Man in Blindsight

What does it mean when a guy disappears than reappears than disappears than reappears but isn't asking for anything? Like not trying to have sex or anything. When they do reappear they see what's going on with you like tons of questions about your life and schedule but don't talk or answer much about themselves..


I say blindsight because that's what if feels like. You can't see them but you know they are there. They see you though and have more control of getting out of the way or stopping more than you do.

he's either messing with your head intentionally or afraid of intimacy.

it's down to you how far you let it go.

Maybe he's a workaholic and pops up genuinely interested when he has time?

Posted by nimbue
he's either messing with your head intentionally or afraid of intimacy.

it's down to you how far you let it go.

I sound clueless but what makes a man afraid of intimacy? Or what exactly does that mean?

Posted by Libra2388

Posted by nimbue
he's either messing with your head intentionally or afraid of intimacy.

it's down to you how far you let it go.

I sound clueless but what makes a man afraid of intimacy? Or what exactly does that mean?

click to expand

being badly hurt in the past, a failed relationship or emotional issues. i say that because i find it weird he won't answer questions about himself. by keeping you at a distance he gets to satisfy his interest in you without investing emotionally.

vb could be right and he is just busy, but that part stood out to me. it just reads as he's playing it safe/holding himself back.

my advice? don't take it personally.

Posted by Libra2388


I say blindsight because that's what if feels like. You can't see them but you know they are there. They see you though and have more control of getting out of the way or stopping more than you do.

you wrapped it up there.^^^

Posted by nimbue

Posted by Libra2388

Posted by nimbue
he's either messing with your head intentionally or afraid of intimacy.

it's down to you how far you let it go.

I sound clueless but what makes a man afraid of intimacy? Or what exactly does that mean?

being badly hurt in the past, a failed relationship or emotional issues. i say that because i find it weird he won't answer questions about himself. by keeping you at a distance he gets to satisfy his interest in you without investing emotionally.

vb could be right and he is just busy, but that part stood out to me. it just reads as he's playing it safe/holding himself back.

my advice? don't take it personally.

click to expand

Ok I can understand that. I don't see why he would want to mess with me intentionally as we got close He opened up a lot and than he started to get distant. But he never ended anything he just keeps coming around interested in me. But not in a using me way. He's not asking me for anything or trying to rush me in to bed than disappear kind of thing.

I'm trying my hardest not to take it personally as I know I didn't do anything wrong. I've just been there and cared but I don't understand the "blindsight" ordeal.

@libra2388 ah, i get you. so it's not intentional. but you know more than you think. you said, 'They see you though and have more control of getting out of the way or stopping more than you do.'

that's the key, he needs to be in control of how he feels. i.e, being at a distance, not fully poen. why? he's scared, maybe. it's a limbo sort of thing. he can't let go, can't move forward. that's all i can come up with. as for what to do about it? one of the other ladies'll have to chime in because my insight ends there, lol.

*open

don't know where poen came from

MAYBE

JUST MAYBE

HE HAS A LIFE TOO

Posted by nimbue
@libra2388 ah, i get you. so it's not intentional. but you know more than you think. you said, 'They see you though and have more control of getting out of the way or stopping more than you do.'

that's the key, he needs to be in control of how he feels. i.e, being at a distance, not fully poen. why? he's scared, maybe. it's a limbo sort of thing. he can't let go, can't move forward. that's all i can come up with. as for what to do about it? one of the other ladies'll have to chime in because my insight ends there, lol.

No thank you.. Your insight has helped a lot. What you said about how far I let it go is my answer. I hate being in limbos as well!! Lol but thank you for your answer. Very much appreciated.

Posted by esheep123
I do feel it isn't fair that he would do that tho. Scared or not, if he asks you questions, but won't allow you to ask, or won't invest, then it's time for you to stop being so open. Either he'll start the whole "putting in more effort" or you do your best to move on.

By the way, I hate telling people to "move on" like it's easy to do. It takes time, and you have to put in the energy to do it. Saying it doesn't make it any easier, especially from a stranger who doesn't know you like that.

I agree with everything your saying. It's not fair because I'm still left with confusion and hurt. How else can u grow if allow them to leave whenever? That's the hard part for me. Moving on has been so hard but I don't want to be treated like a doormat either. Thanks for your reply.

Posted by westside
MAYBE

JUST MAYBE

HE HAS A LIFE TOO

I'm not saying I need his full attention all the time. I'm asking why he disappears for so long to only come back. He never did it in the past.

He does it b/c he can and you let him and he doesn't want to be domesticated (yet), too much need and connection from a woman turn men off because it appears she doesn't have much going on in her own life and she's ready to settle down and he most likely just wants to have fun.

I hate to be cynical but it appears he may doing the whole pick up artist jedi mind game with you as well, forming a strong emotional/mental bond without actually appearing to want anything (creates confusion and confusion creates a one side bond b/c she's left thinking about him all the time) he's also not investing in the relationship which inevitably ends with the woman creating an invisible relationship (virtually non-existent) with him and his reward for all of this once he's ready to cash in, control/power over/sex or whatever it is he wants out of it, he has complete control over the woman so if at some point if he decides to use her he can,she's available (he's not).

I'm with the person who said try to move on, it's a great big world out there filled with men that wouldn't dare do you this way, be smart about who you form emotional and mental bonds with and don't allow men to play games with you, cut it off at the knee's.

I arrive at that because typically women that allow men to do the revolving door thing nonverbally communicate he's all she has or why else would she allow it, once a man confirms that he's the only player in the game boundaries get pushed, men do what we allow them to do, if he test her boundaries around what he can and cannot do and she continually REWARDS him for disappearing by allowing him back in then he'll do it. Of course I'm not speaking for all men, just the men that aren't ready be domesticated.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
You got all that from this ?

Yes now hush...This isn't about me

thread jacker lol

Posted by tiki33
I arrive at that because typically women that allow men to do the revolving door thing nonverbally communicate he's all she has or why else would she allow it, once a man confirms that he's the only player in the game boundaries get pushed, men do what we allow them to do, if he test her boundaries around what he can and cannot do and she continually REWARDS him for disappearing by allowing him back in then he'll do it. Of course I'm not speaking for all men, just the men that aren't ready be domesticated.

I like everything you've said and agree. I am confused but I'm not the type to just sit around and wait. I do have a life and that's what makes me upset is because I feel like when he does this my mind is always on him. Yes moving on is hard but I don't want to be an option or just there when he needs me. Like I said I can't grow from that. Most stories I hear like this are from guys who stil sleep with her or need things. He does neither. He won't fully let me go but he's not fully committing either. It's still not fair. What did I do to deserve a waiting period? Nothing. There are tons of guys out there I know. I think cutting him off is good because he needs to know I'm not the lady who sits and waits for someone whose confused. I love him and care but I love myself way too much.

Busy or not he still didn't even say that. I was just curious as to why he would do that from other peoples perspective. In no way am I weak, bored or lonely. Yes I've allowed it a few times but now it's getting old. Like what do you want!? If he won't answer me than he won't ever.

I love everything you said and I get what you mean.

Over analyzation, it might not mean anything other than he's got 'shit to do'.

Posted by esheep123
@Blastoise, who doesn't have a life? But if this guy calls her, gives her attention, asks her questions like (and I am almost positive that he asked this) "you still single?", it would leave her confused. He's getting her to open up, and trust him and he has no intention of doing the same. No fair that he does that, then disappears.

@Libra2388...ask him some blatant personal questions. See where that takes you. If he avoids your questions, with more questions, then all he's doing is collecting Libra2388 data.

I agree with you too. It seems like that because he is collecting data about where I am or what I'm up too. But maybe it's more for him to make sure I'm not out anywhere else. He can watch me but won't let me watch him. Answering him and being avaliable everytime he comes around gives him more power each time. Ugh Sounds so stupid writing it out lol. They say men don't think that hard with women but I think they do or games like this just come naturally.

"He won't fully let me go but he's not fully committing either."

And that should be a huge red flag that he's not available and if you really want the opportunity to be with an available guy (someone whose consistently available) spend an exorbitant amount of time tangling up your mind trying to figure this out and shift your focus back onto yourself were it belongs.

In your situation he's only being available when he chooses to be available which leaves no wiggle room for you to be in his life without him inviting you into it (that's exactly how men like him want it basically one sided), he has carte blanche access to you and your life but you virtually have no access to him and his life and of course you can't just show up into his life like he does with you without it most likely being a problem, so then it's to your detriment that you don't tie yourself down with this situation. He's doing what he's doing IMO it doesn't matter why, what matters is YOU and how his behavior is impacting your life. You determine what's okay and what's not okay and if what he's doing is not okay then don't put up with it.

don't spend an exorbitant

Posted by Libra2388

Posted by esheep123
@Blastoise, who doesn't have a life? But if this guy calls her, gives her attention, asks her questions like (and I am almost positive that he asked this) "you still single?", it would leave her confused. He's getting her to open up, and trust him and he has no intention of doing the same. No fair that he does that, then disappears.

@Libra2388...ask him some blatant personal questions. See where that takes you. If he avoids your questions, with more questions, then all he's doing is collecting Libra2388 data.

I agree with you too. It seems like that because he is collecting data about where I am or what I'm up too. But maybe it's more for him to make sure I'm not out anywhere else. He can watch me but won't let me watch him. Answering him and being avaliable everytime he comes around gives him more power each time. Ugh Sounds so stupid writing it out lol. They say men don't think that hard with women but I think they do or games like this just come naturally.

click to expand

Don't second guess yourself...You really are closer than you think, your observations are spot on

Posted by tiki33

Posted by Libra2388

Posted by esheep123
@Blastoise, who doesn't have a life? But if this guy calls her, gives her attention, asks her questions like (and I am almost positive that he asked this) "you still single?", it would leave her confused. He's getting her to open up, and trust him and he has no intention of doing the same. No fair that he does that, then disappears.

@Libra2388...ask him some blatant personal questions. See where that takes you. If he avoids your questions, with more questions, then all he's doing is collecting Libra2388 data.

I agree with you too. It seems like that because he is collecting data about where I am or what I'm up too. But maybe it's more for him to make sure I'm not out anywhere else. He can watch me but won't let me watch him. Answering him and being avaliable everytime he comes around gives him more power each time. Ugh Sounds so stupid writing it out lol. They say men don't think that hard with women but I think they do or games like this just come naturally.

Don't second guess yourself...You really are closer than you think, your observations are spot on

click to expand

exactly

Posted by nimbue

Posted by tiki33

Posted by Libra2388

Posted by esheep123
@Blastoise, who doesn't have a life? But if this guy calls her, gives her attention, asks her questions like (and I am almost positive that he asked this) "you still single?", it would leave her confused. He's getting her to open up, and trust him and he has no intention of doing the same. No fair that he does that, then disappears.

@Libra2388...ask him some blatant personal questions. See where that takes you. If he avoids your questions, with more questions, then all he's doing is collecting Libra2388 data.

I agree with you too. It seems like that because he is collecting data about where I am or what I'm up too. But maybe it's more for him to make sure I'm not out anywhere else. He can watch me but won't let me watch him. Answering him and being avaliable everytime he comes around gives him more power each time. Ugh Sounds so stupid writing it out lol. They say men don't think that hard with women but I think they do or games like this just come naturally.

Don't second guess yourself...You really are closer than you think, your observations are spot on

exactly

click to expand

Thanks guys I get what you are saying and will move on. You guys confirmed what I knew deep down and I got no other choice. I appreciate all the feedback. Thanks so much.

Keep us updated!

good luck with everything

He's either...

1. Not that into you

2. He's afraid of committment, therefore he purposely backs away when it's time to get close & vulnerable

OR 3. You're naive to the fact that there is something he is getting out of being around you & he may only come around when he gets his "fix," only to disappear & then come back when he needs it again. Every guy's "fix" or "benefits" aren't always sex. It could be something simple & something you've never thought of that could be intriging him & could be the reason he's around.

Crazy thing is...it really doesn't matter WHY he is or isn't doing something IF the outcome still remains the same, which is that he's inconsistent & constantly leaves you to "guess" when if there was anything potentially real b/w you two, leaving the other in the dark would be the last thing happening

It's time to move on.

Don't convince yourself that he's some kind of complex puzzle/mystery that you've gotta figure out b/c when you do that, it's only a cover-up so that you can have an excuse to stay around.

Walk away. If he was truly into you, he'd be consistent

"Sometimes all a guy wants is an ego boost. And then he'll go treetrunk his girlfriend using you as a boost in some way. Seen it happen."

Oh it absolutely happens all the time...every day!

That was another thing I was gonna say...maybe he already has someone else, hence that's why you never really feel like you're getting all of him. It's b/c most of his real energy is being used on the person he's truly committed to, thus that's why you're only left with scraps & pieces of him

And if that's the case, it makes sense that you don't have his full undivided attention.

Just b/c you're not aware of whatever "ego boosts" he's getting out of being around you doesn't mean that it doesn't exist & doesn't mean that it's not happening before your eyes. Just b/c you can't see something doesn't mean that it's not there!

Posted by krysrenee7
"Sometimes all a guy wants is an ego boost. And then he'll go treetrunk his girlfriend using you as a boost in some way. Seen it happen."

Oh it absolutely happens all the time...every day!

That was another thing I was gonna say...maybe he already has someone else, hence that's why you never really feel like you're getting all of him. It's b/c most of his real energy is being used on the person he's truly committed to, thus that's why you're only left with scraps & pieces of him

And if that's the case, it makes sense that you don't have his full undivided attention.

Just b/c you're not aware of whatever "ego boosts" he's getting out of being around you doesn't mean that it doesn't exist & doesn't mean that it's not happening before your eyes. Just b/c you can't see something doesn't mean that it's not there!

@Krysrenee7 I think you missed my point in question: Not ALL men make every confusing move based on them being with someone else.

Yea I know what your saying and im not dumb with the fact that some dudes do do that all the time... but honestly woman to women if I really listened to what my gut is telling me.. thats not whats happening. Like I mentioned in my above posts with the other females.

Ive been with this guy for two years. I will stick up for my relationship and I do know how to pick up vibes if another lady was around. But when taking a break with him my question was why he keeps seeing whats up with me and not allowing the break to happen? But like I said before I know deep down whats happening. I guess its hard to post things on here without looking weak or lonely or clueless waiting for the dirtbag to come back. But thats not the case here.

Im happy and doing my own thing. Yea I miss him but this is what he wanted and im not just going to sit around crying while being an option. I just wanted to know why if he wanted the break why he pops in and out every week. If knowing how my day is and class was strokes his ego for another lady than that makes me laugh... there are some wierd people in this world.

I do get what your saying though. Thats just not what my gut is telling me. Regardless of what it means its still not fair to me. Its up to me on whether I put up with it or not.

Posted by Libra2388

Regardless of what it means its still not fair to me. Its up to me on whether I put up with it or not.

That's a contridiction. If you practice what you said in that it's up to you as to what you allow as being a part of your life, then he has no responsibility in providing you with fairness, or not.


The only thing I want to add isn't about the situation, because I believe you have successfully blamed him for your inability to control your own feelings ... instead, I will comment on the responses in here from most of the females = they have no clue of what your situation is, and have responded entirely based on a slanted perception of some other persons experience, perhaps their own.