dmyers
@dmyers
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 49 · Topics: 8
leading on one while busy courting another
Posted by dmyers
Unfortunately, I'm busy courting another girl.
What does that mean? Is it just someone you are interested in or is it someone you have started something with? If you have actually started something with this other girl, take her to some of those parties too. Then she could be introduced to friends (including this girl).
Posted by dmyers
She has shown some affection the last few times I've seen her: she's let herself sit very close to me to let her body touch mine at a friend's party, she's jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waistclick to expand
I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with this but none of that means anything. You've known this person for a few years and they are a friend. I hug friends. I've had several female friends run and jump at me for a hug, especially if it's been a while since I've seen them. When you say "sitting close" was it just next to each other in a crowded area or was she sitting in your lap? I mean, "she let her body touch mine" doesn't say if she snuck up while you were talking to someone and started rubbing her chest on you or if you were just sitting near each other and your knees bumped.
The fact that you are worried about leading her on means you think she may want to be more than friends. Why? Is it just a feeling or has something been said? Also you said this outing that you missed was going to be her last, why? Is she moving or something? If you aren't going to be seeing her anymore anyway then I wouldn't worry about it. Yes, still talk to your friend but don't read too much into it (unless there's good reason for it).
She has shown some affection the last few times I've seen her: she's let herself sit very close to me to let her body touch mine at a friend's party, she's jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist
I get what Sid is saying, but it really depends on the girl. I do hug my friends, but NO WAY I'd be wrapping my legs around them. I do make a point not to let myself touch/sit too close to friends I'm not interested in also.
Unfortunately, I'm busy courting another girl.
What does that mean? Is it just someone you are interested in or is it someone you have started something with?
I understand, even if I'm not very far along, I'm so black and white I will CHOOSE who I'm pursuing and feel guilty about being open and dating more than one at once. But I am told its the way of the times.
I get what Sid is saying, but it really depends on the girl. I do hug my friends, but NO WAY I'd be wrapping my legs around them. I do make a point not to let myself touch/sit too close to friends I'm not interested in also.
Unfortunately, I'm busy courting another girl.
What does that mean? Is it just someone you are interested in or is it someone you have started something with?
I understand, even if I'm not very far along, I'm so black and white I will CHOOSE who I'm pursuing and feel guilty about being open and dating more than one at once. But I am told its the way of the times.
Simple. If you like 1 particular girl more than the others & if you truly feel that things can go to the next level (i.e. relationship) then yes, you've gotta start getting in the groove of letting all the meaningless relations with other women go. After all, if you 2 get in a relationship, you're gonna have to learn how to do that anyways
Sure, you can still enjoy attention from other girls, but there still oughta be some boundaries & some lines you're not willing to cross. But not b/c you're obligated to be super loyal to someone you're not even in a relationship; no, it's moreso about liking someone enough to NOT do/say something that could give the other person the impression that they're just "1 of many."
Women hate feeling like "options." We want to be your priority. We judge whether or not we're an option or priority to you based on how different you treat us from other girls. If you're giving all these girls the same things, you can't expect for the 1 girl that you like more than the others, to feel special.
There's NO rule that says that you can only be faithful or loyal to 1 person unless you're actually in a relationship with them. The whole point of dating is to eventually find that ONE person that we like more than the others. Once we find that person, we're supposed to focus most (if not all) of our attention, affection & energy on them. And you can't do that if you're juggling 5 women at the same time. 1. B/c someone will always be missing out or won't ever have a fair chance at you.
Women like to know that when you really like them, that you're willing to put all the other girls to the side. However, if you're not yet ready to commit or if you don't like the idea of having just 1 girl that's enough for you, then the least you can do is communicate this to the women you're courting/dating. If they don't mind it, that's fine b/c atleast they'll never be able to say that you didn't tell/warn them. But if you're telling this 1 female that you're only dating/courting her, but yet she finds out that you're really dividing the time SHE'S earning, between 3-4 different chicks, she won't take you seriously
Sure, you can still enjoy attention from other girls, but there still oughta be some boundaries & some lines you're not willing to cross. But not b/c you're obligated to be super loyal to someone you're not even in a relationship; no, it's moreso about liking someone enough to NOT do/say something that could give the other person the impression that they're just "1 of many."
Women hate feeling like "options." We want to be your priority. We judge whether or not we're an option or priority to you based on how different you treat us from other girls. If you're giving all these girls the same things, you can't expect for the 1 girl that you like more than the others, to feel special.
There's NO rule that says that you can only be faithful or loyal to 1 person unless you're actually in a relationship with them. The whole point of dating is to eventually find that ONE person that we like more than the others. Once we find that person, we're supposed to focus most (if not all) of our attention, affection & energy on them. And you can't do that if you're juggling 5 women at the same time. 1. B/c someone will always be missing out or won't ever have a fair chance at you.
Women like to know that when you really like them, that you're willing to put all the other girls to the side. However, if you're not yet ready to commit or if you don't like the idea of having just 1 girl that's enough for you, then the least you can do is communicate this to the women you're courting/dating. If they don't mind it, that's fine b/c atleast they'll never be able to say that you didn't tell/warn them. But if you're telling this 1 female that you're only dating/courting her, but yet she finds out that you're really dividing the time SHE'S earning, between 3-4 different chicks, she won't take you seriously
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But I don't like to be rude nor be insensitive. Should I acknowledge an advance even if I'm busy courting another girl?
I have a friend who I've known for a few years but hardly see at all: 3 or 4 times this last year until the last 2 months when I've seen her once a week. She has shown some affection the last few times I've seen her: she's let herself sit very close to me to let her body touch mine at a friend's party, she's jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist when I, by fluke, walked into a pub that she was in, etc...The other times we've seen each other were with people well outside those we can call common friends and were truly simply social outings. So these meetings have simply been friendly rather than "very" friendly like those times we were at parties with closer friends.
Unfortunately, I'm busy courting another girl. And I have too much respect for the girls I like that I don't want to do anything that would make them think that I led them on.
Recently, due to work commitments, I missed one of those social outing that I've been seeing my friend at recently. It would have been her last attendance. But because she wasn't the organiser, she wouldn't have known why I missed it. Basically, I didn't get to say goodbye to her last time at the social.
Should I contact her to say "Sorry that I missed saying goodbye."? Keep in mind that I've kept my contacts with her simple and just friendly. I think messages like: "Wish I was there", "Pity you can't make our outings anymore", "Would have been good to say goodbye" may be interpreted as an interest from me.
What complicates this is that I'm seeing her at a friend's wedding next Friday. That's too far from now. She may find me insensitive to her if I don't at least contact her with a message.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.
(And, yes, I'm a nice guy. I don't like juggling relationships.)