What is going on with him? Are we broken up?

My boyfriend and I had a tiff last Tuesday. Everything was going wonderful upto this point.
We were loved and our connection had grown so much. We've been together for a year and 4 months.
We have had a break time before when we had a tiff. My boyfriend HATES having any type of tiffs.
So since then I had learned to let little things go and learned to ease the situation before any conflict began since I thought it was not necessary.
After this tiff we had last Tuesday he asked for a break because he was really angry and disappointed by it. I asked if he wanted to break up he said he didn't know. He said he wanted time to chill his head before making such decisions.
He said he really loved and cared about me and worried if I'd be hurt, ended up staying over that evening like he would normally. e.g. cuddling, affections, kisses...etc
I reflected on my behavior and why we had the tiff during that time and realized that it was my fault so I sent him an apology letter and asked if he wanted to watch a movie/talk about it.
He texted me saying he got the message and was willing to see me and watch a movie/talk. But wasn't in a "girlfriend mode".
I don't know what that means.
Yesterday we were texting and he said he was still angry and disappointed. He still wasn't in a "girlfriend mode" and he "think I want to be single for a while". I took that as him saying he wanted to break up with me so offered to pack his clothing and belongings and send it off and asked for my things back.
Then he lashed out and said That is not what he meant! This is the problem, I don't give time and space and I said I would give him time and space.
I am so lost here... I don't know what he wants.
So he asked if I wanted him to come over so I said yes (cause I don't know what is going on). Then he said, only if its OK that At THIS STATE, he still feels same about the whole girlfriend thing.
I'm still lost...
He came over, it was very very late he had just finished recording (went till 11, he came to mine at 12) I asked if he wanted to tell me something, he said it was too late and he didn't really want to talk about it. we watched a bit of movie, cuddling, kissing, slept together. woke up, same as usual had breakfast out went there hand in hand. I asked again if he wanted to tell me what was going on, he said he didn't know he hasn't decided.
So from saying he THINKS he wants to be single to seeing me and not being sure...
Are we broken up?

Do you think he is still just angry and needs to cool off and he will be fine? I know he isn't using me for sex, he isn't the person and if he was he would have gone by that night.
What should I do? Should I be patient and let him cool off or get offended by what ever he is saying and just leave him?
Do you think he will come back?

Are you sure he doesn't have a vagina? He seems to have sand in it.

Posted by pssymonstaa
initiate sex and everything will be fine.

by the way who is tiff ?
😛

Haha sorry, Tiff means a little fight/conflict

I'm more interested in his trigger. You can't go bazooming through life with zero squabbles, debates or knock down-drag outs in relationship. Ain't natural.
Kudos to you though for walking on those eggshells. Yeesh.

Posted by donggri84

I asked if he wanted to break up

I sent him an apology letter and asked if he wanted to watch a movie/talk about it.

I took that as him saying he wanted to break up with me so offered to pack his clothing and belongings and send it off and asked for my things back.

I asked if he wanted to tell me something, he said it was too late and he didn't really want to talk about it.

I asked again if he wanted to tell me what was going on, he said he didn't know he hasn't decided.

The problem here is that he is being smothered. He simply needs some alone time in his head to figure shit out in his life ... but, you don't seem to keep bugging him.

And secondly, just because a person needs to sort shit out in their head, doesn't mean they want to break up. You are pressuring this relatinship way too fucking hard.

Posted by donggri84

Then he lashed out and said That is not what he meant! This is the problem, I don't give time and space and I said I would give him time and space.

You don't give him time and space, so of course he lashed out at you. What is happening here is that you are so insecure that you are making this insecurity his burden to carry for you.

the man has done nothing except state that he has shit in his head to sort through, and your response is to break up?

wtf?

You should step way the fuck back ... and let the relatinship breathe. Just because he has shit in his head doesn't mean you are now supposed to bombard him with your insecure feelings of desperation.

Posted by donggri84

I am so lost here... I don't know what he wants.

Are we broken up?

click to expand

wow, seriously .... wow

Are you really that desperate? ... that you cannot let a partner live in their own head?

Alls he asked for was for you to give him some privacy ... but, you can't seem to do that, and automatically think it means he doesn't want you.

:::: shakes head ::::

tiff is a petty quarrel 🙂

Why would he say "I think I want to be single for a while"? That was over a msg.
That is what I'm confused about. Does that mean we are broken up?
Well, like I said when I offered to give his stuff back he freaked.
And when we met up he didn't want to talk about it.
Oh and when he went home apparently he made a joke saying he wants to be single so he'll download loads of porn.
The joke, a joke and they are just silly words but it still really bothers me.

Posted by donggri84
Why would he say "I think I want to be single for a while"? That was over a msg.
That is what I'm confused about. Does that mean we are broken up?
Well, like I said when I offered to give his stuff back he freaked.
And when we met up he didn't want to talk about it.
Oh and when he went home apparently he made a joke saying he wants to be single so he'll download loads of porn.
The joke, a joke and they are just silly words but it still really bothers me.

If my man said to me he would like to be single for a while then his wish would be granted instantly, I wouldn't be questioning whether we were or not nor waiting around for him to confirm it or make up his mind, HE would be single without any further say in the matter.

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by donggri84
Why would he say "I think I want to be single for a while"? That was over a msg.
That is what I'm confused about. Does that mean we are broken up?
Well, like I said when I offered to give his stuff back he freaked.
And when we met up he didn't want to talk about it.
Oh and when he went home apparently he made a joke saying he wants to be single so he'll download loads of porn.
The joke, a joke and they are just silly words but it still really bothers me.

If my man said to me he would like to be single for a while then his wish would be granted instantly, I wouldn't be questioning whether we were or not nor waiting around for him to confirm it or make up his mind, HE would be single without any further say in the matter.

click to expand

Indeed, however, you are a Woman. not a woMan.

Most in here wait upon his bidding to decide whether she is worth herself or not .... and therefore they chase after him, desperate for crumbs

what if he wants to see me, should i bring up the fact that he wanted a break...or does him wanting to see me means he is over that break phase and see how things go....
im not really sure what the right thing to do... he's been asking me to come over but i haven't. he's come to mine couple of times (after making a plan for it). last night he introduced me to his old teacher and we had drinks with him and he stayed over.
I'd like to have things just flow naturally and see what happens. do you think thats a good idea?

Since you don't mind being his rug, with no dignity of your own ..... what you want to do is a great idea.

that way, you can be in your glory .... you won't have to gain any self respect at all, and that fits right in line with how you've presented yourself.

Yeah I think its best I don't see him from now on.
Without explanation he is slowly acting like nothing has happened but I can feel he isn't committed to me. (as in he isn't trying to make plan with with me unless its on the day, which makes me feel really upset because he was all about making dates with me just a week before!!!!)

I just don't know why a person would go from saying I love you I love that you are my gf to a sudden swift over a tiff.
He is an extremely sensitive person and is quite dramatic at times, this is really draining.
I'm not even sure if I want to be around this person anymore, this pattern of behaviour is really off putting.

I don't want to have a forced communication though, trying to find a way we can communicate when he is willing (I don't think right now is the time he's recording late every single day for next week)because then I think we can have better communication. Reeeeally can't be assed arguing or have him say "I feel pushed! you said you'd wait for me!"
He is being a big fucking baby and spiteful over something that's not even a big deal.

So may be it is best to refrain from seeing him unless he wants to meet up to talk?

Posted by celticlioness

Posted by donggri84
Why would he say "I think I want to be single for a while"? That was over a msg.
That is what I'm confused about. Does that mean we are broken up?
Well, like I said when I offered to give his stuff back he freaked.
And when we met up he didn't want to talk about it.
Oh and when he went home apparently he made a joke saying he wants to be single so he'll download loads of porn.
The joke, a joke and they are just silly words but it still really bothers me.

If my man said to me he would like to be single for a while then his wish would be granted instantly, I wouldn't be questioning whether we were or not nor waiting around for him to confirm it or make up his mind, HE would be single without any further say in the matter.

click to expand

YUP!! say it louder.

im sorry but it sounds like he wants out and may have been unsure all along. If the argument was so petty then why the hell cant he just get over it? I also suspect that it wasnt your fault but his own for being so damn sensitive or he picked a fight. He tested you my dear and you failed. People argue all the time, its manipulation to make you feel as if everytime that happens you may lose him. you may have been insecure about this situauton all along which is why you freaked out the way you did. it happens but that gut feeling you have dont ignore it. fuck em girl fuck em

So no one has anything positive to say about the matter and the final outcome I'm reading...
or what I might be able to do to improve the situation?

donggri84,

Do alot of research on emotional abuse and keep your eyes wide open.

(I would love to see his astrological placements.)

Just google emotional abuse and read as many links per day as you can.

Posted by donggri84
So no one has anything positive to say about the matter and the final outcome I'm reading...
or what I might be able to do to improve the situation?

ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?

Posted by tiziani
You're in the type of space where you can only go off actions, not words. Particularly since he has used words where it is rather obvious he does not know the meaning behind them himself.

He's more of a doer than a talker, actually what he says can change from moment to moment because he has habbit of saying things that he feels right at the moment of time. He said he hasn't decided and said that he was still angry and dissapointed.
I don't think I should give him the benefit of having a gf when he has said those words even if he stressed that
his thoughts were momentary.
It just is stressful to be in a limbo...
What can I do?
He is sick at the moment, asked me to come over saturday basically to look after him and same again monday night.
I didn't both times I just can't help to feel he just doesn't want to be alone.
Or may be I'm overthinking things...Because I do believe it when he says he loves and care about me.
He would never use those words if they weren't true. That I know from being with him over a year...
But like I said, he says things that he feels then and there...

ok i get it.
its easy for you to say things like its simple, I'd probably tell my gfs the similar things. However, you aren't in the place where I am, I did spend more then a year with this person very very closely and it was wonderful it's hard right now to just want to throw it all away.
So I'd appreciate it if you dropped the mocking it feels pretty bad as it is.

Take a little bit of advice from everyone but it is your life and you have to live it your way...even if it fails and you get hurt you'll learn from the experience. We all here have a little bit of experience through life but most of us have only learnt by tripping up. Just trust in your own gut instinct because that is more in tune that you realise. 😉

Well, I'm not going to apologize .... I meant everything I said. The fact that she can't handle the truth, is her issue, which means she's the one who needs to adjust her perspective .... I'm not adjusting mine.

She has no self respect ... she can like it or not, but, it's the truth.

She is the one who creates her own self worth ... and looks like she has rendered herself useless to herself, but, very useful to him, and she doesn't seem to mind that one bit.

If she wants an apology, then she should try saying she's sorry to herself.

Girl bye.....all you care about is hearing positive advice? Aka everyone should lie to you....fine don't listen to anybody here....do it your way, it's your life ......but he's playing you.

All I said was drop the mocking because it's not necessary.
And when and how did I ask ppl to lie?
All I seeked out for was how I can move on and do things positively.
Instead there's some nasty ppl here enjoying someone's heartache making things more horrible, saying I'll take scraps, and Im useless, etc?

Jeeeeeeeeesus, and I didn't ask for an apology.
All I said was no need for harsh words

I didn't ask for something positive in wanting to hear "oh honey he will come back to you"
for fuck sake, I just wanted to gain some idea in action plan for my self to move forward.
and like i said, I'm not having him over anymore.
thanks a lot everyone

Dude, all your responses scream desperation.

I thought the consensus was that he's a douche and you should move on. Your responses were "well what if..."

DESPERATION.

And then you expect "positivity" when you clearly have presented yourself a doormat that will accept scraps?

You want advice about how to handle it?

Forget his sorry ass, go do you, and move on. The end. THAT is the most positive advice that you will receive because ultimately it will make you happiest. Not him.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Dude, all your responses scream desperation.

I thought the consensus was that he's a douche and you should move on. Your responses were "well what if..."

DESPERATION.

And then you expect "positivity" when you clearly have presented yourself a doormat that will accept scraps?

You want advice about how to handle it?

Forget his sorry ass, go do you, and move on. The end. THAT is the most positive advice that you will receive because ultimately it will make you happiest. Not him.

Ok, that was a good summarisation.
He again has been asking me to come over monday, (I didn't) I told him not to come over tuesday, he called and texted wed night to come over, I had enough so I said I'm sorry but I don't want to do that anymore. From what I know he wanted a break and wanted to be single and he hasn't tried to explain any of that so I can't be his part time gf...
Then he tried to tell me that he didn't understand me and that I tired him out. Then he went on to say its always my way, which I thought was funny cause right now It has all about him. Tried to make me feel like I shouldn't have what I said...
I felt bad for a second that the situation reminded me that exact incident when he texted he wanted to be single and then when I offered to pack his things off He freaked and told me that this was what my problem was that I don't give him time and space and I told him I would?
I'm starting to see him as just a douche right now.

mad bad, i wasnt trying to be harsh...was just being real...dude sounds like hes trying to have his cake and eat it too