2) and then delete each time he did it - so he EXPECTED me to go through his phone...thats how devious he was. He had a separate email account for any correspondence between them and didnt hesitate in his emails being open in his "normal" accounts. She was a good little girl, she didnt call him when he told her not to - she was well aware that I was in his life.

The only way I found out that there was in actual fact something still going on?? One day he wanted to show me a work email and opened his account and walah, there it was, an email from her (when he'd told me that she was out of his life a year ago and he'd not heard from her) telling him that she was about to write a check to herself to pay for this and that in the apartment back home. Thats when I found out she was still there, she was still his fallback when things ended here, that he lied to me for such a long time that his best friend had taken over the apartment duties, blah blah blah.....it was her slip up that revealed what I suspected for so long. He never once slipped up, never once forgot to delete the calls that were made (almost a daily occurrence)....thats how good cheaters can be.

Its not that he loved her or sleeping with her but after we were done, he was always going to go back to her (she was looking after his apartment while he was O/S and did this for over a year). Oh and I forgot to mention she is married so she was very well aware of how to deceive her own husband and didnt care that this other man was in a relationship with me.