Is her breakup reason genuine?

We dated for 2 months (not long but we really started to like each other), it was going really well. She then messaged me asking when we can see each other again, I replied and then she didn't reply for 1 week.

Once she did reply she basically ended things, she said she was "not in the right headspace to date" and "all over the place and needed to focus on herself".

She is applying for a phd so there is a strong chance she is in fact getting busy - is that maybe what she meant? It's just the reasons seem so cliche and it's hurt my feelings.

If I thought she didn't like me anymore I would accept and move on, what makes me confused is that she actually messaged me as she normally did and asked to see me and spend time together and then 1 week later she ends things.

Do you think this was genuine? Have you guys ever done this? Is there anything I can do to maybe win her back? I've been missing her a lot and she was very open about what she wanted/thought and it was very obvious that this was leading somewhere up until now.

It's the best reason she could think about. Most people want to spare the dumpee's feelings. It's called empathy, but sometimes has an opposite, cruel effect, giving hope when there isn't any.

Yes, she left the door slightly open apparently, but...you should sense the truth in her voice tone and body language. Breakups should be done face to face. Ask her for a meeting. If you don't get one, move on.

Posted by Undine
It's the best reason she could think about. Most people want to spare the dumpee's feelings. It's called empathy, but sometimes has an opposite, cruel effect, giving hope when there isn't any.



Yes, she left the door slightly open apparently, but...you should sense the truth in her voice tone and body language. Breakups should be done face to face. Ask her for a meeting. If you don't get one, move on.

Thanks for the reply Undine but that's why I'm so confused. Even if I convinced myself that she was lying the whole time and she never had feelings for me what fails to make sense to me is that she went from being normal and wanting to go on another date to ending things without seeing each other all within a week. Our last date went well but even if she thought it was horrible surely she would not text me again? Or maybe even end things soon after? Why ask me out and then end things?

I'm a cancer sun and virgo rising and overthinking/overanalysing is the bane of my existence. I can't seem to figure this out which is what's bothering me the most right now - I have no idea if she is being genuine or if she was lying the whole time

Posted by Gobby
@zodzig



You must be young, because dishonesty is part and parcel of the dating game. Like most things in life, you'll never get a straight answer. Only further experience and hindsight will fill in the blanks (if at all).



Just forget about her and move on. Do you seriously want to be with someone who's that flaky and insensitive?

I don't believe she was flaky or insensitive, apart from her last text she seemed very genuine and would always keep her word when it came to going on dates or seeing each other. It felt like she wore her heart on her sleeve which made her so refreshing compared other people I have dated who always tried to keep things hidden.

It seems very out of the ordinary to suddenly go cold like that so I'm starting to think maybe her reasons are genuine and she just doesn't have the time to date right now.

Doesn't mean I will wait for her but I would like to remember our time together as something real.

Posted by Gobby

Posted by zodzig

Posted by Gobby
@zodzig



You must be young, because dishonesty is part and parcel of the dating game. Like most things in life, you'll never get a straight answer. Only further experience and hindsight will fill in the blanks (if at all).



Just forget about her and move on. Do you seriously want to be with someone who's that flaky and insensitive?

I don't believe she was flaky or insensitive, apart from her last text she seemed very genuine and would always keep her word when it came to going on dates or seeing each other. It felt like she wore her heart on her sleeve which made her so refreshing compared other people I have dated who always tried to keep things hidden.



It seems very out of the ordinary to suddenly go cold like that so I'm starting to think maybe her reasons are genuine and she just doesn't have the time to date right now.



Doesn't mean I will wait for her but I would like to remember our time together as something real. click to expand

Dude, most the time, real life isn't like a Hollywood movie...

click to expand

click to expand

I've had enough experiences to know it's not but the sequence of things that happened just don't make sense to me. I've had a horrible break up before and I got through it, if I thought she was a bad person (or she just didn't like me) it would be fairly easy for me to move on but some things don't make sense to me which is why I'm having a hard time trying to understand and move forward.

Hope that makes sense, not trying to argue with you I just wish I could get some clarification to put my mind at rest!

Posted by zodzig

Posted by Gobby

Posted by zodzig

Posted by Gobby
@zodzig



You must be young, because dishonesty is part and parcel of the dating game. Like most things in life, you'll never get a straight answer. Only further experience and hindsight will fill in the blanks (if at all).



Just forget about her and move on. Do you seriously want to be with someone who's that flaky and insensitive?

I don't believe she was flaky or insensitive, apart from her last text she seemed very genuine and would always keep her word when it came to going on dates or seeing each other. It felt like she wore her heart on her sleeve which made her so refreshing compared other people I have dated who always tried to keep things hidden.



It seems very out of the ordinary to suddenly go cold like that so I'm starting to think maybe her reasons are genuine and she just doesn't have the time to date right now.



Doesn't mean I will wait for her but I would like to remember our time together as something real. click to expand

Dude, most the time, real life isn't like a Hollywood movie...

click to expand

I've had enough experiences to know it's not but the sequence of things that happened just don't make sense to me. I've had a horrible break up before and I got through it, if I thought she was a bad person (or she just didn't like me) it would be fairly easy for me to move on but some things don't make sense to me which is why I'm having a hard time trying to understand and move forward.



Hope that makes sense, not trying to argue with you I just wish I could get some clarification to put my mind at rest! click to expand

click to expand

Sadly, that's how say they are no longer interested. You are lucky she had the guts to tell you.

I had a similar experience as well and to be honest it was heartbreaking. Just read one of my posts to get a clue of what I mean. For me it was a Virgo and I'm a Pisces. Given the opposite attraction I thought we had a deep connection.

So now I'm over it. I'm trying to get myself busy with my life. You know focus on my job and other projects. I'm also dating another Pisces now. It is helping me forget the Virgo or at least leave the feelings I had for her.

Its a small world, I am sure I will meet her again but until then I have other important issues to solve than just one person. I suggest you do the same. Because bringing this person up will only make things worse.

Posted by zodzig

Posted by Undine
It's the best reason she could think about. Most people want to spare the dumpee's feelings. It's called empathy, but sometimes has an opposite, cruel effect, giving hope when there isn't any.



Yes, she left the door slightly open apparently, but...you should sense the truth in her voice tone and body language. Breakups should be done face to face. Ask her for a meeting. If you don't get one, move on.

Thanks for the reply Undine but that's why I'm so confused. Even if I convinced myself that she was lying the whole time and she never had feelings for me what fails to make sense to me is that she went from being normal and wanting to go on another date to ending things without seeing each other all within a week. Our last date went well but even if she thought it was horrible surely she would not text me again? Or maybe even end things soon after? Why ask me out and then end things?



I'm a cancer sun and virgo rising and overthinking/overanalysing is the bane of my existence. I can't seem to figure this out which is what's bothering me the most right now - I have no idea if she is being genuine or if she was lying the whole time click to expand

click to expand

She doesn't have to be lying. She could have changed her mind during that week. People do change their mind during the first 2-6 months of dating, even if it "went well".

Generally speaking, it's because they need something that the other doesn't have, or dislike something that the other has. Or they have plans to move away. Or they have met someone else. One of these....relationships are not too complicated, really.

"I don't have time for you, I'm busy now and in the future" it's NOT one of the legitimate reasons. I'm working with PhD students, and the majority are dating or are in long term relationships, including LDR. Where there is a will there's a way.

I would just leave it there. Or have a last attempt at saving your budding relationship...paint its potential future in lovely colours, but only if she agrees to meet you for a walk or something. If she doesn't, you have to change your focus, because she obviously did.

Call it a gut instinct.

This is pure speculation.

I could be wrong.

An ex suddenly re-entered the picture.

She may have pushed/initiated dates with you to get over him.

And suddenly backed off when she wasn't over him and he re-entered.

...And decided to give you this lame story.

Then again, I could be wrong, I am not a Gemini.

You can always ask a Gemini woman.