MEN would you forgive your woman for cheating?

Seems like women are more forgiving in this area.
Does it cut deeper for guys than it does women?
Maybe we accept it because society tells us that guys are hardwired to cheat?
And many of you do so, seemingly without a second thought.

Firstly, how do men define cheating?
What is worse, emotional cheating or physical cheating?

Have you or would you forgive?
Why or why not?

I would also like to hear from ladies whom have cheated.
Were you forgiven?

Also add your:
Sun/Moon/Venus

It does because our hearts are more fragile. What's worse depends on the man. Emotional cheating is worse to me because of the intent behind it. Would I take her back? Can't say. I'll forgive and can be normal around her. But as for a relationship, that's a different story.

Sag/Leo/Sag

Thank you BeautifulSoul for responding.

When you say normal about her, do you mean view her in the same light as before the cheating?
I kind of figure those with fire and air in Moon - emotions and Venus - love nature;
can look past an indiscretion more so than earth and water.

But I have my Moon and Venus in fire and it would not be something I can forgive easily.
I think that's where my sun comes in.

Posted by beautifulsoul74
It does because our hearts are more fragile. What's worse depends on the man. Emotional cheating is worse to me because of the intent behind it. Would I take her back? Can't say. I'll forgive and can be normal around her. But as for a relationship, that's a different story.

Sag/Leo/Sag

@beautifulsoul74, why does this answer coming from a male not sound surprising? because most of the physical cheating comes from men, so emotional cheating is worse? what does emotional cheating mean?

Posted by Sneaky
Forgiving is easy. It doesn't mean the person who was cheated on owes the cheater trust or even love.

I was cheated on once and I forgave her in a heart beat cause I loved her. But it took me forever to realise that two offences occurred. The first was the infidelity, the other was the betrayal. As I said, forgiving infidelity is possible and even likely. Forgiving the betrayal is impossible.

If you betray your lover or have been betrayed by your lover (in a way that any reasonable person would identify as betrayal) , then just wrap it up. There is no going back from that.

Cancer/Scorpio/Cancer.

Thank you Sneaky

This is interesting that you view infidelity and betrayal separately.
I think of infidelity as a betrayal.

I guess I should also add:
Were you able to go back into the relationship with the woman?
Interesting how we think differently, men and women.
I just assume if you can forgive the infidelity you can try to work it out.

Sneaky what was more hurtful, the emotional or physical cheating?
Or both?

Posted by memyself

Posted by beautifulsoul74
It does because our hearts are more fragile. What's worse depends on the man. Emotional cheating is worse to me because of the intent behind it. Would I take her back? Can't say. I'll forgive and can be normal around her. But as for a relationship, that's a different story.

Sag/Leo/Sag

@beautifulsoul74, why does this answer coming from a male not sound surprising? because most of the physical cheating comes from men, so emotional cheating is worse? what does emotional cheating mean?

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If you paid attention to my the beginning of my post you'd see why. Just because its more fragile doesn't mean we're not capable of loving and trusting the person again. It simply takes more time. I agree with what Sneaky said in the cheating being two fold. It's the same for women also.thecthing is society is conditioned to think that a man is going to cheat. So a false premise is applied to an individual. Thus, women forgive easier because men are expected to cheat. The solution is removing the expectation that either sex is going to cheat. Emotional cheating has nothing to do with sec, its the intention behind it. A betrayal of the heart. Physical cheating is bad, emotional cheating is worse because it nrans you stopped guarding my heart before the physical cheating took place.

Btw, women cheat just as much as men do.

@Lunar: what I mean by normal is that I can be around her without being suspicious or holding back. If we were to try again, we'd have to start all over... Begin anew.

It also means being around without punishing her. That's not my place.

Posted by tiziani
This issue is a little more than just about men's forgiveness though. As much as you're all taking about breaking stereotypes, generally it is still true that the circumstances that push a woman to cheat are different then the ones that push a man to cheat (in a genuinely loving relatuionship, not talking about the joke ones where it was just waiting to happen).

So if a woman felt she had to cheat in a loving relationship, why would she even want to come back? It's not just about whether he forgives her.

As for me, well I'd like to believe I could forgive. Because forgiveness is a powerful thing for yourself, if anything. But as for taking back, no. Don't need that kind of complication in my life. And I don't understand cheating and dishonesty enough really.

I did however learn I used to emotionally cheat (or at least flirt) and that is in some ways definitely more damaging. I'm not sure you could really make a distinction between the two, because even in physical cheating the worst part isn't the physical act itself... It's the emotional cowardice and dishonesty in the buildup and the aftermath.

+1 that

Posted by LIBRA1234

Posted by beautifulsoul74
It does because our hearts are more fragile. What's worse depends on the man. Emotional cheating is worse to me because of the intent behind it. Would I take her back? Can't say. I'll forgive and can be normal around her. But as for a relationship, that's a different story.

Sag/Leo/Sag

Leo moon - forgiving? hmmm

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But Sag is my sun sign 😉

If it's as straight forward as it sounds e.g. We are monogamous and in a seeminly good relationship and then I find out through another person you cheated and all evidence for it then no I will not forgive I would just forget and move on.

How do I define what cheating is? Like you said the traditional physical cheating (sexual intimacy) and emotional. I can't tolerate either because I need both from my partner otherwise the relationship is as good as over. I don't know why I can't forgive, I've never cheated before and even given the chance I don't think I can. It's not a matter of forgiveness either, if it happens it's done and over, even if it does make me a better person to forgive I simply can't do it.

I just find nothing ever seems as black and white because I have been cheated on before. The way she described it was that she cared for me too much and was afraid to let me know because she knew I loved her but she couldn't help but slowly drift away. I can understand that and perhaps I was the cause for her to cheat but that betrayal simply can't be repaired and no amount of time can win that trust back, there's always going to be a crack in there.

We are still friends now yes but because I can understand why. It doesn't mean I've either forgotten or forgiven, it's just we simply can't be together anymore. The love is still there, it's just in a different form.

aqua/pisces/pisces

Posted by CluelessCancer
The hypocricy is so gross, it makes me want to cheat on a man.

Go for it

Posted by CluelessCancer
The hypocricy is so gross, it makes me want to cheat on a man.

What's hypocritical about it? Just because the perception is that women forgive and take a man back more than the opposite doesn't mean it's the truth. We have to stop looking at "sample sizes" as a predictor of the behavior of the whole.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Sag89

Posted by CluelessCancer
The hypocricy is so gross, it makes me want to cheat on a man.

Go for it

Lolol the devil strikes again

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You get it 😛

Posted by tiziani
At the same time CluelessCancer you come off as someone that is too comfortable to put themselves in the position of a victim. You know the types that stuff just "happens to them" rather than they happen to something. "This happened to me because of a patriarchal society" "this happened to me because men are weak" etc etc.

Look no offence but you put out the ideal vibes of someone who's ripe to get cheated on. Because any self respecting man would not invest their time in considering building a relationship with a victim. Only the weak men would come around the kind of things you say and see opportunity.

In Lebanon there is a saying that applies to politics but could equally apply to love life, "The strong do not make deals with the weak. The strong make deals with the strong."

...and that's gender neutral Tiz. Amen

I don't understand why anyone listens to what "society" thinks?

I don't like men either

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Sag89
I don't like men either

Now you're just trying too hard 😛

Pick your battles

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I don't * daddy issues * right here

^ I know. I actually don't think he likes me like that tho.

I'm bad at relating to men i grew up with a father that never talked to me lol

Posted by Sneaky

Posted by Sneaky

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by Sneaky
.

.

My

My initial instinct was to keep supporting her, cause I am who I am and she was about to get kicked out of med school again because of her grades, I didn't want her to drop out or get kicked out and I worried about the impact the break up would have on her academic career. Only after she graduated did I stop supporting her and started dissecting the situation to so many little pieces to understand what actually happened, and that's when I realised I forgave her for cheating on me but not for betraying me. It was magnified considering the kind of guy I was to her.

So did I take her back ? Yes
Do I regret it ? No. Both of us are better people in better places cause I took her back.
Would I ever take back a cheater ? Fuck No. With a capital "F" and "N".

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I think after that experience it would be tough to try to put yourself through that again.
But you really supported her, which I find amazing.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Sag89
I'm bad at relating to men i grew up with a father that never talked to me lol

Same here. Was a real mama's boy.

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Yea i love women

Posted by CluelessCancer
1) i was responding to beautiful
2) I'm not playing victim role, i have seen this play out over and over again around me and that made me extremely wary. I'll be honest i am extremely distrustful of men from my ethnic background because I've seen how they treat their girlfriends/wives. Sometimes it even seems cultural.

3) I've never been cheated on, atleast not that i know of

But yet you can't carry what you've seen play out into your relationships or its just a self fulfilling prophesy. Our thoughts are nothing but seeds planted in the subconscious. What springs forth depends on what we plant in our minds. You can't lapply what you've seen happen in society as a whole to your individual relationship with a person. If you want to be viewed as who you are outside of being a woman, then the sad courtesy should be shown to whoever you date. You and him have the power to shape your relationship based on what both of you are looking for and agree upon.

Posted by tiziani
Does it really matter if he likes you or not? Point is "you get it" about a lot of things.

If you play the Gemini game and put words to those things, you may even end up surprising yourself. Got to be worth a shot.

Imagine the irony of a Gemini challenging someone else to find more substance to themselves though. Can't think of a better joke than that for today.

That is a good one...it went over my head?

Well I know a Gem-Sun, Virgo-Moon, Venus ?? His Ascent is Leo.

He has a wife who cheats, he is aware, although he complains he has not left his wife.
He says that someday he will take the boys and leave. No mention of what he will do with the daughter. Smh
He seems to have accepted that his wife has another man. Although he does not approve.
When he and I discussed relationships he mentions how it has always been acceptable that men have had 2nd families.

Posted by tiziani
At the same time CluelessCancer you come off as someone that is too comfortable to put themselves in the position of a victim. You know the types that stuff just "happens to them" rather than they happen to something. "This happened to me because of a patriarchal society" "this happened to me because men are weak" etc etc.

Look no offence but you put out the ideal vibes of someone who's ripe to get cheated on. Because any self respecting man would not invest their time in considering building a relationship with a victim. Only the weak men would come around the kind of things you say and see opportunity.

In Lebanon there is a saying that applies to politics but could equally apply to love life, "The strong do not make deals with the weak. The strong make deals with the strong."

For some reason although I agree with this post I'm also offended.

Posted by Sneaky
Maybe he's into cuckoldary ? Maybe he enjoys it ? Or maybe he just wants to keep his family together until the kids grow up and he is just announcing his future plans ?

It sounds too strange to be honest, especially the part that he wants to take it out on his daughter.

Not a cuckold, I just think he's in love and suffering from low self-esteem.

Posted by tiziani
Offended by the proverb?

Could be. I think there's truth in both which is a reason why admire and disagree with most proverbs. It's an idealised version most of the time.

Don't get me wrong I think cluelesscancer could use better delivery but her opinion is still valid in that in certain cultures it is acceptable, "Man of the house" they say etc. Likewise some women I know are equally as happy to fulfill the housewife role. But say for example you've been hurt, you're not weak by any means but for whatever influence and experience you've formed an opinion that drives you to not trust easily, in this case is the man stronger for leaving her or stronger in making her believe again?

@LunarMaiden: lol YIKES so sorry, it's why I asked because I wasn't sure I wasn't making any assumptions sorry!

Posted by tiziani

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by tiziani
At the same time CluelessCancer you come off as someone that is too comfortable to put themselves in the position of a victim. You know the types that stuff just "happens to them" rather than they happen to something. "This happened to me because of a patriarchal society" "this happened to me because men are weak" etc etc.

Look no offence but you put out the ideal vibes of someone who's ripe to get cheated on. Because any self respecting man would not invest their time in considering building a relationship with a victim. Only the weak men would come around the kind of things you say and see opportunity.

In Lebanon there is a saying that applies to politics but could equally apply to love life, "The strong do not make deals with the weak. The strong make deals with the strong."

For some reason although I agree with this post I'm also offended.

Offended by the proverb?

click to expand

The truth hurts.

Posted by Sneaky


It sounds too strange to be honest, especially the part that he wants to take it out on his daughter.

Kind of a chauvinist.

Posted by aquasnoz
@LunarMaiden: lol YIKES so sorry, it's why I asked because I wasn't sure I wasn't making any assumptions sorry!

Thanks Aqua, I'm just trying to figure some things out.

Posted by Sneaky
Maybe he's into cuckoldary ? Maybe he enjoys it ? Or maybe he just wants to keep his family together until the kids grow up and he is just announcing his future plans ?

It sounds too strange to be honest, especially the part that he wants to take it out on his daughter.

Well I also figure him being a Gemini would make him more prone to over look this.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Sag89

Posted by tiziani
Does it really matter if he likes you or not? Point is "you get it" about a lot of things.

If you play the Gemini game and put words to those things, you may even end up surprising yourself. Got to be worth a shot.

Imagine the irony of a Gemini challenging someone else to find more substance to themselves though. Can't think of a better joke than that for today.

That is a good one...it went over my head?

Just be open. If anything, because it'll be more exciting. Gotta be reason enough, right?

The most chill thing about you is when you talk about yourself.

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Are you saying that about me or in general when you talk to men?

But I totally get you which (I know this sounds terrible) but I'm very bad at forming opinions nowadays given the complexities. Say is cheating okay if the partner has cheated? To me it would be no because I don't have kids yet and it would be easier for me to sever the ties.

But counting in the kids, and as a kid with a dysfunctional family the bitterness is there and no matter how you dice it it's never quite a positive acceptance when your folks divorce given the circumstances. It all becomes gray for me because these kids have no say but being in the shoes of your brother-in-law isn't any easier.

My father always said when it came down to it he chose to be happy for himself so he went off and found someone else. In my partner's case, her father stuck it out but he has all this pent up anger and it does manifest itself on the kids.

So yeah I feel ya, it isn't simple and I don't think there's any elegant solutions.

So far he has not cheated.
But he has disappointed her in terms of being able to provide financially and a stable home life.
There were many promises made before the children and during.
Now she has an enormous amount of resentment and anger.
The children are suffering on many levels.

Last post was for Aquasnoz.

@SweetLibra:

The truth is no one knows which sex cheats the most. Negativity gets the most attention and its how preconceived notions and biases are spread. I can only believe a man or woman is good until they show me otherwise and who am I to say they are or aren't good. That's passing judgement. What we've been tying to say till the cows come home is that you have to look at each man or woman individually. The whole of society is not going to be there to console you when things go sour, so why go by what it says or what the "perception" of one sex is? It's foolish.

Hypothetically speaking, if I had to put a number to it and based on all of the men I've personally known or heard about, I'd have to say about 20% were cheaters and for various reasons. The number of players is smaller. Like I said, the negative gets more attention and emphasis. Nasty example, but its like seeing a roach in your house. All of a sudden your defense mechanism kicks in and you're worrying if there's more of them. Even though statistically their numbers are small, you think the whole roach nation has moved into your house. I believe the majority of men AND women are faithful and not players. Society is simply being pushed towards playing on people's fears and insecurities

Best to expose them all!! (Insert evil laughter) Muaaahhh

Well suffice to say I think the Virgo moon here might win out through logic and stablility but it's not indicative enough to suggest he won't cheat have you looked at his Venus/Mars and aspects?

His Mars is Cancer.
Just informed his Venus is in Taurus.
Her's is in Libra. BTW.

So he is:

Gemini Sun
Virgo Moon
Taurus Venus
Cancer Mars

I feel so inappropriate to make a Libra in venus joke here! So I won't. But I hinted at it so there! lol!

Yeah I'm stuck. He's probably just as lost as I am. Surely he must feel so betrayed but is it struggle of his incompetence or the betrayal of who he chose to be in love with... factor in the kids I'm more inclined to guess he'll stick it out.

Though I feel bad for him I really do.

Honestly, I'm waiting for the wall to break.
This can't keeping going on like this.
Even though it's been going on for a while.

I agree with your thoughts on "Act Like A Lady." The movie was funny as hell but to me all it does is teach a woman how to manipulate. If you have to do that you've already lost.

I do have to point something out. Its not that men are I evolved, its that were taught differently from birth. Treated differently. If this gap is to be bridged, both sexes need to be taught the same things. The masculine and the feminine. The hard and the soft. Knowing that because you express both equally, it doesn't make more or less of a man/woman. I may look bad for saying this, but I don't think its a matter of evolvement for both sexes, but women are simply being taught what men already know. I will say that men do need to embrace our softer side and women need to recognize, respect, and accept that. It doesn't make us less of a man when we do it. Just my opinion.

I have not read the book "Think Like a Man," I didn't really watch the movie either.

I'm a woman, why can't I just think like one. Why must I adopt the male attitude?
Or am I missing something of the meaning?

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by beautifulsoul74
@SweetLibra:

The truth is no one knows which sex cheats the most. Negativity gets the most attention and its how preconceived notions and biases are spread. I can only believe a man or woman is good until they show me otherwise and who am I to say they are or aren't good. That's passing judgement. What we've been tying to say till the cows come home is that you have to look at each man or woman individually. The whole of society is not going to be there to console you when things go sour, so why go by what it says or what the "perception" of one sex is? It's foolish.

Hypothetically speaking, if I had to put a number to it and based on all of the men I've personally known or heard about, I'd have to say about 20% were cheaters and for various reasons. The number of players is smaller. Like I said, the negative gets more attention and emphasis. Nasty example, but its like seeing a roach in your house. All of a sudden your defense mechanism kicks in and you're worrying if there's more of them. Even though statistically their numbers are small, you think the whole roach nation has moved into your house. I believe the majority of men AND women are faithful and not players. Society is simply being pushed towards playing on people's fears and insecurities

I didn't say do men cheat more than women. That's not what I was asking, but I hear ya. And I don't think CC is going by society's depiction. I think she's basing her opinion off of personal experience but I could be wrong. I'd have to disagree with your percentages though. I think it's much higher than that. Once again I hear what you are saying. But I don't think most of the women coming here complaining are going off of what society is depicted as rather than their personal experiences. And we all know perception is reality. And until these women start meeting men who treat them like they feel they deserve, it's going to be hard to change that perception. Ijs.

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I know you didn't say that Love I was just doing the Sag thing and expanding. Giving a different perspective 😉

Posted by tiziani
I would half agree with you in that I think in many ways women have just learned to be as selfish as men already were, in the sense that they now have the feeling (for good and worse) of "there's a whole world out there" without the fear or false illusions preventing them from travelling/exploring by themselves.

Now that both sides are just as self-absorbed it takes some adapting to overcome that IMO.

But my upbringing certainly wasn't in line with how I behave now.

I agree with that. What are your views on soulmates?

I agree with what you're saying.

When you said that women and men are becoming more self absorbed, at times I think that's the motive behind the whole Eat Pray Love soulmate rationale. Like the seasons analogy, relationships usually end because of behavior changes and mistreatment. It gives license for people to simply skip in and out of somebody's life and move person to oerson without any real attachment or repercussions. You go in, things are great, there's a breakdown in trust/love/communication and it ends. "Well, they were my soulmate and just taught me a lesson." It's a matter of someone controlling themselves and their ego. Relationships can last a lifetime and you can still learn the same lessons with that other person. To me it just doesn't jive or explain...bad behavior. Maybe it wasn't meant to. *shrugs*

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I agree with your thoughts on "Act Like A Lady." The movie was funny as hell but to me all it does is teach a woman how to manipulate. If you have to do that you've already lost.

I do have to point something out. Its not that men are I evolved, its that were taught differently from birth. Treated differently. If this gap is to be bridged, both sexes need to be taught the same things. The masculine and the feminine. The hard and the soft. Knowing that because you express both equally, it doesn't make more or less of a man/woman. I may look bad for saying this, but I don't think its a matter of evolvement for both sexes, but women are simply being taught what men already know. I will say that men do need to embrace our softer side and women need to recognize, respect, and accept that. It doesn't make us less of a man when we do it. Just my opinion.

Yeah. I feel you on this. Strides need to be made on both sides. Some say that if women would stop putting up with crap and giving in so easy, that men will follow suit. I actually think if men switched up the game and changed it the women would follow suit a lot quicker. Anyway, thank you both for being so open and graciously offering your opinions on the matter. Much appreciated 🙂.

And on a side note, BS did I see something earlier today about you leaving? I hope not. This place needs all the voices of reasoning it can get. You don't have to answer that, ijs. I don't want to derail the thread. Hang in there B!

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🙂