How do I fight back?!

My current boyfriend is still living with his parents, and his mother is actively trying to split us up. Based on what he told me, she's a very strong-willed woman, who was always in control of the entire household... both husband and son included. So far, she's imposed her will on him in matters big and small, from clothing to education to jobs... I'm his first official girlfriend and his mom was curious to learn as much as possible about me, even before meeting me. So he told him what he knew about me at that point and I seemed to meet most of her requirements... (it's highly annoying that I have to meet HER requirements, but whatever) Some two weeks after we'd become a couple, I finally got to met his parents, briefly, and it was a disaster. His dad only got to tell me I was cute, but then his mom took over, and while she was reasonably polite to me when face to face, she had no qualms about telling her son I wasn't good for him and that he needed to find another girlfriend. Reason for that? I'm short, he's tall (think Will Smith/Jada Pinkett-Smith). All of a sudden, the fact that I was smart, independent, financially secure and overall a good person - not to mention the fact that his son really enjoyed being with me - amounted to nothing in her eyes just because I was short. Because, yeah, one of the very few things about me that I have absolutely no control over (duh!) is the one thing that totally ruins who I am and what I'm worth as a person.. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, long story short, she's trying to split us up by nagging him into finding another girlfriend and by cutting down on the amount of time we get to spend together. Like, really, she'll call him when we're together and ask him to come home! Or making means remarks about me! Most importantly, while at first she was ok with us spending the weekend together (I live on my own), now she only allows him to sleep at my place one night a week, either Friday or Saturday... We only live half an hour away from each other (walking distance), and I usually offer to drive him home, but I fear the constant stress of spending most of our time together with the eyes on the clock, dreading the "curfew", is going to wear on us sooner rather than later.
What I want to do now is fight back. We've only been a couple for a short while, we're still in the "honeymoon" phase, and already his mom's influence over us as a couple is very strong. Or stronger than I'm comfortable with, anyway. Any suggestions?! Please 🙂

Lmao. It reminds me of the cancer i once briefly dated (3wks) and i had to drop him like a bad habit for the things u mentioned. We were teens thou so its understandable. How old is this guy, again? Fight back by leaving. Its difficult to go between a parent/ child relationship especially since u say she is 'the man' of the house. Leave and if your boyfriend is a real man (more manly than his mom), he'll grab his balls back from his mom, make his own decisions and live his own life. The choice is up to u. Lol @ being allowed to get pussy on certain days of the wk, who does that? Maybe mom loans him back his dick and balls on fridays, lol. You dont need this, believe me.

Lol again @ the will/jada comparisson, u should have worn stilts to the dinner. Better still, wear stilts next time u meet her. I wonder what reason she'll come up with then....u r a giant and too tall her baby. Please. Just get yourself away from this weird family, away from she-man.

You options are really limited. In fact, you have none other than removing yourself from the situation. As Ninja said she is not going anywhere.

State your peace and then politely hand the ball to him.

Good Luck

Dont forget to say your goodbyes while wearing stilts, just to show them that u r above this crap they are putting u throu- literally above it.

Posted by WaterCup
Leave and if your boyfriend is a real man (more manly than his mom), he'll grab his balls back from his mom, make his own decisions and live his own life.

Easier said than done. Remember I said I was his first GF. He's pretty much hooked on me, and I'm very much into him too. And so far he's already started lying to her or refusing to pick up the phone... so to a certain extent he's already standing up to her. BUT he's a Libra and has a very non-confrontational attitude, and being freshly out of school and still financially dependent on his mom, he absolutely can't afford to piss her off for real... However, he tries just as hard to make/keep ME happy, so much so that he once went back on a promise he'd made to his folks just because it was clashing with something he'd promised me before...
So yeah, his heart is in the right place, and I'm hoping his mind (and balls) will follow! 😄
As for getting kitty... what I said was that we only get to spend the night together once a week... but that definitely doesn't mean it's only once a week we get down and dirty, lol! We pretty much do it whenever we feel like it, provided we have at least one or two hours to ourselves, which is almost every day.... However, those hours are precious, so we don't always use them for sex 🙂
Oh, one more thing. The height issue. I used the Jada/Will Smith example because it was the short version of saying he's taller than average, I'm shorter than average, so there's a difference of maybe 30 cm between us. But I like that. Him being so big makes me feel safe, protected, but also vulnerable in a very good way... *sighs*

Ninjafish, thank you for your comment. Yes, I'm 29, he's 25, which is my other "flaw". I just find it so frustrating that she - his mom, that is - finds fault exactly with the two things I can't do anything about - and the two things that have NOTHING to do with who I am as a person...
The thing is, this guy is used to having a powerful female in his life. That doesn't make him a complete pushover, but I see him struggling with making decisions on his own (add to that the fact that he's a Libra, too!)and turning to me for advice even with simple things like picking a movie or a restaurant to eat at. But maybe that's just him being nice to me?!
My options are, indeed, limited, as Nala commented above. At the moment, other than simply leaving him, I'm considering two other options, and I guess this is where I could use a vote in favor of one or the other.
Option 1. Be the OTHER powerful female in his life, and more or less force him to stand up to his mom whenever what SHE wants clashes with what I want (basically tell him: look, I'm sorry if your mom doesn't agree, but I want us to spend this night together TOO).
Option 2. Try my best to be considerate and understanding and kind and help him build enough self-confidence to make him less dependent on his mom... or on anybody else, for that matter.
Option 1 is risky because it involves getting between him and his mom AND potentially turning into a source of stress for him (I keep telling myself that one source of constant nagging is more than enough, and I don't want to turn into a nag myself).
Option 2 is more difficult to carry out - and the odds of succeeding are pretty uncertain - plus there's the risk of him moving on once he's acquired enough self-confidence to not be dependent on anyone else... including me...
Any other options? Comments? Ideas? Suggestions? 🙂
Thanks

A libra? I have a feeling that u'll be in this limbo for a very long time dealing with a libra. I bet he is telling his mom that he dumped u already or is really doing the relationship thing just to be "fair", lo. Libra are people pleasers, he could be pleasing both u and his mom at the same time by telling little lies just to pacify each one of u. Not all are like that of course. I dont know u guys personally so i havent much to say in your heart matters. Do what works for u, but remember that she is still his mom and later on he may change his mind (being libra) and choose mom's side. All the best to u and i hope the honeymoon period lasts longer before his scales start tipping, for mom this time. How old is he and how tall are u? Im 5ft btw and i like other shorties, lol

I get that u guys have sex whenever possible (without mom's permission), a few stolen moments so to speak. But whats weird is the time he spends with u with her permission, blessings or whatever AND he is 25 for goodness sake. Oh well

HER OPTIONS ARE TELL HIM TO GROW UP AND GET SOME BALLS
THIS KILLS ME ITS NOT HIS MOTHERS LIFE ITS HIS AND HE HAS TO TAKE IT BACK FROM HER
SHE NEEDS TO GET HER HEAD OUT OF HER ARIS.
SO MANY PEOPLE NEED TO GET SOME BALLS
BOTH MEN AND WOMAN IF I WERE YOU I WOULD GET TOGETHER WITH HIS MOTHER AND FACE THE CUNT DOWN.

Lol @ facing the cunt down, he sure sounds like one. Lets hope the face down wont turn him into a dick thou, just a man without being any type of genitalia.

Posted by rebecca83


Option 1. Be the OTHER powerful female in his life, and more or less force him to stand up to his mom whenever what SHE wants clashes with what I want (basically tell him: look, I'm sorry if your mom doesn't agree, but I want us to spend this night together TOO).

Choosing this option will just turn you into his mother in the long run, he doesn't need a mother, he needs a girlfriend, lover, partner, equal.

Posted by rebecca83


Option 2. Try my best to be considerate and understanding and kind and help him build enough self-confidence to make him less dependent on his mom... or on anybody else, for that matter.

click to expand

Choosing this option is allowing him to continue in his behaviour, by being considerate and understanding you will show him only that you are condoning it.

Your option should be to tell him that he needs to show you (not his mother) that you are his woman and his priority. And he needs to do this without you forcing him.

Is she an Irish Mammy by any chance 🙂

Posted by rebecca83

..... his son really enjoyed being with me .....

Posted by rebecca83

Remember I said I was his first GF.

click to expand

I remembered that you said that .. I also can read between the lines.

I think it's rather funny that everyone in here is commenting on the size of his balls, or that he lost them .... when in reality, he might be exactly where he wants to be.

All of these things she knows about the mother, comes from HIM TELLING HER these things, considering the mother doesn't relate to her personally.

How does any of you know that he has no balls? Maybe he doesn't want to commit to her because she's a liar.

Besides the fact that you embellish any truth here ...... it's plain to see that you have lost any desire to genuinely be with a the man, and are now lusting after winning the position of alpha female.


Pretty disgusting all around .. not to worry though, because once the Ram grows up (matures) she becomes a very gracious and attractive woman.

Posted by rebecca83

I finally got to met his parents, briefly, and it was a disaster.

.... while she was reasonably polite to me when face to face, she had no qualms about telling her son I wasn't good for him and that he needed to find another girlfriend.

All of a sudden, the fact that I was smart, independent, financially secure and overall a good person - not to mention the fact that his son really enjoyed being with me ....

You got to meet the parents briefly, as well as his son ... which means his son was present during this introduction.

You have a lot of bad mouthing to do about his family .. so, there's no doubt in my mind that if the child's mother had been present during this introduction, that your mouth would equally be filled full of trash about her ...... so, this leads to the conclusion that the child's mother was absent .. which also leads me to believe that his child is a regular in his life, and at HIS home often, which is the grandparents home.

Now, you made sure to mention in here (several times) that he has to live at home because he is financially insecure .. so any reasonable adult would easily conclude that if he doesn't have any money then he is unable to support his child, which means the grandparents are.

So, in comprehending this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ it becomes obvious that if your boyfriend is out and about, or/and spending money frivolously, or thinking he's going to spend the nights out .. while leaving his mother to take responsibility for HIS child, then ANY mother would raise hell with her son for being irresponsible.

If he isn't working, then he isn't child support AND if he is allowing visitation of this child .. then that means somebody is paying his child support AND this somebody is the grandparents ...

In this case, his mother has every right to direct his life, since he doesn't seem to be able handle manning up

There's no child P... she is this boys first relationship. And she is referring to his mother.

Oh, my god p-angel arent u bored already analyzing this? She is a ram as u said it, she wants to fight and aries ppl enjoy a good fight (even thou she may never win this one, but by all means she has a right to her phantom/ghost fighting). And i didnt know that he has a child, interesting...wasnt he a virgin before they met? She said she was his 1st- translation...maybe sexually, d/k and dont care- miracles happen (maybe he is joseph, jesus's father). Personally, im still wowwed by the visa to happy fridays or saterdays. OP, continue dating the guy if u like the set up and enjoy your permitted sex on weekends. Keep us updated and dont forget to post us a pic of your trophy once u win this losing fight. Laughable and pathetic. Cheers

From my experience, you can't come between a mother and son. If he is to make any stand he will have to do this on his own and without you pushing him. She will push him enough and he will have to take the situation into his own hands. Sadly he is a Libra and this will make this even harder to do...extremely!!

Now, if you continue with this relationship you will need to accept this, if you can't let him go. You will only end up causing fights between you and him and he will eventually take his mother's side. Blood is thicker than water!! Very rarely do they step up completely but it's not impossible. He obviously has a very strong bond with his mother and that is not a bad thing. The way he treats her is the way he looks at woman.

My best advice here if you want to stay with this man, learn to get on with her, if you can't do that then stay away from her. Let him have his time with her and play no active part until she asks you. Be strong enough not to resort to her tactics of her trying to pull you apart because he will not allow this to happen if he loves you as much as you say. The more you fight back bad mouthing her the more problems this will create. Good luck, not an easy road!

This isn't going to work... not like this. Options 1 and 2 would play out exactly as celticlioness has predicted.

It seems to me to be ultimatum time... only don't allude to what it actually is.
As celticlioness also said :
"Your option should be to tell him that he needs to show you (not his mother) that you are his woman and his priority. And he needs to do this without you forcing him."

To expand on this idea... how do you do it without forcing him ? I think you need to walk away from this for while... let him force himself to do something about it. He is 25 years old... living with his parents... maybe some good old-fashioned sexual frustration will get the job done... because without you in the picture, he surely won't be getting any at home... well... I HOPE this IS the case ! Anyway, by stepping away in this way... he will choose to be with his mommy... OR he will bite her feeding hand ! Maybe he will actually move out on his own before he his 26 ! 27 ? Maybe 28 ! THIS has to happen... YOU know it does ! You will never get along with this woman... and she will never be content with YOU. He must remove himself from this situation... unless this is what he prefers, and what would any woman want with a 'boy' that is still suckling his mother's breast ?

Posted by sweethearts
There's no child P... she is this boys first relationship. And she is referring to his mother.

I'll have to go read it again because that's what I thought I read.

At any rate, he doesn't even matter any longer .. it's no longer about him, loving or wanting him ... he has now become and object to score.

I feel sorry for the guy actually. If this is really his first girlfriend, then he's probably going to be pretty fucked up once the realization hits him, and he will probably think all women are like this.


it's going to take a really good and strong woman to convince him in the future that not all women are this insensitive.



Again with my original thought ...... living with his parents, under their roof might be exactly where he wants to be. In fact, I would say he has a lot of balls, considering he is feeding the Ram information that intentionally gets her fired up. Afterall, shouldn't he realize by now her demeanor, and know that when he tells her this shit about his mother that she goes into jealous mode?

So, rather than saying he's balless ... I think it's a pretty ballsy move, because an angry/jealous girlfriend can and often does become angry at the boyfriend if he isn't justifying her against he mother to the girlfriends liking .... so in reality, he might have huge gonads.

This saying he lacks balls is all based on what she's telling us, and her words about what he wants isn't matching his actions ... so, it's same to assume that she is misleading her audience.

Posted by David13

You will never get along with this woman... and she will never be content with YOU. He must remove himself from this situation... unless this is what he prefers, and what would any woman want with a 'boy' that is still suckling his mother's breast

wow

Wow, guys, it sure has been a surprise seeing so many replies to this thread. So I want to say thank you to everyone who took their time to reply, including P-Angel, although I don't quite understand her attitude. But I guess she brings some balance to the discussion? It's always good to see more than one side to the story 🙂

WaterCup, him spending time with me with his mom's "blessing" is not that weird for me because, not too long ago, I was pretty much in the same boat. I had to work really hard and I got lucky in more than one way, which eventually allowed me to earn enough to move out on my own. But I totally get the whole "I'm living with my folks, hence I have to be a good kid" thing. Been there, done that, hope I'll never have to go through that again, but hey, I'm NOT going to hold it against him 🙂 (oh, and I'm 5 ft 1'', btw - join the club 😄 )

Celticlioness, you are perfectly right. None of these options is really going to work, but it took your insight for me to realize that. Also agree with David on this. No forcing whatsoever. But I'm not going to straight out TELL him that either - or give him an ultimatum - as we've only been dating for a month. I guess this is one of those situations where I should let time work its magic?

Ellesque and James and everyone else who said the guy didn't have balls... I'm sorry, but I don't really understand how you reached THAT conclusion. The mom clearly told him to stop dating me. He's clearly STILL dating me and not hiding it from her. Furthermore, on at least one occasion, he stood up to her when what SHE wanted him to do clashed with what both HE and I wanted to do. This thread was never about him having balls or the courage of standing up for what he wants. I guess maybe I should have phrased it differently... Like: What's the best attitude to have towards a man who's used with having a strong female in his life? Is it best to act just as strong or rather provide the feminine kindness, softness and tenderness that, perhaps, he isn't getting from the other woman? (also, with him being a Lib, that might actually balance things out a bit?)

Sweethearts, I agree with staying away from her, as getting along with her simply isn't possible. But, just to set the record straight, I never intended to fight back by badmouthing her. That's pretty passive-aggressive and, in true Ram, if I am to fight a battle, I'd rather be upfront about it, not sneaky 🙂 Besides, I know better than to TRY to come between him and his mom. It wouldn't work, nor would I want it to work. Not if that amounted to me becoming his "replacement mother", which is certainly a risk.

In the end, what I'm aiming for - ideally - is to help him become more self-confident and self-reliant so that what his mom thinks about me becomes less and less relevant for him. I'm also a firm believer in the idea that relationships should help people grow and build on their qualities and become better somehow... And he's already doing that for me, bringing much needed balance to my personality, helping me calm down my fiery nature, teaching me to face some of my fears and so on. And I genuinely want to repay him in kind. And by that I certainly don't mean by offering him kitty. If anything, I'm the one who derives the most pleasure from our romps in the sack ... 😄

So we'll see where this goes. I won't break up with him at this point. If I'd wanted to take the easy way out, I wouldn't have posted here in the first place, cause THAT was like the super-obvious solution. I will let him know, though, if his mom's involvement in our relationship becomes more than I can handle. And then we'll take it from there 🙂

25 is not a kid, its a man- although in your bf's case, 25 means a tiny figurine of a man on mom's display shelve. It doesnt matter what the circumnstances are but the whole thing sounds bizzare. Doesnt he work or something? And most of them libra men are lazy freeloaders, i dated 1 for 2 years and know 3 others- they all cant hold down a job and expect handouts from those around them. Weak pathetic excuses of men, i dont mean ALL libra men obviously, just the losers i know. Your story is pissing me off , but its your life so theres nothing more to say on my side. Mind sharing that extra inch from your height? Lol

^^^ that's right, once a mamma's boy always a mamma's boy but that doesn't mean they won't step up. The new woman in their lives is generally similar to the mother which is why the mother is insecure...her replacement..but then it is all in how the new woman handles it too... she is best to keep away and not be jealous of his time with his mum. Once they have a full on relationship she should ask that he not talk about their personal things with his mother. Keep their relationship between the two of them only. That stops mumma from getting any ammunition to use against her.

Most mother's eventually give it up, especially when the kids come along. Unless she fights back and they end up full on feuding!

MAYBE YOU SHPOULD PUT YOUR SIZE 6 1/2 UP HIS ARIS.

Posted by rebecca83

... I'm the one who derives the most pleasure from our romps in the sack ...

lol

translation: I suck in bed, but, he doesn't

Posted by rebecca83

In the end, what I'm aiming for - ideally - is to help him become more self-confident and self-reliant so that what his mom thinks about me becomes less and less relevant for him. I'm also a firm believer in the idea that relationships should help people grow and build on their qualities and become better somehow...

Once people noticed you being a bitch, you changed the song.

In the tone and description of the OP, you weren't going for a mature discussion on how to evolve in a relationship ..... you were outright pissed off because his mother wins the position of alpha female.

do you actually think people will take every sentence of yours at face value and not see a bigger picture?


You're a deception .. I called it, and now you prove it.

Now, you try to tell us that you're ok with it all ... which is a contridiction from what you said originally.


It's your bed, I'm merely pointing out how you're making it ... you're the one who has to sleep in it

Posted by rebecca83

I guess maybe I should have phrased it differently... Like:

What's the best attitude to have towards a man who's used with having a strong female in his life?

Is it best to act just as strong or rather provide the feminine kindness, softness and tenderness that, perhaps, he isn't getting from the other woman?

Both of those are affirmations of what I said ...... the desire now is lusting after the winning the role of alpha female in his life.

Neither of those two above are indicating a desire for the man, himself .. rather how to change his perspective of you, so that you are viewed as a priority over the mother.


My hope is that his eyes open ASAP ...

How would I solve this problem


Very simple get another b/f this one is a mommas boy and a manchild He,s got a whole lot of growing up to do before he'll be able to handle a real life adult relationship with the opposite sex.

E3- umm..ja, si, oui, yup, yeah, uh-huh, and hell yes they are. Just the other day i was watch dr phil (im a fan) and this mother-inlaw (her name is khalood aka ka-rude) was on the show complaining about her lazy arse son-inlaw who doesnt want to work. Guess his sign? Libra of course, so now i can proudly say i know 5 libras who have an allergy/phobia to go get a job.

E3- umm..ja, si, oui, yup, yeah, uh-huh, and hell yes they are. Just the other day i was watch dr phil (im a fan) and this mother-inlaw (her name is khalood aka ka-rude) was on the show complaining about her lazy arse son-inlaw who doesnt want to work. Guess his sign? Libra of course, so now i can proudly say i know 5 libras who have an allergy/phobia to go get a job.

Yeah, they write resumes and sit on them or make paper planes out of them while sitting on a couch the whole day...freeloading. Great talkers? What a nice skill to have for an interview, try using it there instead of using it to ask for more free everything, freebra.

Yeah, they write resumes and sit on them or make paper planes out of them while sitting on a couch the whole day...freeloading. Great talkers? What a nice skill to have for an interview, try using it there instead of using it to ask for more free everything, freebra.

And the cartoon hooker can listen to him talk all nite long coz he doesnt have a job to go to in the morning so he can talk the whole nite and sleep the whole day. At least she has a job..him. Sheesh. And im sure she said 'umm, what lazy arse, u want me to do all the work and u dont have cash? Nope i'll rather listen to u talk'

What is a luxury lady?

What is a luxury lady?

No ive never been kept nor will i ever keep, thats y i dont your kind. Lol my mistake @ the cartoon- she still would rather listen thou coz he wants her to do all the work, but expects to cash up afterwards. The nerve!

I'll kill u, 3E!!! How dare u? Lol. I work for mine. What made u think that, just curious? Which previous posts gave u that impression? Tbh, im uncomfortable with even gifts from a guy, let alone money. It makes me feel obligated, like they expect something in return. I fuck for free. If i were a hooker i would be broke or get fired by my pimp, lol

Posted by WaterCup
I fuck for free.

And it's a free for all...

Yes, even u too

Yes, even u too

I dont discriminate, i'll do goats too in a heartbeat. Now, baaaah for me, my little kid

I dont discriminate, i'll do goats too in a heartbeat. Now, baaaah for me, my little kid

Posted by WaterCup
I work for mine.

On your back apparently!
(or knees)

Usually i stand on my head, but those too

E3, please i thought u were smarter than that. The "praying" is not about me, lol. Google the song, scotty doesnt know by lustra. I was playing around with their lyrics doing Fiona's pov- fiona is the gal the song is about.

What witchcrafty stuff, now?

Lmao. I cant believe that u guys thought it was about me. Oh well. Still scotty doesnt know, he doesnt know, he will find out by himself, but for now he doesnt know and im glad he doesnt know *gyrating*