How to deal with a narcissist?

How to deal with a narcissist?

Like when a Narcissist constantly disappears and re-enters your life, what can you do to help them? I've only just started reading about narcissists, and I think one of my friends is one. Puts insecurities on others, tries to keep thing non-emotional I read a lot more "red flags too". They disappear because each time they know you're expecting them to come back and each time they're gone, they take longer to come back. I'm worried about this person coming back, because I don't know how to handle the situation. Is there any way to deal with a narcissist? Anyone ever have a relationship/friendship with one? What was it like?

Posted by mgmtlove
Like when a Narcissist constantly disappears and re-enters your life, what can you do to help them? I've only just started reading about narcissists, and I think one of my friends is one. Puts insecurities on others, tries to keep thing non-emotional I read a lot more "red flags too". They disappear because each time they know you're expecting them to come back and each time they're gone, they take longer to come back. I'm worried about this person coming back, because I don't know how to handle the situation. Is there any way to deal with a narcissist? Anyone ever have a relationship/friendship with one? What was it like?

Give them competition. Not w/ yourself, but w/ someone whose better at things than they are. Or you could just make things up if you don't know anyone who really is better than them. Like when your narcissist friend boasts about something they did, always bring up the same person that did it better haha. It'll make them feel inferior & threatened, like who is this person that YOU'RE recognizing is better than them? They'll get irritated & you can secretly enjoy watching them squirm haha. I don't know if this helps them, but it'd be amusing to mess with them like that.

Narcissist: "I'm the shit."
You: "You know who's also the shit? That guy Mike."

Narcissist: "My biceps are huge."
You: "You know who has big biceps? Maybe just a little bit bigger than yours. But Mike."

Narcissist: "No one is at my level."
You: "You know whose level no one's at too? Mike."

Posted by clooneyyears
no contact lol

+1 !!! Dang'it Clooney....u beat me to it!!!...LOL 🙂

Posted by aquastyle15

Posted by mgmtlove
Like when a Narcissist constantly disappears and re-enters your life, what can you do to help them? I've only just started reading about narcissists, and I think one of my friends is one. Puts insecurities on others, tries to keep thing non-emotional I read a lot more "red flags too". They disappear because each time they know you're expecting them to come back and each time they're gone, they take longer to come back. I'm worried about this person coming back, because I don't know how to handle the situation. Is there any way to deal with a narcissist? Anyone ever have a relationship/friendship with one? What was it like?

Give them competition. Not w/ yourself, but w/ someone whose better at things than they are. Or you could just make things up if you don't know anyone who really is better than them. Like when your narcissist friend boasts about something they did, always bring up the same person that did it better haha. It'll make them feel inferior & threatened, like who is this person that YOU'RE recognizing is better than them? They'll get irritated & you can secretly enjoy watching them squirm haha. I don't know if this helps them, but it'd be amusing to mess with them like that.

Narcissist: "I'm the shit."
You: "You know who's also the shit? That guy Mike."

Narcissist: "My biceps are huge."
You: "You know who has big biceps? Maybe just a little bit bigger than yours. But Mike."

Narcissist: "No one is at my level."
You: "You know whose level no one's at too? Mike."

click to expand

Lol, I actually do know a guy named Mike

Backhanded compliments can be used as a weapon for narcissists. They're immune to people disagreeing or fighting w/ them because of their superiority complex. But if you're their "friend", they trust you slightly. You're in their realm so you're able to play w/ their feelings & it could have an effect. So if your narcissist friend is female, you could say things like:

Narcissist: "I'm looking so good today."
You: "You know who always looks good? Brenda. Except.. her hair kind of looks more fuller & exotic than yours. But yours still looks good."

Narcissist: "I'm so successful."
You: "Yeah... so is Brenda."

Narcissist: "I'm so hot in this dress."
You: "Brenda has that same dress."

LOL!

Lol, I actually do know a guy named Mike

Lol! There you go! You're halfway there 😉

Posted by clooneyyears
no contact lol

Lol that's the real answer though

He's a guy he said he's nicer to his other female friends because they don't "Back-talk" Ok. lol

Tell them you love their face aha

It's exhausting dealing with them.

You will never win when you engage with a Narc because they are always several steps ahead of you.

I agree with others. The worst thing a person can do is ignore a Narc because that is truly their biggest fear, they fear they do not exist when there is not another human being mirroring reactions and responses back to them.

No way of being friends with a Narc without losing yourself because Narcs passively force people to become objects that bend to their will. You merely turn into supply. They will always hoover around the women that become a familiar habit and then resent her for being a familiar habit--poof he's gone again--disappeared.

Get out asap and hope they never come back, they truly are a huge waste of time and energy and their good at wasting your time and your energy on cardboard facade they've created to fool the world with.

I remember trying to ignored he'd blow my phone up. When I took the initiative in ending our friendship, I was a bad person..ok?? It was draining.

My uncle is one.

He clearly has NPD, and it is said that the best way to deal with them is not to deal with them. My family has made the decision to completely leave him after everything he has done. I still hope he'll recover some day.

And I have a friend that I believe has it too.. I think people with NPD can't realize their own faults and see every form of help as heavy criticism.

I just wanted to help like maybe if I was nice, he'd be different you know? But I guess there's nothing I can do for his sake. Just protect myself.

Help doesn't exist for them, for them it's criticism. That friend I mentioned doesn't recognize his own asshole behaviour and feels insulted when I suggest him to be a little friendlier, since he felt sad and wondered why nobody wants to be around him. He acted like I was a psycho trying to bring him down - because he doesn't know he's crushing other people's souls to stroke his own ego.

And that's the crazy thing, they think there's absolutely nothing wrong with them, which will make anything sound as criticism. Paradoxical characters.

The first thing that I wanted to say is that you cannot fix someone else. This concept in and of itself has created more hurt, and pain in the hearts of women than probably any other factor. We are built for love and compassion and unfortunately these types of men will use our natural tendencies to nurture, against us. It is up to you to make a CHOICE to either continue to ACCEPT his bad behaviour or Not. In this case, I hope you choose NOT.
Narcissism is a pretty serious Personality Disorder. There are no known Therapies that have successfully treated Narcissism, so if he is a Narc, you are definitely setting yourself up for failure.
A Narc will shred your self-esteem to the point where even you will not be able to recognize yourself. You will do absolutely nothing right because he will always move the bar higher. You will hear a lot of "You SHOULD have done it that way" or "You COULD have said that". When confronted with it they will become very aggressive and angry. They will always Blame You for anything that is wrong. Most of all, they will mind-fuck you to the point where you start believing what they say about you. They will create Drama and then tell you to stop being so dramatic, or sensitive, or weak. They have ZERO ability to empathize with you or anyone else but they are quite capable of playing any part when it suits their needs. The ONLY thing that you wish for on a day-to-day basis is peace. You will think "I hope he had a good day" or "I think supper is pretty good, I hope he will like it" and "Do I tell him his friend called or not?" They are so amazing in their own eyes ... and get off when their victim jumps through hoops on the never ending obstacle course to their heart.

When you do finally figure out that you are in a "bad" relationship and decide to leave you can expect to receive all of the niceties that he had been holding out on previously. When he feels you distancing yourself he will do what needs to be done to re-hook you. He will cry, he will say he is sorry and it will never happen again, he may admit you are right and that he never should have done that etc ... He will USE your Empathy and Compassion against you. He is blowing smoke up your ass and the amount of smoke he blows up your ass is directly related to the strength of your stance. The more firm in your resolve to end the connection, the harder he will work to keep it. Don't fall for it, he will return to the same behaviour once you are dialed in again. The on

Continued .... The only way to deal with a character like this is by shutting him out completely because all interactions with them are perpetuating the length of time that you get to suffer.

You're so young, work on building your self esteem and make some really firm boundaries of what you will not accept from another. Then learn to keep those boundaries in tact, because you know they will protect you from the types of men that will use your innocence against you.

Posted by starlover
Buy them a mirror and wish them both a happily ever after

amen

rofl....yes!

Posted by mgmtlove
I just wanted to help like maybe if I was nice, he'd be different you know? But I guess there's nothing I can do for his sake. Just protect myself.

No no no no no no NO!! There is no such thing as being nice enough, or loving them enough.....they don't love themselves, they are horribly insecure, and to compensate they have become terribly selfish, only care about themselves, and they USE people. They don't feel try empathy. No contact is the only way to deal with one. Figure out your boundaries for your own self respect and sanity, and stick to them. If they drain you, make you feel like crap, etc....RUN!

I was married to one and I've had a couple of friends who maybe fit on the spectrum of it. There is nothing but crazy making, drama infused, soul sucking depression when involved with them. Beware their version of love bombing you in an attempt to hook you back towards them.

Fixed, we need a "like" button here. lol

Posted by MoonArtist
Fixed, we need a "like" button here. lol

I totally agree Moonie! Lol

Posted by e11e
honestly, I think the term "narcissist" is so played out these days.

anytime someone displays behaviour that isn't acceptable to *you* (the royal you), you want to tag it with some kind of dysfunctional behaviour.

I really think those that point at others and call them a narcissist are actually the ones that display narcissistic tendencies.

leave people be. if you don't want them to affect you, then don't.

so that behavior is acceptable to you? Huh. That's interesting.
Anyway, thanks for your input.

Posted by Arielle83
How do you even know this person is on?

I don't.
I've only just started reading up on it maybe a month ago and he displays a lot of the traits.
Maybe he's just a dick,who knows lol.

"anytime someone displays behaviour that isn't acceptable to *you* (the royal you), you want to tag it with some kind of dysfunctional behaviour."

Basically saying it's not dysfunctional..cuz the "royal" me thinks so...
Did I ever say the person had to change for me? Nope. I said I wanted to help the person.
Now that's interesting! Have a nice evening!

I believe in working things out, at least with people I consider friends. I wouldn't just cut them off. To each his own tho.

mgm, I used to do the same thing.....work and work and WORK at trying to find the solution, trying to avoid throwing someone away. It kept me in 15 yrs of marriage to a narcissist, and while he played Jekyll and Hyde with me (literally, he could seem like the most supportive, loving person if he had an audience, and then scream and rage the most vile, nasty things at me for 4 hrs at a time), I was the one getting hurt by the relationship. After living with someone like that, and reading up to better understand that type of person so I don't fall for the same tactics, there really is no other way to deal with one than to cut them loose. You'll be better off for it: less stress and drama, free to be yourself, no mind games.

Posted by MoonArtist
mgm, I used to do the same thing.....work and work and WORK at trying to find the solution, trying to avoid throwing someone away. It kept me in 15 yrs of marriage to a narcissist, and while he played Jekyll and Hyde with me (literally, he could seem like the most supportive, loving person if he had an audience, and then scream and rage the most vile, nasty things at me for 4 hrs at a time), I was the one getting hurt by the relationship. After living with someone like that, and reading up to better understand that type of person so I don't fall for the same tactics, there really is no other way to deal with one than to cut them loose. You'll be better off for it: less stress and drama, free to be yourself, no mind games.

Yeah he was SO nice around other people/in public. People would think we were dating lol. When he was mean it was usually via text. And he'd always claim he didn't know he was hurting me/being mean.

That is the point, isn't it? A relationship with him, hurts you. Why would you sign up for that?

Then this: "And he'd always claim he didn't know he was hurting me/being mean" - he knows.

He knows and he LIKES it.

Listen to MoonArtist & Seraph...They are very accurate.

Love does not hurt. Friendship does not hurt. People that love you will consciously hurt you and then turn around absolve themselves by feigning to not know they hurt you for the umpteenth time.

I'm sure he's done enough hurtful things to know better but with a Narc it's never them--it's never their fault if you're the one that's too weak and too nice---it's not their fault their hurting you--it's you're fault for being to available and too nice and too weak which which gives him permission to hurt you, in his wretched world all the nice people deserve bad treatment for being weak because he's so strong (in his mind).

You're stronger than him so he has to eliminate the threat by treating you so bad that you'll actually begin to believe he's stronger than you--mindfucked yet? It's all a total mental spin cycle with them.

Whether he's a Narc, personality disordered of some type or just you're every day asshole, if he's hurting you and not correcting his behavior then he's not good enough to be in your life.

Listen to MoonArtist & Seraph...They are very accurate.

Love does not hurt. Friendship does not hurt. People that love you will consciously hurt you and then turn around absolve themselves by feigning to not know they hurt you for the umpteenth time.

I'm sure he's done enough hurtful things to know better but with a Narc it's never them--it's never their fault if you're the one that's too weak and too nice---it's not their fault their hurting you--it's you're fault for being to available and too nice and too weak which which gives him permission to hurt you, in his wretched world all the nice people deserve bad treatment for being weak because he's so strong (in his mind).

You're stronger than him so he has to eliminate the threat by treating you so bad that you'll actually begin to believe he's stronger than you--mindfucked yet? It's all a total mental spin cycle with them.

Whether he's a Narc, personality disordered of some type or just you're every day asshole, if he's hurting you and not correcting his behavior then he's not good enough to be in your life.

argh...correction...will not consciously hurt you

I remember this guy would call my cellphone and hang up when we haven't talked for awhile or he'd text me like I was someone else. About a week ago, someone has started calling my job and hanging up when I pick up, or after one or two rings..I hope it's not him.

Posted by tiki33
Listen to MoonArtist & Seraph...They are very accurate.

Love does not hurt. Friendship does not hurt. People that love you will consciously hurt you and then turn around absolve themselves by feigning to not know they hurt you for the umpteenth time.

I'm sure he's done enough hurtful things to know better but with a Narc it's never them--it's never their fault if you're the one that's too weak and too nice---it's not their fault their hurting you--it's you're fault for being to available and too nice and too weak which which gives him permission to hurt you, in his wretched world all the nice people deserve bad treatment for being weak because he's so strong (in his mind).

You're stronger than him so he has to eliminate the threat by treating you so bad that you'll actually begin to believe he's stronger than you--mindfucked yet? It's all a total mental spin cycle with them.

Whether he's a Narc, personality disordered of some type or just you're every day asshole, if he's hurting you and not correcting his behavior then he's not good enough to be in your life.

Yup..I've got that ?? you're too sensitive?? from him. I actually believed it smh.

Posted by MoonArtist
mgm, I used to do the same thing.....work and work and WORK at trying to find the solution, trying to avoid throwing someone away. It kept me in 15 yrs of marriage to a narcissist, and while he played Jekyll and Hyde with me (literally, he could seem like the most supportive, loving person if he had an audience, and then scream and rage the most vile, nasty things at me for 4 hrs at a time), I was the one getting hurt by the relationship. After living with someone like that, and reading up to better understand that type of person so I don't fall for the same tactics, there really is no other way to deal with one than to cut them loose. You'll be better off for it: less stress and drama, free to be yourself, no mind games.

A guy like you were married too would butter their pants if I got a hold of them I don't like guys that abuse women verbally or physically.

Complete Detachment or No Contact.


There is no other choice, the only important thing is to take care of your own well - being and to ensure you are healthy, both mentally and emotionally.