Justifiying your relationship

I'm in a relationship with someone who is the polar opposite of me in so many ways. My friends and family don't "disapprove" of him per se - but they do say things like, "This is not the type of guy I ever imagined you with" or "As long as you love him, that's all that matters." or "I wonder if he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you to put up with him." I'm not sure if my friends/family even like him...but they tolerate him and are nice to him for my sake.

Admittedly, he's not the type of guy I ever imagined being with. It's not always an easy relationship...and he's not always easy to deal with... but I do love him and he loves me. I find myself defending him a lot - in part to convince others (and maybe even remind myself) that he really is a good man - and in part to assure others that I'm in this relationship with open eyes.

Have you ever found yourself trying to justify or defend your relationship to friends/family?

Not at all every situation in life is clearer then water because of proper communication.

He's not abusive. Nothing like that. We actually communicate very well and we're super affectionate with each other. It's more that I'm quiet, shy and reserved. And he's loud, outgoing and sometimes crude. I'm patient and he's impulsive. I come from a stable and close family and he comes from a dysfunctional one (and has quite a bit of emotional baggage). That's what I mean.

So yeah - it's more about the fact that we're so different.

I don't justify my relationships. These are my relationships and I don't invite anyone's opinion. Family is naturally concerned but to be honest it's not their business.

Posted by acrabbycrab12
Oh, well then in that case it's just your family trying to look out for you. You should be glad that your lucky to be from a caring family.. even if at times it doesn't seem that lucky.

Thanks 🙂 I am glad. And I do (always) feel very lucky and thankful to have a caring family 🙂 They agree that at the core of it, my guy is not a bad person and that he has a good heart. They're mostly concerned that I'm eventually going to get worn down.

Posted by paries

Have you ever found yourself trying to justify or defend your relationship to friends/family?

Yes, but I married him anyway! LOL! I have to say they were probably right, and we did divorce a few years later (no kids involved). No one could have told me at the time though, and to be fair they were very welcoming towards him. You need to make your own decisions even if sometimes they turn out to be bad ones. I learnt a lot from the experience.

Posted by paries

I find myself defending him a lot - in part to convince others (and maybe even remind myself) that he really is a good man .....

If you have to remind yourself why you should be with him, then you shouldn't be with him.

If you, and others, can't comprehend that he is a good man by his own integrity, and so you therefore have to fight (defend) to keep this awareness in thought, so the mind won't drift back to thinking he's not a good man ....


... then you're deluded, and likely dreaming

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by paries

I find myself defending him a lot - in part to convince others (and maybe even remind myself) that he really is a good man .....

If you have to remind yourself why you should be with him, then you shouldn't be with him.

click to expand

I dissagree in hard times in ups and downs you do have to remind yourself why you are with someone. As his/her bad side outshines the good if you are one of those people who don't understand hot and cold or people having different sides you will always be suprised when someone so call "shows there true colors" Eithier you ride the tide or you drown.

False believing in knowing how to walk every once in awhile comes to past thats why you crawl.

P-Angel, Nicrobliz and ArticlL - Thank you for your feedback. It's only during the down times or when I get annoyed with him that I need to remind myself what makes him good. It keeps me calm and prevents me from saying or doing something in the heat of the moment that I might regret. And if he does something that bothers me, we talk about it. That's one of his good points. He is very open to communicating about feelings.

Maybe we're not right for each other. It's possible. But as for right now, the good outweighs the bad and I want to try and make it work.

Posted by paries
P-Angel, Nicrobliz and ArticlL - Thank you for your feedback. It's only during the down times or when I get annoyed with him that I need to remind myself what makes him good. It keeps me calm and prevents me from saying or doing something in the heat of the moment that I might regret. And if he does something that bothers me, we talk about it. That's one of his good points. He is very open to communicating about feelings.

Maybe we're not right for each other. It's possible. But as for right now, the good outweighs the bad and I want to try and make it work.

Relay everything you just said to us to him thats communicating. Show him this thread.

Posted by ArticleL

Posted by paries
P-Angel, Nicrobliz and ArticlL - Thank you for your feedback. It's only during the down times or when I get annoyed with him that I need to remind myself what makes him good. It keeps me calm and prevents me from saying or doing something in the heat of the moment that I might regret. And if he does something that bothers me, we talk about it. That's one of his good points. He is very open to communicating about feelings.

Maybe we're not right for each other. It's possible. But as for right now, the good outweighs the bad and I want to try and make it work.

Relay everything you just said to us to him thats communicating. Show him this thread.

click to expand

We actually have talked about this several times.

Posted by paries

Posted by ArticleL

Posted by paries
P-Angel, Nicrobliz and ArticlL - Thank you for your feedback. It's only during the down times or when I get annoyed with him that I need to remind myself what makes him good. It keeps me calm and prevents me from saying or doing something in the heat of the moment that I might regret. And if he does something that bothers me, we talk about it. That's one of his good points. He is very open to communicating about feelings.

Maybe we're not right for each other. It's possible. But as for right now, the good outweighs the bad and I want to try and make it work.

Relay everything you just said to us to him thats communicating. Show him this thread.

We actually have talked about this several times.

click to expand

Recently and your over the hump our in the past and your stuck at the rump—